Chapter 9 - First Intrapersonal Revelation

 

“You look like .”

 

Hana slipped into the seat across from me, smacking down her lunch tray.

 

“I am .”

 

I wasn’t able to sleep after the car escape incident. I rarely admitted it, but I ed up big time with Baekhyun. First I said mean things to him, then I stole stuff about him that he didn’t want anyone to know, then I slapped him, then I awkwardly fled from his house after voluntarily driving there. All while he was depressed with a broken leg.

 

But I wasn’t losing sleep because of Baekhyun. I was losing sleep because I could literally feel myself becoming less and less competent. He made me stupid.

 

“Do you...want to talk about it?”

 

Hana looked at me with concern. She was probably the only person who genuinely gave a about me, and I haven’t even told her what was going on with Baekhyun. Well, the majority of it.

 

“Not really, but I should.”

 

I sat up straighter as Hana sipped her juice and focused her undivided attention on me.

 

“So...Baekhyun. He’s uh, he’s depressed.”

 

Hana began violently hacking, from choking on her juice.

 

“What the ?” She sputtered, "Byun Baekhyun?"

 

“Yeah,” I confirmed quickly.

 

“What? What does he have to be depressed about?”

 

I hesitated. It wasn’t my place to tell Hana about Baekhyun’s past. I wasn’t even supposed to know.

 

“I don’t know. He just is.”

 

“Well, make him un-depressed! This is so weird. He’s so outgoing and easygoing and generally happy. How can he be depressed?”

 

“I don’t know how to make him happy again.”

 

Hana’s large doe eyes glazed over with sympathy.

 

“Oh, honey,” she cooed, taking my hand, “this must be so hard for you.”

 

“Ugh, I know,” I said, before coming to my senses and drawing back my hand.

 

“Wait, what? I don’t like him if that’s what you’re saying!”

 

“Mm hm. Why else would you be so concerned in making him happy again?”

 

“Because sad Baekhyun is really weird. And because there’s no more competition.”

 

“There’s Chanyeol. He placed second, didn’t he?”

 

“Yeah, but, Chanyeol is different. He’s really nice and he doesn’t like competition. If I intimidated him into purposely placing, like, thirtieth, or something, he would. Baekhyun wouldn’t stand for that. He would probably cuss me out or something.”

 

Hana nodded thoughtfully.

 

“Hm...it seems like you’re the only one Baekhyun isn’t nice to. We’ve only talked a few times, him and I, and I expected him to be so mean from all the you tell me, but he was so nice. I was taken aback.”

 

I sneered at the notion of polite Baekhyun.

 

“Yeah, right, nice. He only does that to maintain his popularity.”

 

“I disagree. I think he either really hates you, you exclusively, or he really likes you.”

 

I almost laughed.

 

Baekhyun? Liking me?

 

“Hana, I forgot to tell you, but he called me after the kiss.”

 

Hana’s eyes lit up with anticipation.

 

“Really? What did he say?”

 

“That he regretted it.”

 

Hana’s face fell.

 

“He’s so confusing. Maybe he’s just saying that.”

 

I was doubtful. He made his message pretty clear.

 

“Anyways, I need to make him better enough to come back to school. One, because it’s so weird without him, two, because I miss the competition, and three, because I really want to stop delivering his stupid assignments every week.”

 

“And four,” I thought, “maybe if he’s better, he’ll want to open up about his past.”

 

I knew it was incredibly selfish of me to partly want him to recover just so I could learn more about him, but I couldn’t deny it.

 

“Yeah, okay. I support you.”

 

Hana paused for a second.

 

“Myunghee, there’s something I want you to know--”

 

“Hey, baby. How’s it going?”

 

Sauntering toward our table with his ever-present smirk was none other than Oh Sehun. My jaw dropped open. What on earth was he doing here at my table? The table in freshman year that he dubbed ‘the loser table?”

 

Hana swallowed before meeting my eyes.

 

“I’m dating Oh Sehun.”

 

//

 

A few hours later, the three of us were at a cafe: Hana fidgeting restlessly and Sehun sitting awkwardly beside her, trying to drink his latte.

 

I angrily sipped my coffee--black, no cream, no sugar. Just how I liked it.

 

I suppose I should’ve known it all along. When I walked into our academy that morning, people were overtly gossiping about Sehun’s new girl, but I was so used to tuning out gossip and bull that I never caught her name.

 

I cleared my throat loudly, startling the both of them.

 

“So. This is all an act right?”

 

Hana nodded.

 

“Just until Yejun stops showing up at his house and texting him nonstop.”

 

I raised my eyebrows. I knew that Hana’s first boyfriend wouldn’t be a ridiculous player like Sehun. He was physically appealing, and Hana was very pretty, they would seem to go together well. But Hana hated Sehun almost as much as I hated Baekhyun. She’s hated him ever since the second grade when a girl pushed her out of the way to kiss Sehun on a dare. They’ve known each other since they were small children because their mothers are friends.

 

“How did he bribe you into this?”

 

Hana turned a little red.

 

“Um...BTS concert tickets…”

 

Of course. Kim Taehyung was, as Hana frequently proclaimed, ‘the love of her life’.

 

“You’re willing to give up your pride and reputation for concert tickets?”

 

“BTS concert tickets,” Hana corrected, “V.I.P ones.”

 

“How many?”

 

“Two.”

 

“Then perhaps I can--”

 

I was cut off by Sehun.

 

“Sorry, Myunghee, the other one is mine.”

 

Reluctantly, I directed my attention toward him.

 

I laughed meanly, partly pissed at him for existing, partly mad at Hana for taking him instead of me, her real best friend.

 

“Yeah? How ing cute, the fake couple going to a concert together! What the , Hana? You’d rather take Oh -hun than your best friend?”

 

Hana looked at me in disbelief, uncharacteristically hurt.

 

“You shut the up, Moon Myunghee. You’re a piece of friend.”

 

“Excuse me? I’m a piece of ?”

 

“Yes, you! Did you even realize that her father died last year?”

 

Sehun was leaning forward, yelling in my face. I glanced at Hana quickly, and her body language said it all.

 

“Sehun, please,” she urged, pulling him down beside her.

 

“Is that...true?”

 

Hana nodded, not meeting my eyes.

 

“It was um, during exams. You were too engrossed. I-I understood.”

 

I gaped at her.

 

“Did you tell me?”

 

“I tried to. You would ignore everyone for days on end, remember?”

 

Sehun stood up.

 

“On top of being a ty friend, you’re a too,” he spat, “when have you ever done anything for Hana?”

 

It was like he tossed his latte into my face, which he might as well have done, seeing as I deserved it.

 

“Sehun, it’s okay,” Hana said.

 

He gave her a hard look.

 

“No, it’s not. Don’t try to deny it. Myunghee is a horrible friend.”

 

Hana’s silence was like a dagger in my heart. She didn’t defend me. Hana always defended me.

 

“Come on, let’s go,” Sehun said.

 

The two of them exited the cafe without sparing me a second glance. I buried my face in my hands.

 

Then, I had one of my first intrapersonal revelations. They were right. I was a ty friend.

Everything was going wrong. Every. Single. Thing.