SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE AGAIN.....

HAPPY BIRTDAY TO JESSICA JUNG SOOYEON!

JESSICA’S POV

I call Tiff to ask her if she’s can go to my apartment so we can meet, I decided to end our past so I can move on with Yeon, to be honest I realize I still love her, really really love her, I distinguish it when one time I got jealous on the “taeny”, I watch a show on TV last time it was a playback of their variety show as a group which is SNSD channel, I saw how Taeyeon ssi is so close to Tiff. I push myself to remember if I also like that before but I still can’t remember. I was fuming while watching that I want to turn it off but at the same time I don’t want because I want to watch Tiff.

And just last week when Tiff called me but I didn’t answer because I was busy I called her back since I thought that it’s time for us to talk again, just when it answer someone answers it and it wasn’t Steph but her Taetae, I hang up after I know who’s the person that answer Tiff’s phone.

And because of that kind of incident I realize I love her but I can’t just ignore Yeon because I care for her to much just to hurt her. I don’t want to hurt Yeon who’s so kind and patience with me all this time. The door bell rang so I stand up and open the door, it was Tiff, she beautiful in her simple attire, a shorts and a hanging blouse.

“Hey…” She smiles awkwardly

“Hi, come inside.” I open the door widely

“Thank you.”

I close the door and walk with her on the living room. We sat next to each other, I don’t know how to start what I had to say to her, how can I say to her that she needed to let me go, that I needed to move on with my life and I chooses Yeon even though Tiff ask me for a chance and I understand her reason.

“Tiff I-----“ She cut me off by kissing me and I froze there.

“Jessi…I miss you..” She mumbles in my lips before she kiss me again

And I can’t help myself to kiss her back and put my arms around her neck to pull her closer. I don’t know when but I am already lying on the sofa and her one hand is inside my shirt. And when she about to take my shirt off that’s when I realize that this is wrong so I push her away and stands up.

“Jessi…”

“Tiffany this is wrong, I’m dating Yeon and even though we’re not official it doesn’t mean I can do this kind of things.” I said confusingly

“But Jessi I’m still you’re GF.” She stands up and about to hold me but I refuse

“Tiffany I call you to come here because I needed to tell you something.”

“Jessi…don’t please.”She said like she already knows what I’m going to say, I’m having a hard time what to say seeing her like this; I can see pain in her eyes

“Tiff I…..” It’s so hard for me to say it because I know deep down I don’t want to say it even after what happen that I can’t even remember

“Jessi, I *sob* love you so much. I’m *sob* sorry I won’t *sob* do it again, I *sob* will fight for you this time around.” She crying there but I really needed to say it because it is better for everyone, my family and Yeon.

“Tiff, I needed you to let me go!” I blurted out and turn my back on her tilted my head up because I’m preventing my tears

“NO!” She answers

“I like Yeon very much and I don’t remember what I have on my past and I don’t want to remember it.” I said the hurt words; I want to remember it because I want to remember how happy I am when we’re together, I want to say that instead but I prevent my self

“No…Jessi *sob* please don’t say it, I *sob* know you still love me, *sob* you won’t kiss me *sob* back if you’re not, *sob* right? Jessi *sob* please tell me you still love me.” She hugs me from behind and cry on my back

“Tiff, I think it’s better if we’re just friends like how we started when you approach me in the coffee shop. We can even be best friend.” I said and prevent myself to crack and cry also

“Jessi *sob* please don’t do this, I will help *sob* you remember everything. I *sob* will do everything just for you to*sob* remember that *sob* I’m the one you love.” She’s begging me

“Tiffany if I truly love you my heart would sure remember it but it didn’t, my heart and mind can’t even remember you so please just let me go already.” I said a lie and a tear escape my eyes but I wipe it immediately so she can’t see it

“You don’t love me anymore?” She ask me and turn me around looking into my eyes, she’s a mess, her eyes is red

“Did I even love you?” I ask so that make her to let me go and also thankful I didn’t crack, when I saw how it hurt her in my question I look away, I’m sorry Tiffany but I can’t hurt my family and Yeon

My family found out that I am texting and calling Tiffany last week when I am home and suddenly phone rings, Krystal saw it and I can’t deny it anymore since she answers it for me. Krystal is so angry that she yelled at me her unnie. I can see in her eyes that I hurt my sister because I lied to her and didn’t tell her that I’m contacting my ex.

Mom and Dad told me that they understand me but they still didn’t want me to do anything with her anymore since they saw me before how broken I am after the incident in the group. They said that if I can avoid her again or any member that hurt me they will be happy but they will still support whatever decision I made because they trust me and want me happy. They just want the best for me and I know they just love me so they told me that.

Krystal took three days before she talk to me again and we had a serious talk.

FLASHBACK

Me and Krys are both at home with our parents but Soojung still don’t want to talk to me but since it’s been three days already so I am here in front of her door room.

“Krys, please let’s talk.” I knock

“-----------“

“Krystal please talk your unnie now.” I said and she open the door.

“We don’t have anything to talk about unnie.” I came to her room and sat on the end of the bed

“Yes we have I know it’s my fault not telling you that Tiffany and I meet on the coffee shop then exchanges number and since then we talk to each other.”

“I did everything so you can’t encounter them again unnie but you just ignore what I’ve done and did this.” I can hear the pain in her voice

“I’m sorry Krys I didn’t think about your feelings but please understand that I just need to know to know the reason they did what you told me they did. I’m so confuse what you told me that we’re we’ve friend for 15 years yet they kick me out, I want to understand what I’ve done to deserve that and I want to know how my GF do that to me.” I can’t myself to cry

“Unnie…” She hugs me

“I’m sorry *sob*  Soojung ah, I just don’t know what to do *sob*  anymore, I didn’t tell you because I know you won’t agree to it *sob*  and you’ll told me stay away from her.”

“I’m sorry unnie I didn’t know you’re feeling like that. That’s the very reason I’m so against telling you about your past, if you didn’t discover that box maybe you won’t be that way.” My head is on her shoulder and her arms is around me

“It’s okay Soojung ah, it’s my fault not talking to you about this.”

“Unnie, let’s promise that starting today will tell each other everything.”

“Okay, promise.” I wipe my tears and smile to her

“So unnie did you talk to her about your past?” She ask

“Yes, I know what her situation before and I understand her. Everyone makes mistakes and I understand why she did that, actually she told me that she didn’t expect me to be out of the group. The situation just gone worst and this is the result. Kicking me out of the group is not really plan.”

“What do you mean unnie?”

I told her about everything that Tiffany told me that day, how she thought I will beg to be on the group and give up my other dream which is my company and everything else that we talk about that day, I didn’t leave any part of it even when Tiffany beg me to give her a chance.

“Unnie, can I ask you something?”

“Yes.” We’re just sitting there in her bed talking

“What are you’re feeling for her?”

“Feelings? As in if I still love her?”

“Yes unnie, did you still love Tiffany Hwang?”

“I—I….” I don’t know what to say

“You still do.” She said it and not asking

“I—I…I don’t know. Yeon.” I said Yeon name because I can’t hurt her

“To be honest unnie before all of this happen, I like her for you because I saw how you love each other and how happy you two. I was there on every step of the way of your relationship, I was there when you confess to her, I help you when you prepared a surprise in every anniversary and I was there when you buy a house for the two of you, I---“

“I buy a house?” I cut her to clear something

“Yes unnie, you did and it was on the California, you spend so much money for that house.”

“Do you have a picture of it or something then can we visit it sometimes?”

She then search for the picture in her phone and it’s beautiful house and fully equip house because it’s already complete with things.

“You spend time a month to buy everything that was needed for that house.”

“I really did love her so much to do this kind of things.” I said amusingly

“Yes but everything is just a waste now and you’re 8 years of relationship already ended.” She said

“Y-yeah.”

“Unnie be honest with me, do you possibly thinking of giving her a chance?” She ask me sternly

“I----“

“You got to be kidding me unnie, yes she told you her side of the story but it doesn’t count that she do that so you will give up your company that you build. Unnie, just live with the present and the present is Jiyeon unnie, forgets about the past and just move on.”

“I don’t know how Krys….how about you and Yoona?” I ask

“It’s different.”

“No Soojung it’s the same, you should ask for her explanation before you decide everything because you may regret it later. You love her so much, don’t you?”

“I----I…”

“Talk to her Krys..And let me decide for myself.” I said to her

I stand up and leave her there to think about what I said and me to think about what we talk about, I needed to decide.

END OF FLASHBACK

“Is this what my punishment is Jessi? Losing you forever?” She ask bitterly

“You won’t lose me Tiffany, we can be friends.”

“But I don’t want just to be friends.”

“I’m sorr