CHAPTER SEVEN: Taeyeon's Sasaeng

"I hope she wasn't too much of a pain," Taeyeon said, as soon as Joohyun got back into the car.

"Not at all, unnie. Sica-unnie wouldn't do that to me."

Taeyeon scoffed. "And I deserve her crap, why?"

"She said it was because you two are exes, so you simultaneously have a grievances against each other because you split up, but are comfortable enough to show them since you were once... intimate."

"Wow, the Sica I know doesn't get so deep, drunk or sober."

"I inferred what she was saying, mostly," Joohyun said. "Seriously, though, unnie, I'm glad that you made up with her. Everyone was able to get together again because of that."

"It was a nice gathering, huh," Taeyeon said. "We hadn't had one like this for a long time."

"Of course, I'm glad that Sica-unnie and you are on speaking terms again."

"With the nonsense she was spouting tonight? I don't think us speaking again is such a positive thing."

Joohyun didn't say anything for a while. "It is, unnie, it is. Communication is the panacea for disputes and the lifeblood of relationships."

Taeyeon started singing the chorus of 2NE1's I Don't Care. As far as she was concerned, Jessica could wake up with the worst hangover, stuck knee-deep in a whirl of hurricane diarrhea caused by half-digested cucumbers, and Taeyeon would still be on her merry way. She burst into a fit of giggles.

Oblivious, Joohyun started singing along. "You know, Hyoyeon-unnie said Minzy told her that 2NE1's going to release an album later this year."

"Oh yeah? That'd be great. They didn't have a good 2014 either."

"No, they didn't." Joohyun sighed. "A lot of unfortunate things happened to lots of groups last year, more so than usual. I think that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong already, so we should cherish this year. Things can only look up, so let's do our best and ride on the changing tide."

Joohyun was good at articulating meaningful sentences. She practically spoke in quotes. She had lived by the book for so long that she lived as if the world was in a book. It wasn't a good or bad thing. Taeyeon used to think that it was too weird and stuffy, but over the years, Joohyun had proved that one could be completely satisfied living that way. 

Taeyeon appreciated this frank and idealistic side of Joohyun. It kept her focused and made her feel like working harder for the group. "Ya Seohyun. You're so cute."

"Unnie..."

"We'll do better from now on, I promise." Taeyeon turned off the highway into Joohyun's neighborhood. When they got to the apartment building, Joohyun got off at the side of the street and Taeyeon waited until Joohyun disappeared behind a corner.

She checked her phone. There was a message from Jessica.

[Received 02:55]
kim alcotrash thx for the ride~ lemme know when u get home

Taeyeon put the phone back down, her irritation melting away. Jessica was quite a cute .

They were both cute s when drunk. 

One night in Osaka, 2011, Taeyeon got absolutely wasted. She was working herself up to a big moment. She drank sip after sip of sake, just contemplating whether or not she should do it.

She'd been thinking about it for months. She told Sunny that she wanted to be responsible and rational. Sunny told her to screw that and just go for it. Sunny came up with so many advantages to having a relationship in-house instead of externally. It's so much harder to get caught when girls were always touching each other, especially girl group girls. Heck, practically no one sane questioned groping. Dates would be misconstrued as member-bonding outings. It would be as easy as singing Rain Rain Go Away.

Taeyeon swigged another hot sip from her half-full sake bottle. Taeyeon felt that the can of beer she'd downed as warm up should count for something, but everyone was laughing at her because she was getting dead drunk on half a bottle of unfiltered sake. Everyone except Jessica, who was currently recuperating in her hotel room. She had caught a flu in the cold Japanese winter.

Then Taeyeon had an idea. It popped up in her head like a big balloon. She stood straight up. "I am going to take a !"

"Eww! Get out of here and go to your own room, Taengoo."

Chortling, Taeyeon stumbled out of Hyoyeon's room, where everyone else was gathered, and sauntered along the wallpapered hotel corridor. "Sica's room is 403. Three plus nine is twelve. Sica's birthday is April twelth because three times four is twelve."

Feeling like a mathematician, she hammered Jessica's door bell.

"What in the world, Taeng, I'm sick."

Taeyeon pushed Jessica into the room and closed the door behind them. Even though Jessica was glowering at her with all the ire of the seven seas and an absolutely bare face, Taeyeon still thought she was beautiful. "That's how love works."

"What?" Jessica said.

"Sica, you know what I'm saying?"

"All I know is you're drunk."

"Drunk in love," Taeyeon said. "Please don't reject me, unless you don't like me, then of course you should reject me, but please do it nicely."

"What are you saying?" Jessica asked, still completely sober.

"You're not hallucinating a fever dream, sick Sica," Taeyeon said. "I'm saying that I might not not like you, because I'm not not into you. Could we try being not just friends?"

It was Taeyeon and Jessica's third week of solo promotions, and Taeyeon's second last round of music programs before Girls' Generation would drop their first album since Jessica's departure. Since there was so little time left, Taeyeon wanted to make the most of every opportunity she had to sing her own songs to the public.

She practiced every chance she got. In the shower, in the van, maybe in her sleep too. Any modicum of downtime was an essential practice session.

Time management was especially necessary since the group was filming their MV this week. SM had alloted four days for filming. Everyone was focused and production was moving faster than usual. Nobody was joking around much, because they all felt like this was their most important comeback yet.

"Everyone," Yuri said during a set change break, "Sica is coming to visit later. Does anyone want coffee?"

"Don't order too much, girls," one of the stylists said. Liquids would make them puffy and look bad on camera. Even so, everyone but Joohyun still ordered a drink. They were all thirsty, and skinny enough as it was.

When Jessica appeared two hours later, they were in the midst of filming. Jessica and her manager were each carrying a cardboard tray of coffee cups. They waved briefly at Jessica before focusing back on the shoot. They filmed for another hour before the director was satisfied. 

Taeyeon took her mocha frappe, which had by now melted into diluted slush. "Thanks, Sica."

"No problem." Jessica wrung her hands, and Taeyeon thought that it must have been awkward after standing around for so long, doing nothing. She got Yoona's attention and started a conversation, which Jessica joined. Satisfied, Taeyeon excused herself and went to the dressing room to change clothes and practice singing.

The awkwardness didn't dissipate. Jessica would disappear from Taeyeon's mind when they started shooting, but during break times, she would notice Jessica again and wonder how the Jessica was feeling. Yuri, Hyoyeon, Tiffany and Yoona hovered around Jessica, still excited.

Jessica stayed until dinner time. The managers ordered Chinese food delivery for everyone. Jessica shared a bowl of jajangmyeon with Tiffany. Taeyeon sat beside Tiffany, picking at her plain dumpling noodles. Her manager was still going on about eating healthy and taking care of .

"It's just weird, you know?" Jessica said to Tiffany in English. "Being here for an SNSD MV but not being in it. I don't know. I guess I don't feel so good."

"It means a lot to us that you're here though. I'm really glad you came."

"Yeah, me too. This... being together again is just... nice," Jessica said. Taeyeon was glad that she knew enough English to understand what they were saying. The two American friends lapsed into silence while they finished their food. Then Jessica switched back to Korean and raised her voice. "Hey, kids, I'm going to head off now. The MV looks great so far, keep it up!"

"Bye, Sica!"

"Good night!"

"Thanks for coming!"

The last day of filming was the best. The director yelled 'It's a wrap' and everyone cheered. Taeyeon's first order of business was to stuff herself with a medium-sized Berry Bonanza smoothie before going home to crash. 

Fifteenn hours later, she was at KBS for Music Bank. It was like deja vu. Come on, Kim Taeyeon. It's not the same. It's your second last chance.

Taeyeon sat in the waiting room, bored out of her mind. A few hoobaes filtered in and out sporadically. It was weird being around the younger girl groups, knowing that some of them were thinking unkind thoughts about her and her group. Mostly, though, Taeyeon was simply very bored. She wished there were some members here, but the ones not on schedule were probably knocked out on their beds because of MV filming.

She entertained the thought of going to Jessica's room. Her phone rang. It was Tiffany. Taeyeon automatically cracked into a huge grin and picked up the call. "Fany-ah!"

"Hey, Tae, have you done rehearsals yet?"

"Yep. Just waiting for broadcast," Taeyeon replied. "Fany, I'm so freaking bored. So boooooored."

"Should I go over?"

Taeyeon hesitated. Tiffany would have to pick out an outfit, do her makeup, and get her manager to fetch her. "Nah. I'm gonna be back home in a few hours. Just let me whine a bit."

"Why don't you visit Jess?" Tiffany asked. When Taeyeon didn't immediately reply, she said, "Don't think about it and just go, okay? She's probably dying of boredom too."

"Meh..."

"Just go."

"Meh..."

"Go go."

"Fany, stop nagging me."

"Aish. Tae."

Taeyeon hung up with Tiffany. There were suddenly many important things to do, like touch up her make up, check her SNS and warm up her vocals. She chatted with her stylist, and then it was time to perform for Music Bank. In four minutes, she was waiting for her turn to go on stage. Another four minutes, and she had finished singing. It was very quick. Then there was more long, laborious waiting before she got up on stage again. She stood in the front with Jessica and 2AM with the Music Bank MCs for the winner's announcement. 

"Congratulations, SNSD's Taeyeon!"

She harnessed the all too familiar feelings of exhilaration and nervousness before they swept her away, thanking her members, the stylists and SM staff, and the fans. It was with great relief that she started singing the encore.

She remembered bowing to 2AM. The JYP group had been eliminated by more than a thousand points, although the boy band would probably crowd out the two female idols by next week.

She also remembered exchanging nods with Jessica. It was her second Music Bank win in a row, and Jessica had lost by a small margin yet again. 

2AM's comeback didn't make a difference to Taeyeon since Girls' Generation would be taking over in another two weeks time. She wouldn't be promoting solo anymore. It was going to be tough for Jessica though, with two major groups on air. It was unlikely that SM would let Jessica promote for much longer. Taeyeon felt a pang of guilt, remembering that Jessica's album had been delayed because of her. BEAST was promoting before us though. It was either the start or the end. There's never the perfect time to act.

After the encore, she changed into a loose hoodie and jeans. She took her handbag and rummaged for her chapstick. She couldn't find it. It must have dropped out somehow.

"Taeyeon," Keunsuk, her manager, said. He was holding up a card. "A staff gave me this to pass to you."

On the card cover was a printed out fanart she had seen on Instagram before. It was a cartoon version of her and a Sone wearing a pink #AlwaysTY shirt. Smiling slightly, she opened the card and read it.

Dear Taeyeon-unnie,

You had a hard 2014 and I'm so happy that 2015 is looking up. You don't know how many times I've cried for you. You've gotten so thin and pale, I hope that you will eat more and sleep more. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you! I love you so much, Taeyeon-unnie. So very, very much, and I want you to know that. I feel like you're singing to me when you perform. Thank you for saving my life. I was having a hard time, but then I heard your voice and now I'm a better person. Thank you, Taeyeon-unnie.

Because of what you have done for me, I want to repay you. I will make this year perfect for you. Congratulations on your all-kill album. I will help you win all the awards, unnie. So, fighting!

Your biggest fan.

Taeyeon cocked her head, no longer smiling at the strange letter. The words had been typed out in print, but at the bottom there was a postscript scrawled on. She had to read it slowly to decipher the words.

P.S. Thanks for the chapstick, unnie. I know it's not a big gift but I will treasure it always.

Taeyeon shuddered and snapped the card shut. She passed it back to Keunsuk and he read it, a frown deepening on his face. "Those damn crazy people! Was anything else taken?"

Taeyeon checked her bag again. "No, I don't think so."

"I'm going to call the company to step up the security at KBS. And MBC and SBS. Actually, everywhere."

Taeyeon nodded. "Can we get out of here?"

"Of course," Keunsuk said. "Let's leave now. I'll call the company after we get you home."

Following Keunsuk closely, Taeyeon went out of her dressing room, clutching her handbag. Outside, however, was even more of a mess. There were people rushing about, shouting. She saw hoobae groups, still in their shiny costumes, clustered to the side of the walls.

Jessica's dressing room was across the hall. Two paramedics burst out, carrying either end of a stretcher, with someone lying on top of it. Taeyeon recognized Jessica's manager hurrying after them.

"Myungmin," Keunsuk called out. He jogged to Myungmin, who looked shellshocked. "What happened?"

"There was... a fan... drink. I thought it was just coffee... It smelled just like coffee! So I gave it to Jessica."

"Oh my god."

"What am I going to do?"

"Run after them," Keunsuk said. "Go to the ambulance. I'll send Taeyeon home and join you there. Text me the hospital details. Contact the company about this too, okay?"

Taeyeon walked after Keunsuk quickly, practically jogging. She waited until they were in the privacy of her van before speaking up. "I want to go to the hospital, oppa."

"Go home first. I'll try to get the company's permission."

"Oppa, the other members have to visit her too."

Keunsuk paused. "Don't tell them yet. All of you are going to want to go and we don't know if they're allowed to. Don't get everyone in trouble, okay? Jessica will be fine. We'll take care of her."

"Oppa, come on."

"We'll take care of her," Keunsuk repeated, ending the discussion. "Just go home, calm down, and don't make things harder."

"Fine," Taeyeon said, knowing how bullheaded the company could be. She didn't want to cause unnecessary trouble for the managers or Jessica. She gripped her handbag harder, feeling useless. She thought about the chapstick and the letter. Suddenly it didn't seem so crazy anymore, compared to what happened to Jessica. 

Because of what you have done for me, I want to repay you... I will help you win all the awards...

"Oh, hell," Taeyeon said.

"Language. What is it?"

"The letter," Taeyeon said. "She said she was going to make me win all the awards, and my competition's Sica."

"Oh my god," Keunsuk said. His grip on the steering wheel was white knuckled. "Screw it. Things can't wait. We go to the hospital now. Is that okay with you?"

"Just go, oppa!"

A/N: Thanks for the comments, upvotes and subscriptions last chapter! They were super helpful. Hope to know how this one was:D