[2nd R]Wolves or Wizards?
Drugon Multishop [OPEN&HIRING] Reviews, Graphics, Trailers, Advertisement #Batch 2 OPENreviewed by ikontrashed
Wolves or Wizards?
Title [3/5]
Your title pretty much tells me what I should expect but it’s also a little too hackneyed for me. It is a working title but I think you can do so much better than this.
Foreword [3/5]
Your foreword was both exciting and enticing at the first part but then the “What to expect” appeared, it somehow created a disconnect and ruined the momentum for the readers. It will be well noted that you could add these snippets of your actual writing without the “what to expect” part.
Grammar & Spelling [13/20]
Grammar wise, I have no qualms because more or less it’s good but then again, you could use a beta to improve sentence structure and word usage. Some parts have inconsistent tenses but nothing that can’t be understood. And then there’s the use of correct punctuation, since I saw a few hanging sentences without a period, or a question mark, sometimes even replacing exclamation points with mere periods. These punctuations are used to relay emotions so you need to pretty much make us of them properly. And then there are some parts that really need checking... Please refer to the examples below. Spelling was almost spotless, so good job there! A few typos here and there and then the way Kris was called, as it was a bit awkward and weird.
Example:
“They have a great plan, but we eavesdropped most of it.” Eavesdrop was a good word but this does not quite fit. But if you are intent on using this word then I suggest you rephrase.
“...they flew in or shape shirted or were invisible.” Uh, was this intentional or a typo?
“...were climbing and tree and fighting.” I think you can figure this one out.
These are the grammar and points of improvement for chapters 1 and 2, I won’t include the other chapters since I don’t want to spend the whole review commenting it.
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