“Tao won’t come”, Luhan said and put his mobile down. Sehun nodded, he was sitting with his back toward Luhan on the bed.

Sehun had already been released from hospital a few days ago, but he still looked sick. His eyes always gloomy and dull.

“Sehun”, Luhan said carefully. He put his hand on Sehun’s shoulder. “We have to leave soon…”.

Sehun nodded again. “Yeah. I know…”, he murmured.

Luhan drove them to graveyard, there were a few preparations left to do. The church was small and Luhan tactfully left him alone and took care of the flowers and talking to the pastor. Sehun wished he could bring up the strength to thank Luhan for everything, in the end it had been Luhan who organized the funeral for Jongin.

Sehun was sitting outside the church until Luhan pulled him up. “Sehun… it’s time”, he whispered. He gently squeezed Sehun’s shoulder. Luhan guided Sehun into the church to the very front where a large coffin was lying surrounded by white flowers. A picture of Jongin was standing at the very front, a happy and genuine smile was curving his lips up in such a familiar way that Sehun pressed his lips together and looked away.

Sehun suppressed his sobs and he was glad that Luhan was holding him, otherwise he would have probably sunken to his knees. Luhan didn’t let go off him when Sehun finally wiped away his tears and looked up. There were actually a few people in the church.

Everyone who had been there during the summer holidays, except for Zitao. A few people from the neighborhood and some of the employees at the shelter, Jongin and Sehun had worked at.

“Jongin…”, he started and his voice almost cracked.

“You always said when you die no one would come to your funeral. But look how many people came. Friends… neighbors, colleagues. You were never alone, Jongin, I know you felt like that. And you always said that you are a horrible person, but you’ve done many great things. You worked at the shelter for disabled children and at the orphanage. The kids there… they still remember you and they all like you. They asked about you…”, Sehun stopped and clenched his fists.

“I don’t know much about holding speeches and what I am supposed to say. I just hope I can answer your last message and you’ll hear it. I want you to know that everything’s going to be alright. There is someone who says ‘I love you’ and I don’t know about the future yet, but thanks for everything. I’m sure you’ll find back to bright days on the other side”.

Sehun looked down, he bit his lip as tears streamed down his face.

“And you don’t need to be sorry anymore! Y-You don’t need… to worry anymore”, he cried.

Luhan pulled him into a hug and gently his back. Sehun didn’t listen to the pastor talking and when they played Jongin’s favourite song, he cried harder.

After the funeral, they all went out to eat together, but Sehun could barely gulp down anything.

“School’s starting next week…”, Jongdae murmured.

“I’m almost glad it’s our final year, we won’t have much time to think about everything with all the studying that awaits us”, Minseok agreed.

“So Tao will really not return for school?”, Yixing asked.

Luhan looked up. “No, he dropped out. He wrote me yesterday”, he said.

“He dropped out, before graduation?”, Chanyeol called surprised. Luhan nodded. “Yeah… it appears, he will stay in China. Maybe he found a school there, that lets him graduate there”, he said.

“Well then, let’s do our very best”, Chanyeol said and raised his glass.

After their short and silent lunch, they were glad when it was finally time to go home. Baekhyun hurried out of the restaurant, but Chanyeol quickly followed him. Baekhyun was avoiding Chanyeol more than before, however there were many things they had to talk about.

“What do you mean with that?”, Chanyeol asked. Baekhyun pulled on the zipper of his jacket.

“Exactly what I just said. I already arranged everything”, Baekhyun said. During lunch Baekhyun had mentioned that he would transfer to a different class.

Chanyeol looked at him. “Is there really nothing I can…”, he started. “No”, Baekhyun quickly interrupted him.

“Listen, even if I stayed in the same class as you, I will completely focus on my studies. I will get top grades and done”, Baekhyun said.

He looked down to his feet as he shuffled on the ground and pulled up his tensed shoulders.

“Done?”, Chanyeol asked. Baekhyun looked up.

“I will go to university, a different one than you will go to. We won’t see each other, it’s best to start now…”, Baekhyun said slowly. Chanyeol took a deep breath and stepped closer to Baekhyun.

He grabbed Baekhyun’s arms. “Do you really want that?”, he asked.

Baekhyun’s hands gently shoved off Chanyeol’s grip. “No”. Chanyeol shook his head.

“Then don’t do this. Look, I’m sorry that I said I don’t even want to try… I just really don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to get your hopes up for something that might never happen”, Chanyeol said. Baekhyun looked at him sadly.

“I know… that’s exactly why”, he murmured and turned around.

“I’m not 14 anymore, Baekhyun”, Chanyeol called and Baekhyun stopped in his tracks.

“Sorry?”

“I’m not 14 anymore… and I don’t give a damn if you like boys or girls anymore”, Chanyeol said. “I don’t think you go to hell or something, you know…”, he added and a faint red bloomed on his cheeks.

Baekhyun opened his mouth and then he started laughing. “Well, thank you”, he finally said then. “I’ll go home now…”

Chanyeol shifted and bit his lip. “I’ll drive you home”, he murmured.

“Actually Minseok said, he’d take me home”, Baekhyun started, but Chanyeol took Baekhyun’s arm and dragged him to his car. Minseok was standing close, in front of his car.

“Did Sehun and Luhan already leave?”, Chanyeol asked. Minseok nodded. “Sehun was devastated so it’s better like that. Are you coming, Baekhyun?”, he asked.

“Oh, I…”, Baekhyun said and looked at Chanyeol.

“Minseok? Hurry up”, Jongdae called from the car.

“Coming!”, Minseok called over his shoulders. “I’m going with Chanyeol”, Baekhyun said hesitant. Minseok frowned a little and looked at Chanyeol who shook his head.

“I’m not like you”, Chanyeol said quietly, his eyes glided over to Jongdae who was leaning out of the car’s window. “And that’s why I can’t”.

Baekhyun blinked confused and looked at Chanyeol and Minseok. “What?”, he asked puzzled.

“You’ll regret it one day”, Minseok said and Baekhyun didn’t miss the slightly cool undertone.

Then Minseok smiled at Baekhyun and turned around to leave.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol got in their car without talking. Baekhyun was wondering what Chanyeol and Minseok had been talking about and Chanyeol seemed to be lost in thoughts as well.

“Say, Baekhyun… when we graduate, we will throw a big party”, Chanyeol said as he stopped at a red traffic light. Baekhyun didn’t answer and watched the other cars next to them.

“You will come, too. Will you?”, Chanyeol asked after the lights turned back green. Baekhyun turned his head to look at Chanyeol.

“You mean like a Goodbye Party?”, he asked.

Chanyeol nodded while his eyes were fixed on the traffic. “Yeah, a Goodbye Party”, he said. Baekhyun sighed. “Maybe”.

They were quiet for the next minutes, and Chanyeol wished that the radio wasn’t broken. The silence was almost unbearable. “What are you thinking about?”, he asked bluntly.

Baekhyun looked surprised. “You don’t want to know”, he answered then. Chanyeol frowned and turned his head as they stopped at another traffic sign.

“Why wouldn’t I? I asked after all”, he said. Baekhyun raised his eyebrows. “Really, Chanyeol…”.

Chanyeol shook his head. “Tell me. There’s nothing you need to hide from me anymore”, he said and shrugged.

“If I told you, you will be glad that I won’t be in your class for the rest of the year”, Baekhyun said. “Is it that terrible?”, Chanyeol asked bewildered and looked back at the street.

“No”, Baekhyun murmured. “Not at all…”

Finally Chanyeol stopped in front of Baekhyun’s house and looked at him with a faint smile. “If it’s not terrible-“, he started, but Baekhyun shook his head. He opened the car’s door and got out.

“Thanks for driving me home. See you… or well… I mean…”, he said.

Then he closed the door, he had just walked around the car, when Chanyeol opened the driver’s door and left the car as well. “Baekhyun?”

The smaller boy looked at him in surprise. “What?” Chanyeol pulled him into a hug.

“Take care… and study hard, alright? You’ll do great”, Chanyeol said. Baekhyun’s arms that had hesitant slid around Chanyeol’s waist, now held him tightly.

“Are you crying?”, Chanyeol murmured as he felt the smaller boy trembling in his arms. “Shut up”.

Chanyeol smiled. “If we really won’t talk until the end of this school’s term-”, he said. “We won’t”, Baekhyun interposed.

“Then you can tell me what you were thinking about”, Chanyeol said. “Why is that important?”, Baekhyun mumbled into Chanyeol’s chest.

“You made me curious”, Chanyeol said. But Baekhyun just remained with his face buried in Chanyeol’s chest, his arms wrapped around his best friend.

“Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun’s embrace tightened a bit. “Don’t act so stupid, Chanyeol”, he whispered and finally he looked shortly into Chanyeol’s eyes. He hadn’t been so close to Chanyeol since the card game at the beach.

“I thought of kissing you”.

He wanted to look away and wished that his breath didn’t hitch, he hated that Chanyeol could probably feel how fast his heart was beating. But he couldn’t pull away, he couldn’t resist touching Chanyeol’s face.

“That’s not really a reason why I wouldn’t talk to you anymore”, Chanyeol said. They were so close that Baekhyun could feel his breath his cheek.

“That wasn’t everything”, Baekhyun confessed and gave him a painful look.

“What was Minseok talking about earlier?”, Baekhyun whispered. “Ah… nothing”, Chanyeol murmured. “I’ve told you, now you tell me”, Baekhyun demanded.

“After Minseok and Jongdae told us that they are dating, I talked with them… about you and me… Jongdae and Minseok are best friends, too. But their situation was completely different. So they don’t understand…”, Chanyeol said and gently stepped back. Baekhyun’s hands were still holding onto Chanyeol’s jacket.

“You asked for advice?”, Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol breathed out and looked away. “Yes, yes I did. But they didn’t give me any, they only said stuff, I’ve already been thinking”, he said.

“Like what?”

“Like trying it”, Chanyeol said heavily.

“It?”, Baekhyun asked and his grip tightened. “Like… kissing and stuff”, Chanyeol said tensed.

“You’ve thought about it?”, Baekhyun asked quietly. He wanted to rip his hopeful heart out of his chest, why did it beat so happily at those words?

 “I… I can’t bring myself to…”, Chanyeol started and pressed out air between his teeth. “God why is it so hard? I… should fight harder for you, but… as a friend. As a best friend. Should I really let you go so easily after all?”, Chanyeol said and shook his head.

“But I have nothing… for you… for me. And you don’t want to stay either, do you?”, Chanyeol asked and looked down at Baekhyun.

Chanyeol gasped and stopped Baekhyun just a few millimeters away from his lips. Baekhyun’s nose was pressing into his cheek and Baekhyun’s hands were digging into his shoulders. Baekhyun was breathing quickly, his chest was heaving up and down.

“Baek… don’t”, Chanyeol said quietly. And slowly Baekhyun pulled back, Chanyeol placed his thumb on Baekhyun’s lips as he wrapped his other arm around him. “I’m sorry”, he whispered.

“Go”, Baekhyun said with a trembling voice. “Now”.

Chanyeol nodded and let go off him.

***

“Any idea why we got invited?”, Daeryong asked and straightened his shoulders. “Surely not because of you, Daeryong”, Soryong said and dodged a punch from his twin brother.

Zitao constantly checked his reflection. “You look great, calm down”, Daeryong said and patted Zitao’s shoulder. Zitao hummed nervously.

Two days ago he had received a surprising message that he should appear at the Fall Gala of the model agency. “I’ve heard they do this often”, Soryong just said.

“What?”, Zitao asked as they left the men’s bathroom.

“At first there’s the interview and stuff, if they like you and think you’re a promising talent, you get invited to the Gala. If you do a great performance at the catwalk, they’ll take you for sure. And you get to meet tons of people”, Soryong explained.

“Isn’t that a bit… I mean they haven’t seen us walking yet?”, Zitao asked surprised. Daeryong shook his head.

“Guess why we had to turn up here 2 hours earlier?”, he said.

“Only those who are worthy enough and pass the audition round in a few minutes, are allowed to strut along the catwalk”, Daeryong said dramatically.

His twin laughed. “Yeah, but that’s the salient point. This is our audition. They test how we react to unfamiliar and new situations and keep a close eye on us. If we are able to stand the pressure and act professional, something like that”, Soryong said.

“Have you done this before?”, Zitao said as he paled. He had no experience with this whatsoever.

Both twins nodded. “Sure. Is it your first time?”, Soryong asked carefully. Zitao nodded. The twins patted both his shoulders. “Act cool. Straighten your shoulders, be proud. Yeah, just like that. You wear a damn suit, and suits always make you look damn fine. Keep your eyes straightforward, don’t look ever down. Don’t look so tense, nah, they don’t wanna see you smile”, the twins quickly explained and commented.

“What am I then supposed to do?”, Zitao asked tense. “Act like you don’t have any feelings. Works the best”, Daeryong said. Zitao opened his mouth.

“Oh great. I’m good at that”, he murmured as their names got called.

The headlights were almost blinding him and it was hard to look forward, while he was so scared to stumble and fall. Keep calm, Tao, he told himself.

When Zitao returned to the backstage area, the twins were already waiting for him. “How did it go?”, Daeryong asked. Zitao wiped his forehead. “Uh, I didn’t fall over my feet”, he just said. Daeryong laughed, but Soryong dragged them a few feet to the side.

“Guys, guys! Over there, it’s him!”, he whispered. “He came!”

Zitao tried to gulp, but his throat was dry. “Wu Yifan. Jesus, you think, he was in the jury and saw us walking?”, Daeryong whispered excited.

“I… need something to drink”, Zitao pressed out and turned around.

He stormed into the bathroom and stumbled against the sink. With shaking hands, he the water and splashed it into his white face. He looked horrible, now that he was looking into the mirror. His eye bags had never been so bad and for the first time Zitao realized how much weight he had lost, during the last few months of barely eating anything.

Someone knocked on the door. “Tao?” Soryong entered and looked at him worried.

“I’m okay”, Zitao said automatically. “Are you sure-?”, Soryong started, but Zitao nodded firmly. “Yes!”

Soryong bit his lip. “Uhm… we just heard the results…”, he said hesitant. Zitao held onto the sink as if it was a lifebelt. “You didn’t pass the audition. I’m sorry…”, Soryong said slowly. Zitao let go off the sink and breathed out. Thank god.

“Hey man… head up, I’m sure you’ll make it next time. It’s also my second attempt…”, Soryong said and patted Zitao’ shoulder. Zitao smiled weakly.

“Oh… yeah, right”, he murmured.

“By the way, you’re of course allowed to watch the rest of the gala. And hey, Yifan’s here… we can go over to him later. I mean maybe he’s got a few minutes and we can snatch an autograph or a picture”, Soryong said with a wide smile. Zitao forced himself to smile. “Yeah”.

A few hours later, Zitao’s face was hurting from all the fake smiles and cheerful attitude he put on. He had escaped whenever Yifan was somewhere close and the twins didn’t seem to suspect anything, they obviously thought, Zitao was rather down because he hadn’t passed the audition.

Zitao didn’t take the time to explain that he never meant to pass the audition, as he already had what he wanted. Well… did he really want that?

He had more than once had the chance to talk to Yifan and he kept running away.
Everytime he saw his face, it was like a punch into the stomach, hearing his voice was a slap in the face and it hurt so badly to see him laugh and smile. His wife was not with him however, he was constantly surrounded by men in suits and other celebrities, which made it impossible for the twins to get close to their idol. Zitao was rather thankful for that.

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