A/N: I'm so sorry for the late update. It's really not for lack of trying... It'll be back to regular updates now... Thanks for waiting. 

Since so much real SNSD activity took place since a while ago, here's a refresher on this fic's logistics. Hopefully then you won't have to review the previous chapters..

1. SNSD schedule:
a. Taeyeon and Jessica had their solo debut at the same time.
b. Currently, it's the SNSD Lion Heart comeback.
c. SNSD Arena tour.
d. TTS comeback.

2. Living arrangements:
a. Jessica and Seohyun live at home.
b. Yuri/Yoona, Sooyoung and Hyoyeon live in one dorm apartment.
c. Tiffany and Sunny/Taeyeon live in another dorm. Same building, but on a higher floor.

3. This canon fic is loosely canon.

Happy belated new year, hope SNSD has a great 2016, and here we go~

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Jessica's estrangement

Jessica wiped off her mascara and washed away the layer of BB cream on her face. She changed into the pair of pyjamas that she kept in Taeyeon's bedroom. Since Taeyeon wasn't home yet, she sat at Taeyeon's desk. She had an armload of fashion magazines to compile a scrapbook from. Denim. The name of the day was denim.

She sighed. Denim wasn't supposed to be a B&E thing for a good while. Sure, she wanted to do jeans, she'd be up to try anything, but denim was supposed to be after B&E really established itself. Like how Armani was luxury before branching to Armani Exchange. Doing denim now was different. Don't with yourself, Jessica Jung. Just admit it. It was cheapening the brand. It was conceding that B&E had bouyed up on a swell of hype and hadn't been able to ride it out. It had positioned itself too high up the food chain and needed to take a few steps down the price ladder. Long story short, failure.

But sure, if marketing could spin it whichever which way, then Jessica hoped that the public would see it as natural that Blanc and Eclare did denim. And that would be that.

Jessica flipped through the glossy pages, cutting out designs using a purple pair of scissors and and taping them to her black hardback scrapbook. She scribbled little notes using a blue ballpoint to jot down why she had picked these samples. She'd further filter her preferences later.

The diligence was deliberate. Focusing with absolute concentration, she could ignore the part of her that was... no other word for it, ugly.

The group hadn't won any of the first three music broadcasts. But today was Tuesday. Show Champion day. They hit number one, and Jessica was sure that meant that Sone voting was in full motion, and they would win the next however many shows until some new hot boy band encroached on the scene.

I don't know how to feel about it. But she did.

I'm happy for them. But she wasn't. Not really.

Her phone buzzed. She picked it up. Taeyeon had texted, asking if she wanted a smoothie. She said she didn't. Her thumb lingered on the previous conversation.

[Received 11:29]
Going off for rehearsals now.
[Sent 11:29]
all the best! work hard!
[Received 11:30]
Sure we will. We're Soshi B)
[Sent 11:32]
ofc. if u dont get #1, ill be disappointed:)

She was such a hypocrite. She hadn't watched Music Core, Music Bank or Inkigayo. She didn't think it would get any better now that they were surely going to take Triple Crown after Triple Crown. She couldn't tune into OnStyle for Channel SNSD. She didn't like browsing the news sites anymore. SNSD peaked on Naver Search, there were new Girls' Generation LINE stickers, and she'd become disdainful of both. CF boards lined the streets, crowding her in from all sides. Fans- were they really fans- spammed her Weibo and Instagram with useless ramblings to do with the group.

She was just sick of it all. So ing sick of it. And SM wasn't helping things. They kept rearranging her schedule to make way for Girls' Generation logistics. She clearly wasn't the company's priority. They weren't putting her on TV shows or radio shows. Nothing.

them. She had thought that making a splash with her solo debut would change the management's minds, but they just made her accomplishments feel like nothing more than a negligible ripple that had smoothed over. The group was making ing tournament-grade surfing waves.

Until now, she hadn't listened through the entire Lion Heart album. She had only watched the MVs once, just to congratulate them. She didn't want to make them feel bad. She didn't want them to think that she was jealous or small-hearted or mad. She had tried not to be bitter.

Her scrapbook was maybe one fifth full. Most of it was some hue of blue, with the occasional black or white jeans. She clearly had a thing for the boyfriend cut. People weren't getting scarves for a hundred and seventy-five, but surely it was reasonable to splurge a hundred and seventy-five on a good looking pair of jeans.

She heard the front door outside unlock, and people entering. Sunny came back to the room first.

"Hey, sup, Sica," Sunny said.

"Hello," she drawled.

"Any stuff should stay outside of this room, just saying."

Jessica rolled her eyes.

Taeyeon sauntered in with a cup of pale green slush. Jessica turned to her with a smile. Taeyeon grinned back. "Avocado. Sure you don't want some?"

"Nuh uh."

"I thought it was your favorite."

Taeyeon's favorite was a spinach, apple, vanilla and soy combination. Jessica supposed that she had been hoping to share.

"I'm on a diet."

"What're you on a diet for? Have a CF?"

To Jessica, it sounded like, 'What're you on a diet for?' How did she, SM's least favorite female employee, have a CF lined up?

Come on, like Taeyeon would think that. Even so, the switch had been flicked. Red hot irritation latched on and grew, straining to explode. "Other than B&E, no."

"What did you have for dinner?" Taeyeon asked.

Jessica shrugged. She had been browsing through magazines all day. "Didn't have time, and I forgot to ask for Myungmin's help."

"What about lunch?"

"Salad."

"That's too little, Sica."

"Look, I have no promotional schedules. Zero dance practices. Basically didn't move around much for the past week other than morning gym sessions. I'm going to get as fat as I am irrelevant."

"Hey."

"I can't get fat. I have to keep a ing perfect body because nobody's watching but everybody cares."

"Hey."

"Hey, what?"

"I wasn't even- why are you- do you really-" Taeyeon cut herself off in all her mid-rants, each one building up in pitch. Jessica heard her release her irritation in one breath, and it was calm Taeyeon again. "Did something happen today?"

Jessica sighed. "I don't know. I was actually looking forward to now, but then everything I was feeling just... and I took it out on you."

"Well, I see," Taeyeon, the public human punching bag, said. The very much resigned punching bag that didn't want to put up a fight despite Jessica Jung's wise-as- advice.

"I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"It's fine. Do you wanna talk about what's up?"

"It's dumb," Jessica said flatly. "I've been feeling bitter, in short. And left out. Even though there's no reason to feel that way, you know?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's all on me."

"Jung Sooyeon, stop it. What's done is done. We have to do our best with what we have now," Taeyeon said. "And it's not easy for us either, you know. It's not the same without you. I know I wish you were with us. Even the most trivial interviews, where you'd space out anyway, I feel like you should be there."

"Thanks for saying that."

"It's true. I know that there's a ton of regret and resentment. And actually, between the group and you, it's probably two-sided, but I think we should make do with what's left."

Between the group and me. Jessica bit her lower lip. "I understand. It's just hard."

Taeyeon nodded. "Are there any more murky feelings you've got?"

Jessica paused. There was a big one. "I've been thinking about leaving SM."

Taeyeon's eyes widened.

"It's been more than thinking," Jessica said. "I've discussed this with the higher ups. They're okay with an early termination with only half the penalty if I go quietly. Myungmin's helping me negotiate for more leeway since they've been pulling the short one on me."

"Are you sure?"

"We're almost done with necessary processes. All that's left is both sides signing on the dotted line. But, no, I'm not sure," she said. "Or maybe I am. I can't stop thinking about how full of crap SM is."

"I see."

"What do you think?"

"I mean, this is your decision."

"Of course it is. And you can still give me your opinion."

"I guess it's a good thing. They are sort of really shortchanging you. And you've been busy with Blanc stuff. You should probably focus on that, right?"

"Yeah. Staying here is not working out for me. It's just one big emotional blackhole draining me dry for nothing."

"I'm kinda surprised that the company is letting you go this easy."

"They don't wanna stir up any crap while you girls are promoting," Jessica said. She hadn't thought of using the group like this, but things were just working out like that. Myungmin brought it up, and she realized that it was a good tactical move for that reason alone.

"It's what we can do for you, I guess."

"Now, enough about me. How are you doing?"

Taeyeon hard on her smoothie. "We kind of won today... Show Champion."

Jessica could see the hesitation on her face. It was clear, obvious, readable. Taeyeon saw more eggshells than there actually were when it came to talking about group activities to her. Jessica noticed that lately. 

"I know." Jessica mustered a smile. "I'm happy for you girls. Congratulations."

"I mean, the show's not a big deal. But it was sort of nice."

"Right."

"Yeah."

Jessica snapped the magazine in front of her shut. Taeyeon didn't have to treat her like some grouch that couldn't deal with the group's success.

"Well, congrats, okay?"

Taeyeon nodded while biting her straw. There were many facial expressions that could be masked behind on a good bit of avocado smoothie.

---------------

It took Jessica five days of poring over her scrapbook to draft up acceptable design proposals. The other fashion designers in the company then created the actual designs using her expectations. When that was done, the three of them met with a marketing analyst, an advertiser and the manufacturer to finalize the Denim line. More of her opinions than the last time made it through the discussion, so Jessica felt good about herself. She was learning. Getting a handle on this, even.

Work ended at six-thirty. Regular, predictable, healthy hours- the perks of transitioning out of SM. It felt as though she were on vacation. Today was the end of that holiday, and her final schedule was dinner with Myungmin, to say goodbye. She would have to find herself a manager outside of the company.

"You're an awesome manager, oppa," she said. "Hell, I'm going to miss you."

"If only my next client will be half as good as you."

Jessica laughed. "You'll have to deal with new blood. Naive rookies hanging onto to your every word."

"Boring."

Jessica grinned. "I'm not going to miss you waking me up."

After dinner, Myungmin graced her with one last drive. "Wherever you want to go. Busan, even."

Jessica was suddenly hit with a pang of sadness. She remembered being in her bedroom, sitting at the dresser, with nothing but a trophy for company. "I'd like to go to the dorms, oppa."

"Alright."

The ride in the van was quiet other than stopping by at a twenty-four hour fast food restaurant. Myungmin stepped out to grab takeaway for her. A medium-sized caesar salad with dressing on the side, and a small box of fried chicken. 

Then a half hour of silence. It didn't feel weird to her. It felt like she couldn't appreciate the gravity of the change happening right now. She wouldn't get to change costumes in this heavily tinted black van. She wouldn't be walking down the corridors at the SM studios to record. She wouldn't get SM catering where every serving was sneakily bite-sized.

"Goodbye, oppa. Don't be a stranger."

"You better give me a signed CD every comeback."

She took the elevator up to Taeyeon's floor, and let herself in, before shooting a text to Taeyeon that she'd be visiting. The group was still at the company, practicing, because the nation's girl group didn't rest on its laurels. It could wash away the bitter aftertaste from her exit and continue its legacy with just eight members.

Jessica put the food on the coffee table in the living room before going to shower. She changed into her spare pyjamas, which the housekeeper had laundered, and went to sleep.

----

It was eleven-thirty when Jessica was woken up. A nudge and a prod was not enough. Someone pulled the comforter away from her shoulders. The light was . Her name was called enough times to fill a bank. Finally, she was dragged out of the room to the living room. She was sat upright on the couch until she was fully awake. She rubbed her eyes. Only Jessica Jung could have a surprise party set up right in front of her like this.

Beside her pathetic boxes of fried chicken and salad, there was a pint of gelato, a case of vintage champagne and bags of dark chocolate-covered pretzel sticks.

"If you thought you could have Taengoo to yourself, you thought wrong!" Sunny said.

"We're may be on a diet, but we have money now. What's with the fast food?" Sooyoung said.

Jessica yawned. "Fancy food is for fatties. I hope all of you stretch your costumes on TV."

"Then you get fat with us. Now drink up!" Yuri said.

"To graduating from SM!" Sunny said, raising her drink.

"Congratulations, sunbaenim," the rest chorused.

They clinked their glasses together. The drinking was responsible. Jessica didn't need them to go wild. She was just glad that they were here. She couldn't stop the smile on her face. It was pathetic, but she didn't feel so stressed out when she was included. They'd pulled time out of thin air for her. She was well rested. They were running on fumes. Her business was in jeopardy. They were financially secure. Win some, lose some. She hugged Taeyeon with one arm. Thanks for starting this. Taeyeon grinned back at her and motioned a silent toast.