CHAPTER SIX: Jessica's Alcohol trash

Jessica didn't take the elevator up alone. She was feeling anxious at first, sitting in the van with only her manager up front driving. It was almost worth losing Inkigayo to feel like she was in a better position to go to the dorm. Yuri and Sunny received her at the lobby with sympathetic embraces. Jessica sauntered about the apartment. Yuri shared the master bedroom with Yoona while Sooyoung and Hyoyeon had their own bedrooms. Sooyoung's room was a torpedo survivor as always, YoonYul's room was much lived in and Hyoyeon's room was relatively immaculate. The apartment hadn't changed from the last time Jessica was here.

Which used to be all the time. She missed the sitting on this long couch. She missed the smell of the living room. She even missed Sunny's biting. A little. Just a bit more than Sooyoung's garbage can of a bedroom.

Seohyun arrived five minutes before the agreed meeting time. Yoona and Hyoyeon were cooking lunch. 

Finally, Sooyoung, Tiffany and Taeyeon came back from SBS with paper bags of champagne, beer and vodka. 

Everything was normal, but not. Lunch was spread out on the table, steaming hot and smelling good as ever. Everyone grabbed the nearest chair and sat down. The dining table warmed up with jokes, and Jessica fought to concentrate on laughing instead of crying like a loser. She felt at home again.

After lunch, they retreated back to the living room couch. Seohyun took forever to open the champagne before pouring a glass for everyone. 

"Toast to Sica's return," Hyoyeon said. They all raised their glasses. Even Seohyun finished her drink. Then everyone got their preferred drink. Jessica mixed orange juice in her vodka to make a Screwdriver.

They were still joking, still going easy. They weren't talking about Girls' Generation prep work or the current solo promotions. They weren't complaining about the company. Just random things like food and anecdotes.

Then Sooyoung took a long pull at her bottle of beer. "Sica, why did you ignore our calls and texts?"

The laughter died so quickly Jessica almost giggled. It wasn't funny though. "I didn't want to hear your explanations. I was too caught up in the outcome, you know?" She didn't wait for an answer. "I tried going to Shenzhen on my own, even bought a ticket by myself, but when I got to the concert venue, the staff refused to let me in. Do you know what that feels like?"

"No," Sooyoung said, "but did you consider how we felt? The fans were all chanting your name in our face when the company told us to perform like we were okay. It was the worst event we did. Even worse than the black ocean."

"Would you rather get kicked out of Soshi than to go through Shenzhen again?" Jessica asked. Nobody spoke up. "There you go."

"No one's disputing that you had the worst time," Tiffany said, "but we're all here because we want to resolve things, so will you hear our side of the story?"

"Go ahead," Jessica said. 

All she knew was that she was in New York, packing her luggage, when she received a Line video call from Taeyeon. A call from Taeyeon should have warned her that something was wrong. When she accepted the video chat, all eight of her members were on screen with Taeyeon closest to the camera.

"Sica," Taeyeon said using a voice Jessica rarely heard, "We're sorry but the company told us that they are dismissing you from the group. We've tried to change their decision, but we couldn't."

"What?"

It felt like a prank gone wrong. Taeyeon's face was too grim. The other members were fighting to hold in their tears. 

"Why?"

"The reason they gave us," Taeyeon said, "was conflict of interest. They think that Blanc interferes with your commitment to Soshi."

"Wait, what? I got permission from them. I got permission from all of you."

"We know," Taeyeon said. "I don't know why the company suddenly changed their stance, but they did. We've tried talking to them. We can't do anything."

"Boycott Shenzhen!" Jessica said. "They'll-"

"We can't. It's not fair-"

"It's unfair to me. It's gonna be unfair to a hell lot of fans when they find out you kicked me out."

"We didn't-"

"That's what you're doing," Jessica said. "Come on, don't you want us to be forever?"

Yuri, Hyoyeon and Sunny wanted to boycott the fan meeting, but Taeyeon angled the phone to herself. "Don't give the other girls ideas. We can't do that."

"Can't or won't? Screw you, Kim Taeyeon. Let me speak to them."

"I'm sorry, Sica. We got to go. We'll talk to you later. Don't do anything reckless. We can still fix this." And Taeyeon hung up on her.

Jessica was stunned. She tried calling Taeyeon back, but got rejected. When she phoned the other girls, all their cell phones were off. She called Taeyeon again and her phone was off now. Then she called Myungmin, and got an apology.

It was betrayal. Eyes burning, she typed furiously into her phone, first in Hangul, then English. She had to give her side of the story out first. Before SM muzzled her and fed lies to the press. Before any of the members drew sympathy to themselves first. She wanted the uncensored, complete truth out in the open before any of that happened. 

Her finger hovered over the Send button. I'm out. They kicked me out. And she posted the messages on Weibo.

Yuri said, "They confiscated all our phones for three days and flew us to China. It was all so sudden."

"We really didn't have time to organize anything," Tiffany said. "They informed us, and then we were supposed to go to the fan meeting. They told us that you wouldn't be going to the fan meeting, that you were out. We tried calling the company, but they wouldn't listen to us. We got to the airport and they took our phones after we passed customs. They were thinking about the airport papparazzi."

"Then how the hell did Taeyeon get to call me?"

"We negotiated a call. They gave us five minutes before boarding," Tiffany said. "We couldn't do anything else."

Jessica looked straight at Taeyeon. "I told you to boycott, but in a time like that all you could think about was being professional."

"It wasn't about the fans obviously. You'd know if you hadn't kept cutting me off," Taeyeon said. Enunciating each word clearly, "The company made it clear that if we toed the line, they'd ruin us further."

"So, what? You were minimizing casualties?"

"If you want to put it like that, yes."

Jessica had to recall Taeyeon's apology to know how the woman was feeling instead of this calm, DGAF . Apologies were amazing things. Jessica was being all understanding.

Seohyun said, "Unnie, why did you publish those SNS posts when Taeyeon-unnie said to wait for us?"

Here it was, nights of regrets and tears, wondering sullenly if things would have been different. Lying on her bed, while her phone buzzed beside her, the screen lit up with a member's name.

"I wasn't going to wait for SM to shut me up like they shut you up," Jessica said.

"We would have more time after the fan meeting to try changing Kim Young Min's mind."

"Yeah, with that kind of schedule?" Jessica said. "Give me a break. We have plenty of examples. They don't reverse their decisions. If they ever did, we'd grow spines and do what we want."

In her hopelessness, she had come up with that reason to combat the crushing regret. If SM made the decision to boot her out, it wasn't going to get reversed. It was a solid enough reason to dispense the what if's. She knew the girls agreed with her. SM could have settled in DBSK's favor and cemented the best boy band's place, but instead they created JYJ and made way for Bigbang. And now they had EXO to take over Korea, but again, no compromises. That was SM. As a trainee, all you worried about was the tiny idea that you could get cut. But you were just a trainee with no legacy. After debut, SM had the same kind of hold over you, but now you had your own songs, your own fans, your own concerts. Losing all of that... It was incomparable.

"Sica, we can't make up for what happened," Sooyoung said, "but could we please apologize to you?"

As Jessica opened to respond, tears started streaming down her face. The members who cried easily started crying.

It was a very long reunion lunch-dinner-supper. Sunny came back from her radio gig at MBC and picked up right where she left off, soju in a plastic bag. By one on Monday morning, everyone was smashed. That is, except Seohyun and Taeyeon. Seohyun because she was a goody two-shoes. Taeyeon because she was Alcohol Trash. Excused by the alcohol content in her blood stream, Jessica took every chance she got to call Taeyeon that as they made their way to the carpark. It was very fun calling Taeyeon trash, like squeezing a stress ball.  Taeyeon was buzzed but not drunk. Seohyun was tagging along as a safety monitor since she too much at driving even when sober. Besides, Seohyun needed a ride home.

Taeyeon unceremoniously folded Jessica into the back seats. Seohyun sat Jessica upright and strapped her seat belt before going to the front passenger seat. 

The drive wasn't peaceful because Jessica was a singer with an audience.

"Joohyun, let's just ditch her and roll the car into Han River," Taeyeon said.

"No, unnie."

Jessica sang:
Once there was an old hag dropped on her head as a baby
Twenty seven years later she's no longer a young lady 
But she still drinks like a sapling gay tree. 
Guess who.

Neither woman in the front seats answered.

"Say 'who', Seohyun."

"Who?"

Taeyeon smashed her head into the wheel and the car farted a honk. Jessica giggled. "Look no further than Kim Al-Sseu, the Great Alco-trash."

"Goddammit, Sica, shut your fat ."

"You love my zero-fat ."

"Please, unnies," Seohyun said.

"What's the most drunk you've gotten, Seohyun?" Jessica asked.

"I was celebrating graduation with my classmates. I don't remember what we did that night."

"Wow, you out? Did you throw up?"

"No." Scandalized.

"Kim Alco-trash, what about you? Was it when you confessed to me?"

"Don't flatter yourself. Some Soshi gathering, probably," Taeyeon said. She cranked up the volume on the stereo and ruined the mood. It was a short ways to Jessica's apartment. When they reached the basement lobby, Taeyeon turned off the engine and lowered her side window. "Do me a favor and see Sica up, Joohyun."

"Aww, I didn't know you cared."

Seohyun pulled Jessica out of the car and led her by the elbow to the lobby. As they rode the elevator up, Jessica's smile faded. Seohyun was too nice to be made fun of liberally.

"I wish you and Taeyeon-unnie wouldn't heads all the time."

"We have a history. It's normal to do this between exes. Taeyeon and I do it equally, so it's OK."

Seohyun saw Jessica to the front door and waited while Jessica fished for her house keys. "Taeyeon-unnie was really sad last year, you know."

"Yeah? Well, so was I," Jessica said, giving Seohyun a hug to say goodbye. Jessica realized that Seohyun probably didn't appreciate getting the smell of alcohol on her clothes and released her. 

"Bye, unnie." Seohyun tapped for the elevator, which was still at the same floor, and waved.

Jessica waved back as the elevator doors closed. She smiled ruefully and went into her apartment.

A/N: Thanks for the feedback last time! Let me know what you thought of this chapter:)