THERE’S something truly different about Jun and Mei’s relationship the morning after their shared kiss. It wasn’t awkward like the first time, nor did they ignore each other, and they didn’t act like it never happened. Behind their ever looming demeanor of scarcity because of Mei’s ever growing danger to her life; there hides a small ball of happiness at the prospect of returned feelings for one another. After months of messy revelations, and crazy obstacles—the stability of Jun’s feelings for Mei, has finally accomplished the goal of every crush. Getting the girl. Well, sort of getting the girl. They’re not dating, nor are they just friends—they’re somewhere in between.

The two sit at the small chestnut table in her hotel room, her feet propped up on the table, as his lie on the floor; they both take sips of her steaming black coffee. They wait, cautiously, for Ming Hao—who, late last night, said that he’d like to have a conversation with all of them about the problem at hand. Charlie stands on the balcony, admiring the view and trying to keep out of the conversation that seriously doesn’t involve him. After minutes go by, Jun finally realizes how nervous Mei is—to the point that her hands are shaking. He places his cup on top of the slick chestnut table, before grabbing a hold of her hand and interlocking their fingers; using his thumb to the top of her palm. She glances at him, her eyes narrowing in an attempt to ask what he’s doing; but, he only smiles. “Don’t worry, everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to.”

She lets out a breath as she runs her hand through strands of her blonde hair. Instead of just ignoring him, like she’d usually do, she nods her head and shifts in her seat awkwardly. “I feel nervous.” She mumbles rather bashfully, and truthfully because that’s the only emotion she’s feeling. Her heart is fluttering out of control, her hands are clammy, and she feels something stirring in the pit of her stomach—all the common signs of her nervousness. In this moment, waiting for Ming Hao, she wishes to jump into the ocean to never be seen again. That’s how nervous she is. 

Jun, still with a smile, leans closer to her and pecks her lip—leaving her rather shocked. He leans back in his seat and grins wider, “There now you’re focused on that rather than your nerves.” Mei resists the urge to roll her eyes, just as the door to her hotel room shifts open. A gawkily looking boy dressed in a distressed pair of overalls walks into the room with his head hitting his chest. Both Mei and Jun straighten up in their chairs; and even though Mei tries to pull her hand out of his, he keeps a tight hold on it.

Ming Hao, looking just as nervous (if not more) as Mei; takes the seat across from them and places his hands on the table—running them against each other. The three stay like that: Jun and Mei waiting, while Ming Hao sits there nervously. She’s not quite sure what to do, if she’s supposed to say something, or not. To start the conversation, or not. She’s not even sure what this conversation is about. Ming Hao doesn’t know anything, he doesn’t know the whole story; so, what could he possibly say?

The young boy finally looks up, his eyes avoiding theirs. “I bought a plane ticket last night; I’m heading back to Taipei, tonight.” The boy, soon after, drops his head and crosses his arms over his chest. Mei didn’t expect that; neither did Jun. Sure; she can understand his need for time or separation from her. Going back to Taiwan? That’s not something she expected. Ming Hao is going through a lot, Mei is going through a lot—together the two are going through more than anyone else in the world. No one can understand their situation unless they are them. Sadly, Ming Hao has always been a flake, and is never one to stick through hard situations that might get him hurt.

“Ming Hao!” Jun hisses, a stern look clouding his eyes.

The young boy merely chuckles as he situates himself to look at Jun, “What? Are you going to tell me to stick around and be her younger brother?” In response, the older boy nods his head as Mei sits silently—thinking it over. Ming Hao scoffs, rolling his eyes as he begins tapping his feet up and down on the floor.  “It’s never going to happen; I’m not going to be that guy. I’m sorry; but, I’m not like you,” He shifts his view towards Mei, and for a mere second he seems to waver. A sickening feeling of guilt running over his system as he stares at the girl in front of him. The girl: his sister. “I can’t be like you. I don’t want to be in danger, not like you.”

“That’s self—” Jun is quickly cut off by Mei who gives him a look to shut-up. To which, he does and settles in his seat with a scowl. Mei, having shut Jun up, shifts her view towards Ming Hao—and smiles ever so lightly. Reassuringly. Lovingly. Like a look an older sister would give a younger brother in a situation to comfort.

She reaches across the table, placing her hand over Ming Hao to cover his. In cause, the boy moves his gaze to focus on something beside him as he tries hard not to cry. He knows he’s being selfish; but, that’s the way he is. That’s the way he’ll always be. “It’s okay, I promise. Go home, get some rest, and don’t think about this. I’ll keep you safe.” As if the intensity of what she’s going through, isn’t affecting her, she pats the top of his hand before getting up and heading towards the bathroom—closing the door directly after.

They could hear it: Jun and Ming Hao. After Mei entered the bathroom, and took a seat on the floor—her back leaning up against the wall—she began to cry. It started out light, only a few tears running down her face, before she began sobbing. One sob after another, her body shaking, and her hands into her jeans in an attempt to keep her stable. She’s not just crying because of Ming Hao—although that is a factor—she’s crying because the last few days are more than what she expected. It’s been hard for her to handle and hard for her to even keep herself stable. She looks over the last few days and all she sees is this blinding pain. Pain for all the crappy situations she was thrown in it. Pain for wrapping herself in a relationship with Jun without seeing the consequences of it. Pain for never realizing that her brother doesn’t want to be her brother.

She could hear Jun knocking on the door to her bathroom, bickering between a few people, before she hears Charlie’s voice. “Mei, let’s talk—just you and me.” He says in that commanding tone. To where he’s not asking her to talk, he’s telling her that they will talk. In the end, she ends up letting him into the bathroom, before closing the door before Jun can enter. Mei wipes away the tears that linger beneath her eyes, and straighten herself—just before she twists toward him with a small smile. Charlie’s eyes focus in on her, narrowing them in wonder, before he scoffs. “We put on a fake smile to hide the pain, yet we wish someone would look closely enough and see how broken we really are inside,” He leans against the sink and crosses his arms. “You’re like an open book.”

Mei’s smile drops as she wipes at her nose, sniffling in cause, before letting out a sigh. “You and I, we should meet Min tomorrow; we shouldn’t involve them,” She flings her thumb in the direction of the bathroom door, in which Ming Hao and Jun are huddled against. “We should pack our things, and disappear before Jun wakes up. Ming Hao will already be on his flight to Taiwan, and when Jun realizes he can’t find us—he’ll go back home.”

There’s an overwhelming sensation to not do what she states. To, instead, forgetting everything and move on with her life. Yet, that’s not something she can do. She can’t forget—it’s not possible. She has to fight through it. “Are you sure you want to do that?” He asks, as if asking if she’d want him to avoid everything with his help. She doesn’t find Charlie the most appealing person on the planet, nor does she find him the greatest guy either—but, if anything, the man is trustworthy on his word. He’s never failed to do what he’s said he’ll do. She could say to him that she doesn’t want to go through with it; that she wishes to ignore it. And she knows he’d do everything he could to make sure she gets what she wants; but, in the long run, she can’t do that.

“Yes.”

That night was spent helping Ming Hao pack, and get the guts to board his plane to Taiwan. The young boy kept apologizing to Mei who only smiled and told him not to; he even went as far as tearing up and stating he’d back to see her soon. She expected Jun to cry, or tear up—but, the boy surprised her by keeping it together as he said his goodbyes to his best friend. They had a private conversation, one where Mei was stuck standing a distances away from them and keeping silent beside Charlie. And when they finally reached the hotel, Jun didn’t stick around to talk with Mei or Charlie—as he quickly left to his own room.

Both Charlie and Mei packed their bags late that night, and when Mei was done—she drafted up a note and flung it underneath Jun’s door. It was different than the note she left for her parents, it was more caring, and honest. It would be enough to not upset him; and will keep him to go along with life until she gets back, if she gets back. If she ever does see him again, she’s in for another long talk about how she once more disappeared from his sight before he could say goodbye or tell her to stay.

Dear Jun Hui,

I’m sorry, the last thing I want is to hurt you, but I know now, that I have to in order to keep everyone safe. In order for me to do that, I’ve left…again. There would’ve been nothing you could’ve said or done to make me stay and let you go along with us. I know you’ll hate me after this, I went against what you wanted; but, I can’t help myself. There’s only one thing I can possibly do in order to keep peace among everyone—and that’s to leave.

I hope to be back before Jing Jing’s wedding, but I can’t make any promises; I’m not even sure if I’ll live through this. Promise me something Jun, promise me you’ll pretend like I never entered your life again, as if three years ago I truly did disappear and never came back. If I never come back, live life to the fullest, take care of Ming Hao, and don’t think about me. If I do come back, well, then I guess that’s your time to yell at me and tell me I did wrong like you usually do when I disappear.

If I don’t come back, tell Jing Jing I’m sorry, and tell Ming Hao it was nice to meet him and to find out that he’s truly my brother. As for you Jun, I’m beyond sorry—I think I really messed things up between us. I’ve made you believe that everything was going to be okay as long as we were together; but, that’s not true. And I know you know that; because, despite the way you act, you’re incredibly intelligent. You said you love me, yet you never gave me a chance to reply. I’m not quite sure how I feel for you; though, I guess I can be certain I’ve never felt this way for anyone else. It’s not love, not yet, but it’s more likely that I like you. Maybe not as intensely as you like me; but, I do like you. Yes, I like you Jun.

I hope you can forgive me for leaving.

I’m sorry,

Mei Fen

N o v e m b e r  1 4

2 0 1 5

D a e j e o n,  S o u t h  K o r e a

MIN was more than just a member of a triad—Mei learned that the hard way. After leaving the hotel with a heavy heart, she and Charlie (with their bags in their hands) travelled to the busy fish market that Min works at. They weren’t expecting him to be there, at the very least they were just going to stay until Min arrived. Instead, when they walked into the room she had left Min at, a thin brunette haired woman sat atop the metal table a glare lining her features with her nose turned up—cleaning her nine millimeter with Min standing sturdily in front of her, like a bodyguard of sorts, a right hand man even. The girl’s eyes circle upward, penetrating Charlie before glancing over at Mei.

The woman continues cleaning her gun, swiping the edges of it with a beige cloth, before looking over at Min with a neutral expression. “I’m assuming they’re here for you, Ten.” He shifts his head over his shoulder, glancing at Charlie first before looking over at Mei with soften eyes and a tinge of a smile. “Are you going to introduce me?” The woman snaps, grabbing Min’s attention once more as she sets the gun down on the table and crosses one leg over the other. Mei finds the woman to be strong, commanding—revolutionary. Unlike any woman she’s ever met. She’s not like Mei, careful and calculated, nor is she like Jing Jing warm and cozy. She’s not like Bella either, caring and motherly. She’s cold and remorseless.

Min clears his throat, shifting his body to stand like a solider beside the woman with his body facing Mei and Charlie. “This is my sister: Zhao Mei Fen, and…” He trails off, starring at Charlie with an upturned eyebrow.

“Wang Charlie—Mei’s…uncle.” The man, with a cross of his arms, states.

Mei feels like laughing at the moment at how idiotic that sentence sounds coming out of his mouth. Nonetheless, Min nods his head and shifts his gaze toward the woman—bowing his head respectfully, as if she’s above him in age or rank. The woman’s gaze snaps towards Mei, an inkling of investigation sprouting amongst her face. Catching a look of distaste from Mei who doesn’t enjoy being analyzed. “Sister, hmm,” The woman pauses to stand up and stretch her arms down toward her feet before walking precisely over to Mei. Checking her over as if the woman is a computer and Mei is the data—circling her to glance at every part of her. Annoying her even when she comes to a complete stop. “She looks like you; except, she looks weaker than you.”

Mei scoffs, out of all things she’s heard from people: being weak always seems to be one of them. Maybe it’s because she’s never been quite confident; but, she’s always been able to succeed in crappy situations. Min turns his attention towards Mei once more. “Mei, this is Yoon A; Dragon head of the Luen Triad.” Mei’s demeanor instantly changes to one of slight disgust—the mere mention of a triad brings her to think bad upon her brother. The brother whom she doesn’t know.

The woman, Yoon A, runs a hand through her brunette locks before taking a seat on the table once more. “You’d be a good trainee for us; you could learn from your own brother. Would you like that Mei?” The woman, despite sounding condescending, looks as if she’d believe Mei to say yes. Of course, the woman doesn’t know Mei—nor will she ever know Mei. When Yoon A realizes Mei isn’t going to respond, she continues in a different direction. “Oh, I see. You’d rather like to know about Luen before joining, is this correct?” Though hesitant, Mei nods her head as both she and Charlie are beckoned to sit in front of the woman.

“Most of our members are either affiliated with North Korea, or are North Korean defectors. Your brother being of the former,” The woman’s eyes focus in on Min before shifting once more to Mei who stares between the pair in wonder. They look to have known each other for a while. “We don’t do the norm of most triads, we don’t meddle with drugs, es, or robbery. We never touch stolen money or go down the road of that of South Korean mafia in the attempt of becoming a loan shark—we’re not that desperate. If we need money quickly, we promise the neighborhood shops protection as long as they give as a fee—it holds us over when things are tight. But, our main source of income, is organ trafficking.”

The woman pauses to chuckle at Mei’s out right shocked expression, as does she laugh at Charlie who tries to keep himself calms but ends up looking like he’s fighting inner demons. “North Korea, ships us their dead bodies, and we sell the organs from the dead bodies on the black market through the Golden Triangle sub-route half way across the country and into Europe where rich people with sick kids take the organs with half-assed apologize to Jesus and pretend nothing ever happened. I don’t care what they say or how they act, as long as they give us the money—right Ten?” Min, with wide eyes, nods as his whole body sinks into despair. As if he can’t believe she just told his little sister what he does for a living.

Yoon A, ever so oblivious to Min’s wants and needs to have her shut-up, continues with her conversation. “Ten here, joined the gang when my father was still boss—I think, Ten was about, thirteen? My father gave him the diligent task of protecting his one and only heir: me. And now, your brother, has risen to the position of my right hand man. Just think, Mei, in ten odd years, you could be just like your brother.” Yoon A smiles, Min frowns, Charlie rolls his eyes, and Mei sighs. This situation is obviously a lot worse than what I thought—a lot.

“I think I’d rather stick to how my life is now; there’s no reason in making it worse.” Mei replies in calmness as she comes to a standing position, holding tightly onto the beige straps of her backpack. She turns her attention to her frowning brother. “I’ve left the guy I like alone in a ty hotel, my half-brother is going through a mental breakdown and took a flight to Taipei to be with his family, I probably won’t be attending my best friend’s wedding, and I most likely won’t be seeing the birth of my other best friend’s first child—all in order for us to go along with your plan and I swear to God, if you don’t get General Roe and Mi Ja here in the next hour—I’ll personally punch your face through a wall for causing the people I love, emotional turmoil. Do I make myself clear?”

Min gulps as he nods his head; Yoon A, on the other hand, begins clapping her hands as she hops off the table and comes to stand in front of Mei. “I may have underestimated you, Mei. I think you’d actually fit my position rather than your brothers.” She grins at Mei, who does nothing more than blink a few times before taking her seat once more—announce clearly clouded in her vision. Although, she couldn’t figure out if she was annoyed at the prospect of Charlie calling himself her uncle, the fact that Yoon A is obviously a , or if it’s because Min sells illegal organs for a living.

Whatever it is, it’s sending her over the edge.

N o v e m b e r  1 9

2 0 1 5

D a e j e o n,  S o u t h  K o r e a

UNLIKE the time Mei was separate from Jun for a long period of time, she kept in contact with him. Not through phone, or internet—instead through notes. She’s positive he gets them; because, after sending them he heads to the coffee shop and talks animatedly to Seok Min who relies the information to Mei through their daily phone calls. Despite everything Mei has put Jun through, he still manages to love her all the same; it somewhat scares her. Ming Hao, is still in Taipei—apparently Jun updated Seok Min about that too and has also become good friends with Seok Min. Much too Won Woo’s displeasure since he feels like his coffee shop has become a second home to the man.

As for Mei herself, life has never been more complicated. After gaining the attention and help of General Roe, and having Mi Ja join in as well—things have been tightening up when it comes to the expedition to North Korea. Min sent an official notice to the capital requesting for immediate entrance and a grant to speak freely to the capital council about letting all ties to Mei go. That was two days ago, and they haven’t heard anything yet. In the meantime, General Roe has taken it upon himself to help teach Mei the necessities of fighting while Mi Ja has begun teaching her the basics of persuasion.

She hasn’t gotten any closer to Min, and sometimes she feels like she dislikes him more than she dislikes Charlie—who has actually become an uncle like figure in her life. A sight of normalcy among her day filled with anything but that. Yoon A, hasn’t stopped trying to persuade Mei from joining the triad and training as an uninitiated member to which is called a “blue lantern” and Mei denies it every single time—much to Yoon A’s dismay. Min and Yoon A were another subject, apparently they’ve known each other since childhood. (Yoon A has always been a condescending ) They were best friends when growing up, and at school along with outside of school, Min has been her protector. The ten people he killed in the act of being part of the triad: were people trying to assassinate the heir to the Luen. Yoon A. That’s why Min and Yoon A are close; not like siblings, or lovers: something in between. Like Mei and Jun.

“You stuck her in a ing freezer?” Min screams as he evasively pins General Roe against a white slathered wall. Mei, not very interested, sits on a nasty colored brown bleacher next to Yoon A and Mi Ja who look between the men in awe. “I should kill you right now for even daring to lay a finger on her!” Min frustratingly pulls his arm back before landing his fist directly beside General Roe’s face. Even though the act causes Yoon A and Mi Ja to jump a little, the older man doesn’t stir—nor does Mei. They’ve both been through a lot.

General Roe, after a minute of pure annoyance, swiftly shoves Min to the ground with an elbow to the gut. He smirks down at the younger boy and mock dusts of his hands as he walks around him. He stops though, a few feet short of Min, and shifts his head to slightly look over his shoulder. “You’re merely a delinquent Min; you haven’t grown at all. Listen now, fighting will get us nowhere. We are allies in this—and we’re bonded by family. Fighting is purely a nuisance caused by troubled souls. If you’d like to fight, then fight like a real man and proclaim that you’ll do so before trapping a man without his will or knowledge of what he did wrong.”

Min blows out a breath, causing a few strands of his brunette hair to go flying upward and land a top his head. He shifts a top the blue mat he landed on, before he stands up and stalks out of the room like a child—Yoon A following him soon after. “Do you really have to be so insolent to the poor child?” Mi Ja asks as she comes to her feet and crosses her arms over her chest.

General Roe rolls his eyes, as he runs a finger along the scar on his face. “He’s not a child Mi Ja. He’s twenty-five for God’s sake, he’s an adult that needs to learn the rules of fighting. He thinks he’s so great for being part of the Luen, but he’s nothing more than a low-life street rat.” Mi Ja huffs, running a hand down her pleated red dress, as she stammers off the bleachers and begins walking out.

“As if you have any room to talk, Tae Il.” She flicks a piece of her red hair around, before she sends the middle finger in his direction and over her shoulder; ultimately leaving afterwards. General Roe’s face hardens, and Mei watches in wonder as she leans back in her seat. She finds the relationship between General Roe and Mi Ja, interesting. They’re odd around each other, and indifferent most of the time—maybe it’s because they slept with Mei’s parents and heard awful stories about one another that made them form opinions about each other.

Charlie, takes this time to head into the room, holding tightly onto a bottle of water. He spots General Roe and instantly scowls as he makes his way to Mei. General Roe stares back at him with pursed lips. “The hell are you looking at?” He hisses, and the older male shrugs his shoulders as he cracks his knuckles and leaves the room soon after. Thus leaving Charlie and Mei together once again. He hands the bottle of water to Mei who takes it gratefully and downs a good amount of the contents before setting it down beside her.

“You think we’ll be leaving soon?” She asks; a bit of hope in her voice.

He shrugs and takes a seat on a blue chair in front of her, propping his legs up on the lower bleacher a few inches below her. “You sound quite anxious; anxious for your death that is.” Anxious to be done with this part of my life—not my death.

“Will you ever stop being a pessimist?” She questions ever so lightly.

Charlie shrugs his shoulders once more as he leans back in the chair, stretching his arms out behind his head. “Give me one good reason not to be. Death is to meet all of us one day; and, for some reason, you keep heading towards it instead of away from it like others. Though, I have no room to talk. I’ve been chasing death since I was fourteen—since Da Wei died.”

“You’re also morbid; you bring up death quite a lot.” She replies with a chuckle.

Once more Charlie shrugs his shoulders as he stands up—stretching out his body like a cat. “Death is a man’s best friend.” More like death is your best friend. Charlie, after glancing around the room in worry, walks out; leaving Mei by herself. She takes another sip from her bottle of water before standing up, and walking down the bleachers. She finds herself standing in front of the floor length mirror, her fingers wrapping around the base of her shirt and adjusting it upward. In the mirror, as clear as day, are her scars. With her other hand she guides her fingers around the protruding marks—a small sigh leaving when doing so.

“Our parents did that to you?” Comes Min’s soft voice; the type of tone he’s been using around her a lot lately, after her blow up at him. Mei lets go of her shirt, letting it fall over her scars once more, as she twists away from the mirror to stare at Min. Min, who doesn’t look pleased at all. She ends up nodding, as she takes a sip of her water once more. From the corner of her eye she can see Min clenching and unclenching his fists—something he does quiet often. Something that’s supposed to calm him down; but, only sometimes works. “And the one on your back?” He gestures to the scar lining her spine; and once more she nods.

With her bottle of water in hand, she heads toward the door leaving the room, in which he stands next to. Her eyes flicker upward towards him, and for a second she pauses—her eyebrows clashing together in disinclination. “You should try counting down from ten; I heard it works.” In hesitance, she reaches up and pats the side of his arm before dodging out of the room like it never happened. In Mei’s way, it’s her way of showing she cares for him.

The upstairs of the fish market, is where Mei’s been for the last few days; stuck waiting for an invitation she doubts will come. Her, Roe, Mi Ja, and Charlie have been ‘blending’ in with the Triad members: dressing up like them, attending the things they attend. Pretending to be them in an attempt to live a normal life; and hide from nosey Jun who comes around the fish market quite a lot. Always looking for her; sometimes Seok Min comes along, though he has no clue what’s going on, at all. “Oh, Mei, just the person I was trying to find,” Yoon A shouts as she comes trailing down the hallway. Her fingers instantly latch onto Mei’s upper arm the minute she reaches her. “Let’s talk.”

“What do you want?” Mei questions as she shoves the girl’s fingers off of her.

Yoon A retracts her arms, as her eyes side glance at Mei’s figure. “I received this,” She pulls a crinkled manila envelope out of her jacket pocket—shoving it into Mei’s hands quickly. She goes to read through it, but Yoon A’s words stop her before she does so. “North Korea agreed; they want you all to leave early tomorrow. At the base you’ll meet the soldiers in charge of protecting and overseeing your stay there. They’re holding a ball for your honor, and a meeting soon after to discuss your partaking in the government.” Mei shifts in awkwardness as Yoon A shoves her hands into the pockets of her skin tight jeans. “I’m going to ask you a favor Mei; and I hope you do it.”

“What is it?” Mei replies as she pockets the letter into her pink coat.

Yoon A stops them from walking, grabbing a hold of Mei’s arm once more and coming to a stop in front of her. There’s an underlying tone of emotion that Mei can’t quite get from behind her hazel eyes—but it’s intimidating. She assumes that’s why Yoon A runs the triad; not only because she’s the daughter of the past leader, but because she’s intimidating, and not scared of any odd situation. “Protect Min,” Mei’s eyes squint; it’s the first time she’s heard Yoon A call Min by his real name, and not Ten. Mei learned quickly that you get called by a nickname in gang, Min’s is Ten, and Yoon A’s is Dragon Head if not leader. All of it pertaining to something important. Ten being the number of people Min’s killed, and Dragon Head being the old time title for a kingpin of a triad. “he’s made himself believe that the only way to get you to think of him as your brother, is if he protects you all the way to his death bed. I know that this is obviously a lot for you, and you’re hella strong for going through this; but, Min is all I have. Ever since my dad passed away, he’s all I have.”

Mei’s lips part in awe at the vulnerable Yoon A in front of her. A side she hadn’t yet seen. Yoon A is usually so confident; and almost, perfect. Precise in what she does, commanding to her subordinates—she’s never seen the side whose eyes cast down at the floor, and whose fingers play at the edges of her favorite leather jacket. That’s a side Mei has never seen. “Yeah, don’t worry—I’ll protect him.” There’s a split second where Mei believes that Yoon A doesn’t believe her; but, then it’s gone and the girl is back to smirking.

“Alright, well, then we better get you packed.”

a u t h o r s  n o t e :

I’d just like to say that I finally reached one-hundred-thousand words in this story. And I haven’t even reached thirty chapters yet. :)