[R] Anything For My Little Brother
Drugon Multishop [OPEN&HIRING] Reviews, Graphics, Trailers, Advertisement #Batch 2 OPENAnything for My Little Brother
Title (4/5)
Your title has a good connection with the storyline and it fits really nicely, but it’s not memorable enough. The title works, but it doesn’t stand out.
Foreword (4/5)
The description does a good job of introducing the storyline. It’s short and to the point, but it lacks a hook that would draw a reader into the story. Once again, there is nothing wrong with the description, but it sells your story short. I would suggest rereading your story and trying to come up with a better description that makes someone curious enough that they have to click the “next” button and keep reading.
Grammar/Spelling (17/20)
You have a strong grasp of the English language, but there are a few mistakes throughout the story that I’m going to point out.
-Commas: Separate any clauses that are not directly related to each other.
For example, near the beginning, there is this sentence: My mom is still awake as usual.
It should be: My mom is still awake, as usual.
-Run-ons: Be careful that each sentence doesn’t contain too much information. Include a conjunction or some form of transition if there are multiple ideas being introduced in a sentence.
For example: Honestly, I’m really sleepy, my eyelids feel so heavy like Atlas holding up the sky.
It should be: Honestly, I’m really sleepy. My eyelids feel so heavy like Atlas holding up the sky.
There are many other ways to rewrite a sentence to avoid a run-on. Just be careful about run-ons throughout your story, as they can boggle up the clarity in your story. A good tip is to read your story out loud and pay attention to what it sounds like.
-Tenses: Be careful with your tenses.
For example: If I do, she might does something weird again.
In this case, the singular verb should not be used because the phrase is conditional, depending on what happens if Minki lets go of her arms. It should be: If I do, she might do something weird again.
-Ellipses: This is a minor detail, but ellipses, which indicate a break or a pause in your story, have three dots, not two. It can be confusing to the reader as to whether two dots are ellipses or just a period.
-Capitalization: When a sentence of dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation mark, but the sentence goes on (usually to identify the speaker), the word immediately after the quotes is not capitalized.
For example: “Why are you holding my arms?” She asks in confusion.
It should be: “Why are you holding my arms?” she asks in confusion.
-Commas after dialogue: Avoid adding commas before or after quotation marks if there isn’t a speaker tag.
For example: “Yeah,” I let go of her arms and swipe a trickle of blood on her face.
It should be: “Yeah.” I let go of her arms and swipe a trickle of blood on her face.
-Punct
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