CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: Taeyeon's Habit

Taeyeon woke up. Her whole tongue was dry. She tasted flat beer. She was lying on her side, her right arm folded up underneath her. It was hurting. She rolled flat on her back. Her elbow didn't straighten. She waited until it eased up.

From the side, the digital clock on the side table read 5:09. In Korea, it was Taeng o'clock. Way too early to be calling Jessica. They just had two straight nights of concerts. Later today, they'd be flying to the next country. Another ten thousand fans strong, every time.

Taeyeyon sighed. Concerts were too awesome. It was like four hours of insane support just rushing at her relentlessly. Wave after wave of passionate screaming crashed over her. She could drown in it, but somehow she buoyed up to the surface with her seven other members as they pulled off an awesome performance. That's right, they pulled off ing awesome concerts.

She wished she could reach everyone. Judging by the number of their Instagram followers, they would need to play hundreds of concerts to reach all their fans. There wasn't so much time to do that.

The realization stirred a restlessness in her and Taeyeon knew she wasn't going to be able to sleep. She took a pull from the almost empty can of beer. It was utterly impotent after being left to air for the past few hours. She picked up her phone and played some music on speaker. She got off her bed and went to the minibar, and cracked open a new can. Twelve ounces of white ale later, she was out of it again.

Phantasia was over, but Jessica was in China.

Ten straight nights, Taeyeon drank herself to sleep. She was getting better at drinking. Her members should change her nickname to Half Trash since it took her two times as much alcohol to feel woozy. They should call her that anyway for half-assing life. She was a singer, damn it. Drinks were bad for because they burned. Alcohol was a truck load of empty calories.

Taeyeon drank anyway.

The other members didn't notice because she was careful to drink alone. She did not have a personal mini fridge, but Sunny and Tiffany were too busy to keep track of the two refrigerators in the kitchen. The group met up once to celebrate life, but Taeyeon had drunk only to her expected capacity. She was careful, and she was able to be careful, so this was fine. Other people drank bottles and bottles of soju every day anyway.

More than a month ago, it was their Farewell stage on Inkigayo. The next day, she was summoned yet again to the Great CEO's office by Kim Youngmin's snobby assistant.

"Good afternoon, President," Taeyeon said.

Kim Youngmin nodded. "Have a seat."

Taeyeon bowed briefly before sitting on the chair across the President's large mahogany desk. She waited for the news, and the news was that SM was releasing a digital single once every other week, starting in 2016. She was the first in the lineup. Fifth was Yoona, which was frankly, surprising.

"What about Tiffany's album?"

"We'll get around to that," he said. "The real news is that you have three months after Phantasia to make a full album. You've been through the mini album process, and I believe you have thirty songs in the backlog, so seventy-five percent of the work is done. I have two possible lead singles that you can choose from."

"A full album for me?"

"You sold pretty spectacularly for your debut album. It's time to make another one before you get cold," Kim Youngmin said. "We'll put together a two-day concert in spring. Your first solo concert. How's that?"

Taeyeon couldn't keep up. "Spring's hardly four months after our concert. But I suppose if it's COEX it will be easier to prepare for. But a full album? What about Tiffany?"

"I told you once that we'll discuss that later," Kim Youngmin said. "The concert will not be at COEX Artium, but at the Olympic stadium, as real concerts are always held at."

Taeyeon gaped. "Hold on. You want me to release a digital single, prepare a full length album when the last one took nearly a year, and pull of a solo concert at group scale, by... which month of spring?"

"April. Early April for the album, and late April for the concert. I want the digital single out in January. We have the song ready. All you need to do is record, then shoot the MV. No promotions for that."

"I can't do all these things. That's hardly any time. And this is Tiffany's space. You said there was a queue and that's why Tiffany got delayed. You said that the market was over-saturated with Girls' Generation. Where are all those reasons now?"

"You're being rude."

"I apologize, sir," Taeyeon bit out.

"You'll get priority in scheduling and maximum staff support. That's why you'll be able to do all these things, because you're not the one doing most of the work," Kim Youngmin said. "As for the scheduling, this is what we've decided."

"You can't expect me to betray Tiffany," Taeyeon said.

"Don't be so melodramatic. If you need to feel better, think of this as warming things up for Miyoung."

Taeyeon shook her head.

Kim Youngmin sighed. "We really think that Miyoung's album will sell better in the summer."

"You've taken advantage of her for long enough."

"You know what's really bad?" Kim Youngmin said. "You pass over this opportunity and your solo career will be forever stained by your demonstration of arrogance and laziness. Why should we invest so much effort in you if you don't have the track record?"

Taeyeon frowned.

"As for Yoona, we'll shelve her digital debut and give that to someone else who deserves it more. One of the hoobaes. Seulgi? Joy? Miyoung's solo of course will be delayed until after the group makes a comeback, but even then, what if we face the same situation we're facing now? Her album may be put on indefinite hiatus," Kim Youngmin said. "Consider all of this. It's a business decision."

"Don't call it a decision as if I have a choice. You're blackmailing me," Taeyeon said. "The thing about threats is that you need to prove that you'll do right by me if you want to keep making them in the future. I want you to promise me that, if I accomplish all of this, you will release Tiffany's album this summer because you promised her one last year and give the group a full scale comeback because we did well for Lion Heart."

"You're being extremely rude."

"I apologize for that, but do you agree to my terms?"

"Yes."

Taeyeon blinked. Her pounding heart slowed a beat in relief.

"You're a stupid negotiator," Kim Youngmin went on to say. "Your terms are more or less what I would already arrange for if you agreed with our plans. You should have asked for more. The other members might have benefitted if you weren't completely useless in meetings."

Taeyeon opened , but was too slow.

"We are over time," Kim Youngmin said. "I have another meeting to attend. I'm afraid you have to leave."

Taeyeon stood up, fingers numb. It hurt to swallow. It shouldn't hurt so much. She had put up with this bull for years. She turned and left the office. There was no one waiting at the reception. The NCT demo song was playing. She hurried out. There was a group concert rehearsal to attend.

She waited for Keunsuk's van to come. He was picking some members from the dorms first before getting her. Then they would go to the warehouse SM had rented. The floors there were taped with the same layout as the one they would use for Phantasia.

"How was the meeting?" Tiffany asked. Sooyoung and Hyoyeon turned to her. She saw Keunsuk's eyes from the rearview mirror. He looked curious. The company would tell him soon. She didn't want to talk in front of him. He was a great manager, but she didn't want to deal with his obligatory spiel on SM's management qualities.

And it wasn't as though she could answer Tiffany, I'm going to screw you over, but I'm doing this because I love you.

"I'll tell you guys later tonight," she told her members. hurt. "Let's focus on having a good practice."

Now that Phantasia was over, Taeyeon was working every day to fulfill the conditions stipulated. The digital single she recorded for SM's every-two-weeks relay had long since passed. Taeyeon had told her members not to give it any publicity, but they had minds of their own, as usual. Tiffany made a full post on Instagram, Yoona commented, and Sooyoung talked about it. So on and so forth.

Trying to pull off a shotgun album that wouldn't seem half-assed was insane. She was exhausted. Her solace came in two forms. When Jessica wasn't in town, she had beer. When Jessica was in town, well, she had Jessica.

These days, Taeyeon was spending her time at Jessica's place. She let Keunsuk drive her back to the dorm, then she would drive to Jessica's. She would stay until midnight, then return home, where she would be able to drink some alcohol before going to bed.

Taeyeon didn't stay over because Jessica's parents knew that they were together, and while she was grateful that both parents left them to be, it was not respectful to stay overnight unless they were just friends.

There were reasons why Taeyeon wanted to go to Jessica's. One, it was tiring for Jessica to come over to the dorm every night. Two, Sunny had technically signed up for one roommate, not two. Three, Jessica's home office was at her home. Four, Taeyeon liked the world with just the two of them in Jessica's bedroom. Five, a very small five, she wanted some time alone with her friends. Wine, alcohol, soju, makgeolli, bourbon, champagne. There was so much to choose from.

Taeyeon loved watching Jessica work. Jessica would sit over her desk, sketching designs on a drawing pad. She had a large case of brush tip markers for coloring. Jessica had improved tremendously over the past year, now that so much of her time could be devoted to Blanc. And Eclare. Jessica was very deliberate about calling Blanc by not just Blanc, but B&E. Taeyeon and the others still thought of it as Blanc.

Their relationship was better than ever. Taeyeon didn't have to worry about treading the group issue because she didn't want to talk about the group. She'd keep them in her mind but she felt too guilty to think about them. It was stressful. She was a reed being bent. Sooner or later, it would snap.

It turned out that there were other things to talk about. Good food and American TV shows were Jessica's staples. Meanwhile, Taeyeon could talk music and R-rated movies. If Jessica was purple, Taeyeon was blue. They weren't too different from each other. Similar enough for the awkwardness between them to feel intimate and necessary and interesting. Taeyeon was pretty sure that Jessica felt the same way about what they had.

"Why don't you fill up your coloring book instead of watching me?" Jessica asked.

"Feeling self conscious?"

"Obviously. Your reputation of being a ert makes me extra sensitive to what you're actually looking at."

Taeyeon smirked. "Up close and personal with Jessica Jung. Thousands of men would kill to be in my position."

"You meant to say millions, I'm sure."

"Millions. Yeah, I think that has a better ring to it, even if it's sorta delusional."

Jessica put down the green marker. "Want to repeat that?"

"You're an egomaniac. Kind of like KARA's Gyuri but ten times worse."

"Oh my god, I cannot believe you just compared me to her! You hate that girl."

Taeyeon spun a yellow marker. "You're not like her at all. You at least walk the talk. I do really think that every part of you is amazing."

"Empty praise. My left eye isn't even symmetric to my right one. Not to mention the work done."

Taeyeon snickered. "I think I read somewhere that no one has perfect symmetry, which means that you have natural beauty. And despite medical wizardry after our very public debut, you have fans. Congratulations."

"Why, thank you."

"As for me, I'm taping my damn eyelids so many times that I think the folds will be permanent."

"Gross."

"You're gross."

"No, you are."

Taeyeon huffed and rubbed an eye. "How did we even get to talking about this?"

Jessica nudged her marker box towards Taeyeon. "Pull out your god damn book and color between the lines."

After a while, Taeyeon finally conceded and proceeded to color beside Jessica. She felt like a kid playing made-believe cooking while the mother whipped up a real meal, but the oedipal undertones were a slight turn off. Coloring, therapeutic as it was, made such useless thoughts fade away, and soon she was melting in the comfort of layering colors, each brush careful and precise. Taeyeon liked lining up the colors neatly. If she overlapped two colors, it had to be precisely because she intended it.

Taeyeon felt eyes on her and looked up. Jessica was done with work, and just looking at her impassively. An hour had disappeared into the half-filled pages of her coloring book. She was gripped with the sudden hunger that appears with a lack of time left together.

Jessica pressed her up against the closet as they kissed. Taeyeon closed her eyes and lost herself in the taste of Jessica's tongue. Jessica moaned involuntarily into , and Taeyeon remembered to keep it light. The parents and Soojung were in the same house, after all. They moved to the gray futon and cuddled until it was time for Taeyeon to return to the dorm.

Taeyeon joined the Jung women for dinner. She had brought a bottle of vintage champagne to thank Jessica's mother for cooking. She had not tried it before. They paired it with the pasta that Jessica's mother had prepared, and it was very good. Taeyeon found herself being able to appreciate more because of her  new experiences in drinking.

"There's one more thing," Jessica said. She hopped off to the kitchen. She emerged with a white paper box from a bakery. Jessica picked the wrapping apart to reveal a chocolate ganache cake with a thin candle mounted on top.

"What's this? It's not my birthday."

"March obviously isn't February," Jessica said.

There was a brief silence in which Jessica's own mother and sister could still be amazed at the impact of the Sica Effect. The phenomenon indeed deserved its own name.

"This is for your unbirthday," Jessica continued, "Happy unbirthday, Kim Taengoo."

"Thanks?" Taeyeon smiled and blew out the candle. The four of them had tea spoons, and they shared the cake, which was the size of two hands clasped together. "What's an unbirthday?"

"It was on a children's animated film. Alice in Wonderland," Krystal said. "The rabbit was like partying with a bunch of teapots or something. Like, holy camoly, what were the people at Disney smoking?"

"In short, we're celebrating it not being your birthday," Jessica said.

"What do you mean? Almost every day is not my birthday."

"Yes, and I'm celebrating that today, so it's your unbirthday."

Taeyeon eyed Jessica with half a mind to smear her face with whipped cream. It was tempting, but she did not want to alarm Jessica's mother. "You Americans... like making a big deal out of everything."

Jessica smirked, as if she knew what Taeyeon really wanted to do.

"You've been working very hard, Taeyeon," Jessica's mother said. "To encourage you, I believe Jessica wanted to celebrate you for just being around."

Jessica smouldered through ten shades of red, while Krystal gagged. Now it was Taeyeon's turn to grin. She cleared . "That's so sweet. I guess I'm glad to have you three here on this unbirthday."

Taeyeon took another bite of the cake, letting the dark chocolate melt in . Jessica flustered was a turn on. She subtly swept her tongue between her lips. They talked for a few more minutes, then Jessica's mother had a show she wanted to catch with Krystal, so Jessica and Taeyeon did the dishes. Taeyeon, mostly, because Jessica never had the habit of washing up when the group lived in one apartment, and that dynamic between the two of them picked right up where they had left off.

While Taeyeon scrubbed the plates, Jessica leant her head against Taeyeon's neck from behind.

"You're so good at this, Taengoo."

"Why, thank you, your highness. Would you like to take over? You'd get better with practice."

"No, thanks. I can't be taking away jobs from the common folk. As princess, I should be serving my subjects by kissing them, not by doing menial labor."

"You're insufferable," Taeyeon said. These Jungs were too melodramatic for her. A highball on the rocks would certainly smooth things over. When she was done cleaning up, she drank a tall glass of water that tasted too plain. She muttered, "I really mean it. You better do something good in your room later to make up for all this crazy talk."

A/N: Thanks for the comments/upvotes last chapter. How was this one?