Empty. The apartment was like that. No laughter filling the room coming from her mouth. No sight of her running around in their home or preparing food. No chatting about their days with her. No singing or dancing together. Nothing.

If Chaerin only came home to sleep before, now she even considered simply moving into the building of her agency, shutting out even the memory of her.

So many emotions went through Chaerin’s body since that Saturday morning right after her birthday, that she couldn't even keep track of them.

Worry. When she woke up Sandara was nowhere to be seen. There were no traces of her, as if the whole month with her was just a long, but vivid dream and by how much the alcohol still worked in her system, Chaerin almost believed that silly thought of hers for a second. It just seemed terrifyingly true. The older girls’ winter coat, boots and also the dress and the high heels were gone, she searched through the wardrobe for them four times at least. Everything the skinny girl ever possessed, were missing. Not even a piece of hair or a used mug on the kitchen counter were left behind as a proof that once this incredibly sweet, but troubled person was part of her life. But when Chaerin found that stray sheet of paper pinned down on the table by a thick envelope – money that she’ve earned during that one month at the Blue fish -, her heart sank right into her stomach. No. It was true. Sandara was there. And how afraid she was to read her nicely shaped letters written down. How quickly the image of the bruise on her cheek and the scared look in her eyes after woking up from the nightmares came into her mind. She thought those men came for her somehow, but that couldn’t be true, right? She was okay, they were sleeping next to each other like always, they were talking about everyday things.

Anger. Her letter. It was full of sentences that asked for her forgiveness, but she, at that point couldn’t just order herself to feel that way. She thought that Sandara wasn’t a coward to just leave her out of the blue. She wrote that she had no choice but to return to the Philippines. Like what? The Philippines? Why didn’t she tell her sooner? Why did she left without anything but a good bye?

Nervousness. Her boss, her friends, they warned her that Sandara could be a bad girl, someone who just wanted to use her. Someone who wanted to steal everything she had, her music, her songs, which would be really unfortunate in the light of her soon to be released album.

Confusion. She knew somewhere deep in her heart that Sandara wouldn't intentionally hurt her and that something must have happened to her. And that thought scared her so much more. All she could think about why didn't she pay more attention to Sandara, why didn't she see the signs?

Protectiveness. After she could no longer keep this from the people she worked with, everyone started badmouthing about Sandara. Everyone. And she couldn’t bear any of it. She repeated again and again that Sandara is a good girl, the purest soul she ever knew. But they didn’t believe her. No one did, not even Bom. And sometimes she thought that, what if they were actually right? What if it was dangerous to trust her in the first place? But that thought never really remained strong for more than minutes. No. That can’t be true.

Not after that night, they’ve spent together. No, nothing serious happened… but they kissed. Intimately. And then shared things they didn’t know about each other before. As Sandara was known to be a pretty private person, that was a big thing.

And now? She didn't feel anything. The pressure of crying and worrying for days weared her out, but she could no longer afford the luxury of doing that. She was at the tail end of her comeback preparations, a very successful one, hopefully. Dealing with anything else would not make any good for her.

So she shut the whole thing out. But at what price? She had to shut out everything else as well.

"Are you ready? " Minji asked.

She was. She was born to live this moment. Six weeks ago, before the brunette came into the picture this was everything she could think about, everything she ever wanted. Releasing her own album and promoting it on tv was like a faraway dream. Buti t did came true. The crowd cheered for her and her friends were in utmost delight. Everyone was, actually, except for her.

"Of course" Chaerin nodded. She checked her makeup, hair and clothes for the last time in the mirror before heading at the door. In five minutes, she will be out there on the stage in front of all those people.

That’s it. That’s what she ever wanted in her life, right?

But she couldn’t get herself to think about it like that anymore.

Her backup dancers, with their little Minji as well lined up behind her as she walked to the right door that would lead her into the studio. Out there the MC was already hyping up the crowd for here, she could hear their loud chants.

She should be nervous, but her heart beated like on any other day, calmly, slowly.

Minji saw this, of course. She could see that the blonde wasn’t the same every since that morning she called both Bom and her that something terrible happened. On that day she could saw Chaerin burning up with anger and falling apart sobbing within hours, something she never ever witnessed during the few years of knowing the singer. Her heart ached for Chaerin, but she could do nothing to ease her pain except being there for her, offering a shoulder to cry on. And god, Chaerin did cry. So desperately her voice became all hoarse by the end of the day.

But now, she was just an empty shell, a shadow of her usual self. Why did Sandara’s disappearance mean such a great deal for the blonde, she didn’t know, but that never was the point. Chaerin feeling unwell was. That’s what she had to, and she hoped she also could help with.

So seeing this strong girl who should be all smiles ahead of her first stage, promoting her song, and who is anything but happy, made her feel the need to help somehow.

She stood next to the blonde and put her hand on her shoulder squeezing it reassuringly. Chaerin glanced at her and cracked a smile.

"I’m good, Mingkki-yah" She answered her silent question. Minji knew that when they will go up there, Chaerin will grin during the whole thing, she never doubted she would. What concerned her was whether she can make that smile a little more honest, easing her inner turmoil.

"Do you think she will watch it? "

Chaerin looked at her again raising her eyebrows questioningly, but soon her face went blank as she realized what did she mean by that.

"I don’t know" she murmured turning her head back forward. "Would it matter? "

"Of course! " Answered the girl a little bit louder she should, as a staff member sent her an alarming glare. There was a recording going on out there, after all. "It matters" she continued whispering. "You have to show her you are doing good. She helped you choosing the title track, right? Don’t make her regret that. "

Minji was the only one who believed that Sandara was a good person. They in fact meet many times when Sandara sometimes came by a few time after her working hours were over asking Chaerin what did she want for dinner when she was still sweating heavily practising her dances. Minji actually reassured her many times that her judgement was good and the older girls’ disappearance was actually alarming as for her safety not because of the possibility of her stealing Chaerin’s music.

"You think so?" Chaerin asked with a small, this time real smile.

"Yes" nodded Minji. "I think she will watch it. And she always admired your confidence, right? Show her you’ve still got it. "

A small sparkle appeared in the blonde’s dark orbs, and when the doors opened as they performance started, she stepped onto the stage with confidence and charisma, Minji saw many times during their practices. Just like Mr. Hyde took on Dr. Jekyll, CL, the baddest female took on Chaerin’s body amazing the masses. Jaws dropped at her moves, screams escaped the throats and hands raised towards the ceiling.

Little did they know that in the inside she was anything, but confident. Her body did the thing, but her mind was absolutely elsewhere. Even though she wanted to show Sandara that she was still okay, this didn't seem right. The girl ended her letter with the words ’I won’t hold you back anymore.’ Showing such a great performance would only confirm this, wouldn't it? That Sandara held her back, which is absolutely stupid. She would rather show Sandara that without her it’s just not the same, even worse.

She lived day by day. Today she prepared only for tonight’s TV appearance. Tomorrow she will do a radio interview. After that promoting her album on a guerilla concert and so on. Her schedule was tight at least for a month straight, and even after that. She won’t even have the time to worry about Sandara, but it felt odd. Inside she still wanted to be there for her, protect her from the world, from the nightmares, or from the reality after waking up… She wanted to fool around with her, share meals with her like they used to.

Kiss her.

She only got to kiss her a few times, and only within a few hours, but she desired the act greatly.

Though she missed her more.

Sandara disappeared from her life just as suddenly as she came by.

The mystery, Chaerin thought she started to solve, continued. And she wasn't about to give up finding out the truth anytime soon.

I’m not sure if it’s a good way to continue the story, but I decided to jump right here. I will write about the ’day after’ with more details later as well as I will reveal more moments of the month they’ve spent together in the form of flashbacks. Until then the story is rushing forward quickly as always.