We remained rivals for quite some time. Throughout middle school we managed to mantain an ardent mutual hatred for one another. 

Highschool rolled along, and as the date for junior finals drew nearer, I isolated myself completely from nearly any form of social interaction. My best friend Hana was used to it, so she didn’t question my behaviour. I was locked up in my room right after school, studying furiously, often staying up until past 2.

It was 2:45 am when I received a text, out of the blue, from Baekhyun.

B: you’re so pretty

What the ?

M: are you drunk?

B: probably

I rolled my eyes. Baekhyun hated getting drunk because he hated having hindered perception. Why on earth was he doing it now?

M: Get your back to your house and study something instead of attending frivolous parties, you amphibian

B: live a little

M: which party are you at?

B: ji min’s

M: I’m coming to get you

B: that's unnecessary

M: You’re drunk, and I’m assuming all your friends are too

B: why would you trouble yourself by coming here?

M: I’m preventing drunk driving accidents

15 minutes later, Baekhyun and five of his friends were crammed into my mom’s tiny Hyundai and I was weaving in and out of the neighbourhood, trying to send them home.

“Moon Myunghee?” Sehun called, “Is that you? Damn, from the back you’re kind of hot!”

“Yo control your , Sehun,” Jongin chided, “that’s the y Student Council President.”

I kept repeating to myself that these idiots were drunk and senseless, but it was still annoying whenever they called me derogatory terms.

“Hey, don’t call her a . She’ll kill you,” Kyungsoo said.

“Don’t call anyone a , it’s impolite,” Junmyeon, the mother of the group, lectured.

Chanyeol was already snoring away in the back, and Baekhyun was sulking in the front, with me.

“You didn’t have to do this, mom,” he said under his breath.

I gripped my steering wheel, turning a corner.

“Sure I did, I just saved a bunch of lives.”

I let the five of them out on the same street, because they all lived literally beside each other. Only Baekhyun lived elsewhere.

We drove in near silence toward his house. Baekhyun leaned back against the seat, his tousled dark hair flopping backward. His eyes were closed.

His fingers: slender and long, were entwined together.

"I don't wanna go home."

I pulled into his driveway and turned off my engine.

“You don’t have a choice. Run along.”

Baekhyun didn’t look at me as he slammed the car door behind him. I watched as he dug for his keys in his pant pocket and unlocked the his front door. He paused and took a breath. He seemed uncharacteristically reluctant to enter.

But he did. He disappeared inside his darkened house and I started my engine. I tried not to think of him as I drove home alone in the inky night. He was not important. He never was. He never will be.

//

“Move!”

The results of finals were finally up, and I was certain that this time, I had beaten Chanyeol. I pushed past the labyrinth of eager juniors hoping to find their names ranked within the top ten.

My eyes fell immediately on first place. They widened and I let out a shriek.

It was me. For the first time in my life, I had placed first. I had beaten Chanyeol, who was second. My brows furrowed in confusion as I searched for Baekhyun. He wasn’t third, nor fourth.

“Fifth?” Someone said, “Byun Baekhyun placed fifth?”

I turned to face the crowd of people, and instantly, I found him.

He was so pale, paler than usual. His eyes flickered in disbelief, but quickly became impassive. He was shaking. Just as I took a step toward him, he bolted down the hall, away from everyone.

He ran so fast, I could barely keep up.

“Baekhyun!” I called.

He either didn’t hear me, or he disregarded me.

I found him in a deserted stairwell. He was leaning against a wall, hyperventilating and shaking and sweating.

Panic attack. He was having one, but why? Because he didn’t place first like usual?

“Baekhyun, what the ?” I sputtered. 

Of course he didn’t answer. His hands were gripping his hair and his eyes were wild. I thought of the first time he had a panic attack in my presence--in the forest, in third grade. It was much less intense than the one he was having now.

Whatever triggered this attack was much darker than entomophobia.

I watched helplessly as Baekhyun completely lost himself, right before my eyes.

There was nothing I could do to help him.