Myungsoo sits at one of the chairs with his eyes fix to the stage that is nicely decorated with white ribbons and balloons. Today is the day of the press conference for the charity project and even though he had said many times that he didn’t have the reasons to come – he was just the photographer after all – but the volunteer administrator got him to come after almost half an hour of persuasion. He said yes even though he doesn’t feel like coming because 1. He doesn’t want to come. 2. He wants to sleep. 3. Jinri’s going to be there. 4. He’s not ready to face Jinri.

He sits far at the very end on the first row because it’s darker there since the light is all focused at the centre right to the stage. He firstly sat at the back but then Mr. Park, the volunteer saw him and moved him to the first row, to where all who are involved in the project are sitting. He sits there quietly and mentally, desperately wishes for the event to end. He runs his eyes everywhere to look for Jinri, and sighs in relief when the said girl is nowhere to be found. As long as she’s not close to him, he’s fine. Being with Jinri is just... suffocating.

Jinri... she gets him thinking a lot – probably more than that. He thinks a lot that he suffers headache from it. And he has to wonder. Since when does he become so weak-minded like that? Why would he let someone affect his mind? Is it because he’s less prepared this time? He never thinks he’d meet Jinri again, but he believes it’s not the real problem. The real problem is that Jinri seems to be living in the past. The words she chose to say, somehow, shows hatred. The tone she used to say her words that night still sends chills down his spine. She sounds dangerous. She seems like one, too. He never sees that coming, and he’s not prepared for it. And that’s why he’s afraid because in a way, she gets him like the way she wants to – if that’s what her real intention – to make her words linger all over him like a permanent fragrance.

He tries, alright? To understand Jinri and the reasons why she did what she did that night. But, he couldn’t come up with any rational ideas. He almost hates her. The more he thinks about it, the more he seems to hate her. And he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to hate anybody. He doesn’t want to hate Jinri. They are friends, after all, and friends aren’t supposed to hate each other. But, she makes him go nuts – with her words so bitter and that vicious smiles of hers. He couldn’t comprehend anything. Is Jinri still living in the past? She seems like it. Does the burning flame she has for both Myungsoo and Soojung hasn’t died down? If it hasn’t, why? It’s almost 8 years now. Why can’t she move on? Moving on is hard, he knows that fact very well, but if that’s the only way for her to see life clearly with an easy heart, why can’t she move on? Why doesn’t she move on?

Isn’t that tiring? To be living in hatred. Isn’t that tiring? You have to wonder how the other person is doing, and wish that whatever he’s doing will fail terribly so that he’ll have a somewhat terrible life and die terribly. And after that, what? Is hatred going to change your life? He believes the answer is no. Hatred, for him, is only wasted energy. People might say he doesn’t understand how to be living in hatred because he never lives in one, but our life is defined by the choices that we made. Why choose hatred when ‘moving on’ is on another path? He doesn’t understand that, really. He has no right to judge, but if it’s him, he wouldn’t choose to live in hatred. Just by the thought of it makes him tired.

A sudden, loud round of applause that rings in his ears brings him back to earth. He shifts his gaze around and notices that the lights are off except for the ones on the stage, and Jinri’s there, sitting behind the long table with the authorities. She’s in white, her hair falls past her shoulder just like the last time, a big smile embraces her lips. She’s pretty, he has to admit, but it makes him afraid. How can a smile cover up so much? It makes him afraid, because at that moment, all he could see is Sulli, and not Jinri. Jinri’s gone and only Sulli who’s present. It’s like Jinri’s having a personality disorder. Maybe she’s not. Maybe Sulli hides Jinri so well that even the observant Kim Myungsoo is confused. Cameras have been flashing here and there, taking shots of the events, especially the model, and every time her smile gets wider, the more afraid he becomes. He doesn’t know what he’s seeing anymore.

The event starts then. His eyes are on to people on the stage but never he listens to whatever they say. He’s got too much on his mind listen. He claps when people clap, silent when the other do that. The MC asks questions about this and that, they answer, and then the reporters take turns to ask them questions, and the event goes on like that. Pretty boring, he could say. He feels like the answers are scripted, even though they questions they ask are random. Is it possible to do that? He doesn’t know. But, he stops figuring out that matter. He’s here because of work, and not to judge. He could only wish it’ll end faster. He wants to go home and sleep. These past few days have been extremely tiring for him.

“Choi Sulli-ssi, may I know why you accept this offer? This is the first time you’re involved in this kind of project, right?” a guy reporter asks with his hand raised up in the air.

This time he listens.

Jinri smiles before she answers. “That’s right. I have never been offered to do charity projects before, and since I love the idea of helping people, I thought to myself, “why not?”. I might not have the time do it by myself, so by involving myself to this project, even if it’s not too much, I can help the children. Besides, I get to work with my old schoolmate – he’s the photographer – that I haven’t seen for ages. I think it’d be a great opportunity for us to catch up again.”

Myungsoo chuckles to himself. Ah, so she knew all along I’d be there, he thinks. He doesn’t know how to react. He won’t accept the offer, if he knows she’s a part of the project, too, if you want to know the truth. Call him a coward or something, he doesn’t care. The thing with girls is, they could be hella scary whenever they want it. And Jinri gives him that vibe. But, when she said she loves the idea of helping people, even though he doesn’t know the amount of truth behind those words, he, somehow, believes her. He believes her, because he believes that in spite of everything, people are still very kind deep down at heart. That soft spot one has for something, no matter how bad the person is, will never fade. It’ll always be there – the fondness. He believes her.

And with her smiling all brightly like that, he doesn’t have the guts to wipe it off from her face. He doesn’t want to be the reason why her smile seems off the other day, or how vicious her smile could be. He doesn’t want to turn her into a monster, because Jinri is so not a monster. She might recklessly decide that she didn’t want to be friend with Soojung anymore, but when he thinks back, he seems to be putting the blame on him instead. But, really, is it his fault? He’s in love. People do things when they’re in love, and they might hurt others in the process, but he has made his choice since the very beginning. And that choice defines him now. And he believes, that choice defines Jinri, too. That choice defines Soojung. That choice defines them all. And it’ll be carried out throughout their life.

So, when the event finally ends, he rushes to the backstage, and grabs the pale girl by the shoulder. She gasps out of shock before she turns around and a smile is still embracing her lips. He knows immediately it isn’t a fake one, because her eyes spark as bright as the smile she has on her lips. Nothing vicious in it. And he’s washed down by guilt. Really, he doesn’t have the guts to turn the beautiful smile into a cruel one.

“We need to talk.” he says.

A proper apology will do, right?

+

“I am sorry.” He says, his eyes directly fixed to the girl who’s sitting across him. They’re in a restaurant, having lunch together right after the event ended. He waits until they have finished eating to finally have the courage to say those three words. Nervous? He really is. And when she gives him silence, he gets even more nervous. Few minutes later only she comes up with a reply.

“What for?”

He doesn’t answer that question right away. “I have been thinking a lot, about what you had said the other night. I couldn’t help but blaming myself over what had happened between us three, especially between you and Soojung. But, Jinri, I want to make it clear to you. I choose Soojung, since the very first day. I choose her then, I choose her now, and I’d still choose her in another lifetime, in any version of reality. I’d choose her. It’ll always—“

“I’m not here to listen to your confession, Myungsoo.” Jinri cuts him off, eyes start to burning in anger.

He shakes his head. “No, no. I’m not confessing. But, alright, I’m sorry. My bad for making it sounds like a confession, but the thing is,” he breathes softly. “I want to make it clear to you, that even if I don’t end up with Soojung, it still couldn’t be you. I don’t mean to hurt you, Jinri—“

“You just did.” She says, cutting him once again before she lets out a scoff. “Why are we talking about this anyway? Did Soojung make you to do this? Man up, Myungsoo. Just because she asked you to confront me or anything, doesn’t mean you have to do it, you know? Besides, I’m not in the mood to talk about this matter.”

What even? He softens. Really. Pain changes people. Jinri is so hard-headed. He guesses pain makes people do things they don’t mean to do, too. “No, Jinri. Soojung didn’t do that. I’m here with my own will. I have to talk to you, to make things clear. I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry for that. But, I’ve made up my mind—“

“If you could love her even after you’ve been hurt by her, then why couldn’t I?”

He sighs. What’s with Jinri and her habit of cutting him off today? But still, he stays calm because he knows she’s angry. Two wrongs don’t make a right. He needs to stay rational, even though it seems like it’s only him who’s rational at that moment. “It’s different, Jinri. You’re waiting for nothing.” He softly says. “You’re wasting your time. Move on. We’re almost 24, remember? Don’t you think it’s just time to begin a new chapter in your life?”

She shakes her head. “Easier said that done. I’m the one who’s hurting here, not you nor Soojung. Seriously, how can you still be facing me when in fact you clearly know that you two are at fault?” she scoffs once again as she crosses her arms at her chest. “Soojung... that girl... playing behind my back and playing nice to my face at the same time. How can you like a t