[2nd R]Wolves or Wizards?

Drugon Multishop [OPEN&HIRING] Reviews, Graphics, Trailers, Advertisement #Batch 2 OPEN
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reviewed by ikontrashed

 

Wolves or Wizards?

Title [3/5]

Your title pretty much tells me what I should expect but it’s also a little too hackneyed for me. It is a working title but I think you can do so much better than this. 

Foreword [3/5]

Your foreword was both exciting and enticing at the first part but then the “What to expect” appeared, it somehow created a disconnect and ruined the momentum for the readers. It will be well noted that you could add these snippets of your actual writing without the “what to expect” part.

Grammar & Spelling [13/20]

Grammar wise, I have no qualms because more or less it’s good but then again, you could use a beta to improve sentence structure and word usage. Some parts have inconsistent tenses but nothing that can’t be understood. And then there’s the use of correct punctuation, since I saw a few hanging sentences without a period, or a question mark, sometimes even replacing exclamation points with mere periods. These punctuations are used to relay emotions so you need to pretty much make us of them properly. And then there are some parts that really need checking... Please refer to the examples below. Spelling was almost spotless, so good job there! A few typos here and there and then the way Kris was called, as it was a bit awkward and weird. 

Example: 
“They have a great plan, but we eavesdropped most of it.” Eavesdrop was a good word but this does not quite fit. But if you are intent on using this word then I suggest you rephrase.
“...they flew in or shape shirted or were invisible.” Uh, was this intentional or a typo?
“...were climbing and tree and fighting.” I think you can figure this one out. 

These are the grammar and points of improvement for chapters 1 and 2, I won’t include the other chapters since I don’t want to spend the whole review commenting it.
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recklessdragon
CALLING shimshime*

Comments

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DeadRose
#1
Chapter 15: hi! im requesting for a beta!

Story Title: Love Potion
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1080917/
Package(s): 3
Beta Reader: um theres no real details about the betas so i guess it doesn't matter, but i would like someone who is a SHINee fan and is comfortable with , comedy, au, fluff and possible (most definitely)

thank you!
Asidus
#2
Chapter 15: Hello!
I would like to request beta-reading for my fanfiction. The first chapter was beta-ed by another beta reader, but he suddenly disappeared and I can't move on with my story without proper editing.

Form
Story Title: Behind His Smile
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1147116/behind-his-smile-angst-bts-bangtan-taekook-vkook
Package(s): 3
Beta Reader: Zutrazelle, but I am fine with any beta reader that is willing to edit my fanfiction.
blossomheartz
#3
Applied for Graphics ^^
KPOPfanficsluv
#4
Chapter 11: Do you accept for draft stories?
Sweet_love_Exo_ships
#5
Chapter 13: Hello! I'm requesting fir advertisement!
Profile link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/805143
Story title: For The Better Or Worst?
Story link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1001048/for-the-better-or-worse-action-angst-mystery-romance-xiuhan-xiuchen-xiuhun
Description: Luhan is Xiumin's bully. He likes to and call him names. He only does that because of how Xiumin looks. Xiumin wears big round glasses that make him look like a nerd. That is why he gets bullied by Luhan. He tries to be a sweetheart to everybody, even though they might not be nice to him. Luhan on the contrary is the opposite of Xiumin. He wears shades, dark cloths and has a bad boy vibe, but he is not. He is just a simple jerk to Xiumin. Xiumin on the other side is a person that smiles, is polite, friendly, funny, and creative. He loves what he does. Everything in his life is perfect besides the fact that he gets bullied. One day when the trimester ends Luhan showed his report card to his father. His father was furious because of the grades he has gotten, and called the school to see who could help his son with his studies. The school sends him the top smartest kids for him to choose from. He got all that fast and easy. The school knew who he was so they were not going to disobey one of his orders and send the well known powerful man a list of the students. He got a list that stated who was the smartest to least from ten to one. He choose Xiumin considering he looked like a nice kid and was one of the best. He didn't know that what he did would change his son's life and Xiumin's life. Would this choice be for the better or the worse?

Also, please inform me when to send the karma points! Thank you~
KNZ_OFFICIAL
#6
Chapter 1: Hi, I would like to apply for a review. :)

Story Title: The Heroine's Best Friend
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/954430/the-heroine-s-best-friend-drama-hoya-infinite-romance-sungkyu-sungyeol-woohyun
Reviewer: zutrazelle or infinite-infinity20

Thank you for your review
Teentopnexogirl
#7
Applied for trailers
KPOPfanficsluv
#8
Applied for Graphics
MFilipino #9
I applied. :) Waiting to hear from you soon. :)