Evolution.

The next step, the upgraded version, the successor. Better. Adapted. Evolved.

That’s all that mattered to the scientists, the stakeholders and the government. They were all colluded. They only cared about their investigations, data, data, data. But then it wasn’t enough, no, they wanted to go further, take the next step. It wasn’t hard to convince the government to start the trials, no matter how inhuman and unethical they were. A couple of numbers followed by a line of zeros and it was done.

They gathered only the best and located underground near one of the most scientifically and technologically developed cities –Seoul, SK.

They started with one trial, then two more until they had a dozen.

But, no matter how controlled their environment was, dealing with emotional beings came with a high price, one they never expected.

Tree.

Still, yet so alive. Majestic in its stand, in its height but is the gentlest of all living things.

What can it symbolically mean? He thought to himself. Why is it plastered on so many walls and objects of the institution? Do they even care about nature, even though they rarely go outside?

Suho wasn’t sure, but he grew up in this strange place where the outline of a beautiful tree was plastered on nearly everything.

He sighed resting his head and back against the ivory wall, as he sat up on his bed and wasted nearly two hours in just staring at the outline of the tree printed on the wall before him. His eyes wandered, spotting the many objects of monotone color in his room. Even though it was his room, he hadn’t chosen any object in it, not even the light blue clothes he was wearing. He smoothed the light teal bed sheet with his hand and noticed, as many times before, that the chair of his grey wooden desk - with matching bookcase- was also of the same teal color.

He knew very well that all the clothes he owned were of the same color. All styled simply and light blue. The shirts, the pants, the sweater, his jacket, all light blue. His clothes pretty much felt like prison clothes; his home pretty much felt like a prison.

He let out a tired sigh as he noticed the scattered textbooks and homework lying on top of his desk, opposite to his bed. He knew he was supposed to be studying, but he didn’t feel like revising about water properties again.

Water, water, water… He thought. A molecule of two atoms of hydrogen and one of oxygen, linked by hydrogen bonds. A simple triplet of atoms that could basically breed life under the right conditions.  

Life… whatever that really meant.

He scratched the sides of his head with both hands, pulling his short hair outwards. Was it the boredom, was it the loneliness or was it the expectations they had of him that made him feel so frustrated?

He bent his knees towards his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs, but the touch of his thighs against his chest wasn’t comforting the void inside as it used to. He didn’t feel like he was hugging another person as it used to. All the time he’s spent alone and yet he couldn’t ever get used to it.

Perching his chin against his knees, he read the time of the clock on his desk and knew he should prepare. Soon they would come for him. It didn’t matter whether he wanted to or not, it was his duty; his sole purpose of being there in the first place. The more they worked, the more they learned.

The intercom speaker announced that he had two minutes before they’d pick him up.

With another countless sigh, he got up and put his shoes on.

The door unlocked with its characteristic ‘click’ and a tall man appeared dressed in a blue lab coat, high black boots and black rubber gloves. He even wore grey lab goggles even if there was no need. The only way Suho could recognize the man was with his Id number on the clip card over the right side of his chest. Today he was X1LA5.

“A new day,” Suho greeted with a slight bow.

“Indeed it is,” commented the man. “Today we will retry yesterday’s test. We believe that the more you practice, it will eventually become easier and natural to do.”

“I understand, but…” he hesitated, “It, it still frightens me,” the man’s expression hardened despite the darkness of his lab goggles. Suho didn’t want to get in trouble, so he quickly came up with an explanation. “Well, just the beginning. It feels uneasy at first but once I’m under the feeling starts to fade.”

The man nodded and took out a notepad tablet to write his observation. Suho felt that admitting his fear wasn’t something to take note off but to ameliorate. He wished there were a way to feel better, to take the anxiety away and the emptiness -that emptiness he never fully understood. But maybe the man hasn’t the slightest idea of how to make someone feel better, Suho thought. Maybe he is just as clueless as me.

“Right then, follow me.”

They walked through the ivory corridor, entered through glass double doors –the tree’s outline plastered on both sides. Then another hall of marbled flooring and then the main hall of sector A, which led them to the testing area of the floor until they reached test room A-1. Just like the day before, the room was arranged so that in the middle stood a glass tank of 3 meters high, 2 m long and 2 m of width, filled almost to the top with freshwater. On both sides there were monitors connected, reading the temperature, pressure and oxygen stats, among other things. To the right end was a long desk with high-tech computers, three lab assistants were operating them, while two more were in charge of the tank. The only difference was that in front of the tank there were three seats, three seats that were never there in the past week.

“Is Mama going to be here?” Suho asked the lab assistant who was undressing him and preparing the monitor’s wireless sensors on his body’s vitals.

“Yes. We believe that the test will succeed this time. At least the data we’ve gathered throws that,” he said with slight enthusiasm. “So she’s going to want to oversee the process.”

Suho thought it was only right for the man to feel excited, even though he rarely showed it; they might actually accomplish something today. But Suho wasn’t sure -no, he was nervous. His eyes focused on the slight flow of the blue water. Surely there were no elements to form superficial waves, but water is ever flowing, delicate and harsh as its molecules bump into each other incessantly. He could visualize himself in the water. Yesterday he almost managed to do as asked, but failed anyway.

He breathed deep as he noticed his feeble reflection on the glass. Admittedly he felt frightened. He just knew he couldn’t do it, surely he still wasn’t ready. He couldn’t possibly be ready. What they asked of him was not possible, at least not from what he had studied. But they believed in him and it’s his duty to cooperate, so he must.

“Stop worrying so much,” the man scowled. “You’re messing the heart monitor.” He pointed towards the screen, where the graphs and numbers scaled abnormally. “We need you to calm down for the test. Otherwise your high pressure will mess up with the water’s pressure. Take your time, we won’t rush you.”

Suho nodded and he sat down on the nearest chair, resting his hands against his thighs. He took deep breaths and began to meditate, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to do. He just needed to focus, stay calm and get through with it. That’s it, just get this over with… I can’t.

Ten minutes, fifteen, eighteen minutes passed.

“You ready?” asked an assistant, a woman this time.

“No,” he thoughtlessly said earning a look of disapproval. “I mean I’m calm enough to do the test, but I don’t believe I can succeed. Not through all of it,” he explained as she took some extra notes.

He was nervous. He learned long ago how to physically calm his body and his breathing, but his mind was still an utter turmoil of negativity. He doubted his abilities. He doubted himself.

“Don’t worry too much. Try to get as far as you can today, we’ll be alert to assist you when you need us,” she assured though it sounded insincere. “There’s always tomorrow.”

Suho nodded curtly and stood. They helped him up the ladder and opened the top hatch. There was about 40 cm of space between the surface of the water and the top of the tank. There was also a bench against the back wall, set at the perfect height for Suho to sit and have his body immersed in water while his head remained out of the surface. Once he sat comfortably, the assistant checked on the wireless sensors, making sure they hadn’t moved too much. Then she proceeded to adjust the oxygen mask for Suho, a device he always felt uncomfortable with. Once it was placed firmly over his mouth and nose, she closed the top of the tank and descended the ladder.

He breathed normally with the mask and was only able to hear himself breathe. He looked down at the small ripples on the surface, the water felt cool against his skin -it felt like he belonged there. That never ceased to surprise him, how he felt right when he was in the water. It felt as if anything else didn’t matter at all, as long as he had these small precious moments where he felt like he belonged.

He closed his eyes, scooted off the bench and let his body sink to the bottom and, when he felt good, he opened his eyes. His vision underwater seemed to be better than normal. It didn’t hurt his eyes and he could perfectly see outside the tank. He stayed there, breathing from the mask and simply enjoying the water as the assistants took their obnoxious notes and prepared for the procedure. An assistant signaled him to go back up to the surface, when he did they signaled that they would start soon.

Just then, the big glass doors opened and he watched three people enter the room, taking their respective seats before the tank.

Mama, Suho thought as he saw the woman seated in the middle. She was middle aged, but had a strong presence. Her black hair made her face look paler, her dark pink lips and small nose seemed adorable, and her eyes were always calm. She had an everlasting look of elegance and intelligence. Suho’s chest clenched. He wanted her to be proud of him, to smile at him with love as she used to. Ever since he got older he felt there were more expectations of him, expectations he could never meet. And she kept distancing more and more from him.

The first yellow light blinked three times, Suho obeyed and submerged himself into the water. He was used to being observed, but the fact that Mama was there made him feel pressured. The second yellow light blinked three times, he tried his best to remain at the bottom of the tank and calmed his breathing as he was trained. But his heart was racing, he knew he had to calm down but he felt too anxious. The green light went off and a small hatch from the oxygen mask opened, slowly water began to enter into Suho’s lungs.

First he panicked at the weird sensation of the cold liquid entering through his nasal cavity and down his trachea towards his lungs.  But he reminded himself that he would be alright, that his lungs were adapted to breathe water. But the sensation was still foreign to him, he knew that a normal human would drown under this situation, but he was special. If he accepted the water, he should be able to breathe perfectly fine underwater.

Discerning eyes watched him as he began to gag. He felt terrified as her eyes observed every spasm of his muscles. The first gags were the worst. His lungs hurt from the pressure, water and air didn’t fit well inside. He could feel the water pile up in the bottom of his lungs as air forced out as bubbles. The water in his lungs was too much, much more than what he managed to fill in yesterday. His chest clenched, he needed air.

I can’t breathe.

He tried to cough out the water but the mask prevented him from doing so. He felt desperate, he needed air. His body flexed as the coughing got harder. He couldn’t take it much longer.

He swam to the bench and pulled himself to sit. Hurriedly he pried the mask off and was finally able to cough out water. He gagged and coughed. He felt pain in his chest and strain in his abdomen as his muscles flexed harshly. He still had water coming out of his throat when he felt his diaphragm spasm; his lungs begged for air. Once he coughed hard enough he hurriedly gulped in air. He took many breaths and his lungs tickled from the remaining water inside, causing him to cough some more. It hurt, but he was alive.

He looked towards Mama and noticed her frown -her disappointment. She said something, but he couldn’t distinguish what from all his coughing. Suddenly a red light started to blink and he panicked when he realized what it meant. Water began to fill the rest of the tank.

“No!” he coughed out. “Pl-lease do-on’t.” He tried punching the top hatch, tried to open it from the inside, but there was no way.

He tried to keep his face out of the water, he placed his hands onto the top and his mouth was touching the roof of the tank. He could barely breathe in air as his breathing became unsteady. He lost it. He began to cry. Tears of despair were mixing with the freshwater as he took one last breath before he was completely engulfed in water. He sunk to the bottom and pounded the glass as hard as he could. They couldn’t leave him to die, could they?

Mama sat as calm as ever, in front of him, her serious façade unmoved.

Does she really not care?

He could hear his heart pulse in his inner ears as he punched the glass harder. He ignored the pain in his wrist and knuckles as he tried again, and again. Suho was terrified. He knew he could die if his lungs didn’t accept the water. His chest hurt, not only because his lungs gagged to renew the air inside, but also because of a feeling of pain, despair and helplessness he had never felt before. It was horrible. He felt unwanted, he felt as if she wanted him to die. His diaphragm contracted upwards forcefully, he knew he couldn’t hold his breath any longer.

“Why? Why don’t you want me?” he helplessly asked as he let out all the air he held.

Immediately his lungs gasped for more air and water filled his lungs faster than he expected. It wasn’t like when the mask let small amounts of water enter his lungs, giving them time to adapt. No, it was nothing like that. It was much more forceful and painful. He closed his mouth and cupped his nose with his hand, even though it was useless. His lungs hurt from the pressure the water forced against his inner walls. Each heartbeat pulsed harshly in his body making him feel as if his veins would pop. Hell, even his head felt like it would explode at any second.

Suho punched the tank as hard as he could, one last time. Her face remained calm and cold from the other side of the glass. He let his arms float to his sides and opened his mouth. The last amounts of air that had remained in his lungs escaped his mouth, he watched as the incognizant bubbles reached the top.

This is it, this is the end.

He gave up and tried to calm down, letting his body float to the middle of the tank. At least if he were to die he would try to leave in some state of peace as opposed to complete panic.

For the slightest moment he felt it, he felt that he was completely alive, the most alive he had ever felt. His lungs didn’t hurt, his head didn’t hurt, nothing hurt. He didn’t feel as if he was breathing, but he was alive. He knew that somehow, during this brief moment, he was breathing underwater.

And just as he finally began to feel relief, this moment where he felt so alive, everything went black.