MEI digs her fingers into the sides of her sweater the minute she enters Charlie’s hospital room. The sight, to her, is awful. She ends up turning on her heel to face Jun who stands closely behind her. She keeps her eyes focused on the white logo in the corner of his loose grey t-shirt. It’s an outline of a surfboard with two flowers on either side of it. Below it is the words ‘surfs up’. It’s ironic; it’s the middle of fall (almost winter) and he’s wearing a t-shirt that practically outlines summer. She watches as Jun reaches up and pats the top of her head, something he’s being doing a lot lately. His fingers guide throughout the edges of her blonde hair before his hands reach down and hold the tops of her shoulders. And before she can reject, he’s twisting her back toward Charlie.

“You’ll feel better if you talk to him,” He whispers pushing her toward him rather lightly. “I’ll go get us some coffee.” She feels him pat the top of her head, before the door closes behind her. And just like that, she’s stuck with Charlie. Hurt Charlie. Shot Charlie. The sight of a broken Charlie forces her to close her eyes and push away the memories of that day.

When she arrives next to him, she swallows down the puke in . He’s so pale, so very pale and Mei can feel the tears in her eyes. She wonders back to the phone call; didn’t he say he was going to get discharged, that he was better? Just from the sight, she knows he’s not better; not at all. With a tinge of courage, she wraps her fingers around his hand holds on tightly. Like she’s afraid he’ll disappear from her again.

The man’s eyes flutter open, closing slightly for a minute from the brightness of the light, before shifting his head to gaze at Mei. “Hi,” She murmurs in a rather quiet voice. “I didn’t bring in any clothes, or food…sorry.” He goes to shift into a sitting position; but, Mei beats him to it and presses a button on the side of the bed—shifting him upwards without needing him to move.

“Thank you.” He whispers; a wave of his pain his voice.

Mei shakes her head, a tinge of grief lining her features as she stares up at him—blocking the tears from falling. “Charlie, I’m so sorry,” She begins as she tugs at the end of her sweater in nervousness. “I-I, I should’ve found you quicker a-and I should’ve gotten us out of that situation faster. You could’ve died, and it would’ve been my fault. And I’m so sorry Charlie.” She places a hand over to cover up the sob that’s daring to leave .

She watches Charlie, as a wave of emotion hits him, the prominent one being cageyness. As if he’s trying to hold onto something but not sure if he should or not. “Da Wei,” He mutters a man’s name—confusing Mei flagrantly. Charlie in a breath and keeps his eyes pinned on Mei. “Your mother’s younger brother was my best friend, and his name was Da Wei.” She gapes at him, mother’s younger brother. Mei’s uncle? Mei doesn’t have an uncle. Her parents are only child’s, like her.

“I, I don’t understand.” She mumbles.

He lifts his hand up, signaling for her to keep quiet and listen. And she does. Listening to Charlie may not always be beneficial; but, it leads her to the evident truth in her so densely covered life. “Da Wei, was four years younger than your sister, and died at the age of fourteen. He was smart, capable, and the nicest human being on the planet.” Charlie in a breath before continuing, “He never liked your father, he told your mother than he was bad news and would do no good for life.”

“Your mother was always stupid though, and didn’t listen to him. She became entangled with everything your father said to her—falling for every little word. One day, Da Wei and I decided to sneak into your mother’s room and steal her diary. When we got back to his room, he sped through reading it, and wasn’t pleased with what he read.” Charlie runs a hand down his face, the pain from earlier now present in everything he’s saying. “Your mother’s father died a few short months after Da Wei died, so he took it upon himself to be the man of the family. Her diary said that the upcoming Friday, your mother and father were going to runaway together—to North Korea.”

“Da Wei was livid, and forced me into a stupid plan. We were going to hide out at the lake, wait for your mother and father to show up so he could convince your mother to go back home. Sadly, things didn’t go as planned.” Mei sees his eyes flicker away for a split second; telling her that something serious is about to be said. Charlie likes eye contact; he’s not one for looking away. “I always believed that your father was the devil that captured an angel; but, I was proven wrong that day.”

“Da Wei told me to stay hidden behind the plants as he jumped out right when your parents came by, suitcases in hand. Da Wei began screaming at them, telling your father that he didn’t deserve someone as good as your mother; and that he’s going to call the cops if they try and leave for the airport. That’s when, that’s when…” Charlie looks away again, and Mei begins to wonder if he’s going to cry. He looks like he’s going to cry. “That’s when your mother hit him over the head with some object—a brick maybe, I don’t, I wasn’t close enough to see—and then your father pushed him into the fountain nearby, and drowned him. My best friend. Your mother’s brother. Your uncle.”

Mei tries hard to not feel surprised; because, to be honest, she’s started to expect the worse with her parents. But, the evident shock that her mother could kill her own brother—is vile, and it makes her hate her parents even more. Especially her mother. She thought her mother could only wreck people emotionally; but, she was completely wrong.

“A few days later, your father’s parents were found dead in their house. Your grandfather was said to have been depressed and shot your grandmother before killing himself. I think otherwise,” Before he continues, Charlie grabs something off his side table and throws it at Mei. A wallet. She flips it open, on one side, pasted behind a musty plastic cover—is a picture. Two boys, around the age of twelve or thirteen. One she quickly identifies as Charlie; a cocky atmosphere, auburn hair, and hazel eyes. The other boy, resembles Mei’s mother. Da Wei, she thinks to herself. Tousled dark chestnut hair, hazel gray eyes, and a sharp jaw line. “After your uncle died, I finished up middle school before joining the police academy. At twenty-two, I found your grandparents case file and reviewed the context of the crime.”

“If I had to imagine, your father killed your grandmother, before shooting your grandfather and planting the gun on your grandfather. He had made one mistake though; your grandfather was left handed but shot himself with his right hand. It doesn’t make since, does it?” Charlie lets out a dry chuckle. “Your grandfather, despite helping the North Koreans during the war, was against the governmental rules and policies. He moved your grandmother and him to China—where he use to belong—and raised your father there. But, when your father found out about his father’s past life, he fell in love with North Korea. He wanted to be there; but, your grandfather wouldn’t let him.”

Mei’s eyes narrow, “What does that mean?”

“It means your grandfather tried to stop your father from leaving; but, got killed in the process, as did your grandmother.” Charlie stops for a mere minute before using one of his fingers to point at the wallet in Mei’s hand. “I didn’t have much when I was younger, I was a foster kid, and family was foreign subject; but, Da Wei was like a brother to me. That’s why this case is personal; because, your parents killed my family.”

“I’m at fault for a lot of things Mei, more so than you know.” Her eyebrows furrow in misperception, until, things begin to click in place. Charlie has been following the cases since he was fourteen, when Da Wei died. He joined the police academy, became an officer and followed after her parents to avenge someone he called family. He moved Taiyuan, to watch her parents. To watch her. He knew. He knew about the abuse.

Mei shakes her head in adamant disregard, “No, you didn’t know.”

“How else would I have figured out the abuse Mei? That spy from four years ago?” Charlie scoffs and shakes his head—as if he can’t believe she believed that lie. “He knew about your family life. I watched you grow up; I knew about the abuse for years.” Tears began to cloud her vision as she continued to shake her head. She can’t believe that. No one would watch a little kid be beat up by her own parents, for years, without doing anything.

“Why didn’t you stop them?” Her voice cracks; her actual vulnerability showing.

He merely sighs, “It was either you, or the other thousands of people who needed justice for what your parents did to them. To what they did to Da Wei. If I stepped in, your parents would’ve ran off into the sunset knowing full well I can’t do because I have nothing on them. So, I sacrificed you for the case.”

She begins to shake. Tremble. Stare at her hands in disbelief. Charlie could’ve stopped her parents the minute they struck her. She could’ve lived with Jing Jing and her parents. She could’ve had real parents. A real family. Grown up normally. She could’ve been normal. She wouldn’t have gone through years of pain, and muddled confusion. Nor would she have put the people she loved in pain. She could’ve just been Mei. Normal Mei. Mei with a family. Mei with a good life. Mei who finished her schooling, went to university, and got a job. Mei who had a boyfriend, got married, and had kids.

“You made me believe my parents were the most awful beings in my life,” She mutters, flinging the wallet onto his bed, and standing up. Her eyes snap to his, a deathly glare filters through her hazel-green eyes. “But, the person who did the most damage is not them—it’s you.” She lets out a dry laugh as she rakes a hand through a few strands of her hair. “For once in my life I’m going to be selfish, instead of blaming myself for everything that went wrong in my life; I’m going to blame you. You could’ve saved me, but instead you chose a bunch of dead people. You’re the real monster.”

Charlie sighs and tries to grab her wrist, but she snaps and rips herself away from him. It’s scary, he (nor anyone really) had seen an angry Mei. A truly angry Mei. Her eyes blazing, hands trembling, tears falling madly from her eyes. A look of true loathing and disgust pointed right at him. “If you really cared for my uncle, if he was truly family to you, then don’t you think that he would’ve wanted you to save me? To not leave me with them?”

“How was I supposed to know that you weren’t like your parents?” He screams back at her—his reaching a whole new volume. The monitor next to him, begins to speed up at the fast pace of his heart. “You grew up with deadly people for parents! How was I supposed to know that they didn’t make you like them?”

“Because, no matter what you look to the best in people not the worst!” She screams, her voice straining at the constant change of volumes in the yells. She wants to tear her hair out at how wronged she feels. To know she cared for someone who victimized her the most. Someone who could’ve changed her crappy life. She cared for someone like that. “I could’ve been normal! You could’ve saved me! You’re a coward!”

Charlie shakes his head, “You’re the coward who left.”

No matter how angry Mei was a few minutes ago, she’s livid now. Her, a coward? For leaving? For getting away from the abuse? No. No she’s brave for doing so. If she stayed and lived with the abuse, that would’ve made her a coward. But she mustered the guts and left.

Her gaze stings Charlie as she shoves her hands in the pockets of her jeans. Calmly, yet laced with the venom of all the hate and hurt clouded in Mei’s heart, she mutters three words. Three words that describe how much she would rather be locked up in that freezer, then be there with Charlie. Three words that hurt Charlie despite not realizing it at the time. Because, just like Mei, he began to care. To care for someone who now can’t stand to even look at him.

“I hate you.”

N o v e m b e r  1 0

2 0 1 5

S e o u l,  S o u t h  K o r e a

MEI opens the door to her bedroom, a yawn leaving ; her eyes flicker to the floor, a barely visible smile filtering onto her lips. Ever since that day, when Mei came home to find Ming Hao and Jun dressed nicely—giving her presents—Jun leaves a white rose in front of her door. She’s not quite sure why, she assumes it’s him being nice but there’s also a second thought making her wonder if he’s doing it because he still likes her. She reaches down, and picks up the delicate rose before back tracking into her room. On her side table, is a thin, long necked, clear vase where seven other white roses sit. The ones before that, wilted and died—they only live for about seven days, maybe less. She places the rose in the vase, stares at it for less than a millisecond before walking out of her room like she had planned to.

For the past two and half weeks, Mei’s life has been—what she considers—normal. She goes to work, sometimes she hangs out with her co-workers and boss on the weekend, talks to Jing Jing and Soon Young constantly, has sent Bella and Lucca gifts for the upcoming baby, and ignores her ever looming hatred for Charlie; which, lately, is sort of hard. After the fiasco at the hospital, Jun thought it would be a good idea to let Charlie live with the three of them, just for a little white. Despite, her constant dislike towards it. Of course, he still doesn’t know the reason why her one-eighty for loathing Charlie. She’s trying to push that talk off for a while.

“What the hell did Charlie have for dinner last night?” Ming Hao sneers as he walks out of his now, shared bedroom. Seeing as there are only three rooms in the house, and one belongs to Mei whom hates Charlie and another belongs to Jun’s who has the smallest room—Ming Hao got stuck bunking up with Charlie. “He farts every other damn second.” He slides his hands down his Pikachu onesie, before heading toward the kitchen and starring at the empty coffee pot. He glances over at Mei with a pout, who laughs and begins her way to pot.

“Can Charlie move out soon?” Ming Hao asks as he takes a seat on the couch.

Mei nods her head, “I wish.” After making the pot of coffee, she settles on the couch next to Ming Hao, grabbing a good amount of the pink knit blanket and placing it over herself. The two, somehow, nestle into the couch rather awkwardly. Mei’s somewhat has her back pressed against Ming Hao’s chest, as Ming Hao’s arm circles the back of the couch, his hand resting on her shoulder furthest from him. The pink blanket, though, is nicely placed over them so neither of them have to tug to get more. The two don’t mention the awkward position as Ming Hao flicks on one of the anime’s he loves. Tokyo Ghoul, is the name, at least she thinks it is. She could be wrong. She’s not a bit fan of anime; not to the extent that he is.

“Do you know where Jun is?” Mei asks for a minute.

Ming Hao doesn’t pay attention to her but replies, “Loverboy went for a run.” Mei squirms at the word ‘Loverboy’ as she shifts her face to look away from him. There’s no really great way to say it; but, Mei’s confused when it comes to anything Jun related. Having Ming Hao throw it into her face; well, it can be annoying and a bit cringe worthy. “Why are you worried?”

Mei shrugs her shoulders with a roll of her eyes, “He’s usually here in the morning, it’s a bit weird that he isn’t. That’s all.” Ming Hao hums as if he understands but doesn’t necessarily believe her. He glances at her for a split second, diverting his attention from the show to narrow his eyes then roll them before planting them back on the show.

“Not to intrude on your already hectic life; but, you do realize my best friend is desperately in love with you, right?” Mei shifts her way to now sit nearing away from him—the blanket moving with her. Ming Hao rolls his eyes at the girl who refuses to see what’s right in front of her. “If you try to ignore it, you’ll wreck him. And I could care less if you’re a girl, I’ll kick your out of this apartment with my bare hands—Charlie with you—if you break his heart.”

Mei takes in a deep breath and twists toward Ming Hao, “Why are you so protective of him?” Ming Hao, like Mei did earlier, shrugs his shoulders.

“Because he does the same thing to me; we’re brothers and brothers protect one another, no matter the cost.” She processes Ming Hao’s words for a few minutes. Brothers protect one another, no matter the cost. For a strange reason, she moves closer toward Ming Hao, ultimately creeping him out.

“If someone hurt Jun, no matter the cost, you’d go after that person?” Ming Hao, slowly but surely, nods his head. Not quite understand why Mei’s getting so held up on that part of the conversation when he just said that Jun’s in love with her. “If someone killed Jun, no matter the cost, you’d avenge him?” Once again Ming Hao nods his head, a little freaked out with the conversation. Nevertheless, something clicks in Mei’s head and she’s up—walking off to Ming Hao’s room where Charlie still is.

She doesn’t knock on the door, just barges in to find Charlie lying silently on the thin white mattress lying on the floor. At the sound of someone entering, he props himself up on his elbows and stares at the person—Mei. She crosses her arms over her chest, “I hate you,” She begins and Charlie nods his head as if he could care less. “But, I understand—a little. You wanted to do anything for Da Wei, no matter the cost.”

“Doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out, Mei.” He mutters; and she feels like punch him in the face for the snide remark.

She closes the door behind her, and slides down to sit on the floor. “I’m not saying I need your help, and I still think that I shouldn’t be involved. But, General Roe contacted me—a while ago.” Charlie cracks his knuckles, pulling himself into a proper sitting position—one hand running along his abdomen where he was shot. “He told me to meet Ae Mi Ja next.” The conversation is filled with tense disagreements as she tries to get her side of the story across to him. Explaining about the tests, her memory of her father and what helped her out of the freezer, and how at some point she’ll be taken away.

Charlie’s answer to the situation is one she already saw coming. “Go, see her.” She disagrees and says she doesn’t feel like tearing her life into a punch of pieces, if it’s even capable to stop herself from it already happening. “Things will be better if you see her.” Says the man who got shot.

“He said she’s the devil in disguise.” Mei states to which Charlie shrugs.

“Isn’t everybody?”

“Ah, that’s right, you’re the man who sees the worst in everybody.” She replies in a calm voice; no longer showing the emotion like she had weeks earlier. She only lets her true emotion show when she feels it’s necessary. Right now, it’s not. “What if I die? We almost did, and he’s saying she’s worse.”

Charlie lets out a sigh, “Look at it this way, tomorrow you could be walking to that stupid coffee shop and get hit by a bus. Dying on impact. You’d die in vain knowing that there was so much left to do and find out. Or, you take the chance to go see Mi Ja, even if you end up dying there—you don’t die in vain, you die trying to find out the truth behind your parents. Which is better in your eyes?” Mei knows there’s only one correct answer to that question; the latter is the best. But neither of them sound appeasing to her.

“I don’t want to die.” She murmurs, placing her hands in her heads.

Charlie nods his head another sigh leaving his mouth, “Nobody wants to die; but, it happens nonetheless.”

After the conversation, Mei finds herself in a state of confusion. To go or not to go? That’s the question. To follow the path that she’s destined to follow, or to make her own which is evident to fail at some point.

“Hey, you okay?” Mei snaps her head up to see Jun—sweaty Jun—starring down at her with worried eyes. She slowly nods her head, watching as Ming Hao walks out of the kitchen with a mug of her freshly brewed coffee. “You sure?” He asks, leaning down to stare at her in the eye. Once more she nods, as her eyes slide over to the banister to see the keys to Jun’s truck lying in the dish. To go or not to go? Jun smiles at her, patting the top of her head, “Alright, as long as you’re sure.” He spares her one last smile before walking off toward the bathroom.

Now’s the perfect time, Ming Hao is too occupied with his show and Jun’s going to take the shower. I should just take the keys, and go.

And that’s exactly what Mei does. With her bandaged hands she grabs Jun’s keys out of the dish, her pink coat from the coat rack, and leaves the apartment going unnoticed. And even though she doesn’t have a license and practically has no sense in how to drive—she takes off in Jun’s red truck. A few times she almost rear-ends some people, other times she changes lanes in the midst of an interaction, and she almost always forgets to turn her blinker on when changing lanes—but for the most part, she does fine.

Ae Mi Ja’s house—more like mansion—sits at the top of a hill, a forest of pine trees and red woods surrounding it. The house is two stories, a white outside, with a grand circle driveway with three cement steps leading to the large wooden door—a huge light fixture hanging in the entrance before it. Mei feels like an ant making her way to the door. When she looks up toward the corners of the door, and windows—she finds a multitude of silver cameras. Mi Ja is probably a very nervous person.

She lightly knocks on the door, using the oval opal handle to do so. She does so twice, before the door slithers open. What the hell? She pushes her fingers against the door, and it swivels open further, revealing the large entryway. Tiled floor, ceilings so high that it takes five ladders to reach the top. “Hello?” She calls, as she takes a step inside.

As if she’s in a horror movie, the front door slams shut, locking her in. Keep it together Mei. She takes a step further inside, before coming to a stop when something makes her. She reaches her hand out in front of her—strangely enough, there’s a clear glass structure keeping her in place. She keeps her hand on it, and follows along with it—she reaches a corner, only a few feet past one side of the door, and when she follows along it, it hits the wall. She does so with the other side—and sure enough each piece of the glass up with each other. She’s literally in a glass structure.

“My name is Zhao Mei Fen, I’m not here to make trouble!” She calls out, her eye glancing around the large room. On cue, a smoky substance enters the glass structure she’s stuck in. It’s grey, fluffy almost, but when she takes in a breath she begins coughing. She falls to the floor, and lines herself up against the glass, pressing against the bottom where a crack should be—hoping to take in the oxygen from the outside. But the glass structure is perfected to a T, and there’s no crack. Soon enough, the smoky substance causes Mei’s eyelids to droop close, her breathing begins to slow.

She passes out.