January 26 2004, 23:10, Monday

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY ING- 

//currently hyperventilating please give me a moment.

Alright, now that I have calmed down, let me explain the reason for my unusual outburst.

Yunho. ing carried me. Bridal style. For ten minutes. Around the whole building.

Give me a good reason not to be overexcited about that. By the time I had jumped into my bed, I was squealing and giggling like a fangirl who just met her oppa.

Ten minutes actually seemed like one hour for me, and I was literally on cloud nine. THIS WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY OF MY LIFE. What's even better is that, that was not even his gift for me. His gift was this pretty necklace with a pendant which had words carved into it. The words were so small I couldn't even read it. And I still haven't. Remind me to get a magnifying glass later so I can check, because when I asked Yunho what was written he just smiled and gave me no answer. 

I'm wearing the necklace right now, hell I wore it the second he gave it to me. And I don't ever want to take it off. Unless, of course, for showering and for photo shoots. I'm curious about the words, and I'm absolutely positive it does not say, 'I love you.' (Pfft, I wish) There's like four or five words and I can make out an 'A' and a 'F'. 

As for the "carrying me" thing, what happened was right after I wore the necklace he picked me up in his arms and told me this. "You're the princess today Jae, and I will be your horse. So tell me where you want to go in this building and I will take you there."

I almost laughed at his choice of words. 'Cheesy. Also, Prince might've been a better name.' And for the first time in my life, I didn't mind being called a princess. Basically, it ended up with me pointing the directions and him just following them. I can still remember his scent when I was in his arms. I can't describe it exactly so I'm just labeling it as Yunho's scent. Because there is nothing else that smells like it.

Bottom line, Yunho just gave me two presents without even knowing it.  Don't even ask me how I survived being so close to him, I thought I might faint any minute from happiness overload.

I just realized I've been so engrossed in my thought about Yunho, I forgot to mention what the others did for me. They held a small party for me in the studio, nothing big. Just an average sized cake and some balloons here and there. I don't mind that it wasn't anything too special, they actually did something for me and I'm happy for that. Because even the smallest things are considered special for me.

Changmin gave me brand new camera since my old one was broken. (I kinda feel bad because I had pretty much whined a lot infront of Changmin, about not having a camera. I think he was getting annoyed so he wanted to shut me up. I'm sorry, Changmin. But I can't promise not to make a fuss anymore because that is just how I am)

Yoochun gave me a shirt, although it was a bit big. I told him not to worry and that I will grow into it soon. As for Junsu, his present was this cute little teddy bear about the size of my hand. I don't really understand why he gave me such a thing, but I'm not asking any questions. I keep the teddy bear next to my bed, near the lamp. 

Overall, today was great. And special. Right now I'm staring into my phone screen, looking at picture of Yunho I had taken a few days ago. He looks so cute sleeping~! I have to remind myself though. Not to get my hopes up too much. The 'Princess and Horse' thing might've been a rare incident, but that doesn't mean it's any different from the hugs and fooling around with the others. 

Which is why, I made up my mind not to expect too much. Because when you expect certain things and then it doesn't work out later, you'll be left with only the feeling of pain.

Rules, promises, hearts. They all end up broken anyway.

As I said before, pain is the feeling I hate the most in this world. Betrayal, lies and such go under it. I know I'll have to face it one day, but I just don't want to experience it any time sooner than that. Rather than getting hurt little by little, I prefer receiving one hard blow. It's at least less painful that way.