Sorry for not updating for so long, I was actually about to post this on CL’s real birthday, but I couldn’t. I worked on this chapter quite a lot for reasons

- 1st reason is that it’s long. Longer, most of the chapters were. (It’s 7k words.)

- 2nd is that it has… really small intense scenes, which are really hard for me to write. I was actually flustered while writing it, and it’s not even hard stuff! Gosh… I mean. It’s totally nothing, really, but even this small nothing needed so much effort from me. Sorry, I’am an innocent potato. But I really tried…

- And the last, but not least the 3rd reason is that, it’s THE turning point. This chapter is really important for the story.

Hope I could portrait the importance well. Please enjoy!

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She was jogging nervously. Being too restless to walk but not wanting to collide with even one passersby, she just tired to flee pass them while clunching her bag hanging on her shoulder.

She knew it. Sandara was unwell, letting her go to work was a really bad idea! Wait, what? She was thinking like a mother now. It’s ridiculous.

When the call came about the brunette being sick and her co-workers asking wether Chaerin can come and fetch her, she changed from her training clothes and left the dance practice immediately. She took a bus and arrived to the scene within just ten minutes. She wasn't too worked up, if something was seriously wrong with Sandara they would’ve called a doctor or an ambulance. But they called her, so she probably isn’t dying from that cold.

But then again, they still called her, which meant she was still sick enough to need supervision. Chaerin tried not to worry too much, but the whole thing was so confusing. They didn't tell her too much, she had to put the pieces together herself.

When she arrived in front of the restaurant, she stopped a little to catch her breath. The Blue fish was still open, but it seemed like they didn’t have any guests in there. Not to busy day, huh? It happens sometimes. Catering industry is like that. Anyway, Hayi was still at the counter, her chin in her left hand. She looked bored.

The blonde reached for the doorknob and stepped into the restaurant. Something felt really weird. It was all too silent. With no guests no one was chatting with eachother.

Was it all? …No. Not even music was on. Why would they t-

The next minute dozens of people appeared out of nowhere screaming at her with huge girns on their faces. Loud cracks could be heard and colourful sheets rolled down all the way from the ceiling covering the windows and walls, all of them with greetings or silly drawings on them. Loud music switched on, a powerful pop piece. From one of her favourite artists.

Her heart was racing like crazy due to all the things that happened within a minute. She was scared to death, than all those people gathered around her patting her head or shoulders, wishing her Happy Birthday, shoving her with hugs or kisses on the cheeks.

And in the mids of all the craziness there was her.

Sandara stood by the opening of the back corridor. While many of her past and present colleagues and friends created a big crowd around her, the brunette was there, alone, smiling at her kindly. She didn't wear her waitress uniform, but a beautiful white dress. It wasn't too revealing, the skirt reached her knees, the sleeves her elbows. Her hair down, wavy, and she even had light makeup on her face. Like an innocent doll. She couldn't tear her eyes away from her. Even when her friends started the drag her away to start the party she couldn't even realize was happening. The brunette was there, and alright. Even the bruise was hidden somehow, probably under a layer of foundation. She looked collected and confident. Beautiful and strong. A Sandara she wanted to see from the beginning. She was there. She finally got to meet her. The real her. She knew it. Her heart told her.

 

~*~

 

"She looks happy." Sandara glanced at her right, and watched as their little Suhyun sat down on the chair next to her. The young girl wore a really cute floral dress and pink lipgloss. Her rosy cheeks made her look like a flower too. Really, that night everyone looked like a flower. Not because their wore colourful clothes, but all the smiles, the sparkles in the eyes… they looked free and happy, just like wild flowers on the fields.

The black haired girl eyed her with a kind smile and Sandara couldn’t resist the urge to reach forward and brush her thin fingers through the girl’s hair and pull the yellow piece of paper out of her locks.

"A confetti?" chuckled the girl and took the paper from her hands. "Thanks."

"Don’t mention it." The brunette looked at Chaerin who was dancing in the middle of the crowd. The girls and women from the Blue Fish surrounded her the most. "She’s happy indeed" A smile crept onto her lips as she added "And beautiful."

And how beautiful she really was. Stunning, confident, enchanting… Her body moved with such force, and yet, she looked delicate.

Soon after her arrival, Bom pulled her away from the people and told her to get dressed, because she got her something at the back of the restaurant. When she returned in her relieving, but not at all tasteless coral mini and heavy makeup, all eyes were on her. With her blonde locks and confident aura, she became the queen of the night immediately.

Sandara just sighed and teared her eyes away from Chaerin – which seemed such a hard task – and looked at the girl next to her.

"You are beautiful, too" she told her and pecked her cheek lightly. Suhyun laughed and leaned back touching her face. "It’s a really nice dress."

"It’s Hayi's" She told her. "I was stressing the whole week about what should I wear and she asked if I want to try on her dresses. She lent me this."

"That’s nice of her" Sandara smiled at her and searched for the said girl in the crowd, not really finding her. "Everyone is so nice here. It’s… It’s unbelievable."

"My brother is a jerk sometimes, though." pouted Suhyun, but laughed as the boy was dancing in the middle of the room passionately. His moves were powerful, but not at all bad. Everyone was so talented there, Sandara found out about someone being good at singing, or dancing or painting every day.

"Don’t say that" shook her head Sandara. "He just wants to protect you."

"Making fun of me is not protecting!" protested Suhyun loudly, but the brunette just laughed at that. "He’s young, so are you. Enjoy the time you’ve got together."

Her words sounded way more serious than she intended them to be. Suhyun sensed it as well and eyed her questioningly.

"I mean…" Sandara tried again, feeling a little embarrassed. "You are family. Try not to fight too much and help each other"

The young girl just huffed and shook her head. "Tell this to him."

Sandara glanced at Chanhyuk and smiled. The boy was a bit harsh with his sister sometimes, but it was clear they get on well usually.

"When you will get older, these quarrels won't seem big at all. You will only laugh about it." She looked back at the younger sibling and smiled. Her heart ached a little. How much she adored these children. This girl, Suhyun was probably around the same age her sister could be right now.

Her own sister, she didn't saw for years. She was a small thing, a bubbly tot when she left. Could she be almost a young woman, as beautiful as Suhyun was? She hoped so. She hoped she’s healthy at least. Hoped she is doing alright at school. That she is working hard, like Suhyun. That she takes care of their mother and brother.

She reached and patted Suhyun’s shoulder, trying to stop the tears entering her eyes. "You should wear a sweater. It’s still winter, don’t catch a cold."

"Yes" the girl nodded with a smile.

"Your health is important" Sandara warned her kindly. "Drink your tea every day. And make your brother drink it as well. I know he can be absent minded when he’s working on a new song."

"He is." nodded Suhyun.

Somewhere Hayi was calling for her, so the girl excused herself and headed towards the voice. Sandara just watched her.

Good luck – she thought. I wish to hear your songs on the radio when you debut. I know you can do it!

 

~*~

 

Chaerin looked up at the night sky with a sigh. She was just… so relaxed. Her everyday worries were pushed back to the back of her mind. She rarely had this much fun. It wasn’t just the fact that everyone was so kind and cool about her birthday, but actually everything was going really well for her lately. Her debut, her upcoming album… Sandara. That petite brunette caused her so much worry during this one month, but every day was good and joyful with her, too.

She felt truly wholly complete in her life again after more than a decade.

"What’s with the sigh?" She glanced at Sandara on her right with a satisfied smile. "It’s your birthday and we still have hours to go. I hope you still have energy."

"It’s nothing. I’m just happy." Chaerin tilted her head a little, than reached for the brunette and disheveled her hair a bit. "Look at you. You are bossing me around again."

"I-I’m not…" Sandara just smiled at her, but did not look embarrassed at all. No blushing, nor averting her gaze. Just a small tutter as she reached up to fix her hair. She looked normal and cheerful today. It was good.

A black car halted in front of them and the window of the passenger seat scrolled down despite being winter. Youngbae cocked his head out with a huge grin on his face.

"Get int here, you two! The real party is just about to start, WOOHOO!"

"Oh my" Laughed Chaerin and put her hand on Sandara’s shoulder leading her to the back door. "Let’s go, then."

Not that the party at the restaurant was a bad one. It was actually really nice, but everyone thought of it as a . It started around seven pm and lasted until ten pm – but it was only the beginning! They spent three hours chatting, laughing and dancing – as the tables and chairs were quickly moved to the walls to leave enough place for them. Everybody wanted to talk to Chaerin and ask her how is life and at the end they gave her presents, but she could open all of them, there were just too many, so they decided to put them to the changing room and she will come by to get them at an other time.

Because they had elsewhere to go tonight.

Jiyong told her sometime, while grabbing her wrist and getting her to her feet that there is another place for her to go as well that night. They rented out a club and everyone there was invited. Several other friends were already there to party the whole night with their beloved blonde queen, so they should depart and go there soon as well.

And so they did. The music was blasting loudly during their whole car ride, making their eardrums protesting in pain, but the excitement was far too much to care about anything else. Sandara felt a bit uncomfortable with the two screaming male in the front seats and the awaiting events of the nights at a club who knows where… but she tried not to think about anything else, but Chaerin. She’s doing this because of her. For her. And also for herself. This party, this night was everything she couldn't experience during her late teens. She felt her blood rushing through her veins, adrenaline pumping up her body. Yes. She wanted this. She wanted to feel at ease and she did feel at ease. She wasn't pretending so Chaerin wouldn't worry about her. An unusual stillness take control of her mind. Somewhere deep down she knew it was because nothing could happen to her that night she wouldn't be able to handle. Anything she didn't live through already. This somehow calmed her down allowing to feel happy and free without boundaries.

So when they entered the huge club that was already flooded with dancing bodies, she felt at ease. Chaerin was next to her, holding her hand. She was already a bit tipsy, and that always made her a bit more affectionate she usually was. Not that Sandara minded. When Chaerin took her hand, circled her arm around her shoulders, embraced her and behaved like she wasn’t about to let her go again, that made Sandara really happy and safe.

The people there where the blonde’s co-workers or friends who also did music. People she actually meets often, so they didn’t want to talk to her that much. They pretty much let her go, asking if they will have a drink later. Apparently, everyone wanted to clink their glasses with Chaerin, but seeing how many people were there already, that seemed impossible. Still kind of them, though. They were there, and that was the point.

For the first time during that night, Sandara felt that Chaerin was ’hers’. In the Blue Fish everyone was around her, leaving no room for others and the brunette didn't want to interrupt anything. It was the blonde’s birthday after all, but secretly she hoped that the queen of the night would only care about her. She wasn't selfish or possessive, no. But she wanted to spend as much time with her as she can.

And her wish came true.

When the crowd finished clapping for Chaerin and sending her greetings across the room, Chaerin stopped and looked at her with a relaxed and happy face.

"I haven’t see you whole night" the blonde shouted into her ears as the music was blasting loudly.

"Yes" nodded Sandara returning the smile. "Everyone was so happy to see you and celebrate your birthday."

"Yes. It was one hell of a party" Chaerin continued, then looked around. "And it still is."

She grabbed the brunette’s upper arm gently and pulled her aside to the counter where the music was a bit less loud, so they can have a decent conversation. And she also wanted to grab a drink.

"You scared the out of me, though." she told Sandara between two big gulps of her cocktail.

"Sorry?" asked the brunette looking at her with big eyes.

"The phone call" explained the blonde. "They said you were sick and that I have to get you. I was so angry at myself that I let you work."

"Ah, forgive us for that" shook her head Sandara apologetically. "But they thought it would be handy and you wouldn't get suspicious."

"It worked. I didn't suspect a thing" huffed the girl. "I even forget it’s my birthday today."

"We should celebrate it well, then, so you won’t forget it again" Sandara grinned at her. She almost sounded seductive. Or was it her imagination and building drunkenness that played with her mind?

"We should damn well" Chaerin agreed earnestly. "Let’s make this already special day more delightful." The blonde eyed her intently then offered her hand with a smirk. "Would this fair lady care to dance?"

Sandara at first chuckled upon hearing the polite manner she used which was a big contrast to the mood of the party, as currently a powerful EDM song was on, and all the people were rocking their bodies hard, but there was something seriousness in her eyes, that made her just nod and accepted the hand.

"Gladly"

The time stopped for her then. If she could concentrate on anything beside the gorgeous girl in front of her, she would wonder whether the blonde felt the same. The music didn't seem so loud anymore, the people seemed less crazy, the rainbow coloured lights a bit more bright, her mood lifted by 100%. She was everything and nothing at the same time. Nothing because she never felt this way before, everything because she knew it was real.

The gentle way Chaerin squeezed her hand, the way she stood up and pulled her along into the see of people with a shining smile on her face, how she stopped and took her other hand too… all these things made her heart beet fast and crazy and her cheeks red and hot. The utmost happiness she felt almost teared her chest apart. After these long years she forget this feeling. She barely could steady her breathing as she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

The blonde started to move her body to the beat of the music, but not so widely as others did around them. With their hands connected she helped Sandara to follow her example and dance, and she tried. She knew her moves were silly and weird, but she didn't care. She was there with Chaerin and that was the most important thing.

"Move your hips!" The blonde shouted at her. "Like this"

"O-Okay!" Sandara told her and tried her best, but it couldn't be so great as Chaerin started to laugh soon. "What?"

"You are so stiff." said Chaerin, but she wasn't really sure about it. Her voice was overpowered by the loud music.

The next thing she knew was the blonde’s hands on her hips, gently leading her. "Be bold!" She shouted into her ear as she stepped closer and shivers ran down Sandara’s spine as Chaerin’s breath caressed her ears. The closeness of the girl’s body made her mind blank. She was actually lucky Chaerin moved her body for her, as she couldn’t even think anymore. She could still feel the warmness of the firm hands pressing against her hip through the thin material of her dress.

"Yes! You are doing good." The encouragement snapped her out of the small stupor that descended onto her mind. She looked up at the beautiful face, oh so close to her own! Her delicate lips were moving, saying something, but Sandara couldn’t understand the words. She wasn't smiling anymore. She glanced up at her eyes and she found seriousness again, but it didn't scare her. If anything, made her heart flutter more.

They stopped moving. Chaerin’s hands were still on her hips, if anything, her fingers brushed against her flesh even more as she looked down at her. The heels she wore today made her visibly taller with several centimeters. Her nose were only the same height as the blonde’s chin.

Even though they remained motionless, the party around them didn’t stop. Thought it might as well could have, they wouldn’t care less. The lights still rushed over the people fast, once covering their face with deep redness, then with a bright shade of purple. The music was still on, too, but Sandara couldn’t hear it anymore. The blood throbbing against her eardrums didn’t let her to.

You’re beautiful – she could read Chaerin’s full lips forming the words. It took her several moments to get her mind working, she wanted to return the compliment, but she never got the chance.

The blonde’s right hand remained on her hip, but her left travelled up to her cheek as she leaned in. When their noses brushed against each other, Sandara forget how to breath. She closed her eyes following an ancient instinct and waited. The time seemed to slow down even more, almost maddeningly, as she was eager to feel those lips on hers.

It wouldn't be her first time to kiss someone. She kissed more than she could count it. Even with girls. Back in the club actually girls taught her how to kiss well, but her previous experiences weren't actually that great. They were emotionless. Meaningless. Obligatory. She kissed like she cleaned the tables. It was business, something she had to do.

This, on the other hand, wasn't anything like that, not even the slightest.

When Chaerin’s lips finally touched hers after and eternity, her body exploded. She squeezed her eyes shut even more tightly to stop the tears of excitement escaping her eyelids, and her hands reached to grab the blonde’s sides without her knowing.

Chaerin’s lips felt so tender and soft, but a bit bitter because of the alcohol she consumed. She was overwhelmed by everything that was going on in her body and couldn’t even move until the blonde moved her hand on her cheek and her thumb brushed harder against her suddenly sensitive skin. She was about to deepen the kiss by moving her lips a bit, and Sandara gave her room for it without second thought. She may seem innocent, and actually, she never was in love, but she knew the hows. The kiss got passionate quickly, and not only due to Chaerin’s work. In the inside she felt shy and wanted to hide, because the act, due to the every feeling that was going on in her body, and because they were heavily surrounded by people, but she couldn’t order her mind to stop the kiss and pull away from Chaerin. This was too fascinating, too mindblowing, too emotional to stop. This was everything she ever wanted.

Eventually, the kiss did ended. They were both short for breath so they pulled away a bit to air in and while Chaerin eyed the smaller woman seriously, the brunette couldn’t look her in the eyes. She quickly moved closer again and hid her face in the blonde’s neck, while her arm circled her back. The singer did the same, embracing her, and pressing her cheek against the top of her head. This way Sandara could hear her breathy tone.

"…" Chaerin was probably muttering to herself, but it made Sandara even more happier. So the blonde actually felt similar.

They stayed like that for several minutes and it gave Sandara time to calm down herself. She couldn’t really process the events, but she didn't even want to. All she knew was that she was in Chaerin’s arms and it felt right, safe and exciting. Everything was happening too fast lately, so she chose to live this moment and remember this feeling. How happy she was, how excited she got, how much she enjoyed being with Chaerin.

She wanted to stay like that forever, but of course, that’s not how things go. A few minutes later people started to look for Chaerin and they had to pull away from each other. This time Sandara looked up at her, trying to find an answer for an unspoken question. When the blonde glanced down at her, the loving smile on her lips and the way she circled her arm around her shoulder protectively gave the answer. They went to find the others together. Chaerin never released her, or let go of her hand that night again.

 

~*~

 

Their taxi ride to home was spent in a state of sweet delirium for both of them. The exhaustion, the alcohol, the enjoyment, everything just happened didn't let them think clearly. They sat in the back seat, both staring out of the windows, but in the middle, their hands were linked.

The party lasted till 4pm. Or at least, for them. Sandara looked really tired, so Chaerin offered to go home earlier than the others. Of course the brunette didn't even want to hear about it. Leaving from her own birthday party earlier than the others? Absolutely not.

"You want to stay" Sandara told her. It was obvious, the blonde’s eyes told her. She still got energy in herself and her legs desired the moves.

"I also want to be with you" answered Chaerin ever so earnestly, that the brunette wouldn't even questioned her telling the truth. She leaned closer, mouth just above Sandara’s ears, lips touching the skin lightly. "With only you." There was nothing offensive about the way she said it, kindness radiated from her voice actually.

So they left the party. Nobody complained that much. They were too drunk probably, some of them didn't even realize the queen of the night was leaving. Chaerin wasn't feeling hurt at all, though. All she cared about was to catch a taxi as soon as possible.

When they entered the apartment, both of them were smiling. It didn't seem dark or empty. Sandara only could see memories in there. The table they were eating all their meals at. The couch they sat on next to each other so often. The futons they slept on, again, next to each other every night. The kitchen they used to prepare food for each other, or together if they could.

So much shared moment. So much to remember.

"Did you have fun tonight?" Chaerin asked, dropping her bag onto the floor not caring about it that much.

"It’s your birthday." mused the brunette with a smile. "It’s more important whether you had fun."

"I had, of course" the blonde grinned widely. "But you had never been to a party this big, right? Was it too much?"

Sandara hesitated for a moment. For a party it was a bit too much for her liking. She likes to spend her time with a little less people around, but it wasn't bad. The night was really awesome, actually. She glanced at Chaerin then shook her head. "Everything was fine."

"That’s good." the blonde nodded then got out of her coat and shoes. Sandara did the same, but they still had their dresses on.

Chaerin walked towards the futons, then stopped midway and turned back to look at her. Her eyes again filled with seriousness, but then again, it wasn’t overwhelming.

"Where did you get the dress?" She asked Sandara and stepped in front of her. Now, ther eyes were almost at the same level, without the heels on. Yet, somehow the brunette still felt smaller that the younger singer.

"Why?" She asked tilting her head to the side.

Chaerin just shrugged her shoulders. "I like it. It looks good on you."

Sandara felt her cheeks heat up upon hearing the compliment, but she just smiled. "Someone gave it to me at the restaurant. She said that it’s no longer fits her so I should just take it. I didn't have a dress, so I accepted it in the end."

"No wonder" hummed the blonde. "You are so small. It was still nice of her."

Chaerin reached up and touched the white material just above her collarbones.

"Y-Yes. It… it was…" The brunette almost couldn't manage to say even these simple words. She felt many things at the same time, and many thoughts entered her mind as well. A mere touch from the tip of her finger caused this…

The blonde’s hand came up to her face and two fingers held her chin in place, as she leaned into kiss her again. This one was not as long as, nor as passionate as the first one was in the club. But it held even more meaning. The fact that it happened again alone meant so much more.

When the singer pulled away, she looked at Sandara intently. "I’m not drunk. It was me."

It took her a few moments to let that sink in. She knew it, of course. She already saw drunken Chaerin and she truly seemed more sober now. But her showing the need to express it, too, melted her heart. She was so happy.

Too happy – a thought creeped into the back of her mind. It was almost Friday morning. She only had a few hours left in this beautiful dream.

No. Not now.

Her hands cupped Chaerin’s cheeks and she pulled the blonde into a much more passionate and deep kiss. Her mind was protesting as she didn’t want to do so harsh things, but her heart desired those lips so much. After minutes of heavy kissing, she ended it and again, tried to hide her face in Chaerin’s neck, but this time the singer didn’t let her to. She held her steadily by the shoulders and grinned at her.

"And that… that… that was… me" Sandara muttered faintly.

"Really?" Chaerin asked. She wasn't being sarcastic. Happiness was written all over her face. She released her giggling and stepped back. The kiss was good. What good, amazing! But she couldn't go any further. Not tonight. Sandara was someone she treasured a lot. She knew better than to rush things. And hell, she rushed things tonight! She didn't even know what got her in the club. A voice was screaming in her head to kiss her right away, and she did so, never stopping to think for a minute. She didn't even consider rejection.

Right. What would she do if Sandara would have retreated then? What would she have done if she scared Sandara? Their relationship would have took a turn to the worse, maybe. She’s lucky none of those happened.

They simply walked to the futons and started to take off their dresses. It was quite an intrusive thing to do, but Chaerin couldn't stop herself from glancing back over her shoulder at Sandara. What she saw was her exposed back. Her skin was so white and delicate as milk. Even though she was really petite, she had curves.

The brunette was beautiful. Too gorgeous, she just wanted to slip on their mattresses to her and place a kiss at the back of her neck.

But Sandara got her. She looked up not turning fully over, and smiled a bit. This was actually more unsettling than her being shy. If she started to stutter again, Chaerin would have just made fun of her, but this was she was the one to turn back feeling embarrassed.

"Sorry" she muttered.

She quickly got out of her dress and reached for her pijama top that lay on top of her pillow when she heard Sandara speaking so softly and quietly, she almost couldn't hear her.

"Do you… do you want to see me?"

Chaerin turned to her again a bit surprised. She was unable to form even a word. There was determination, but genuine curiosity in the brunette’s eyes. She still looked shy in her own way, as she clenched her hands, but altogether she looked confident. An interesting thing to witness for sure. That kiss gave her so much encouragement, the scared bunny Sandara almost disappeared?

Sandara raised her eyebrows questioningly, and Chaerin remembered that she have to answer. But was there a good enough way to respond now? If she said no, maybe that would hurt the brunette’s feelings. If she said yes, that would make herself uneasy. In her mind Sandara still existed as a pure soul she have to protect.

As she wasn't answering for so long, Sandara took it as a confirmation. She turned over, revealing her almost form to the blonde. She only wore her underwear now. And as Chaerin lay her eyes on her, she gasped. She was stunning. Her long, wavy locks covered most of her abdomen, but they couldn't hide fully the fine lines of her delicate, small s. Her flat stomach and skinny legs, slim arms, everything… she was perfect.

Chaerin just realised now how much she wanted her. Not just for the night, but in her life.

"You are beautiful" she told her and to her satisfaction, Sandara blushed and pressed her lips into a thin line. Yes. That was the Sandara she knew.

She smiled and leaned closer. Their noses brushed together again, but she didn't kiss her just yet. She enjoyed seeing the brunette getting excited as she closed her eyes. How cute she was.

As Sandara was waiting for her, she bent down a little and pressed her lips lightly on her jawline, placing light kisses on her smooth skin. To her delight the brunette in a surprised breath and never let it out. She went south with her kisses but stopped at the middle of her neck and looked at the brunette chuckling. „Breathe” she told her, as she was still keeping it in, and she obeyed the command and started breathing. A light blush creeped onto her face again.

"What?" Chaerin looked at her totally amused. "I literally took your breath away?" As Sandara wanted to protest, she just leaned in and kissed her on the lips. First she just let herself to feel the brunette’s softness, then urged the other woman to deepen their kiss. They opened their mouths and tongues meet to their greatest satisfaction.

After minutes the blonde pulled away then lifted up her hand to caress Sandara’s cheek lightly. "We should sleep now. This was a long day."

It was hard to stop there. She wanted to do so many things to the brunette. She wanted to cup her s, feel her warmth, make her say her name… but she couldn’t do it just now. And if she countinued even that simple, yet mindblowing kiss, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself.

The brunette seemed to understand this as she just nodded and they both layed down onto the futons, but to just leave it like that seemed wrong. Sandara gulped and clenched the sheets with both hands staring at the ceiling as she spoke up.

"I… I absolutely enjoyed today" A small chuckle was the only answer from Chaerin. "And… and most just today, this whole month was like a dream. A gift. I don’t know how to express my gratitude."

"It’s really nothing" Chaerin replied in a cheery tone. Sandara turned to her side, so she can see her, but the blonde was laying on her other side, her back to Sandara. She liked to sleep turning towards the window.

"I mean it" Sandara continued quietly. "You are an amazing person. You only deserve the best."

"Stop it, Sandara-yah. I'll blush." Chaerin chuckled again.

For a while none of them were speaking, but the brunette couldn't stop herself from saying more things.

"I had a cat… I mean… back in the Philippines." She was waiting for the blonde to reply, but silence was her only reaction. She thought Chaerin fell asleep already, but after a while she turned over and looked at Sandara with wide eyes.

"A… cat?"

"Yes" She nodded not knowing what to say next, so she just continued this pointless bubbling. And yet, she felt the urge to tell small, even irrelevant things about herself. She had to say something. She had to leave traces of her existence in the blonde’s mind. She had to tell her that her life once was simple and innocent. She wanted Chaerin to think of her like that. At least for the time being. "Her name was Fluffy. It’s… it’s stupid, I know."

The look on the blonde’s face slowly turned into a smile. "It’s a good name for a cat."

"My little sister wanted to name her that. That or snowball. We found her on the streets and took her home. My mother was really angry and said we can’t keep it. But we secretly gave her food so she never left our neighbourhood. Eventually my mother got fond of her as well."

Chaerin just watched her for a while again. It was an oddly intimate moment, to lay next to, and staring at each other in silence. But after all she asked. "What’s her name? Your sister, I mean."

Sandara considered whether she should tell this as well, but she made up her mind quickly. Now or never. "Durami. My younger brother is called Sanghyun."

"I see… My baby sister’s name is Harin."

The brunette immediately felt more at ease. The pressure of keeping up the conversation by herself was too much.

"Did you get on well?"

"Yes" Chaerin nodded. She almost seemed sad for a moment. "She was my everything."

Was.

Sandara could only guess what did she mean by that. "So, it’s a thing we have in common." She said instead.

"What do you mean?"

"We are older siblings. It’s our job to… take care of others." The simple smile on Sandara’s face was contagious. The corners of Chaerin’s lips curled upwards as well, and she fell asleep just like that.

 

~*~

 

After two hours of waiting, Sandara could hear Chaerin’s steady breathing. She was finally asleep. She took the opportunity and slipped out from under the covers. She folded the blanket and put it over the pillow. Her movements were slow and quiet in order not to wake up the blonde. She got up and glanced down at Chaerin. Her mind went blank, because she knew if she started to think about anything beside the things she had to do, she would just break down immediately.

"Sorry" She whispered in a barely audible tone. "I… You don’t know how much I’m sorry. You were nice to me, and I… I do this. Hope will forgive me. I will never forget you, Lee Chaerin."

She hurried to the kitchen on her bare feet and took her things out from the kitchen cabinet where she hid them. It was a paper, her letter, which she put onto the dining tabel along with a thick envelope. She took out her high heels and mini dress, the ones she wore when Chaerin brought her here. She also had her key to the apartment in hand and a few coins. She quickly got into the dress and winter boots – she actually bought with her own money and put the key into the lock. When she turned the key, the door cracked that sounded way to loud in the silence. She quickly glanced at Chaerin, but she remained motionless. Sandara let out a sigh and left the apartment quickly. In the stairway she took on her coat and in one hand with her heels and in the other with the keyes and coins, she started to run. It was still early and no one seemed to be out there, but she still didn't want any witnesses. She never stopped until she tought it was safe, even when her side started to ache during the process.

And then, she stopped, shivering. Not the cold made her body tremble so badly, but the urge to cry, which she couldn't contain anymore. She quickly tossed the heels and the key into a bin on the streets and tried to walk away, but her legs didn't cooperate. She let out a ragged sigh, then reached up with her left hand to cover .

No, don’t cry. You don’t have the right to cry! You are ungrateful, you used Chaerin, you’re not allowed to cry! Stop!

But fat tears escaped her closed eyes and she started heaving. She stumbled to the building next to her and leaned against the wall to support herself. Tears ran down her face, and liquid left her nose and mouth as well getting her hand and coat dirty.

"I’m so sorry" She whispered, her hoarse voice sounded so foreign to herself. "Forgive me… please, Chaerin… please, forgive me…"

She almost fell over as loud sobs made their way out of her lungs. It was so cold out there and her uncovered legs started to freeze, but she didn't even noticed that. The ache in her heart and the fog in her mind overruled everything else.

After minutes of sobbing there, she got hold over her body and took a step forward. And another and another until she left that street, and the whole neighbourhood where Chaerin lived, where she lived for a month, a beautiful, perfect month…

When she reached the bus stop, a few people already stood there. They sent her questioning glances, but she couldn't care less. When the bus arrived, she used that few coins she’ve got to buy a bus ticket and didn't even took the change. She wouldn't need it anyway.

Sandara sat down at the back of the vehicle and covered her face with both hands. She can’t do this anymore. In twenty minutes she have to face her boss and old co-workers and she didn't want them to see her in a state like that. She didn't want them to believe, they destroyed her, no.

She brushed the tears and saliva off of her face and glanced out of the window. In the distance she could see the top of the building where Chaerin was probably still sound asleep. She reached up and pressed her fingers against the glass.

"Live a successful life" she whispered. "I won’t hold you back anymore."

A lone tear found its way down her cheek, but she didn't brushed it off. She let that one drop reach her chin and fall off onto her lap. She decided that would be the last time she cried again.

"Farewell, Lee Chaerin."

 

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I've made another video for the fanfic. You can check it out on the main page. Hope you'll like it.