A/N: Reader discretion advised.

Outside of the maze was the forest. Kris scoped the sector and found out that they were further south from the west area where the forest was burnt –and slowly recuperating. It made sense that they hadn’t noticed it, since they were given the garden they didn’t frequent visiting the forest unless it was to go to the lake. Part of them began to believe that the garden wasn’t really a present, but a distraction. Besides, they never went towards the west end.

Suho was telling the boys how he and Kai found the way out, in an attempt to lighten the mood. The others were too tired to tell their experiences. What did catch their attention was the fact that Kai wasn’t able to teleport inside the maze. No one figured out why, but he would appear right where he began. So after fighting the first herd of eight boggers, Suho and Kai headed ‘south’ and found the way out, but they weren’t capable of fighting more boggers. Suho created a shield with water and Kai went intangible, they managed to outrun the boggers and get out. Then, well, then Kai went back for the rest. Everyone encountered eight boggers at square rooms with metal gates. The maze was designed for them to do so.

Luhan remembered Sehun using wind to cover his body as a second skin to get close to him and not be affected by his telekinesis. He remembered Sehun saying it was Tao’s idea. From Sehun’s broad back, Luhan lifted his head to find the boy in lilac. He was still with Xiumin, their height difference was endearing. Xiumin wrapped an arm around Tao’s waist, resting his hand on the taller boy’s hip, while Tao held onto Xiumin’s shoulders lopsidedly.

Tao? Said boy turned to look back, confused, and made eye contact with Luhan.

‘Luhan?’

Yes.

‘What? Why talking? How do you say, do you hear everything, all my thoughts…’ Tao’s thoughts were discontinued.

You have to concentrate in only thinking what you want to say, otherwise it’s a mess to communicate.

‘Oh… okay. I’ll try better. I guess. What’s wrong?’ he looked back to the front.

Nothing’s wrong. I was just wondering how you, he looked towards Sehun, sweat decorated his forehead as he huffed with every step, how you knew Sehun protecting his body with wind would work? How did you know I can’t fight against wind?

‘Oh, that,’ Luhan could feel the amusement in his tone, ‘Let’s say I’ve seen it before.’

What? Did you reverse time or something?

‘No, no. Actually I didn’t reverse time much today, which is a huge advance. The guys are getting better at evading attacks and defense.’

That’s great, I guess. But then, how did you know?

‘Luhan, I have precognition. It’s not an ability I can control, nor it’s perfect, but I’ve had visions, fragments of the future and the past. I saw Sehun do it before, sometime in the future I believe.’

In the future?

Tao turned his head to side look at him, his dark gaze intimidating. ‘Luhan you’ve got to get your together. I fear one day Sehun won’t be enough to stop you and you might end up killing someone.’

Luhan felt a nerve struck, a heart string snap, it hurt. Tao’s warning resounded in his mind, he felt afraid of the other’s knowledge. Xiumin looked questioningly at Tao, who quickly changed his expression into a smile. Xiumin looked back to where Tao stared before and looked confused at Luhan. Luhan shook his head and told the other not to worry. He wondered what else Tao knew that he kept secret from the rest. It was unnerving.

“Are you okay?”

“What?”

“You’re tensing your arms, I can’t breathe,” Sehun spoke softly.

“Sorry,” Luhan relaxed, he hadn’t noticed Sehun stopped walking. “Do you need a break? I think I can walk on my own now.”

“No, I’m fine. We’re almost there anyway.”

“Sehun come on, you should take a break,” Luhan insisted.

“No,” he deadpanned.

“Why are you so stubborn,” he asked rhetorically and looked away. He knew Sehun would not answer.

You’ve got to get your together, he reminded himself, and mind wandered to the many disasters he could cause if he didn’t learn how to control his power.

Back at the facility they were given medical assistance, mainly IV drops to regulate their homeostasis and stabilize their drained out bodies. Kris was the only one who had broken a bone, but Lay was there to heal him.

At night Luhan sat at the corner of the wall and closet again. There was no way he would try to sleep in his bed tonight, not after his scene at the hospital. The nurse wanted him to lay down to rest while hooked on the IV line. He nearly snapped afraid that they might comatose him again, if it weren’t for Sehun and Lay. Sehun worked as a link between them, transmitting the soothing emotions Lay emitted. Even under Lay’s emotional sedative, he couldn’t help but feel awkward at sharing emotions with them. If it was just Lay then maybe it wouldn’t have been that bad. But knowing Sehun was connected with him, made his stomach twist embarrassed. And what made things worse was the look he gave him. Sehun smiled cutely when his body relaxed and giggled -ing giggled when Lay began to poke his cheeks and his sides. Xiumin was right, Lay’s very touchy. And Sehun, it frustrated Luhan to acknowledge how cute he could be. Luhan knew he smiled back at him, maybe even laughed along, but he dreaded to know how he looked under Lay’s spell. Xiumin and Kai didn’t help much snickering at the corner.

He felt anxious at how much Sehun had been involved in his life in one day, in just one freaking day. But now in the dark, his thoughts were clouded with Tao’s warning. He realized as well, that Mama had said something similar. She warned him he could hurt the others and that was why he should keep them away. But after today’s trial he wasn’t sure if she was right. Trusting Sehun -despite how much they bickered- and letting him close was the only way he could snap back to his right mind; his beacon in the dark.

But what if Tao’s right? What if Sehun couldn’t always bring him back? What would happen then? How perilous could he be?

His thoughts wandered back to the trial, the idea of death reminded him about Lay’s eyes. How they completely changed and became the exact opposite of who he was. Lay’s power was to heal, help life and he’d always have this light of hope and serenity. But maybe using his ability for the opposite purpose changed his personality as well, and shaded his person with a void of darkness. Maybe not feeling the rush of adrenaline and power over life was what kept Lay sane –as sane as one could be under the circumstances.

Luhan heard light steps enter his room. He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. When he felt him get close he opened his eyes and lifted his hands.

“Boo!”

“Holy !”

“You should’ve seen your face,” Luhan laughed out.

“I thought you were asleep already,” Kai glared as he stood hugging a pillow tightly.

“What about you? Do you ever sleep?”

“Like a ing baby,” Luhan scoffed as Kai accommodated the pillow behind his head. His arm was intangible except for his finger tips.

“You know I can do that by my own.”

“But you didn’t.” Luhan stayed quiet, too embarrassed to acknowledge he was right. “You don’t have to admit it ‘cause I know you like it when I come over,” Kai smirked.

He opened the closet door furthest from Luhan and picked out a blanket. Again his arms became intangible. His fingers looked as they floated away from his body as he draped the blanket over Luhan’s body.

“So that’s how you do it,” Luhan recognized with admiration.

“Sehun’s the only one who can get you,” Kai shrugged and sat at the edge of the bed, facing Luhan. “How does it work?”

“What?”

“Sehun’s air exoskeleton thingy.”

Luhan snorted, he’d never thought of it as an ‘exoskeleton’.

“Sehun’s ability is very similar to mine. We both manipulate gravity in a way, the difference is how,” he explained. “I can’t see gas molecules; I can’t feel them or manipulate them. It’s basically trying to grab air.” He gripped Kai’s left arm telekinetically. “Can you escape my hold?” He furrowed his brows and looked intently at his arm, it took a few seconds for it to become intangible and free from Luhan’s grip “With Sehun it’s not just that I can’t grab him, he deflects my psycho-kinesis with his pressurized air armor. He fights back, breaking my gravity manipulation with his. It’s even strong enough to break through my force field, because he distorts the particles in the air where I have no control of.”

“So it’s like he has aero-kinesis,” Kai nodded to himself. “And you can’t fight back because you can’t manipulate air.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

Kai smiled mischievously, “Sounds frustrating.” Luhan nodded as he combed his hair back. “I guess he really is the only one who can get to you, literally. Well, and Xiumin under extreme conditions though. I saw you two hugging back then.”

“Jealous.”

“A bit.”

Luhan laughed at Kai’s bluntness. “You should’ve heard him, he sounded like such a ert,” Luhan chuckled.

Kai laughed. “Well that ert is one of the best we’ve got.”

“Yeah I noticed, he’s like a little assassin out there.”

Kai shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. He’s one of the most caring of the group. Before Lay he was like the medic who’d keep us alive with his ingenious bandages. I guess that’s why they became close so quickly.” He mulled for a moment then smiled. “He does this thing where he wraps the wound with cloth then places ice around to numb the pain and slow the swelling. He did it to my arm once, it left a scar but…,” he look at his right arm and frowned.

“What is it?”

“I... When I woke up at the ICU it took me a while to notice it was gone.” His frown deepened as he touched his unscarred skin. “The nurse said they used laser treatment to remove my scar, all of them actually. But there’s no trace of there ever being one. Lay said…” he crinkled his nose. “He felt that rather than breaking my cells and stimulating collagen regeneration, or whatever it’s called, it was like I had new unblemished skin.”

“How’s that possible?”

“We don’t know,” he loudly breathed out as he plopped backwards onto the bed. “But Lay reasoned that the company has a lot of scientific advances, they probably created a treatment to rejuvenate a person’s body or something crazy like that.” Kai nestled into Luhan’s bed. “If you think about it, it’s not too unrealistic. I mean, look at us. We aren’t exactly normal anyway.”

“Yeah,” he agreed halfheartedly. “We’re not.”

Luhan looked for Lay the next morning. He didn’t want to forget asking him for some advice. They found an old fallen trunk to sit on, in the forest close to the clearing. Luhan wanted some privacy and asked Lay to follow him away from the garden. They sat in silence for a moment, Luhan levitated stones as Lay played with a weevil beetle, letting the insect crawl around on his hand.

“So are you ever going to ask?” Lay finally said.

“It’s…” Luhan sighed. “It’s kind of a hard subject.”

“Just hit me.”

“What?”

“Ask away,” Lay fluttered his hand.

“Oh… Okay,” Luhan thought too literal of the other’s expression. He sighed deeply and relaxed his shoulders. “What do you feel when you kill?” He sensed Lay tense. “I’m asking because I think it’ll help me understand how to control my emotions and my power.”

“Oh, I see.” He picked the beetle between his thumb and his forefinger, “Take it.”

Luhan let Lay place the bug on his palm. He looked at the insect confused, then back at Lay with a questioning gaze. “Now what?”

“Kill it.”

Luhan stared at the innocent beetle wobbling about on his palm. It was just a bug, an insignificant little creature that was so simple it couldn’t possibly feel the complex emotions a human does. Without further thought, Luhan crushed the beetle with his telekinesis, giving the insect a quick death.

“What did you feel?” Lay asked, leaning his arms against his thighs.

“Nothing.”

“Why?”

“It’s just a bug,” he said as he let the insect’s crushed body fall into the grass.

“Oh, I see. Just a bug,” Lay nodded. “Do you think it doesn’t feel?”

“Uh, I guess not.”

“Hmm, it does,” he hummed. “Its nervous system may not be as complex as ours, but it feels,” Lay smiled sadly. “I always thought it was ironic that people tend to squish bugs, just step on them without thought, when most insects have their hearts on their backs. It’s like literally breaking their hearts.”

“Where are you heading with this?” Luhan felt confused, he didn’t understand if Lay was teaching him a lesson.

Lay breathed in deep and straightened his posture. “So you felt nothing because it was just a bug.”

“Yes.”

“Then what did you feel when you killed a bogger?”

“I…” What did he feel? He remembered the moment he played puppeteer with the boggers, forcing them to kill each other as he tugged the invisible strings without much effort. “I felt powerful. I feel this rush of adrenaline and suddenly I’m capable of anything.”

“Did you feel sorry for the boggers or were they ‘just bugs’?” he asked calmly.

“I…” Luhan frowned. “I didn’t feel anything for them.”

Lay tilted his head to the side as he remained silent for a second. “You don’t feel a bit of remorse for ending a life?”

“… No.”

“Mmm.” Lay rubbed his chin. “What if you killed me?”

“What?!”

“What do you think you’d feel if you killed a person, like me?”

“I… I’d hate myself. I wouldn’t even want to do it in the first place,” he didn’t even need to think to know how horrible the idea was, or how awful he would feel. The ache in his chest was enough for him to understand what Lay wanted him to feel; remorse.

“What a relief,” Lay chuckled. “I was just checking if you weren’t completely psychopathic.”

“Oh…” he didn’t feel relieved at all with the healer’s statement.

“All the members feel remorse after killing a bogger, no matter how many times they’ve done it, there’s always a haunting feeling of regret. This is due to empathy,” Lay explained. “Basically we are all animals out here, killing to survive. The difference is sentimental attachment, that empathy that makes us imagine how it would be to be in the other’s situation. It’s not pity. It’s understanding another being’s life. Get it?”

“Yeah I think I do.” Now he thought he finally understood why Xiumin always said he hated the group trials. It wasn’t just because of how hard and dangerous they were, it was because he hating killing.

“So what happens after you feel the adrenaline?”

“I…” Luhan scratched the back of his neck. “Everything looks darker and I just feel good, like I’m unstoppable.” He sighed, “I think when my vision darkens is when I snap and lose control. Because I can’t remember what happens after. There’s a fuzz, a blank. All I remember is when my vision begins to darken and then waking up with… waking up when Sehun’s there.”

“You’re interesting,” Lay smiled as he looked at him.

Luhan frowned in confusion. “I am?”

“It’s funny how you can blush when you mention Sehun while we talk about the feeling of killing,” he teased.

“Come, on! Lay be serious,” Luhan glared. “This is important,” he stressed.

“I am, I am,” he lifted his hands in surrender, “It’s a good thing. It means you do have feelings for others. I just think your emotions are underdeveloped because of the lack of human interaction during your upbringing.”

Lack of human interaction. That struck a nerve. His chest hurt as he felt himself go cold. Lay seriously had no scruples. He didn’t sugarcoat anything, bluntly sharp as a knife, his words were piercing.

“I’ll answer your question now,” Lay said calmly and straightened his posture again as he rested his hands on his legs. “If your emotions are underdeveloped then I’m the complete opposite. I even understand the biology and chemistry of emotions, especially how they affect the amygdala and autonomic nervous system of the body. So when I manipulate a person’s emotions, I’m actually playing with the body, pressing the correct combination of buttons to make them feel the way I want.”

Luhan thought about what Lay said for a moment. “Is that why I could still feel anxious when you calmed me down?”

“Yes, I just force your body to feel well, but your consciousness can’t be manipulated,” Lay nodded as he spoke. He paused. “Do you want the long version or short one?”

“I thought you were already telling me the long one,” Luhan said exasperatedly.

“Okay,” he chuckled. “My first trials weren’t as different as the current ones. At first it was healing dying plants, then sick animals, then dying animals, then…,” his expression went stoic, “Then it was killing them. They forced me to kill them,” he let out a sigh. “It’s easy to stab the knife, but not when you’re connected to the being. Not when you feel what the other feels as they are dying. I don’t just understand the physiological response to death, I understand the emotions too.” Lay smiled sadly, “I feel it.”

Luhan felt his stomach churn, he regretted asking Lay such question. He had no idea how horrible it was for the other. He thought his life was tough, but in reality they’ve all gone through their own nightmares.

“The first time, I saved the rabbit I was trying to kill. I was severely punished for disobeying orders. And they kept forcing me to try. Eventually I did it,” he paused. “I knew I wouldn’t be able to ever shake the emotions off, so learned how to shut off my chemical response and become emotionally dead. Basically I imitated the rabbit’s chemical reaction sequence until the moment its consciousness stopped.” Lay turned and looked at him straight in the eyes, his emotions were indescribable. “Luhan, I don’t just control my emotions. I emotionally die inside. Each time I kill, I die as well.”

Luhan looked away towards his lap -he felt like . He felt like a ty friend for making Lay tell him all this. It was more than he could ever take. It was too much information he didn’t know how to respond to. He felt burdened and felt as if he burdened Lay as well. He asked him to share his feelings and now he had no idea how to comfort his friend. How he wished he was Tao now, so he could turn back time.

“I become a void, Luhan,” Lay said with a sad smile.

He extended his hand for Luhan to hold. It took him a few hesitant tries before touching Lay with his own skin. At first he felt warmth radiate from the touch, then gradually he felt as if his energy was being drained -as if Lay was the life  out of his body. He wanted to panic, to struggle and fight against the feeling of desperation, but was too tired to move. He couldn’t even evoke his telekinesis to push Lay away -he couldn’t do anything against Lay. He felt his mind slip wanting to fall asleep but he forced himself to stay awake. He felt it was a struggle to breathe. He felt pressure in his lungs, in his heart and his head as the rest of his body numbed out. His pulse quickened, he felt a spike of stress ache his chest and head with every palpitation of his heart -each beat hurt, as if his heart was trying to beat his body back to life. His vision blurred as he began to cry -it was terrifying, absolutely terrifying. He didn’t want to die, he didn’t want to leave yet, he still had more to live through. Why was Lay doing this to him? He felt hopeless as he struggled against the numbing pain that overpowered him. It didn’t matter how hard he wished to make the pain go away and to regain control of his body, the battle was already lost. He was completely helpless as his felt his body betray him, letting the last of his life slip away. Then, he felt himself wanting to let go. He was tired of the fear, tired of the pain, tired of struggling. He just wanted to stop feeling. He relaxed but he didn’t feel peace -he just stopped fighting and let go. He felt a brief second of relief from the pain before he feeling nothing at all -nothing, as if his body didn’t exist. His eyes closed. He was a void. He was nothing.

He breathed deep as his heart began beating strong against his ribcage -beating him back to life. The fogginess of his mind disappeared. He felt warmth but his body trembled from the fear he still felt -fear of knowing how fragile his life was. He opened his eyes and looked at Lay, the other held a remorseful gaze. It took a few seconds for him to completely register what happened and to notice he was crying.

Luhan looked down at his trembling hands, he could feel them. He could feel everything and that realization, the realization of being alive, made something inside his chest break. It wasn’t a painful ache that made him want to stop feeling and let go, it was a painful ache that told him he was very much alive.

Luhan broke down into harsh sobs. “Why did you do that?” he asked painfully, “Why?”

“I’m sorry,” was all Lay said as he rubbed Luhan’s hand.

Luhan felt more at ease and too tired to try to push Lay away. Lay took advantage and hugged Luhan. The other cried hard against his shoulder. He didn’t feel bad, the pain was gone. But there was a haunting fear in him, fear of how helpless he was before death and at how fragile life was -how easy it was for it to be taken away. He couldn’t stop crying. He never wanted to feel what Lay did to him ever again.

He understood why he did it though. Now Luhan could be more empathetic towards life, more appreciative.

“I’m not the best to help you, Luhan. I think you should ask Xiumin,” Lay said a while after Luhan had calmed down. “I’ll bring him here, okay?”

Xiumin nearly ran to the trunk where Luhan sat. He looked frightened and concerned, probably Lay told him what happened. He reached up to Luhan wanting to hold the other’s shoulders, but refrain himself from doing so. His expression calmed as he looked at Luhan.

“I should’ve punched some sense into Lay,” Xiumin muttered but he didn’t sound angry. “Stupid Lay. I know he’s straightforward, but that was too much. Why did he do that?”

“He wanted me to understand what he felt when he killed,” Luhan sniffed.

Xiumin sighed and sat next to Luhan, leaving some space between them. “You can’t just become emotionless Luhan. That’s not what you should be aiming for,” he scolded. “You need to develop emotional intelligence.”

“But Lay-”

“Lay’s different. He’s like an immortal deity that manipulates life,” Luhan stared confused. “I forgot you haven’t read much,” Xiumin scratched his head. “Lay defies life, Luhan. None of us are normal, but Lay is extreme. Even if he understands human emotions, his own are different. He can live feeling as a void, because his body heals itself. He can shut off and turn back on like a switch,” he explained. “He feels too much but he’s able to numb himself. That’s why he’s calm most of the time. We can’t do that.”

Luhan rubbed his sore eyes. “How do you know so much?”

“I’m a good listener,” he shrugged.

“Is Lay immortal?” he suddenly asked. “Sehun said he almost died once.”

“Kai almost lost him while teleporting away from a bogger,” Xiumin explained. “Mmm, as long as he’s fast enough to heal himself, then yes he’s immortal. I don’t know if he can resurrect though.” He sighed, “Luhan we should be talking about your emotions now.”

“Okay.”

“Suho taught me about emotional intelligence, from some books he read,” Xiumin said. “Basically it’s about developing the ability to perceive your emotions, discriminate and differentiate them, and adapt your emotions to the situation you’re in, by the way you think and make decisions,” he paused. “For example, the first time I encountered a booger, I was so scared I couldn’t move. But being afraid wasn’t going to save me. I had to rationally convince myself that fear was part of courage. It’s the motivation to fight against the thing that makes you feel afraid. So I fought the bogger as if it were a tangible form of my fear. But after it disintegrated, I felt…” he paused. “I felt like I did something wrong. I felt remorse. But I want to survive, so I can’t let myself feel sad all the time. I choose my life over theirs,” he smiled sadly, “every time.” He looked up to the sunless sky. “It’s a decision. No matter what the emotion is or how you’re feeling, you have the decision to let your emotions overpower you or to adapt and take action recognizing what your feelings are. It’s not easy and requires practice, but anyone can learn.”

“This is the most I’ve heard you speak,” Luhan chuckled as Xiumin scowled. “I listened, I swear. I understand I really do.” He sighed, “I just don’t know how to use this when I snap.”

“You have to use it before then,” Xiumin said. “What do you feel before losing control?”

“Power, adrenaline and… I don’t know I just feel good. I like knowing I can control others and feel unstoppable,” even though it was true, he felt ashamed of himself.

“I think you’re a bully Luhan,” Xiumin grimaced. “It makes sense though. You grew up locked up and without control over your own body. So you take out that frustration on others, making them go through what you did.”

“You’re frighteningly smart.”

“I’m many things,” Xiumin chuckled.

“So what am I supposed to do?” Luhan asked. “I know I’m going to have to kill again. How am I going to not feel power over a bogger when taking a life is already a powerful thing?”

“Now I think Lay was right in showing you what it’s like,” Xiumin pondered. “Now that you know what the bogger feels, what everyone feels, you might be more hesitant towards killing them,” he passed his hand through his hair. “I think you’re supposed to accept that you have power over the bogger and use empathy to acknowledge their misery, to respect life as it’s being taken away. You know what it’s like to be physically controlled, it shouldn’t be hard for you to imagine how other’s feel under your telekinesis,” he said cautiously.

Luhan felt the emotion Lay taught him earlier, remorse. He was treating life the way they treated him, he was just a bully as Xiumin said.

“Don’t just mindlessly murder them and get high on power, but feel…” he rubbed his neck, “This is going to sound weird. Feel an apologetic gratitude, as if saying ‘I’m sorry I have to kill you, but I’m thankful for living another day’.”

They remained silent for a while, it wasn’t uncomfortable. Even though they talked about a hard and dark topic, it made them feel closer. They were able to share deep thoughts that might be frightening to others but to them it was just a glimpse of their messed up lives.

“Luhan,” Xiumin called. “I’ve been wanting to ask for a while now. Do you remember the last time we talked?”

“Vaguely,” Luhan did remember bits and pieces, but they were memories mixed up with nightmares. “I don’t even remember what we were talking about. I just know we were and then I have a nightmare. It’s always the same nightmare.”

“A nightmare?”

“Yeah, but please don’t make me talk about it,” Luhan stressed, “It’s terrifying, I hate remembering it.”

“Luhan,” Xiumin looked at him worried, a frown began to show deep between his brows. He reached out to hold his hand, but stopped midway. Luhan sensed that something bad was going to happen and felt the urge to be close to Xiumin. He reached over and held Xiumin’s cold hand, but his frown remained. “Luhan you said…” he spoke with caution, “You told me you killed someone.”

Luhan’s face dropped as he felt the pit of his stomach sink. He let go of Xiumin as if his skin was burning.

He frantically shook his head. “No, it can’t be. I couldn’t. No, no, no, no.”

His nightmare replayed in his thoughts, if Xiumin was telling the truth, then his nightmare wasn’t a nightmare. It was a memory.

“Luhan, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that. Please calm down.”

“It can’t be true, it can’t be. My nightmare can’t be true,” Luhan panicked. His emotions frenzied. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it. They were all over me. I just wanted them to stay away. I didn’t mean to kill them.”

“Luhan, I’m sure you didn’t. Please calm down,” Xiumin shouldn’t have leaned forward to try to hold Luhan. He was pushed backwards forcefully, his body bumped against a tree.

Luhan held his grip on him, levitating his body in the air. Luhan’s vision hadn’t completely darkened. He was fighting back the feeling as he remembered clearly how it happened. He was awake, strapped onto his bed as two nurses and a lab assistant entered with Mama to his room. Mama ordered them to put him under and left. As the others were over him he fought to push them back, then two guards came in to help. They tried to prick him with the needle and he snapped. He held them all in his telekinetic grip and did something he had never done before. Luhan sent psychic energy towards them and destroyed their bodies with an explosion. He was so shocked at what he had done, that when Mama reentered to the mess he created, he couldn’t do anything to prevent her from stabbing him with a different needle. After all that he remembered waking up at the ICU.

“Luhan please.”

He looked up at Xiumin, tears fell from his eyes as he struggled against Luhan’s hold. He looked like the nurse from his nightmare, wide eyes pleading. He was angry, but angry at himself. He hated what he was capable of. He hated what he could become. And he mostly hated being a danger to others. He was a danger to Xiumin.

He stared into Xiumin’s red eyes, he didn’t want to hurt him. He remembered what Xiumin told him. He breathed deep as he tried to push his hatred away. He recognized the adrenaline, the power but overall the hurt. He felt he was hurting himself as much as he was hurting Xiumin. Empathy, he was imagining it was himself he was hurting. He imagined himself when they forced him into comas and how much he hated not being in control of his life. He didn’t want to control Xiumin’s life. He didn’t want to hurt Xiumin.

He relaxed his breathing, cleared his mind and slowly felt the adrenaline fade. Xiumin fell to the floor. He didn’t mean to let go so fast. Gently he lifted Xiumin’s body and brought him to his arms. He broke the connection and hugged Xiumin’s trembling body against his own.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he held Xiumin tightly and let him cry against his shoulder.

He promised he would never hurt him again. He couldn’t let it happen again.

Get your together Luhan.