Forever is Never Enough

Title (5/5)

Your title is an interesting play on words, and it relates to your story really well. However, it’s not completely original and it’s on the verge of giving too much information away. Furthermore, the word “is” should be capitalized in your title because it’s a verb. Overall, it’s a good title that suits your story.

Foreword (5/5)

Your description is relevant to the story, and I really like the way that you presented it. I would suggest, though, including a little more information. For example, the line that says, “And Kai was left there to wait for his death,” seems a little too passive to me because Kai didn’t just wait for his death; he also took Kyungsoo to an amusement park and he adopted a little girl to keep their promise to each other. Otherwise, it makes your story seem like it’s all dramatic angst, which it really isn’t. There are a few grammatical errors, which I will discuss in the next section.

Grammar/Spelling (15/20)

Your English is pretty good and understandable, and there are certainly many good points about your writing. I noticed a few grammatical errors, though, that I’m going to address.

-Singular and plural verbs: This doesn’t happen often, but be careful that the subject and verb agree in number. For example:

But everyone knows that happiness never really last. (Foreword)

However, happiness is a singular noun, so it should be:

    But everyone knows that happiness never really lasts.

-Past and present tense: Make sure you don’t mix up your past and present tenses. Most of your story is written in past tense, so rewriting the sentence above:

    But everyone knew that happiness never really lasts.

-Spelling: You make a few spelling errors, such as “likehours” and “Eventhough” in the first chapter of your story. It’s probably just a typo, but it would be helpful to run your chapter through a spellcheck or read over it before you post it.

-Dividing paragraphs: Avoid paragraphs that are too long, as they can be boring. Divide paragraphs if the subjects aren’t immediately relevant to each other. Here’s a good article about dividing paragraphs: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/606/01/.

-Dangling modifiers: This happens a few times in your descriptions. Be sure that your descriptions are immediately next to whatever you are describing. For example:

    All curled up in his bed, the conversation he had with Dr. Wu is still fresh in his head. (Chapter 2)

In this case, “all curled up in his bed” seems to be describing the conversation instead of Jongin. While it’s obvious that you’re referring to Jongin, not the conversation, be careful about these dangling modifiers, as they can often be confusing. Here’s an article about these modifiers: http://www.towson.edu/ows/moduledangling.htm.

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