Title: 3/5 

It's wordy and long, however, it does connect with the story itself. I have seen many titles like this on Asianfanfics so it is unoriginal and it doesn't grab the reader's attention effectively as it could.  

Description, Foreword: 6/10  

I like the description. It gives a clear synopsis of the story, but I don't like the character summaries. It's one of my biggest pet peeves and I advise authors to not write character summaries because it just yells at the readers that they're lazy because they can't describe how the characters are in the story itself. It also tells the readers that the author thinks that they are too stupid to figure out how the characters are. 

At first, Minjee was a hardcore ELF. But because of her sister, Minyoung, she became the craziest Shawol. She buys official merchandises of the band, especially posters of each members 

EXCEPT 

for Onew. <--- Do not begin a sentence with 'but'. Instead, place a comma before but and lowercase the first letter of the word. Members should be not be plural and you shouldn't emphasize 'except' by making the font bigger, instead italicizing would make a greater impact on the readers.  

The announcement from allkpop made her join a chatbox named SHINeeForever. she meets friendly Jinki which was always online. <--- 'Which' should be changed to 'who.' 

Her admiration to Onew grows because him. <--- 'To' should change to 'for.' 

On the other hand, Jinki already admired her by the way she chats with him and the way she respects him. But, is he gonna confess to her when the time comes? <--- Don't start a new sentence with 'but.' Remember to place a comma before the 'but' and no comma after the 'but.' 

I was a little confused because I thought Jinki and Onew were the same person, but you seemed to make him out as two different people. As I read onwards, I slowly understood what was going on.

"Why would I change fanbases? Besides, ELF is my one and only home.." She said, not wanting to change. <--- An ellipsis is three periods and the dialogue tab should not be capitalized. Also, 'fanbases' are two words and wouldn't ELF be her only fan base, not home? 

"I don't like them. They look gay.. No offense."  Minjee stated. <-- The period before Minjee should be replaced with a comma.  

Grammatically, your foreword is incorrect, just to let you know.  

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 0/20 

Note: You are forgetting when writing dialogue, you are not allowed to end it with a period (unless it's an ellipsis), instead you have to use a comma. 

"Ahh, finally! It's the 1st day of summer." Minjee said, slowly rising up from bed, looking at the window with her eyes full with happiness. <--- the period before Minjee should be a comma.  

"Good morning, Super Junior! How was your sleep? Was it good? I know it's good." Minjee chuckled while looking at her poster. <--- the period before Minjee should be a comma.  

"Good morning Minjee-yah." Her sister, Minyoung greeted her while reading a magazine. <--- comma before 'her'. The 'h' in 'her' should be lowercase. 

So those are your most common errors and it repeats itself. There are some other ones where you just used the wrong word.  

*knock knock* <--- asterisk should not be used in formal writing. You should describe the actions out. Getting lazy now, huh?  

"Sure darling." Her mom agrees. <--- comma before and after darling. The 'h' in her should be lowercased.  

You keep on linking picture into the stories, and usually, I wouldn't mind, but you lack so much detail that it just caused me to brain-fart. It's lazy that you don't describe out the wallpaper or the music. The sentence structure is boring because of the lack and story-telling and explaining.  

Boy, was she so amazed! <--- take the 'so' out. It's not needed and it ruins the flow. This is what I mean when I said you used the wrong word. 

So it just repeats itself like that.  

Overall: 24/80 

General Comments: I'd just like to say that your review is so short because word didn't save it. I didn't see the point in doing it again because all the things I mentioned above is the reason why you received such a low score. However, if you want me to redo it and give you the whole review (which would be pointless because I'd only be repeating myself) simply privately wall post me and I will get it done. Now, all I'd like to say is that I didn't enjoy reviewing or reading this fic. The plot is not original in any sense and it's just filled with all types of cliches. The dialogue was redundant and repetitive, so it would be wise to play with dialogue a bit. Further, it would be in everyone's best interest if you reread everything and think whether it made sense or not. Your plotline is filled with cliches, and those cliches are the unrealistic ones. The ones that don't make any sense. I understand that this is a fanfiction, but realism is something that a story needs. The characters, especially the OC, are not well developed. They just ran like people with personalities, faceless. To me, this fiction was a boring read. Lastly, I would like to say: brush up on basic grammar. 

So, maybe... This review made me wanna cry prior to my writing. 

But, of course, this made me want to improve my skills in writing and making the chapter plots.

But still, support us guys! ^_^

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