Reviewer: Daehyunfluffyjae

Dreamingxoxo | All of a Sudden

Title [5/5]
Title is attractive, quite original and I guess it’s relevant but since I don’t know the plot yet I’m going to hope for the best :)
-originality & relevance 

Foreword [3/5]
It’s quite relevant but I docked marks because it doesn’t seem attractive enough. The tone is overly factual and it doesn’t seem overly interesting. Also some parts don’t really make sense for example:
many reasons; one being that he transferred in the middle of the school year. (And the other reasons? If you want to write “many reasons” and only list one reason it doesn’t really make sense. I understand that you might be doing so to prevent potential spoilers, but perhaps you could list the second reason in a more thought provoking tone etc so you attract readers’ attention.)

Grammar & Spelling [13/20]

Quite a few grammatical mistakes and sometimes the wording is clumsy.

They’ve been doing so ever since they were kids

Even from afar, he could hear it (already is unnecessary and makes the sentence abundant/seem clumsy)

It excited him, yet troubled him (no need the second comma because it makes an unreasonable stop and prevents the flow of the sentence)

Sooner or later, they were bound to go their separate ways, towards a future that none of them even knew of.

Reasons being: 1) separate and go their own ways have the same meaning, and using both would make the sentence seem lumbersome
a future, not the future because it’s a future they don’t know, not a particular future they already know the path to. (the = specific)

eating quietly because even thought “silently” might seem like a more sophisticated word it seems to be a little too serious

are you sure someone who wants to be professional model would be practicing at the dance academy? Perhaps modelling studio would be more suitable? :)

His leg is still in the process of healing and it seemed like he’s given up on his dream <-- past tense because your entire piece is written in the past, it would be weird to suddenly switch to present

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