Zitao had promised to come back home to his mother, but as he left Chanyeol’s house, he thought of Yifan. He was here, somewhere in this city.

What was he doing at this very moment? Did he think of Zitao?

And somehow he found himself walking through the still lively streets and stopped at the café where everything had started. It was still open, although it was late in the night. Only a young couple was standing at the counter ordering something. Zitao didn’t know what he had been thinking, Yifan was already pretty famous in Korea as well. He would never walk into such a coffee shop ever again and especially not at time like this.

He left with a sigh and without buying anything. He watched cars passing by, flashing lights, mixing with the colored signs of the shops around him. On his way home, he ran into a crowd of about 15 girls.

He was wondering why they were standing outside this late and chatted excitedly. They all carried large cameras. When a black van stopped, the girls started screaming and Zitao was pushed back by the girls. It was Yifan who left the car and hurried towards the hotel entrance that Zitao hadn’t noticed until that moment. A girl screamed: “Yifan!”

And he shortly turned around and stopped, his eyes widened. Zitao stood there and was sure that Yifan had seen him, but before Yifan could do anything his bodyguard shoved him towards the hotel. Zitao watched Yifan disappearing in the hotel and wondered if he should follow him, but the times in which he ran after him were over. It didn’t hurt to see him, but his heart was still beating a bit faster than it should. Was it just the surprise of seeing him so suddenly?

The girls started screaming again and Zitao looked up as all the girls were doing that. Yifan was standing at the window and looked down, he was wearing a dark grey beanie and he placed his hand against the window. Zitao turned around, he definitely wouldn’t go into that hotel like an idiot. No, no. He would go home.

And he had just made a few steps when he turned around and saw that Yifan was still standing at the window and watched him. He was convinced that Yifan was only looking at him and then Yifan raised his large hand and placed it on the beanie. He tilted his head and it was dark so it was hard to see, but Zitao could tell that he was mouthing something. Yifan pulled the beanie from his head and pressed it against his chest and placed his hand again onto the window.

Zitao shook his head and bit his lip. It was the very grey beanie, he had hid his blonde hair under and the same beanie he had left in Yifan’s car when they had met last winter. He had left it there on purpose, even though he had constantly told himself he had forgotten it there. He took a deep breath and looked back up to the window, Yifan was still standing there.

Then Zitao pressed his lips together and walked towards the hotel entrance and Yifan disappeared from the hotel window. Zitao could tell that Yifan was on the 11^th floor by the window he had appeared at and so he walked straight to the elevator and pressed the button to the 11^th floor.

On his way up he wondered how he should find Yifan, he didn’t know which room exactly was his… but then the elevator doors opened and he was standing there, waiting for him.

“Tao”

– “Yifan”.

Yifan smiled sheepishly. “I have something that belongs to you. Come”, he said and made Zitao follow him to one of the rooms.

“And once again… it is so tasteless to ask you to come into my hotel room”, Yifan said before unlocking the door. Zitao stepped inside and bit his lip so Yifan wouldn’t see that he had to suppress a smile.

“That beanie is yours, isn’t it?”, Yifan asked and Zitao looked up.

“Yeah, and you just mentioned me to come up here so you could give me back my beanie?”, he asked.

Yifan hesitated. “Yeah”.

Zitao looked away and laughed, when he saw Yifan’s face he stopped. “What?” Yifan shook his head and stepped closer.

“It’s just… it’s been a while since I saw you laughing like this”, he said. His hand slowly cupped Zitao’s cheek. “I missed it”.

Zitao looked up into the taller male’s eyes. “It’s been a while”, he repeated. “I was at the coffee shop”, he said quietly.

“Yeah?”, Yifan asked as he slowly got closer. “I remembered our first date”, Zitao whispered, then he pulled back.

He saw how Yifan quickly tried to cover how disappointed and hurt he was over that. Zitao pointed at the window. “Close the curtains”, he demanded. Yifan looked confused. “What?” But he did as Zitao told him and closed the curtains.

Zitao walked towards the door. “Wait! You’re leaving, but I-“, Yifan called.

But Zitao only switched off the lights and then turned back around. They looked at each other in the darkness, the lights from outside that managed to break through the curtain barely illuminated the room.

Zitao heard Yifan breathing, the clock ticking and then he just couldn’t hold back anymore and made a step towards Yifan and another until he run towards him and flung his arms around the other. Yifan gasped surprised but lifted Zitao and their lips locked in a messy kiss, he stumbled backwards against the wall. They were both breathing quickly and when Zitao put his hands onto Yifan’s chest, he felt the other male’s quick heartbeat.

Then he slowly took Yifan’s hands and guided them under his shirt and made him pull it over his head. “Tao”, Yifan whispered. Zitao looked up. “Yes?”

Yifan looked hesitant. “Are you sure?”, he asked. Zitao frowned. “Why not?”

Yifan opened his mouth. “I don’t want you to regret something… we’re not dating, is it okay then to-?”, Yifan asked.

Zitao put Yifan’s hand onto his own chest, Yifan’s fingers touched the silver necklace. “I don’t know what we are anymore”, Zitao said quietly. “I don’t know what you want us to be or what I want us to be”.

Yifan freed his hand and took a deep breath. “I know exactly what I want us to be. But I cannot force you into something I want. This should be something, we both want”, Yifan said.

“And what is that what you want?”, Zitao asked quietly. “I want to be together with you again, really and openly”, Yifan said. Zitao took a step back, he was astonished.

“Openly?” Yifan hummed and looked down. “Yeah, but I can understand that you don’t even want to date me anymore”, he said.

Zitao shook his head. “Yeah, I have all the reasons not to. But I also have a reason to date you”, Zitao said. Yifan looked up. “And that would be what reason?”, he asked.

Zitao stepped so close to Yifan that the tips of their noses were touching. “After all, I love you”.

Yifan let out a breath. “Tao…”, he whispered. Then he carefully kissed Zitao and lifted him and carried him to the bed. He put him down gently and climbed on top of him.

But Yifan made no attempts to undress Zitao further, he just kissed him and kissed him more until Zitao pulled away. “Yifan”, he said and simply let his hands slip underneath Yifan’s shirt. Yifan stopped his hands.

“Don’t get me wrong, I want to sleep with you. Like… I want this so, so badly, you can’t imagine how much-“, Yifan said. Zitao smiled a bit. “Well, I can feel it”, he said.

Yifan laughed a bit. “Uh, yeah. But… do you want to start this with a night in a hotel room?”, he asked hesitant. Zitao groaned. “Yifan, really. How often do I have to tell you that I don’t care?”, he asked.

Yifan opened his mouth. “No, Tao. You deserve better than this”, he said. Zitao looked at him. “Yeah, but what if that’s what I want?”, he asked. Yifan cupped his face.

“Then I have absolutely no choice but to give you whatever you want”, he said and kissed him again. Then he sat up and pulled his shirt over his head.

Zitao was getting sleepy in Yifan’s arms, Zitao could have asked for a second round or even a third if it just hadn’t been past 4 am in the morning and he wasn’t so tired and he hadn't promised his mother to come back home. But as Yifan wrapped his arms around him, he remembered that from now on, everything would be different. This was not the last night they would spend together, it was their first.

"Yifan... do you think they're still out there?"

Yifan grunted. "Dunno... why?" He shifted a little to look properly at Zitao. Zitao slowly sat up and picked up his clothes. "I need to go home...", he explained. Yifan looked disappointed behind his sleepy eyes. "Oh".

Zitao walked over to the window, the street was empty by now. He turned back around and reached out his hands. "Will you come with me?"

Yifan looked surprised. "I- What?" Zitao slowly rolled the silver necklace between his fingers as he looked at Yifan.

"I promised my mum to come home this night... I cannot stay here, but neither do I want to leave you", Zitao said and with a few quick steps he was back on the bed.

He crawled up to Yifan and leaned forward. "But I also know that you probably can't come with me, that's...how it is, right?", he whispered and gently kissed him.

"No, Tao...", Yifan started, but Zitao interrupted him. "Don't be ridiculous, Yifan. We can't openly date, you know that better than me".

Yifan looked like he wanted to argue, but he knew that Zitao was right. "And I would still want to date you... if you wanted to, we'd keep it a secret". Yifan said hectically. Zitao smiled.

"Yeah... we're good at keeping things a secret", he murmured. For a moment something in Yifan's eyes flickered and Zitao realized what he had said, but a second later Yifan hugged him tightly. "Then I will call someone to drive you home", he said quietly into Zitao's hair.

Zitao hummed. When they broke apart they looked at each other for a long time in the dim light, messy hair, swollen lips from the kissing, love bits blooming on Yifan's collar bone and on Zitao's neck. And Zitao bit his lip as he slowly pulled out his mobile.

"Give me a second", he murmured. He was about to write his mother that he couldn't come home, he couldn't leave... It felt like he'd lose Yifan another time if he left now. This night was their first one, their real first one.

But to his surprise there was already a text message by his mother.

Are you okay, Zitao? If you want to party longer, it's okay, you don't have to leave early, because of me. Tomorrow is fine... just take care and come back safely. Love, Mum.

Zitao put his mobile down. "And... if I stayed...?", Zitao said slowly. Yifan shortly looked at him and then covered his eyes with his hands. "Why?"

Zitao blinked taken aback. "What?" Yifan lowered his hands. "You give me a second chance? Why?"

For a moment, Zitao just looked at the older male. "Because I want to be with you and I realized that it's not weak to come back to you. I haven't forgotten what happened, but I can forgive that. Isn't it much more important to be honest with my feelings and be true to my heart? Well then, it tells me that it's you I want", Zitao said.

Yifan's kiss nearly threw them off the bed, but the kiss quickly slowed into a gentle one. "I love you", Yifan whispered over and over again as if he wanted to make up for all the times he hadn't said it. And even when Zitao had already fallen asleep - Yifan's sleepiness was forgotten - he watched the black haired boy in his arms sleeping peacefully, whispering the words to a song his mother had often sung to him, as he softly through his hair.

'Little Raven,

fly to your heart's desire,

and if you came back home,

I'd wait for you

and you could rest your wings.

Little Raven,

if your wings missed the freedom

and you dreamt of faraway places,

I'd let you go... I'd let you fly.

But if your wings grew tired,

remember that I'd wait for you

if you came back home'.

And for the first time in a year, Zitao slept without getting nightmares or waking up in the night and feeling like suffocating. When he woke up the next morning in Yifan’s arms, the sun was shining and outside was a blue sky.

Zitao was smiling.

Wow, guys. I can't believe it... this story is over OTL

I hope you all enjoyed reading it!

Thank you for commenting and subscribing! I appreciate it a lot! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

It was really important for me to make clear that Zitao had actually the chance to turn down Yifan, but chose not to. As he says I think that being true to your heart doesn't mean you're weak, simply for returning to someone after breaking up.

I've seen in the comment section that you guys wished for Baekyeol to end up together... oh man, I am so sorry ><
(maybe a sequel? I've been thinking about it.. let me know if you're interested...)

[AN: this week has been extremely stressful so I had no chance to proof-read this chapter, I apologize for any typos or mistakes!! I hope to check through it tomorrow!]