'I love only you, for the rest of my life.'

The words stuck on the tip of my tongue.

"I'm sorry, I'm in love with someone else. Forgive me." I said instead. The only lie I have ever told you.

I want you.

I want US.

But I have to do this, for you.

You don't know how hard it was to hold back my tears, to control my voice so that it doesn't crack.

I'm nothing without you. But I can't let you be nothing with me.

I can do this.

I want to see you again.

I know you'll be there. I go there too, all the time. Because I missed you so much.

I always hid behind the wall, looking at you stand at the junction.

Don't see me.

Please see me.

I'm so conflicted.

"Be mine, only mine, and I'll be yours." 

You can't be mine now but I'll always be yours.

"Do you really want to do this?" She asked.

"I do. I have to." I lean in to whisper.

"But you love him."

"It's because I love him, all the more I should do this."

I tried so hard to convince myself to do this. This separation is killing me.

But I forced a smile.

He saw. I made sure he saw.

You have no idea how hard it is to hold myself together as I watch you turn away with tears rolling down your cheeks.

But I can't be your burden. I refuse to.

This is the last thing I can do for you.

I will walk alone in my uncertain future.

Maybe we will have a chance again.

Maybe.

Hate me. Please hate me.

Hating is less painful than hanging on.

Hate is easier to forget.

I'm a bastard.

 I am sorry for hurting you. But it's better this way.

I finally let my tears out when you disappeared from my sight.

It's good that you can't see me now.

It's good that you found strength to walk away.

Maybe you will find strength to move on too.

And I hope you do.

Because I don't deserve you.