Paranoia Perfection
A Beautiful Mess
Debbie the Ford E-150 stopped at the busy and crowded unloading area of the Incheon Airport. Jaejoong and Jooeun's ride was in front of us. Jooeun had so much luggage that she needed Debbie's trunk and Jaejoong's F-150's entire back seat to transport them from her pad to the airport. She didn't want them on the Carryboy because they might get 'burned by the sun'.
Now... who would've thought that Miss Kwon Jooeun had OCD? I was far out ecstatic.
Junsu and Changmin got out of the van and opened Debbie's back door to get Jooeun's luggage. Jaejoong unloaded his backseat while Jooeun just stood on the sidewalk telling him to be careful. When all her bags were on the airport carts, we all gathered at the sidewalk to bid her goodbye.
“Bye. Stay safe.” I said and then hugged her.
“I will.” Jooeun replied. “You... hold on to him, okay. Stay strong.” she said as she looked at Yunho with a smile.
I simply smiled back in reply. I spotted Jaejoong leaning on the side of his pick-up. He stared at his feet with his hands shoved in his pockets as he kicked the curb. Jooeun hugged everyone else and said her goodbyes. Jooeun turned to Jaejoong. She gave us nod. We took the hint that she wanted to be left alone with him so we boarded Halmuni's van but couldn't help but watch the two.
Their conversation was inaudible, of course. I didn't bother to read their lips. It didn't matter. I just watched them. I took a glance at Yunho. His eyes wandered from one place to other, avoiding Jaejoong.
I returned my gaze at the JooJae couple. Jooeun pulled Jaejoong to the sidewalk and embraced him. Jaejoong hesitantly returned her action. After a few seconds, Jooeun pulled away and Jaejoong took a lock of hair away from her face.
He kissed her lips.
“Right on!” Yoochun yelled amidst the silence in the van. No one paid him any mind. He yelled in English. I doubt if anyone understood him except me.
I watched Jooeun and Jaejoong kiss. I felt inexplicably happy... and relieved. The kiss looked sincere. The people around stopped and stared, giving them death looks. Come on. What's a little PDA gonna do them? Get a life.
I admired the beauty of the sight and didn't take my eyes off them. Everybody had stopped ogling at them but I still couldn't look away.
That was when Jaejoong opened his eyes... and smiled at me. He winked and kissed Jooeun harder.
He gave her a slight push and she smiled. A few attendants helped her with the carts as she waved goodbye. Jaejoong was already in his car.
Halmuni sped away as soon as Jaejoong's car ran. Before I knew it we were half-way back to Halmuni's. I couldn't breathe. All I could do was think and worry.
What the was that? What the hell was that for? Kim Jaejoong, you bastard.
“Jaejoong hyung's taking a right.” Changmin whispered, pointing at the F-150.
“He's probably going back to your house. Halmuni's his neighbor.” Junsu whispered back.
Yunho was too engrossed with his How to Speak Mandarin audiobook on his iPod to hear them. I turned to see my two 'bodyguards'. They looked awfully worried. Changmin sighed then smiled. I could tell he was faking. He didn't have that glint in his eyes.
“Don't worry. We're here.” Changmin said. I nodded but still felt unconvinced. I was worried sick.
~*~*~
I tapped nervously on my injured arm as I sat alone on a loveseat in the living room. Junsu and Changmin were at Jaejoong's.
Stupid.
One of them was supposed to stay with me! How am I supposed to have peace of mind now?! I don't know what to do anymore. I'm supposed to let this slide so I could make the most of the time I had left here in Korea. I only have today and tomorrow. The last thing I need is a paranoid mind.
“Don't pick on your bandages, Mi.” Halmuni said with a smile as she offered me a mug of coffee. I smiled and accepted the mug. “I'm taking Yunho-sshi's car for a drive around the city. Your brother is going to join me. Do you need anything from outside?” she asked.
“You're leaving?” I panicked. God. What if Jaejoong bursts through the doors and starts another fight? “Can't I come with you?”
“If you do, Yunho-sshi's going to come too. His legs are too long for the back seat. I suggest you stay here.” Halmuni winked.
“Halmuni. Are you trying to set me up?” I eyed her. “Did you talk to Junsu and Changmin?”
“I'm just allowing you to have some time alone. The day after tomorrow, you're back to the States. Make the most out of this, Mi.” Halmuni said. “You're going back to his apartment after dinner tonight.”
“Thank you, Halmuni.” I stood from my seat and hugged her. “You're awesome.”
“I know, sweetie.” She smiled as I unwrapped my arms around her. “Now if you don't mind I have an Audi to drive.” With that said, Halmuni headed for the doors.
Yoochun spotted me as he was speeding down the stairs. He took a detour and headed to where I stood.
“Stay safe.” He said.
“Yunho always has protection.” I . His eyes widened in shock and worry. “Kidding. I will, oppa. Same to ya.”
“I swear to God, Sunmi--” I pushed him toward the doors to make him shut up.
“I'll be fine, I swear. Love you!” I told him and immediately shut the door.
I'm all alone with Yunho in Halmuni's house. He's in our room, taking a shower. If I go up there, I might see Jaejoong in his room. Even though I had curtains that wouldn't fully get rid of my view of Jaejoong's window. But then again, Junsu and Changmin are there so that could mean that Jaejoong isn't in his room.
What the hell. I'm staying in the living room.
“Sunmi!” Yunho called from the stairs. He spotted me on the couch. “There you are, you tiny thing.” He smiled and continued down the stairs. He jumped over the couch to sit next to me then wrapped an arm around me. “Is something wrong?”
“No. Nothing. I'm fine.” I forced a smile. He just nodded and held my hand. He laced his fingers arond mine, raised our hands to his lips and kissed my wrist.
“Chill out.” He dropped our hands and kissed my cheek. “Tell me something. How was last night?”He smiled a teasing smile.
I looked at him and didn't answer. “Nobody's home. Wanna go up to your room?” he joked.
“Our room.” I corrected him.
“Do you or do you not want to go, woman. I need an answer.” Yunho whined
“You started it.” I laughed. “Catch me.” I ran up the stairs. Yunho chased me. I caught the door and so did he. We fell onto the bed. “! My arm!” I laughed.
“God, are you okay?” Yunho laughed along.
“I'm fine, I'm fine. Shut up!” I claimed his lips. He let out a slight 'Mmm.' as I pushed myself towards the pillows.
He rolled us over so I could lay on top of him. I could feel his jeans against my legs. I broke our kiss and straddled him between my knees. I took my ponytail off and shook my head to let my hair flow freely around my shoulders.
“Damn you.” Yunho tried to push himself up but I forced him back down. I smiled at him. He let his hand travel up my thigh and his fingers played with the hem of my skirt. “Where'd you get this?”
“Mitch gave it to me. Why?” I said.
“I like it. It's purple.” he replied slyly. I laughed.
“I like your shirt.” I took his white t-shirt off and threw it on the floor. I took mine off too. I dove in to kiss him. Strong, rough kisses soon became long, passionate ones. His hands would snake around my back to my sides and to my neck. Chills went up my spine when he traced the edges of my bra.
I felt for his belt buckle and loosened it before taking it off. I ed his jeans and ped his fly. Just as I was doing this, I traveled to his neck, chest and abdomen to prevent him from doing the same to me.
“Come on...” he groaned. I looked up from his stomach and smiled. I got off the bed, turned around and took my skirt off. I crawled my way back to the bed and on top of him. All I could hear were our moans, pops and clicks as we kissed. All I could feel were his lips, his hands and his tongue.
He climbed out of his jeans and rolled on top of me. “My turn...” he smiled. He left kisses all over me. He hovered between my thighs and teased me with his hot breath. I shut my eyes tight as the rest happened.
Curses, moans and screams filled the room... maybe even the entire house. I can't believe I'm doing this in my mom's old room. I don't do this. I would never do this. But I freaking did! It was wrong... but dammit did it feel so good.
It wasn't like a routine with Yunho. There was always something new or more intense each time. Screw anti-pre-marital . If marriage was a permit to make love then there's a fake ID for it.
Well, there goes everything I studied in Sunday school. Growing up in the States gave me an excuse. How about Yunho? I'm obviously not his first. He's not an altar boy and he is most definetely not straight-edge. I love the thrills and misadventures. erted and blasphemous as I may sound, I don't care.
Yunho isn't exactly a 'bad boy', he came pretty close. He was like Shakespeare on a Harley. Prince William on a Ferrari. A perfect cross between Brad Pitt and Zac Efron.
Him being hot is a huge bonus. I love him for his heart because he knows how to reciprocate love regardless of who it's from. I love him for his mind because he's brilliant and he's subtle about it. I love him for his soul because he has a lot of passion towards life.
Yunho's face hovered above mine. Our chests heaved against each other as we were sweating bullets. He smiled and kissed me. His hands touched every inch of my bare body. I allowed my hands to do the same to him. I hooked a leg around his waist to keep him close to me. The next thing I know we were at it again.
I collapsed onto his chest, exhausted. He laid his hand on the back of my neck and breathed deeply. “We just did two rounds on your mother's bed, do you realize that?” Yunho said between inhales.
“You're a .” I laughed. “Feeling tired, old man?”
“I'm just giving you a break!” He replied. We shared a moment of laughter and short kissing. “Why do you have to be so damn hot...” He said between kisses.
“Look who's talking.” I responded. I heard something bang from outside. Like a window being shut. I lifted myself up to get a better view. Chills went up my spine. I felt like I knew who it was.
I turned to the window near the bed. I spotted Jaejoong making his way out of his room. He saw me too. He smirked and closed the door behind him. I couldn't say a word. He was there... he was watching. He saw everything.
“Hey. I'm taking you to my darkroom tomorrow. Is that okay?” Yunho asked, obviously clueless of what was happening. He finally looked up from my chest after a few seconds. He probably sensed that I was really frozen. “Something wrong, Mi?”
I wanted to jump out of bed, put on some clothes, jump into Jaejoong's window and kill him. I just wanted to smash everything in sight. He's gone too far... way too far.
But I can't let this ruin me. I can't let him get his way. Yunho has done so much for me. Maybe this is my chance to return his kindness. Jaejoong is after me to get into Yunho's nerves.
“I'm fine. I'll go with you tomorrow.” I faked a smile. He kissed my lips and I felt a tad bit better.
Deep down...
I just knew that Jaejoong was up to something more.
~*~*~
“You don't seem fine, Sunmi. Is something wrong?” Junsu laid his hand on my shoulder, waking me up from a blank trance as I was eating breakfast. “Is it about Jaejoong hyung?”
“I'm cool, Junsu.” I lied. “I'm going to Yunho's darkroom so you and Changmin can just chill, alright?” I stood to take my half-finished plate to the sink.
“He's... Hang on. Yunho hyung's taking you to his darkroom?” Junsu's eyes widened as he leaned across the counter.
“Yeah. Is that a big deal?” I asked.
“It's huge! No one has ever been to his darkroom ever! Not even the head of the firm! It's top secret stuff!” Junsu exclaimed. “Hey. If you find any of my pictures there, grab 'em! They say all the really good shots are in there.”
“I'm not stealing from Yunho!” I replied, turning to face Junsu.
“It's not stealing. It's my picture.” the model teased.
“Why would he hide all the great photos? He can earn a million with just one.” I asked.
Junsu shrugged. “He keeps them to himself for a while. Nothing stays there forever. Photos in his exhibits are a mix of old and new ones. I don't know. The stories behind Yunho's photos are a mystery. It's like... he waits the picture to ripen or something. Strange, really.”
Yunho had a photo of me in his previous exhibit. He is quite a mystery. I don't know his mind works. No one does. He's got a keen eye for potential subjects and he never fails to bring out the best in it no matter what it is.
“Why do you think he's taking me to his darkroom?” I asked Junsu.
Junsu smirked slyly and chuckled “Maybe he can't take the pressure anymore. It's totally immoral to do it in Halmuni's house.” I reached over the counter to punch him playfully on the arm. He laughed again. “Honestly though, I have no idea.”
“Hello, Duck . Good morning, Mi.” Yunho greeted us. He kissed me full on the lips and then smiled at Junsu. “You ready?” he asked me.
“I just have to get something from the room. You can wait for me in the car.” I smiled. He nodded and let me make my way out of the kitchen.
As soon as I opened the bedroom door and went inside, I knew I was in trouble.
“Hi.” said an awfully familiar voice.
“What the hell are you doing here, Jaejoong?” I said sternly. “How did you get in?” My heart was pounding like mad. My knees shook in fear and worry. I wondered if I could ever get out of this room alive.
“Climbed into your window, Sunmi.” He took a step and I took two back. “I miss you.”
“Go to hell.” I pushed him aside and grabbed my purse from the sidetable next to the bed. Jaejoong was quick. He grabbed my empty hand and spun me around. He pinned me against a wall with my back banging against the wood. He then kissed me harshly on the lips.
Out of reflex, I hit him on the head with my purse and shoved him. I touched my lips unable to believe what had just happened. “ you, Kim Jaejoong. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I want you not because Yunho has you. I want you because I need you.” Jaejoong leaned against the cabinet with his head held low. “I'm sorry... I'm sorry for what I did yesterday. I don't know what took over me.”
“It's too late for that.” I sped to the door to exit this hellhole. Jaejoong caught the doorknob in time. “Let. Go.” I told him without looking at his face. I was afraid of what I'd see in his eyes.
“You're leaving soon, right? Just let me make it up to you. Let me make up for the bull I've done. Please.” Jaejoong pleaded.
“You can start by letting me go. Now.” I turned the knob and shut the door behind me, leaving Jaejoong in the room alone. I took a deep breath to collect myself. I heard the window inside the room shut. I made my way down the stairs and was welcomed by Junsu.
“Have a great day, Sunmi.” he said with a smile. “Get my pictures.”
I smiled back in response. Junsu took me to the front door and opened it. “Come on!” Yunho greeted from inside his car. I came running to him and got in the car immediately. He kissed me again then smiled widely at me. “Let's go.” We sped away in no time. The further we got from the neighborhood, the safer I felt.
We had the windows rolled down and I stuck my head out for air. The wind blew against my face. I closed my eyes but the sun still shone through the supposed darkness. I ducked back in the car and ran my hands through my hair to give it a quick fix. I turned to Yunho who was preoccupied with driving.
He was driving with one hand in the steering wheel while his other elbow rested on the window sill. His hair was blowing back and his shades seemed to glitter as the Korean sun hit its frame.
One thing Yunho didn't know is that he is drool-worthy, -you-sideways, drop-dead, crazy gorgeous. He should be a model but knowing how rational, logical and realistic he is, he chose to become a photographer. In the world of flash, reflectors, lenses and shutters, you are frozen in time in front of the camera but become god from behind it. He'd rather be god.
We parked at the curb in front of his apartment building. Damn it. I forgot his office was in his flat. We stepped out of the car as the valet took his keys. We made our way inside the building and in to the elevator with arm around my shoulder. Eleven floors later, the doors opened and we were welcomed by Taepung, the Siberian Husky. The guy Yunho hired to take the dog must have brought him back from the dog daycare thing.
“Did you miss me, boy?” Yunho cuddled with Taepung while the dog responded to him happily. “You did. Yes, you did! Good boy!” he baby talked his pet.
I knelt to pet Taepung. He closed his eyes in acknowledgement. “Your daddy's gone nuts.” I said.
“Your mommy's...” Yunho thought of a good comeback. “pretty.” He settled. We stood up while Taepung followed. We made our way into a hall and stopped in front of a white door that read 'No Entry'. It was one of those rooms I just pass by thinking it was a connecting door to nowhere. Yunho fiddled with his keys then opened the door.
“Taepung. Stay.” He signalled for Taepung to do as he commanded. Taepung sat in obedience. “Come on in, Miss Park Sunmi.” I follwed him inside the room. As soon as the door was closed, it became pitch black. I panicked. I hated being in total darkness. I held on to his arm to assure me that I wasn't alone. “Relax.” I felt him kiss my cheek. The room was illuminated by red light.
“Red?” I asked him, kind of relaxing a bit.
“Sit down here.” He tapped on the ledge of a sink. I did as I was told. “Red, huh? I don't know either. This room isn't supposed to have any light in the first place.” He sat next to me on the ledge. “It's safe. I hid all the pictures in a cabinet. Did Junsu tell you the darkroom story?”
“Yes.” I answered plainly.
“Truth is... you're not the first one here.” he looked into my eyes. “Jaejoong's been here.”
“Jaejoong?” I questioned, shocked as I was. “Why?”
“He's my best friend. I was working on the gallery and I asked him if he could help me pick out pictures to put up. We agreed to show yours on the swings when we were little. I confessed what I felt about you. He said he felt the same way. Ever since then we haven't gotten along the same way.” Yunho said with grief. He sighed before continuing.
“I was so angry when you came and he was making moves on you. I knew he was playing a game. When you got drunk, I realized how greatly I've fallen for you. But then I felt like I never stood a chance... so I went to Japan to drown myself in work. It didn't help. The further I was from you, the more I felt like I should be with you... protecting you.” he explained. “I know what's going on, Sunmi. I can see it your eyes. You're troubled.”
“Yunho, he's not the same. He's not the Jaejoong I know anymore. What he's doing isn't like him.” I confessed. He held my face between his palms and looked into my eyes.
“I'll fix this. But I can't fix it now. When you leave...” he paused as if to grieve for one second. “When you leave... I'll work this out. Maybe, with you far away, I can try to control him. The thing with Jae is distance. He needs space and time to think. Don't worry. You're safe.”
“What makes you so sure?” I asked, looking back into his eyes.
“Because I can't ever let you go. Not again. Not anymore.” he answered. “I've been your protector since you were born. I won't let anything harm you. Not even my best friend... most definitely not my best friend.”
Yunho left the ledge and opened a drawer across the tiny room. He turned back around to face me to hand over a picture.
It was a photo from my visit four years ago. I was in the middle of Yoochun and Jaejoong while Yunho, Changmin and Junsu were on opposite sides. The Guys were wearing suits and I was in a white, frilly dress. It was at the reception of my uncle's wedding. We were all smiling in the picture. I've never seen this picture before. I don't remember it being taken either. I miss those days. I miss the innocence. I miss our carefree, uncomplicated lives.
I wanted adventure. I think I've had enough. I'm tired. It wasn't that simple to get out of something you put yourself in. I don't regret wanting adventure... I just want to rest and be boring again.
“That's yours now...” Yunho said. “Do you remember the blue box I gave you before you left for the States?”
I nodded in agreement. I told him it was in one of my bags in his room. We got out of the darkroom and into his bedroom. I showed him the box.
“I never opened it. I was afraid of what it was. Knowing you, I thought it was a cockroach or a small frog.” I said. He laughed slightly and removed the top half of the box. Revealed was a heart-shaped locket still shining despite the years. It showed a picture of a nine-year-old me on one side and the word 'dream' was engraved on the other.
“I'm kind of glad you didn't open it. I would have wanted to put it on you myself.” He said. He gestures for me too turn around. I did as he wanted. Yunho swept my hair over my shoulder, revealing the back of my neck. I felt the cold metal touch my skin as his hands brushed lightly against my nape. “Done.”
I turned to face him, unable to erase that smile that's been plastered on my lips. I took him in arms and buried my face onto his neck. I was laughing... But tears were forming in my eyes. So this is how it feels like to shed tears of joy...
Yunho returned my embrace a hundredfold until no amount of distance was left between us. It was amazing just how perfectly I fit in his arms and how he was perfect in mine. We were so close; I could feel our hearts beating and our breathing in sync.
“Thank you.” I sobbed.
He didn't reply. He simply tightened his hold of me. I felt him sigh. He breathed in the scent of my hair, something I'd never understand why. He kissed the top of my head as if to comfort me.
He loosened his grip and kept a distance from me but held on to my shoulders. He wiped away my tears and I smiled to hide my embarrassment. I don't usually cry because of joy. He knew that. He kissed my forehead then my cheek. I closed my eyes to savor the moment.
I felt his lips touch mine.
It wasn't his intention to stay this way but, I wanted to. I pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. He complied after a split second of shock. I felt him smile. I gently massaged his lips with mine, grabbing onto him...
never...
ever...
wanting to let go.
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