CHAPTER ELEVEN Taeyeon's Break up

Jessica had texted her throughout the whole day. She looked through their chat.

[Jessica]
[Received 08:30]
good morning!
[Sent 08:31]
Hey. How are you feeling?
[Received 08:31]
great. what are u doing now?
[Sent 08:31]
That's good. Breakfast.

[Received 10:23]
did u watch Taylor Swift's new MV?
[Sent 10:23]
Nope.
[Received 10:24]
it's hilarious. check it. youtu.be/74y10R
[Sent 10:24]
Lol ok.

At this point, Taeyeon distinctly remembered thinking to herself that Jessica better stop messaging her, because she was tired of adamantly ignoring the conversation starters.

[Received 13:40]
what are you doing now?
[Sent 13:42]
Lunch.

Jessica being Jessica, didn't do what she wanted.

[Received 15:44]
gna eat lunch now. so hungryy
[Sent 15:45]
It's late. You should be taking care of yourself.
[Received 15:46]
awwwwww <3

After this, Taeyeon had spat out the bit of vegetable juice that Yuri had blended for everyone. Sooyoung made her drink an inch of juice since they were all sharing the same tumbler.

And then there was that dinner drivel about Krystal being a glutton and her having to justify herself. About Yuri's weight, of all things. As if anyone in Soshi needed to check their figure.

Taeyeon had a bad habit of responding to messages as soon as she saw them. It was a reaction she acquired after becoming leader. For the business, she had to be responsive. For the group, she had to be available. So texting was never awkward for her. When the girls talked about how they sometimes didn't know how to reply to certain messages, she couldn't relate to them.

So when Jessica kept messaging her, she kept texting back because she knew that Jessica knew that she Replied To Messages.

Taeyeon tried to be understanding because she was the one who screwed up Jessica's health, but she wasn't an Alzheimer-suffering, emotionally-invalid robot. Jessica used to talk to her like this. Meanwhile, she kept sending lacklustre replies. Jessica wouldn't take a hint, insisted on these annoyingly friendly text messages.

Back at the dorm, Sunny was flopped on her bed, at side of the room. She had applied an overnight face mask and was playing some soft indie music. Taeyeon had just finished showering and sat at her dresser. Used a bunch of free stuff that Nature Republic had delivered. She actually received free stuff from Missha, Sulhwasoo, Innisfree, Laneige and Etude House, too. The cosmetics companies liked to keep in touch. Maybe they thought she'd sign with them once her Nature Republic contract was up. 

"Do I want to know why you've been staring at the mirror?" Sunny said, still lying face up on her bed. "You look obsessed with your reflection. Think you're famous now, do you."

"Oh, hush." She got up and went to her own bed. Took out her phone and pulled up Instagram. "Was just thinking."

"What's up? You seemed kind of off today."

Taeyeon thought about it, then she switched to her messages and pulled out the conversation with Jessica. Flipped her phone beside Sunny's lap. She said, "Sica's lost her mind. That's what's up."

Sunny scrolled through the conversation, holding the phone directly above her face. A little closer than recommended. She'd done Lasik, but too early. She was kind of pissed at the doctor, but at least it wasn't as obvious as a botched plastic surgery job.

"Holy moley," Sunny said. Her face was caked with mint green cream, so it was cemented into that classic Sunny non-expression. "Wooooaw. that old charm again, didn't you."

"I didn't do anything."

"Ha! If Sica can overcome all the cruft between you two without you doing anything, then fans are gonna get a heart attack when we comeback next week. You won't have to do anything. Heck, we could just lug one of those COEXartium cutouts of you on Inkigayo and win number one."

Taeyeon huffed. She reached out for her phone. Sunny tossed it back at her.

"Dude, I told you, you're a natural. Staying over at the hospital to wait for her, then initiating the whole duet thing. What a gentleman."

"It was just the right thing to do."

"Yeah, it's the right thing to do, but how many people actually do the right thing? It was so sweet of you. So sweet."

Seriously. Taeyeon knew Jessica well enough to know that the Jung woman had called her a , an , or even the C-word maybe a million and one times for the past year. Now, all it took was a little song to make Jessica want them to be them again? It was insane. Taeyeon wasn't interested. She was impulsive at times, yes, but not delusional.

"What do you think?" Sunny asked.

"She's being ridiculous. What are you thinking?"

"Obviously, it's up to you two. I, for one, am going to ask Sica out on a lunch date."

"Well... do you think Sica's out of her mind?"

"Of course I do."

"It's just a phase."

"Of course it is. That's how all romances start. It's a crush, and then it's not."

"We're way past crushing."

"Okay, fine. The vestiges of first love that never goes away. Reignited. Rekindled. Rejuvenated."

Taeyeon said nothing.

"You know, the happiest I've seen you is when you two were doing well. I know things didn't work out, but maybe you should give it another shot."

No, she really shouldn't. She knew Jessica enough to know that they'd just slide down that slippery slope yet again.

It was the end of 2011. They were performing The Boys everywhere. Even in America, on their TV shows and in their concert venues. That was kind of insane. Tiffany said it was a big deal, so everyone was excited about it. 

But more like, Taeyeon was dating Jessica, and that was really insane. Insanely nice, Taeyeon liked to tell herself.

Soshi was back in Seoul. The current slot on their schedule was filled by a recorded interview. It was right after a broadcast performance, so they were still in costume. They were at KBS and the MC was talky. The nine of them were seated or standing in two rows. She was in the back row, standing right next to her girlfriend.

Jessica was smiling slightly, not really paying attention to the stale questions, nodding along occasionally whenever she realized, belatedly, that she agreed with a fragment of some sentence. Her attention focused slightly more when a member was talking, but otherwise she could have been a plant. Taeyeon thought it was cute.

Jessica tried holding Taeyeon's hand discreetly. Their hands couldn't be seen, anyway. But the rolling camera made Taeyeon self-conscious. She looked straight ahead with a blank face, so that it was clear that she didn't want to hold hands.

The interview carried on, and then the spotlight was on Joohyun. The maknae was so cute. She was much more mature and eloquent in public nowadays, but a little too serious. Taeyeon didn't think it was good to be so dour for the camera. Joohyun worked so hard off camera that Taeyeon didn't think it was fair that fans weren't as crazy for her as they were for the other members. Joohyun, Taeyeon felt, needed to seem more relatable. That was the trick. If you can't be approachable, you can be relatable. A principle that seemed to work for herself.

"What do the older members think of the maknae? She's so sweet and perfect to the public," the MC said. Four years later, Taeyeon wouldn't remember his or her face, let alone a name.

She's disciplined, she's stubborn, she's the manager's favorite. Rote answers to already-asked questions. Net gain for Joohyun was baseline.

"She's weird!" Taeyeon said. Jessica smacked her on the arm as some of the others burst into laughter. She turned to Jessica briefly, smiling involuntarily. "What, no, it's a good thing. Being weird can be a good thing, right?"

As the chuckles rippled to the other end of the row, Jessica leaned into her, and she surreptitiously leaned away. Keep a blank face. Keep a blank face. They were at work! And actual live human beings scrutinized these videos. They might catch on to a more-than-Taengsic relationship between them. Jessica stopped trying to glomp onto her, and she relaxed.

Later that night, they were in Jessica's bedroom. "Excuse me, Kim Taengoo, why the hell were you avoiding me all through our Entertainment Weekly interview?"

"Was I?"

"Yes, you were!"

"I did...? Oh, oh yeah. Hello, Jung Sica, why the heck were you trying to do skinship with me on TV?"

"Because you're my girlfriend," Jessica said. Taeyeon's jaw dropped. A national declaration? Jessica wasn't Tiffany. She wasn't American enough to be so liberal, was she? Then again, Tiffany wasn't a typical American. She was the quintessential conservative Korean American, Jessica always liked to say.

"We can't tell people that!"

"Speaking of which, we should really tell the other non-Sunny members."

"Don't try to change the topic," Taeyeon said.

"Seriously, we know that we're serious by now," Jessica said. Jessica had taken forever to come to grips with her feelings, but Taeyeon was shy about displaying their affections in public. Taeyeon knew Jessica thought it was ridiculous to consider the other members as part of 'the public'.

"Let's talk about that another time. For now, please stop skinshipping me on TV."

"But we did that all the time."

Taeyeon said nothing.

"Fine, I'll try, okay?"

"No, we have to be very careful. You and I would be in deep shizzle if we got found out. The others would be affected too."

"Okay, okay. You're such a responsible kid, Taengoo."

"I know. Now kiss me."

It was Fall of 2013. I Got A Boy. Ah, my prince. Lies, lies! Taeyeon couldn't wait to dye her hair back to black. The constant bleaching was making her soul die a little each time. Taeyeon stood behind Sooyoung, Yoona and the others. She was wearing a thin, sleeveless with her midriff exposed. Skinny jeans and silver canvas shoes. The concert hall for Girls & Peace was freezing. The audience seats were empty, and the music echoed throughout the empty building. Full dress rehearsals were a necessary pain. She rubbed her hands together.

"It's cold as ."

She turned around and grinned at Jessica. They linked hands. Jessica's fingers were cooler than hers. She stood a little closer. Her eyes were alert though. They were backstage, and everyone else was busy. The production staff looked distracted. Sooyoung glanced at them, silently telling them to be careful. Taeyeon smiled faintly. She was always careful. She was the responsible one in the relationship.

"I know what," Jessica said. "After this, let's go to my van and-"

Taeyeon caught sight of the cue for their turn. The staff was giving them the signal. She pulled her hand away. "Go take your position. We're on opposite sides of the stage."

"I know, I know. I have eyes and ears too, you know." Jessica sighed theatrically. "The video is still playing. More than a minute of it, in fact. All the time in the world to have a real romantic moment and for me to saunter over to my spot."

"Two minutes we won't have during the actual concert. Just go."

"Keep nagging me, grandma." Jessica rolled her eyes, but did move to the front of the group. 

Taeyeon folded her arms, pissed off at her rebellious, stupid, beautiful girlfriend.

Jessica put her hands around Sunny's shoulders and they started talking animatedly. Taeyeon stared at them for a while. Why couldn't they have civil conversations like that? Her brow furrowed even further. She told herself that this was normal for any relationship. She reminded herself that this was only because they were comfortable and committed.

It was after the start of 2014. JYP threw a belated countdown party. It was a belated new year's party because all entertainers had to work on New Year's Day and New Year's Eve. The 2PM members invited Soshi to it. Thanks to Tiffany, of course. 

Everyone else was going. Even Joohyun wanted to go, if only to see how JYP groups partied differently from SM groups. Taeyeon didn't want to go. She wanted to sit at home, watch a movie, and go to sleep early. Jessica was exasperated with her, as was so often the case nowadays. So Jessica went, and Taeyeon didn't.

At home, once she actually picked out a movie and started watching it, the living room seemed lonely because everyone else was having fun together outside without her. Taeyeon made it through the first act of the movie before getting off her couch and shedding her home clothes. Hyoyeon said that she should try to have some fun with the members, sometimes. At least try, please. She plucked out some party-ish clothes from her closet and switched of the TV on her way out.

Even if Taeyeon hadn't gone that night, she reckoned that they would have fallen out sooner or later. They had it coming. Anyway, Jessica was drinking and socializing, Taeyeon was cautious and introverted, and they started arguing. Then they took it to the fancy JYP restroom, where they flat out screamed at each other. The maknaes, Joohyun and Yoona guarded the door, relegated outside where they couldn't listen in over the pounding music. They were brought up to speed later, by the other unnies.

"You're such a control freak! What are you jealous for?"

"I'm not jealous. I saw the way he looked at you!"

"Ha! That's so stupid, I don't even know what to say. I'm dating you, woman. Taecyeon is a man, if you haven't noticed. Be concerned when I talk to girls, for chrissakes."

"Oh yeah? You used to go out with guys before me-"

Jessica's expression dialed down so quickly that Taeyeon immediately knew that she had crossed the line. "I told you it was an act. I had to ing pretend for three whole years. You don't get to bring that up."

One, Taeyeon was feeling guilty for dismissing Jessica's past pain. Two, she was annoyed at being told what to do. One plus two felt awful, and she lashed out. "Don't make me laugh! You, act? You keep trying to expose our relationship to the public. You can't be considerate for just once and pretend that we're not together. It's like you want us to lose our jobs. Lose everybody they're jobs!"

At this point, Tiffany tried to step in, but Jessica cut her off. "You need to get your head checked. I'm acting normal. You're the one who everyone thinks is pissed off at me or whatever, acting like a cold . Wait, it's not acting. You should be a hermit. You at not being alone. You impose all these laws and expect me to just bow down to them all the damn time. You're so bad at relationships but you always think you're the better of us two. Being with you is exhausting, and I've had enough of your uptight bull."

Taeyeon said nothing. Jessica knew where to cut deepest. Jessica had that kind of power over her, because she had entrusted it. Taeyeon didn't cry. Jessica was crying. Hatefully, she knew. "I guess we're done here."

The other girls finally had a word in. Jessica told them to get out of the way. Yuri and Tiffany followed her out. Yuri was Jessica's go-to, and she knew that Sunny was Taeyeon's go-to, so she didn't feel bad about choosing who to stay with. Tiffany was a mutual best friend, and took it upon herself to be Taeyeon's peace advocate.

Meanwhile, Taeyeon made her way home. Sunny and everyone else was drunk, so she got a cab for half of them and drove the other half home. The half with her were like family members at an intervention. They calmed her down, helped her get over her embarrassment. Made her feel like apologizing to Jessica, and getting an apology.

But Taeyeon was done, and so was Jessica, and they both knew it. They were like a bag of popcorn with no pops left. 

A/N: Ah, my computer~ Haven't been able to write for so long T.T ...So excited for Party and the other songs! I think they'll be good, because almost all of them were like driven in the official CMIYC video, even if the ot9 one has an awesome Sunny and Jessica. Tbh, I like the official MV since Taeyeon sang Jessica's adlib Jessica style and the other members had so many more parts. Does that make me a bad fan=X Thanks for the reviews/subs/upvotes last chapter. How was this one?