Pilot is a place to escape reality and act crazy. This club was a place to unwind and meet new people. This bar was more than just a counter; it was an altar. This dance floor was a symbol of freedom and frolic. Pilot -- as the name suggests -- takes the 'passengers' to one destination: an alternate universe.

 

Cha songsaengnim was the owner of this club. Managing the top modeling agency in Korea and a chain of galleries all over East Asia, he decided to create a place where his 'people' and everybody else could gather and reward themselves for a hard day's work. How I became the co-owner of Pilot was quite a miracle.

 

He announced his idea of starting a club during the celebration of the modeling agency's fifth anniversary. He was drunk and no one could tell but me and his wife, a model who was fifteen years his junior. He pointed at me and said I would be his right hand for the project. It was barely my second year as one of the photographers for his gallery business. I accepted anyway... I needed the cash.

 

I was one lucky bastard. I scored a 150% increase to my salary and a car. I even earned enough money to convert an entire building's floor into an aparment/studio. But it had its consequences, I had to double duty in the fashion and magazine department -- the department I hated most -- and creative photography and gallery exhibits department.

 

There are only two known ways to fill up the hole in my chest: photography and alcohol. Work was something I do to keep myself busy while waiting for Sunmi to call. It wasn't something I did so I could keep my mind off her. Drinking was the best way to convince myself that she was still around. I only pray she's not doing the same thing I am.

 

“Hyung.” Someone held my shoulder. “You're doing it again.”

 

“I'm lucky I have you to carry me home then.” I replied.

 

These two. Changmin and Junsu have been inseparable since Sunmi came. They've been like Yoochun's eyes and ears. Now they're like Sunmi's. The two sat on the barstools next to me. They refused the bartender when he offered them a drink.

 

“We miss her too, hyung. I know how much it . I miss Mang-doongie.” Changmin half-joked.

 

I smiled. “Sunmi's not a dog, Mi.” He furrowed his brows at me. “I mean, Min. Sorry.” I apologized, finishing the glass I had in my hand.

 

“How many have you had?” Junsu took the empty glass and examined it. “This is a girl's drink.”

 

“Sunmi's, actually.” I corrected him. That last one is working its way to my brain. Having only had three of those, I can now understand why Sunmi had gotten so drunk, she was paralyzed. She even had three platters of assorted drinks. I thought I was man enough to beat her at drinking that night at Haeundae. It just proves how undeserving I am of her. Hands down, guilty as charged.

 

“We should get you home.” Junsu stood but I held his shoulder to push him back down. Changmin stood next but he was out of my reach. He took one of my arms and draped it over his shoulder.

 

“I'm not that drunk yet.” I took my arm back too hard, it made Changmin stagger backwards. I was afraid he'd throw a punch but luckily he didn't. Instead, his eyes became mismatched and his lips formed an angry frown.

 

“Should we wait for you to get drunk?!” the youngest said. “Every night has been the same for two weeks now! Stop doing this. Please. For Sunmi.”

 

Even though I've been calling Sunmi everyday for the past two weeks, I haven't told her about my nightly routine. I usually call her at six or eight so as not to wake her too early. I start her day while she ends mine. Her voice would often be rough yet still sweet. She first says my name then asks how I am. I love her voice. I love the sound of her laugh. I love the way she says my name.

 

So this is how it feels? To miss someone so much, you could barely think of anything other than her smile? To long for someone so much, you could barely wake up holding on to her a little longer in your dreams? To love someone so much, it takes over you like a fever at its peak?

 

“You guys called.” A female voice greeted. I kept my eyes on the floor. I already knew who it was. I remember those shoes. Kwon Jooeun. “Is he okay?” She sounded worried.

 

The black pair of heels neared. Funny. Sunmi has those in red. I smiled to myself.

 

“Is this the emergency?” Jooeun continued.

 

“Pretty much.” Junsu replied.

 

“We thought you'd know what to do.” Changmin followed.

 

Finally. The spotlight is no longer on me.

 

I was getting light-headed so I fought to lift my head and face the counter. I stole the chance to order another drink. The bartender absent-mindedly handed me a beer.

 

I took a swig. There... That hit the spot. Another. I could no longer hear the three voices nearest me. Another. Dammit, Sunmi. Don't do what I'm doing right now. I can't carry you home. Another. I suddenly feel like calling you again. How long has it been? Four hours? You're probably dancing right now. I know I'm not in the right condition to call but I just miss you so much. Another.

 

“Hyung!!” Changmin took the bottle from me. I was too weak to grab it back.

 

“We just take our eyes off you for three minutes and you do this?! Is this what you've become, Yunho?! If you miss Sunmi sshi so much, do her a favor and stop doing this to yourself!” Jooeun yelled over the music.

 

“Who the are you to speak on Sunmi's behalf? ing models...” I slurred without even thinking. A sharp sting made my cheek burn. Did I just get slapped? I touched the spot and looked up to see Jooeun. She was angry.

 

“I came here for you, you bastard. Because I care for you. Because I care about your relationship with Sunmi. I'm not going to let you ruin that. I'm not going to let one innocent girl get hurt the way I did, Yunho. You think you deserve Sunmi because you're not Jaejoong? You're wrong. You two... You're just the same.” Her words crushed my chest.

 

“Don't you dare bring that name up.” I replied, difficult as it was.

 

“Jaejoong is in the States. He's there for Sunmi.” Jooeun spoke. “Did that wake you up?”

 

I grew numb but all I wanted to do was smash everything in sight. What the is he trying to pull with me?! That son of a ...

 

“I have to go. Junsu sshi. Can you drive me home?” Jooeun asked the other model.

 

“Sure thing!” Junsu had his keys ready in no time. His glare stopped Changmin from objecting then he whispered something to the younger one that made him nod. The two models left. Changmin and I were silent for a few minutes then it just hit me...

 

“Changmin ah. Let's go.” I stood and tried to maintain my balance. I clutched tight on the neck of the half-finished beer bottle.

 

“Hyung! Where are we going??” he trailed close behind as we crossed the sea of people.

 

I reached for the main door but the bouncers did their job. They bid me and Changmin a good night. As soon as we were at the sidewalk and got a breath of fresh air, my knees grew weak and I fell limp. Our maknae caught me in time.

 

“Hyung, be careful. Let me take you home.” He wrapped my arm over his shoulder but I took it back and took a swig of the bottle I had. He was quick to grab it and finished it in three seconds flat. I wanted to punch him for that but I couldn't. “Come to your senses, man!”

 

“We're going to the airport...” I slurred as I staggered around the sidewalk, trying to get to the curb. I stumbled my way somewhere beyond the curb and in the middle of the busy road. I could hear Changmin calling me but I ignored him. Where the hell are those taxis when you need them?!

 

Lights. Noise. Damn, it's cold.

 

“Hyung!! Look out!!!” Changmin yelled. I turned to the source of the sound and saw him running towards me. I turned my gaze back to the front and saw two yellow lights nearing me. Rubber screeched against the concrete. A bumper was about an inch away from my knees.

 

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?!” a middle-aged man yelled from the window of his vehicle. It wasn't long before I realized it was a taxi. I slammed my hands on the hood and pointed at the driver.

 

“Take us to the airport, ajusshi or I'll flip this thing over! You hear me?!” I 'walked' to the car doors as Changmin apologized to the driver for my behaivior.

 

“The airport??” maknae asked. “Let's just get you home, Yunho hyung. You need to--”

 

“We're going to the frigging airport.” I mumbled.

 

“Ajusshi. Take us five blocks back at the Artists' Building in Gi-Kwang Street.” the maknae said. The driver took a u-turn.

 

“What the ...” I tried to hit Changmin but I was too weak. “We're going to the airport...”

 

“You at least have to grab your passport.” He insisted.

...

 

I sat on the couch while I directed Changmin where to find my pre-packed luggage. I never bothered to empty out the suitcase Sunmi packed for me when I told her I had plans to visit my parents at Gwangju. She hates the way I pack because I don't fold clothes and 'tend' to forget to pack for sleeping.

 

Changmin was the most mature out of the five of us. He may be the youngest but I guess he was especially reincarnated to knock the sense into us. He's an old soul. So wise and so harsh. He goes by the rules but it's not all the time that you're safe with him.

 

Our maknae hauled a red suitcase out of my room. “Is this it, hyung?” He asked with a grunt.

 

“That's it... Where the uh... the... that thing.” I made squares with my thumbs and index fingers.

 

“Passport. It's in...” he disappeared back in my room and reappeared with a backpack. “here.” he tapped on the bag on his shoulder.

 

“Let's move.” I struggled to stand. As soon as my feet were planted firmly on the carpet, Taepung rushed to my side. “Dammit. I forgot.”

 

“Leave him. He can survive a few days.” Changmin never liked Taepung. He wants my dog dead and turned to soup. He'd enjoy him more that way.

 

“I'm taking him with me.” I walked and Taepung followed.

 

“Hyung! A dog's fare is twice of a person's!” Changmin whined. “Does he even have papers?!”

 

“Yes, he does.” I grabbed Taepung's kennel and his favorite ball from a corner. I thre the ball in the kennel and went right in; like he knew what I had planned. “Good dog. Good Taepung.”

 

“This is ridiculous.” Changmin went in the elevators. I followed. “How do find the time to file papers for your stupid dog?”

 

“For Sunmi, I have all the time.” I replied.

 

We reached the lobby. I told the receptionist I'd be away for a while and to block my floor. She was used my orders. I'd say the same thing once every two months. Changmin and I got to the sidewalk. While he loaded the trunk with my luggage, I placed Taepung in the backseat and got in the passenger's seat. I could see Changmin speaking into his phone on the side mirrors. He shut the trunk and took a few steps to the car door.

 

“No.” Changmin glared at the dog he'd be sharing a seat with. “No way!”

 

“You have no choice. Get in the taxi!” I demanded. He rolled his eyes and dared to punch the kennel.

 

“Airport?” the driver asked. I nodded and we were on our way.

 

...

I was getting very impatient. It was around two in the morning and the traffic near the airport was worse than in the daylight.

 

“Aigoo ah. “ the driver voiced my thoughts. “Sorry kids. It seems like we're going to be stuck here for fifteen minutes or so.”

 

Changmin nodded and said it was alright. He pulled out his phone, pressed a few buttons and brought it up to his ear. “Hannah sshi. I'll be a little late. Do you have Mang-doongie?” he said.

 

“What are you doing?” I sat up from leaning my head against the window. Changmin held his hand up and continued his call.

 

“Alright. Stay put.” A pause. “Just stay there, okay?! Don't be stubborn!” Another pause. “For heaven's sake, be patient, woman! I'm hanging up now.” He pressed a button and shoved the device back in his pocket.

 

“Wow.” I smirked. “That was beautiful.”

 

“Shut up, hyung.” He retorted. “You don't know what I'm doing for you.”

 

“Since when have you ever done anything for anyone, you... stone person.” I came back at him.

 

“I'm not letting you go alone, hyung.” He replied.

 

“Mwoh?” I slurred.

 

“I'm coming with you. Even though I have to sit next to your stupid dog.” he said.

 

“You're coming with me? To the States?” I pointed at him.

 

“I’m being a good friend! Is that so hard to understand?!” He exclaimed. “Oh. Right. You're drunk.”

 

I shot him a glare. “Not anymore.” I said.

 

“Hyung, can I tell you something?” he didn’t wait for my confirmation. “You have it really bad for Sunmi.”

 

“Tell me about it. You're going to the airport at this late hour? For a girl? I don't even open the car door for my wife!” The driver laughed. “Why don't you just marry her?”

 

My heart skipped a beat. My head felt like it was just smashed with a bat. My hand reached for my back pocket then my wallet. I opened the flap and was welcomed by Sunmi's beautiful, enchanting, contagious smile. I tipped the wallet on its side. Out fell the diamond ring my mother had given me when they moved to Gwangju and left me in Seoul. The ring my father gave her when he asked her to marry him.

 

I placed the ring and her picture side-by-side. I drew in a breath but it was immediately taken away. Oh, Park Sunmi. What am I to do without you?

 

That was it. What's stopping me? Why don't I marry her? I can't let anybody else have her. I know that no one can treat her and protect her any better than I can. Beacuse she told me so. Because I can see it in her eyes that she's telling the truth when she says she loves me. Even though I believe I love her more, I know in my heart she reciprocates my feelings.

 

She has my heart.