So apparently the contest I entered this story for was cancelled, but I'll still keep on writing this. Though I may not update as often as I usually do...

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March 3 2004, 23:04, Tuesday 

Remember when I talked about having dreams? I still have those dreams, though they're more often now. Despite all that is happening, each of my dreams always end up being a happy one. I'm wondering why.

Those dreams are just pure bliss. I feel like I'm in heaven whenever I have one of those dreams. Happy, free, not having to care about anything else. Just me and everything I love, without anyone disturbing. Of course, unless someone wakes me up that is. I hate it when that happens. The moment you're in a the greatest part of it all and suddenly it all vanishes right before your eyes because your eyes actually opened.

But even after waking up, I can continue the dream in my head later. Does that only happen to me? Most people aren't able to continue their dreams after waking up, so maybe I should consider myself lucky or something?

Sometimes I get so lost in the dream, I often forget that it is a dream. It almost feels real. Almost. Because the minute you open your eyes, everything disappears in a flash. So it's no longer there. And since everything is always going well in my mind, I forget that everything is not sunshine and rainbows in truth. I'm becoming unable to separate reality and illusions.

Reality . It's something I've hated just like I hate pain. I've always wished of escaping the cruel reality, but of course that's just merely impossible. I'd like to live in my own world, where problems don't exist. I'm pretty sure everyone does, but I think I crave for it more than most people. And it knowing that no matter how much you wish for it, it will never come true. 

Just like how I wish Yunho would be mine, but that would possibly never happen.