[R] Perfection
Drugon Multishop [OPEN&HIRING] Reviews, Graphics, Trailers, Advertisement #Batch 2 OPENReviewer: smwriterx
KillerGal | Perfection
Title: [⅗] A simple one word. Although it is very concise, I don’t find the title quite entrapping.
"One thousand," A shrill voice calls out. "Three thousand," Another voice hollers. "Three thousand and thirty dollars," "Five thousand," A rough voice barks. Rephrase: “One thousand,” a shrill voice calls out. “Three thousand,” another hollers. “Three thousand and thirty dollars!” “Five thousand,” a rough voice barks. Notice that if there’s a comma at the end of a dialogue, the sentence is not completed and there should be no capitalized letter after the dialogue until there is a period (unless a proper noun is included). The number of bidders serves to prove his worth and popularity. But that isn't exactly what he is looking for. What Kai wants isn't money, fame, title or acknowledgment. It is perfection that he strives to achieve. Rephrase and combine sentences: The number of bidders serves to prove his worth and popularity, but that isn’t exactly what he is looking for. What Kai wants isn’t money, fame, title, or acknowledgement: it is perfection that he strives to achieve. The oversized penthouse is a mixture of emptiness and modern art; the epitome of human loneliness. The semicolon is improperly used. Instead, use the
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