A/N: For Xiumin and Luhan’s conversations, I use stream of consciousness narrative form. I think it represents best how people think, how ideas come up randomly and aren’t completely coherent. I used a pseudo version of this form, that way the conversations are understandable and not overflowing with random and discontinued thoughts.

We haven’t seen Kai in a week, they have him in ICU, Mama said they can save him but we have to be patient and wait for him to fully heal. They’ve let us take these days off, we haven’t had a single trial yet.

‘That’s good, Kai’s going to be fine, don’t worry too much,’ Luhan said.

I could’ve prevented it, if I had reacted faster, if I wasn’t so slow, I could’ve killed the bogger before it stabbed Kai.

‘Xiumin stop, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You did the best you could. If I read your thoughts and find that you’re thinking this again, I will personally slap you until you get it through your thick skull. You did all you could, you did your best,’ Luhan reprimanded.

I thought you said you were sedated and strapped onto your bed?

I would still find a way to get to you, physically restrained or not, and I will slap you.’

You’re mean, he joked.

‘I know.’

Well, anyway. It’s strange that they don’t want Lay to help. He could fully heal Kai in one day, but they claim he would only interfere. It’s suspicious. I have an odd feeling about this. It just doesn’t make sense, why won’t they let Lay heal him?

‘If he’s as good as you say he is, then I don’t get it either,’ Luhan commented.

He’s extraordinary, he completely regenerated Kris’ arm. Dogger bite and burnt skin.

‘Dogger?’

That’s what we call the small boggers, it’s a mix between dog and bogger, dogger. Xiumin explained.

‘Crafty,’ Luhan complimented.

He also healed my fissures and broken bones, Sehun’s cut and snapped ligament, all of our cuts and bruises and major maladies, all in one day. He nearly fainted afterwards from exerting his energy.

‘Then I think you’re right. If Lay is that good, extraordinary as you said, then there should be no reason for them to not let him help. It’s suspicious. Do you have any hypothesis?’

Not really, just random paranoid ideas.

‘Well let me brainstorm for a moment. Maybe they want to see how Kai heals under normal circumstances, you know with all their monitors and , they could analyze and create projections with the data. Maybe they do that and also apply the data to make the boggers stronger, no, that would be terrible wouldn’t it? As if they aren’t dangerous enough, but I bet they’d still do some like that. They have no moral nor limits.’

Honestly, I wish you’re wrong. I know they’re horrible enough to make these monsters worse, so quite frankly, I beg for your hypothesis to be wrong.

‘Understandable. What else do you think could be the reason? Maybe they’re experimenting on him, turning him into a cyborg or something half human.’

Don’t say that, Xiumin complained.

‘Mecha Kai.’

Can you please be serious for a moment?

‘Alright. What’s the most serious case scenario that could explain everything?’ Luhan asked with a challenging tone.

Xiumin tried not to think about the one thing he dreaded to say, but his mind had already wandered off to the darker thoughts. He was scared that maybe the reason why they didn’t want anyone to see Kai nor permitted Lay to assist, was because Kai was in worse shape than what they’ve been informed, possibly even dead. He remembered how lifeless Kai’s body looked when they reached the lake. He recalled the other’s face as he struggled to breathe, those big dark eyes looked so terribly frightened and exhausted. And Lay seemed completely hopeless when he couldn’t heal Kai. Everything just felt weird and suspicious. What if Kai had died and Lay lied about it?

‘Stop thinking that, you’re going to up your mind,’ Luhan scolded. ‘It doesn’t make sense, just hear me out and think about it. First, Lay is part of the group. He wouldn’t dare lie to anyone, I know I wouldn’t. Just imagine how berserk you’d all be when you’d turn against him if he lied about something so important. Second, if Mama assured you guys that they could save Kai, that they will save him. Wouldn’t it be inconvenient for her if Kai never appeared? You’d all go against her, probably form an insurgence and wreck the facility up and who knows what else you guys could do with your powers when you’re angered. She needs you, all of you, for her cherished trials. She gains nothing if you guys get killed.’

You sound just like Kris, he commented.

‘Well Kris is pretty damn smart.’

Cheeky bastard, Xiumin scoffed at Luhan’s indirect self-compliment.

‘By the way, how are things with fire boy?’

We’re slowly forgiving him. Actually I think Kris is the only one who’s fully forgiven him, besides Lay. Chanyeol has been really apologetic and atoning towards Kris, he’s always following him around and helping Kris out with anything and everything. It’s a tragicomic sight. Xiumin explained.

‘A -for effort,’ Luhan joked.

He’s a complete amateur when it comes to teamwork, but I guess it’s understandable because his abilities are hard to control. Fires are hard to contain, but directly firing towards someone is idiotic. I know his intention was to rid the dogger off Kris’ arm, but he seriously has to come up with a new way to attack from direct contact instead of range.

‘I agree, but as you said, fire is hard to manipulate. You guys should train with him, teach him how to control his abilities and teamwork.’

That’s a good idea. I wonder why we’ve never trained with each other before, Xiumin mused. Hey, are you still talking with Sehun?

‘Yeah, why the sudden question?’

I just remembered that I noticed him cheer up a little since the day you told me you’ve managed to speak with him. He’s been really down with what happened to Kai.

‘Yeah I know, I try to cheer him up every chance I get. He’s traumatized.’

Yeah, I can’t ever get him to talk to me about that day. Lay has been by his side, manipulating his emotions to ease the pain, but he’s never truly smiled yet.  I imagine it was worse for him since he saw how it happened.

‘He tells me he keeps having nightmares where he sees Kai… you know. I just hope he can get over it soon, I worry his health might deteriorate from the lack of sleep.’

You care about him? Xiumin teased.

‘Of course I do. He’s really nice and funny… I remember the first time I talked to him, he thought he finally went bat crazy, I quote. It was hilarious to convince him he hadn’t suddenly become schizophrenic. He’s a fun guy, I think I really like -Oh no. Not again. Not now. No, no, no. Get away from me. Mama, make them stop please. Don’t! Let go of me! Mama! Come back. I don’t want to sleep anymore, no stop! I said stop!’

“Luhan?! Luhan are you alright?” Luhan are you there? Please answer, are you there? Luhan?

‘Oh ,’ he sounded horrified. ‘, , . Xiumin? What have I done?’

Luhan? Luhan what happened?

‘I didn’t mean to, I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m sorry. I can’t ing believe I did that. No, no I can’t, I couldn’t, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’

Luhan please, tell me what happened. What did you do?

‘I killed him. I killed them. I didn’t mean to. Oh , Xiumin, what do I do? Mama, I’m sorry. No Mama, please don’t. Please I didn’t mean to. Mama, no please don’t. Mama! No!’

Luhan! Luhan! Luhan! Please answer Luhan, what happened? Luhan? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Luhan? Please, answer me.

Luhan?

“You look terrible.”

“I feel terrible.”

Xiumin sat on a thick layer of ice and floated on the surface of the lake while Suho swam around him. They were trying to enjoy the lazy day. Xiumin looked towards the west side of the forest. The woods were burnt black and snowed with ashes. Memories replayed through his mind. He mentally shook them away. He didn’t want to feel even worse than he already did.

“Couldn’t sleep last night,” Xiumin explained.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“Sort of,” rather than a nightmare, he tried to get Luhan to talk to him.

Five days passed since then and he hadn’t heard from his friend. He was so confused about the whole situation. His mind would brainstorm wicked ideas to explain what happened, until his imagination began to scare him. But what he wondered most was how could Luhan kill somebody? The sheer thought of the boy murdering felt impossible. And how could he have done it if his body was restrained and sedated? It didn’t make any sense.

“Was it about Kai?” Suho asked with his head out of the water. He looked much more relaxed and refreshed than Xiumin.

“Kind of,” Xiumin half lied, he still worried about the boy in the ICU.

“Stop worrying too much, he’s going to be fine. He’ll come back with his puppy eyes and confident smirk and be his old self again, as if nothing ever happened,” Suho assured him.

“I know I shouldn’t worry so much,” Xiumin sighed.

“Besides, I managed to speak with a lab assistant. She told me Kai was recovering well but slowly. His life isn’t at risk anymore, they only have him in the ICU to avoid us from visiting him,” he explained.

“Seriously?”

“Yes,” Suho smiled, but then turned serious. “If I find out that she was lying, I’m gonna break more than a few of her bones. I’d take the whole company down. With Chanyeol and Sehun, we could easily burn the facility to the ground. I’m dead serious.”

Xiumin remained silent as he observed how serious Suho was. His confident gaze made him realize that every word he said weren’t just threats, they were promises. He knew Suho has been here the longest. He probably knew more about the company than anyone else. And if he was so dauntless to say he’d go against the institution, then Xiumin knew it was possible. They could insurgent against the company. They could rebel against Mama.

“How did your individual trial go?” Suho suddenly asked.

He floated facing upwards, towards the sky, while making waves to sway his body in a lulling way. The waves rocked the ice rig as well. Xiumin felt the continuous movements were pacifying.

“It was tiring,” he sighed. “I had to freeze dummy bullets shot at me.”

“They shot you?” Suho looked up surprised.

“Repeatedly. The bullets are fake though. They’re made of resin but at the speed they’re shot, they hurt like hell. Look,” he lifted his shirt and eight purple spots were scattered around his chest and abdomen.

“Ouch, it must hurt,” Suho commented. “I hate individual trails, they make me feel lonely.”

“Yeah, but I hate becoming a murderer during group trials.”

“You’re like a master assassin,” Suho mused, but Xiumin waved him off. He hated being praised; especially for things he didn’t consider a positive quality. “By the way, how did you manage to kill the last bogger that time? I thought Kai took the hit because Sehun couldn’t defend himself. But, how did you get there so fast?”

“Sehun didn’t tell you?” Xiumin said confused.

“Sehun never talks about that day,” Suho said with a gloomy expression.

“I was teleported with Kai.”

“What? How?!”

“It was by accident. I grabbed his arm to stop him, I knew he was going to do something reckless to save Sehun. But he teleported just as I grabbed hold of him,” he paused. “It was the weirdest sensation I’ve ever felt. It was like being into a different dimension and not being able to breathe during the trip,” he tried to explain. “I fell and found myself in front of the bogger with Kai, and…” he couldn’t continue. The memory was still too fresh, too traumatic.  

“You’re the first to ever teleport with Kai. He’s never been able to do it before. He’s always been afraid of losing the other in a different dimension or appearing without all of the person’s body. Kai only teleports inanimate objects because he’s afraid he could hurt someone by accident.”

“Maybe he unlocked a new skill,” Xiumin shrugged.

“Maybe.”

They fell silent again. The ice was getting thin so Xiumin reinforced it. He stood and widened the small ice rink and formed an armchair in the middle. Satisfied with the outcome, Xiumin sat on the hard but comfortable ice chair while Suho gave him a judgmental look.

“What? I’m comfortable this way,” Xiumin defended himself. Suho just shook his head.

“I’m thankful we have Lay now,” Suho began a new conversation. “It makes me feel more secure, like he’ll always have our backs.”

“If he was with the group before, do you think he could’ve healed your injury?”

“The goo one?”

“Yeah.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t have this nasty scar on my leg. Probably wouldn’t have felt so much pain either,” Suho mulled.

“Can he erase the scar?” he curiously asked.

“Actually I’ve asked him. He said he can’t fix something that is already fixed. The scar is the body’s natural healing process. He can’t erase what’s healed. If it were still new and red, then he could heal and erase it.” He smiled melancholically. “But, quite frankly, I don’t really mind having it. It reminds me of the struggles I’ve overcome, the pain I’ve healed. It reminds me I’m powerful and I should never give up.”

Xiumin smiled, he liked how strong and confident Suho could be. He was glad he had people like him as friends. They kept chatting at the lake, until it was late enough to head back.

When they arrived at the entrance of the facility Sehun was standing at the doors, waiting for them. He approached Xiumin to talk to him privately. Suho slouched his shoulders and entered the building alone.

“I just wanted to ask you something,” Xiumin nodded for Sehun to continue. “Have you spoken to Luhan lately? I haven’t heard from him in a while. I’m starting to get worried.”

“Actually I haven’t. It’s been almost a week since I last heard of him,” he replied. “But I don’t know why. How much has he told you about himself?”

“A lot,” Sehun answered. “I know they keep him locked up most of the time. It’s sad.”

Xiumin wasn’t sure if Luhan ever told Sehun about them sedating him and forcing him to sleep. He decided to not reveal too much to Sehun, he didn’t want to expose Luhan’s problems nor did he want to worry Sehun even further; which was also the main reason why Xiumin didn’t tell him about the last time he spoke with Luhan, about what Luhan said and did. Xiumin himself wasn’t completely sure what happened to his friend, he could only speculate on the atrocities the company was capable of doing to him. And those mad ideas would only worry and frighten Sehun more than he could stand.

“I miss him,” Sehun softly said. “I miss Luhan. He would wake me up whenever I had a nightmare. He’d talk to me and distract me from remembering how Kai.. Kai-” Sehun began to tear up. “I haven’t been able to sleep for days. I need him,” he broke into tears.

Xiumin hugged the taller boy tightly. His chest ached as he listened to the other boy sob against his shoulder. He felt his eyes sting and water.

Everything felt like a ing depressing mess.