17. the one who leaves

  The two girls who just now agreed to meet up were now sitting on two swings, only a mere foot of empty space between them. They were so close, yet so far that they couldn't even look each other in the eye. Both of them have been shooting secret glances at each other for the past seven minutes and no one has initiated a conversation.

Finally, as they glanced in each other's direction for the umpteenth time, their eyes simultaneously met. Neither of them looked away this time. Like they could read each other's minds, they finally gathered the courage to speak.

"I missed you."

Both of them shyly smiled as they realized they were on the same page. Dahyun kicked her feet in the air, a habit she had whenever she was feeling shy, but ecstatic. Momo's eyes just wandered to the dark sky, not knowing how to react.

"Do you love her?" Momo asked out of the blue.

Dahyun paused. Nothing made any sense to her. Did she? Did she still love the one person who never failed to make her smile? Is she finally ready to let go of the one person she promised to fight for? Is she ready to trust herself with another person who doesn't deserve to be hurt?

No. I can't trust myself yet. I don't want to make the same mistake I did. I'm afraid I'll hurt her again. Until my feelings for Nayeon have completely disappeared, I can't choose her. I want to make sure that I can be loyal to her this time around. She doesn't deserve to be hurt.

It's not time yet.

"Yes... I love her," Dahyun silently confessed, waiting for Momo's voice to rise again. The silence was killing her. Since she couldn't hear anything except for the faint breeze, she grew desperate to see Momo's expression.

She didn't have the courage to look into those eyes of hers — from just one look, she could spill all the contents of her heart. She could confess right then, but the blonde's voice did not allow her to do so.

"I'm... happy for you," Momo spoke after minutes of silence. Her voice was incomprehensible; it spoke the tears she could not shed, the confusion that was now resolved, the closure she needed to hear. Momo spoke a bittersweet reply to all the questions that kept her from letting Dahyun go. Now that she knows Dahyun is truly happy, she can let her go.

"I'm glad everything worked the way it should have," The blonde continued. Dahyun could not take it anymore. Her eyes remained focused on Momo's blank, lifeless face. The blonde spoke like a robot with no emotion — her words were all meaningless, stupid lies.

"Although it did not work for me, it worked for you. And that alone is enough for me. I didn't get what I wanted in the first place, but... I realized I got something else that meant more than anything."

"...you."

Dahyun swallowed hard as she felt her eyes getting watery. She could not tell if it was the sharp wind that kept stinging her eyes or if it was the guilt that brought her to tears. Whatever the reason is, her tears had to remain hidden. She doesn't have the right to cry. It's her fault for choosing to be a coward.

"I guess this is my karma. I tried to break another couple and instead, my own plan broke the chances of us being together. How ironic is that?" Momo bitterly chuckled, still staring into the distance.

"Anyway, it's getting late. You should get some sleep." Momo stood up, rushing to leave by wrapping things up but Dahyun didn't want to let go of her love that easily.

Momo suddenly felt a pair of arms encircle her waist.

"I'm sorry..."

The blonde shook her head and slowly removed the brunette's hands from her waist. She closed her eyes and felt her eyelids growing stiff as her eyes formed unwanted tears.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault."

It's all mine. I chose to love you with the knowledge of being hurt in the end.

~~~

3 weeks passed by like a blur. Momo was counting off the days left before their graduation. In a week, she would be leaving back to Japan for college and forget about Dahyun. She would live a new life, make new memories, and lastly, let go of the past. She did not tell Dahyun, but she told Mina and assumed that Mina had already told Nayeon. She figured Dahyun wouldn't need to know; after all, she already had Nayeon. It bothered her to know that Nayeon didn't truly love Dahyun, but she didn't want to break Dahyun's heart again. It was better to leave things as it is.

"So you're really leaving? No second thoughts?"

Momo nodded in a relaxed, dull manner, "6 days left."

"You won't even be here for graduation?"

"I will. But right after the ceremony, I'll be taking off."

Mina pouted in disappointment, "But we already agreed to go to the graduation party together. All nine of us. Even Jungyeon will be there to congratulate us!" She whined.

The blonde sighed and smiled bitterly, "I'm afraid I won't be able to leave if I stay until the party. You know how weak I am with goodbye parties."

"Then don't leave... You don't have to. I'm sorry, but I still can't believe that Dahyun said that. If you only saw the way she looked at you at yesterday's lunch — Momo, she's in love with you. I just don't understand why she said that."

Momo turned around and continued to pack her belongings, "Let's stop talking about this... But before we change the subject, just promise me one thing,"

"A