“Zitao really believes this is going to work out?”, Baekhyun asked carefully.

Sehun quickly threw a glance over his shoulder, but everyone was busy getting ready for the beach.

Zitao had shortly disappeared into the bathroom. Sehun looked like he was choosing his words carefully.

“I’m not fully convinced about the success of his plan, but… it gives him life currently. He’s got a goal to achieve, he wants to live. I’m not going to take that away from him, just because I think this plan might fail”, Sehun said.

Baekhyun looked down. “You’re pretty sure that Tao won’t have any success”, he murmured. Sehun frowned.

“No actually I think, he could make it”, he said and raised his shoulders. “It’s just that…”

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes. “This whole plan, just to find someone... He didn’t tell you either whom he’s actually looking for, did he?”, Baekhyun asked. Sehun shook his head.

“Are you guys coming?”, Chanyeol called. Baekhyun immediately put on a bright smile. “Sure!”

Sehun shook his head. “Tao needs me. You know where we are”, he said.

“And where exactly would that be?”

Sehun flinched and Baekhyun opened his mouth. “Well… that… I- uh… you know”, Baekhyun started stuttering.

Sehun turned around and looked at Luhan crossing his arms. “I… I gotta go”, Baekhyun murmured and quickly hurried over to Chanyeol.

“You’ve been leaving with Tao pretty often the last few days and you stayed out for a long time”, Luhan said. Sehun didn’t say anything.

“Where are you going?”, Luhan asked. Sehun frowned. “If Tao didn’t tell you, I won’t either”, he said simply.

Luhan’s eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah, but if you haven’t noticed, Tao is suicidal and if anything happens no one knows where you guys are!”, he said sharply.

Sehun shoved his chin forward. “Tao didn’t want anyone to know and I highly doubt he wants to kill himself right now. I don’t see a reason to let you in on secrets Tao entrusted me”, he said coolly.

Luhan’s mask started crumbling and Sehun could see desperation in his eyes. “Sehun, please”, he whispered and grabbed Sehun’s hand.

“Come”. He pulled Sehun to the stairs and quickly checked that no one noticed them walking back upstairs.

Sehun freed himself of Luhan’s hand. “Stop it, Luhan”, he said. Luhan looked taken aback. “Stop what?”

Sehun slightly shook his head. “Quit playing around”, he said.

Luhan opened his mouth. “Are you kidding me?”, he asked with a shaky voice.

“No. But I feel like you are kidding me. You sleep with me, you kiss me and then tell me you can’t do this… obviously because you’re not over your last girlfriend and then oh – she happens to turn up and you get back together. Do you really expect me to lie down in front of your feet and beg you ever again to love me?”, Sehun asked.

“I’ve been lying long enough on the ground, embarrassing myself… And I get it, Luhan. You don’t want to admit you had something with a boy, you want to keep your precious image and your beautiful girlfriend. You want your perfect life back, in which there’s no Sehun that messed around. And that’s okay, I won’t mess around in your life anymore. I’m leaving tomorrow anyways and if you want to, we won’t ever see us again”, Sehun said. He was breathing hard, but he managed to keep himself from shaking and bursting into tears.

Luhan stared at him. “Sehun… But I actually wanted to - was it that easy to get over me?”, he asked. Sehun finally couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Easy? I ing love you so much that I decided it’s better to simply leave and not torture myself anymore. I cannot stand seeing you with her. I hate it. It makes me sick. It makes me wanna scream, because it feels like someone’s ripping out my insides. Why did you give me so much hope when you were going to drop me so coldly?”, Sehun asked while tears streamed down his face.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to treat you like Jongin did”, Luhan stuttered. “I just… I don’t know. Whenever I try to explain… I forget how I wanted to say it”, he whispered.

“I’m so sorry. I want to fix it, but whatever I do makes it worse. I didn’t ask Xin to come here, but-”, Luhan said and took Sehun’s hand again.

Sehun looked away. “You let her stay anyways”. Luhan took a deep breath.

“It’s not that easy, Sehun. You let Jongin come back to you so many times as well”, he said. Sehun pulled his hand back harshly.

“How can you say that to me?”, Sehun asked and shoved Luhan away. Sehun ran down the stairs and stumbled into Zitao who was already waiting for him.

“Let’s go. Go!”, Sehun said while wiping his tears.

Zitao shortly turned around with a confused face and saw Luhan standing at the top of the stairs.

The mood was better by a lot when Xin announced dramatically that she had to leave because an important appointment had been arranged short-dated.

Jia suggested playing some fun games and after a few hours, several beers later, Jia pulled out a few papers.

“Card Kissing game”, she chirped with a hopeful glance toward Luhan. Luhan hadn’t drunken anything and had only participated half-heartily in the games. He was constantly looking at his watch.

Baekhyun suddenly found himself next to Chanyeol and Yixing and nervously shifted around as he realized what was going to happen.

He hadn’t the time to mentally prepare himself that he was getting closer to Chanyeol than ever before and wasn’t allowed to let anything show. Jia was already pressing the button for the timer and the game started. The first three cards passed through the row without an incident although Baekhyun felt dizzy whenever Chanyeol grabbed his shoulders and tilted his head. Baekhyun barely dared to close his eyes whenever Chanyeol’s lips and his met only separated through a thin card.

It was the fourth time when the time was getting short and everyone cheered to hurry up. The card dropped and caused an almost kiss between Minji and Yixing.

Then when it was Baekhyun’s turn and he felt how Chanyeol’s hand slid into the nape of his neck and pulled him close, his mind somehow shut down. Chanyeol had his head tilted and leaned down and Baekhyun simply stopped on the card and let it drop. And Chanyeol’s lips landed fully on Baekhyun’s.

For one glorious moment it was quiet and he felt Chanyeol’s soft lips pressing – a bit too harsh and rushed – onto his. For the split of a second he could taste Chanyeol and experience what he had always dreamt of.

Then everyone started squealing, screaming and laughing. Chanyeol pulled back immediately. His girlfriend was clapping and laughing and Baekhyun tried so hard to laugh it off, but this time it didn’t work. Kissing Chanyeol was like drinking salt water, it made him only want more.

“Pick it up! Quickly! Quick!”, Minji shouted. Chanyeol had picked it up and shoved the card into Baekhyun’s face, but Baekhyun could barely breathe and he was glad when Jia shouted: “Time over!”

Now it was the other group’s turn, but Baekhyun couldn’t cheer or follow the action. He only wanted to leave, he didn’t want to give himself away. But he couldn’t leave immediately or everyone would have realized that the kiss had messed with his head.

“Are you okay?”

Baekhyun looked up. Yixing grabbed Baekhyun’s shoulders and gently squeezed them. “You look really pale! Did you drink too much?”, he asked.

“I… don’t. I want… let me go home”, Baekhyun stuttered while he simply closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see Chanyeol anymore.

“I’ll bring you home”, Yixing said worried and Baekhyun didn’t have the strength to disagree.

Baekhyun had just made it into the living room onto the sofa when he buried his face into the pillows and half sobbed half screamed into the pillows. He didn’t see the shock on Yixing’s face and didn’t hear his distraught question of what was actually wrong with him.

Baekhyun screamed and cried until his lungs hurt and he couldn’t breathe anymore. He boxed into the sofa although his arms were heavy and shaking so badly. When his sobs faded out and his body was exhausted, he felt how Yixing lay down next to his trembling body and gently put his arms around him.

Yixing softly Baekhyun’s back. “Make it stop”, Baekhyun cried into Yixing’s chest. Yixing’s eyes were widened and he looked sad and shocked.

“Then tell me what’s wrong. I’ll make it stop”, Yixing whispered. “I don’t want it”, Baekhyun whispered.

“I don’t want to love him anymore. I cannot stand one day longer…”.

Yixing didn’t say anything but simply kept on caressing his back. After a while Baekhyun’s hiccup had calmed down and Yixing shifted a little.

“Why didn’t you tell Chanyeol about your feelings? You’re carrying this around for so long… why are you torturing yourself so much?”, Yixing asked finally.

Baekhyun looked up, his eyes were swollen and puffy. “Y-You know?”, he asked with a hoarse voice. Yixing smiled a bit.

“Last year at the spring festival Chanyeol was pretty drunk and we brought him to your house. Chanyeol said a few really nasty things to that gay couple we met on the way and I saw your face. When he fell asleep on your bed, you said that I could leave and you would watch over him. It wasn’t hard to overlook how you kept staring at him. There was so much love in your eyes, no matter what he said or did, you would always forgive him and the look in your eyes never changed over the year. I thought you told him, because he eventually stopped with his homophobic comments”, Yixing said.

Baekhyun shook his head. “He would hate me”, he said and wiped his eyes.

“Baekhyun… please don’t do this to yourself”, Yixing begged and caressed Baekhyun’s cheeks. “After what happened today you really need to tell him! He didn’t look disgusted or anything… “, Yixing said.

“He has a girlfriend”, Baekhyun said. Yixing nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s right, too…”

Then they were quiet, the clock in the living room was ticking softly, in the distance there was the sound of laughter and cheers and a whistle.

“Yixing?”, Baekhyun murmured and looked up. Yixing smiled. “Yes?”

Baekhyun hesitated. “Can you please kiss me?”

Yixing looked surprised. “What?” Baekhyun shook his head.

“I don’t want to sound like I’m using you… I just want to forget how Chanyeol felt like, how he tasted. I don’t want to think of him”, Baekhyun begged.

Yixing blinked and Baekhyun laughed miserably. “I’m sorry… I don’t know what I’m saying…I don’t know what to do anymore”.

But then he felt how Yixing caressed his cheek again and made him tilt his head. Yixing kissed him so carefully that Baekhyun immediately felt guilty.

“Feel better?”, Yixing whispered when he pulled back. “Not really”, Baekhyun murmured. “I feel like I took horribly advantage of you”.

Yixing smiled. “No, you didn’t. You were sad and I comforted you, that’s it”.

“Yixing?” – “Hm?”

“Are you into boys?”, Baekhyun asked. Yixing slowly sat up. “That’s a really weird question, you know. I think you fall in love with the person, not with a gender”.

Baekhyun smiled a bit. “How about a hot shower? I’ll make you some tea in the meantime, alright?”, Yixing said.

Baekhyun nodded thankfully and walked upstairs.

He turned the water on and turned the lever to the left until the water felt like it was burning his skin. He barely heard how someone opened the bathroom door, thinking that it was Yixing he turned around. “The tea?”, he murmured. But it was Chanyeol.

Baekhyun almost slipped, he turned around so quickly so that only his back was facing Chanyeol.

“Can you turn off the water for a second?”, Chanyeol asked. “No”, Baekhyun said and let the water spray into his swollen face.

“Goddamn, you’re burning yourself!”, Chanyeol called and stepped forward. Baekhyun quickly turned off the water, but still didn’t turn around.

“What’s wrong, Baekhyun?”, Chanyeol asked. Baekhyun didn’t respond. “You’ve been acting weird the last few days…”

“Oh really? Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine”, Baekhyun said and forced his face to smile. But it felt as if his muscles had forgotten how to smile and his voice was a bit too high.

Chanyeol frowned. “Baekhyun, I’m your best friend. You’ve got to tell me when you’re in trouble!”, he said.

Baekhyun shook his head. “There’s nothing”.

Chanyeol groaned. “Will you please turn around now? It’s not like we’re both boys and stuff”, he said.

“But I don’t want to”, Baekhyun murmured barely audible.

“What? Come on, Baek. I want to talk to you, stop avoiding me. Here take this ing towel if it makes you feel better. I’m not going to stare, I’m not gay, for god’s sake”, Chanyeol called and threw a towel at Baekhyun.

Baekhyun didn’t catch it. “I know”, he simply said. His hands held onto the shower head as if it was a life belt.

“Then what’s the problem?”, Chanyeol asked. “What is your problem?”, Baekhyun asked back. “Huh?”, Chanyeol made confused.

“Do you always have to talk so… arrogant about that?”, Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol opened his mouth in surprise. “What…? What do you mean?”

Baekhyun stared at the towel at his feet soaking with water. “You hate on gay people and make awful jokes about it”, he said. Chanyeol stared at Baekhyun.

“I-… yeah. I mean, homouality is… wrong, you know”, Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun looked up, but the tears came anyways. “I know”, he said and bit his lip. His vision blurred but he could see Chanyeol’s face.

“You… you… are you?”, Chanyeol stuttered. Baekhyun was breathing hard. “God damn, yes. Chanyeol, yes, I’m gay”, he finally called angry.

He saw how Chanyeol’s face fell and his anger vanished and he was only scared of what Chanyeol was going to say… or do. But nothing happened. Chanyeol didn’t move and he didn’t say anything. The silence was so heavy, Baekhyun could feel it.

The damp mist had already dissolved when Chanyeol opened his mouth. “Okay”.

Baekhyun looked up. “What?”, he asked. “Okay”, Chanyeol repeated.

“Okay? You said okay?”, Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol raised his arms.

“What else am I supposed to say? I’m not utterly delighted. I don’t ing know what to say in such a situation. Do I have to ask if you have a boyfriend or should I clap my hands? Do I have to ask if you’re in love with me?”, Chanyeol called.

He stopped when he saw Baekhyun’s face. “Oh…”, Chanyeol then made.

“You’re the stupidest person I’ve ever met”, Baekhyun whispered and turned away. “Well uh”, Chanyeol cleared his throat.

“I have a girlfriend”, he finally said.

“I KNOW. DO YOU NEED TO RUB IT IN, YOU ?”, Baekhyun shouted. Chanyeol flinched.

“You have no idea how hard it was to tell you and you come and say ‘I have a girlfriend’?”, Baekhyun called. The tears rolled down his cheeks.

Chanyeol stared at him. “I told you I don’t know what to say”.

Baekhyun the water and sobbed into the hot water. “Just get out”.

A little later he heard how the door closed and when he looked over his shoulder Chanyeol had left.

Chanyeol met Yixing on the stairs holding a steaming mug.

“What happened?”, Yixing asked as he saw Chanyeol’s confused face. “I just…. Baekhyun-“, Chanyeol started without knowing what to say.

He pulled up his shoulders and shook his head and passed by Yixing. Yixing sighed and made his way to Baekhyun’s room. He heard that the water was still running and put the mug on the table. He knocked onto the bathroom door. “Baekhyun? I brought you tea… please don’t drown yourself, okay?”

Baekhyun didn’t respond, but Yixing could hear his sobs over the water sound.

When Yixing left the room, he heard music coming from Tao’s room. Surprised as he hadn’t heard Zitao return, he knocked and looked inside. Zitao was wearing glasses and had a concentrated look on his face as he browsed through something on his laptop.

“You’re here? I thought you went out with Sehun?”, Yixing asked. Zitao looked up.

“We were. But we finished early with the… I mean, I returned already a few hours ago. Sehun wanted to stay a little longer”, Zitao said and closed the laptop.

At the loud voices and noise downstairs they concluded that everyone had returned from the beach and Zitao got up to follow Yixing downstairs.

“Where is Sehun?”, Zitao asked Luhan looking around. Luhan frowned.

“Wasn’t he with you?”, Luhan asked. Zitao hesitated. “He didn’t want to tell me where you’re going anyways”, Luhan said and lifted his chin.

The others fell silent. “Honestly what is going on?”, Luhan asked. Zitao blushed slightly.

“Sehun helped me with some sort of… therapy”, he said slowly. Luhan raised his eyebrows and his lips became thin.

“Therapy?”, he asked pointed.

Zitao quickly shook his head. “No… we don’t. You know… there is nothing. We rented a boat and found a cave not far from here and it was very isolated, it looked like no one was ever coming there. It was good to… think and talk about stuff and just… relax”, Zitao said shortly looking at the others.

“I actually-“, he started. But Luhan interrupted him. “So you guys were driving out to a cave and hang out there? That’s all?”, Luhan asked. Zitao looked at Luhan.

“Luhan, I-“, Zitao said and bit his lip. “Wait… but you said earlier that Sehun wanted to stay there?”, Yixing threw in.

Zitao nodded. “Yeah, he drove back alone. He said he needed a bit time on his own”, he said. Yixing got up.

“But Tao! Sehun hasn’t returned yet, that means he’s still at the cave!”, he called distraught. Zitao looked confused. “I think so. Why?”

Yixing helplessly looked at Luhan. “It is already late”, Junmyeon said and stood up as well.

“The tide, Luhan! The cave will probably fill with water. How deep did you guys went into the cave?”, Junmyeon asked.

Zitao paled. “I… I don’t know. There was a small lake inside, we’ve walked for about 10-15 minutes… maybe?”, he said.

“Quickly!”, Junmyeon called and grabbed Luhan’s arm. “Tao show us where the cave is located!”

They all stumbled out of the house and followed a trembling Zitao to the beach. Luhan was screaming into his mobile and when they reached the spot where they had rented the boat, a rescue team was already there. “I’m going with them”, Luhan called.

Everyone else stood on the wooden jetty with pale faces, exchanging scared looks.

“Mister, I don’t want to get your hopes up if your friend was really in that cave…”, one of the rescue members started. But Luhan snatched one of the life vests and pulled it over his head.

“We will find him. Let’s stop wasting time with talking!”, Luhan called and climbed into the boat.

***

The waves crushed against the rocky cave wall and Sehun took a deep breath of the salty air. It was getting a bit cooler, but it was relaxing to just sit here and watch and listen to the ocean. Climbing up the cave on the outside had been probably a stupid idea, but it had been surprisingly easy. And he had a beautiful view from up there.

He had halfway thought about watching the sunset when he realized that it would be dark afterwards and he might not find the way back. The wind was cold and sharper, but still no one seemed to look for him. Of course, only Baekhyun and Zitao knew about the cave… but it didn’t seem like anyone was missing him. Luhan was probably the last to look for him. He had been harsher to him than he had wanted to, but it was unbearable.

Sehun sighed and rubbed his hands. He should go back for now or it would get too dark. He got up and swayed in the strong wind and when he looked down, the waves under him suddenly looked dangerous and not calming.

“Don’t freak out, Sehun”, he murmured and started to climb down.

The waves crushed so loudly against the cave underneath him that he flinched. The tide. He had completely forgotten about the tide… The boat was on the other side of the cave, but he couldn’t walk through the cave now as it was filled with water.

His arms were shaking and he was trembling because of the sudden cold wind. He cursed himself as he climbed further down. It wasn’t that far maybe he could swim around the cave.

The wind was howling in his ears and mixed with the sound of the huge waves, but somehow he felt like someone had called him. He stopped climbing, but there was no other sound than the wind in his ears. He shook his head.

“You’re imagining Luhan’s voice, because you really wish he would be here”, Sehun scolded himself.

He made a big step down when a gull screamed and he flinched so hard that his foot slipped. The rocks cut harshly into his fingers and arms as he slid down the rocky cave wall. And Sehun was sure this time he heard his name just before he fell hard onto his back and the waves crushed over his head.

Hi everyone,

thank you to all new subscribers and thank you for the upvotes and comments ^^

I took pretty long to update again, I am sorry!! >< I ended this chapter with an awful cliffhanger, so I promise to update within a few days!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter ^^