Luhan was tapping nervously with his foot as he waited for the elevator to reach the third level. When the doors opened, he immediately stormed out and almost ran into a nurse.

“Sorry”, he called over his shoulder and stopped in front of Sehun’s room.

Sehun was still in the hospital. 3 days had passed since the incident, but since he had been unconscious for two days the doctor wanted to keep an eye for him for at least one more day.

He knocked and pulled the door open. Zitao was sitting on Sehun’s bed, he was holding a letter in his hand.

“… gonna be okay?”

Sehun hummed quietly. “Tao, what are you doing here?”, Luhan asked surprised. Zitao handed the letter to Sehun and turned around.

“I thought your flight is in 2 hours?”, Luhan said and closed the door.

Zitao nodded. “Yeah, but I wanted to say goodbye…”, he murmured. He shortly looked at Sehun then he hugged him carefully.

“Take care… and good luck”, Sehun said. Zitao nodded and smiled. Sehun didn’t smile back and Zitao grabbed the large bag that was lying on the ground and shouldered it.

He looked at Luhan. “Well… see you, Luhan”, Zitao said.

Luhan nodded. “Have a safe flight and uhm…”, Luhan started.

Yesterday he had had a long talk with Zitao, who had suddenly announced that he was going to leave Korea. He had said to everyone that he was going back to China to visit his grandparents, but later in the evening he had knocked at Luhan’s door and explained his true reasons.

Luhan still was a bit unsure what to say after Zitao had told him everything. After Zitao had explained what had happened in June this year and why he had tried to commit suicide and what Sehun and he had needed the cave for, he felt horrible. He felt that the words ‘I’m sorry’ sounded stupid and he hated himself that he hadn’t been there for Zitao at that time. Zitao had promised him that it wouldn’t have changed anything, but Luhan still felt terrible for not having noticed anything at that time.

“Good luck with… everything”, Luhan said finally. Zitao smiled a little. “Thanks… thank you for everything”, he said and hugged Luhan.

“Are you going to come back?”, Luhan murmured. Zitao let go off him with a sad smile.

“I… I don’t know yet… maybe. Maybe…”, he said. Luhan bit his lip and patted Zitao’s shoulder.

Then Zitao left and Luhan noticed Sehun’s pale face.

“Hey, don’t you worry about Tao. He’ll make it-“, he started and sat down at Sehun’s bed. Sehun looked at him and Luhan saw that he had dark circles under his eyes and looked like he hadn’t slept all night long.

“What’s wrong?”, Luhan asked and his heart wrenched. He took Sehun’s hand. “Has your condition worsened?”, he asked fearfully.

Sehun took the letter that Zitao had read before when Luhan had entered the room and gave it to Luhan.

“The Rehabilitation Centre, Seoul?”, Luhan read. “Is that about-?” Sehun pointed to the letter and Luhan started reading it.

“Dear Mr Oh.
 In the matter of Kim Jongin’s rehabilitation you have been listed as the only acquaintance and family member for cases of emergencies. It is our painful duty to inform you about the passing of Mr Kim. As we have not been able to contact any other family members of Mr Kim, we will address further matters to you…”, Luhan stopped reading. His tongue felt as if he had eaten something bitter.

“I… I’m so sorry”, he finally said. Sehun took the letter back and folded it.

“I couldn’t even cry, I was awake the entire night. He texted me before he killed himself, but I… I was unconscious for two days and didn’t see the text message before I got the letter…”, Sehun murmured.

“He committed suicide?”, Luhan asked with terror in his eyes.

“He gave himself the golden shot”, Sehun said and looked away. Luhan placed his hand on Sehun’s shoulder. “He died the same day I fell off the cliff”, Sehun murmured and turned the letter in his hands.

Luhan pulled him into a hug as Sehun started trembling.

“I’ve never had thought of that… And…And now… I-I have to deal with… a f-funeral”. Finally Sehun started crying.

“I felt s-so horrible… I couldn’t even… cry for him”, he sobbed into Luhan’s shoulder.

Luhan Sehun’s back and his hair. “I will help you. You won’t have to do this all alone”, Luhan whispered, which caused Sehun to cry even more.

Luhan was still insecure on how he should treat Sehun, he had woken up just yesterday and had said barely anything but his name. The last time they had talked – before he had fallen down from the cave – they’ve had a fight.

Although Sehun had stopped crying, Luhan didn’t let go and Sehun leaned into the embrace.

“Sehun?”, he whispered. “I know this is not the right moment to talk about it… but I sent Xin away”.

Sehun didn’t say a word, Luhan could only hear him breathing.

“I’ve told her that I definitely don’t want to be together with her”, he continued. “She was a bit mad but left and I don’t think she’ll ever come back. I’m sorry for hurting you, I let her stay because last time she left me and we hadn’t even talked about it. And I wanted to end it properly, but she gave me no chance until a few days ago. Before you… before we had that argue, you know… before you left for the cave I actually wanted to tell you that I had told her to leave”.

Sehun pulled away from the hug and looked at Luhan. “Why didn’t you say that right away?”, Sehun asked.

Luhan bit his lip. “You gave me no time to explain and I… honestly was really scared”, he murmured. “Scared? Scared of what?”, Sehun asked confused and wiped his eyes.

Luhan looked at him for a long time. “Of what would happen after it”, he said then. Sehun looked down at his hands. “What did you tell her? She didn’t seem like the kind to take a ‘no’”, he asked.

Luhan nodded. “I’ve tried to send her away many times during the few days she was with us. It was not easy, because you know… uhm… her parents and my parents are really close. And I was scared she would tell my parents”, he said slowly.

“Tell your parents what?”, Sehun asked with a frown.

“She demanded a reason of why I could not be with her and when I told her that I didn’t love her, she asked whom else I loved then… So I told her the truth”, Luhan said and looked away.

Sehun saw how he blushed, the same way as when they had sit on the sofa before he had slept with Luhan. First his neck, then his ears and then his cheeks; softly pink and slowly growing darker shades of red.

“The truth?”, Sehun asked, his eyes fixed on Luhan’s flushed skin.

Luhan turned around. “I told her that I love you”.

Sehun was quiet and Luhan’s heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst.

“I wanted to tell you… when we were standing there at the stairs. I-I couldn’t bring up the courage… and I was so scared that you wouldn’t love me anymore. I was really stupid-“, Luhan stuttered.

Sehun cupped Luhan’s face. “Can you say it again?”, he begged quietly. Luhan looked surprised and his cheeks reddened a bit more.

“I… I love you”.

Sehun tilted his head and kissed Luhan. “I thought I told you that I still love you”, he whispered against Luhan’s lips.

Luhan kissed him again. “Yeah, but still…” When they broke apart, Sehun’s eyes fell back on the letter of the Rehabilitation Centre. Luhan took it.

“I’ll take care of it. When you’re out of the hospital, you can do something too… but you need your own rest first”, Luhan said.

Sehun was chewing on his lips. “Okay”, he murmured.

When Luhan left later that day, Sehun pulled out his mobile – he knew that mobiles were prohibited but he didn’t care much.

He clicked on the received message button and Jongin’s last message popped up.

“Sehuna, I saw you yesterday, you looked so happy. So I didn’t come over to say hello.
You looked so happy, happier than you ever were when you were with me. Is it because of Luhan?
 Is he making you happy? He’s probably the right one for you. I’m sorry I was the wrong one for you.
 I’m sorry for all the pain I caused - don’t say anything - I know it’s my entire fault. I’ve hurt you a lot.
And the worst of all is that I don’t even remember most of our happy time. I’ve looked through old pictures, you know when we were at middle school? When we started dating, everything was going so great. Those were nice times. I miss those times, but I can’t go back to them. I really love you, Sehun. I’m sorry for never saying those words, when you needed to hear them. I hope someone will say them every day to you and will mean them. I hope you’ll say ‘I love you, too’ back. I hope you will graduate from high school with nice grades and go to university and get a nice job. I hope you’ll have an amazing boyfriend at your side, who will support you and protect you from all the pain, I could never protect you from. I hope you’ll never have to say ‘I’m okay’ even though you’re not. I hope you will continue to smile.
I hope you’re happy. I’m sorry to break my promise and contacting you again. But it’s the very last time. I know I’ve constantly been breaking my promises. This was the last time. I’m sorry, Sehun. I really mean it this time. This is really a long message… I didn’t mean to write so much, but there was a lot I needed to tell you. I’m glad you could find back to those bright days. This is a world I do not belong in. So I’m leaving it. I wish you the very best, you deserve it all and so much more.
I love you”

Sehun pressed his lips into a thin line, but the tears came again and the message blurred in front of his eyes. He muffled his sobs and wiped his eyes, then he clicked ‘reply’.

“It’s okay, Jongin. I am happy now. Promise.”

He clicked ‘send’ and put away his mobile. He needed to sleep this night or they would keep him another day here at the hospital. But he was scared, he was scared to fall asleep, because he didn’t know what dreams would haunt him.

***

“Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun hummed and turned around. It was Chanyeol’s girlfriend, she hadn’t been here for the last days and so it was surprising to see her.

Baekhyun looked around. “Chanyeol just went out”, he said awkwardly. She nodded. “I know. I’ve came to talk to you”. Baekhyun blinked.

“With… me?” She nodded.

“Maybe… upstairs? Or somewhere not everyone can listen”, she said and threw a short glance over her shoulder.

Yixing, Minseok, Jongdae, Minji and Jia were playing video games in the living room, while cheering loudly.

“No, no. NO! TAKE THE OTHER ONE!”, Minji screamed. “Aaargh”, Jia groaned. “I’ve died”.

Minji pouted. “Of course. This time let me take the lead. We can’t let them win”, she said.

The boys high fived. “Oh, keep on dreaming”, Jongdae said with a wide grin.

Baekhyun hesitated. “Okay then”, he murmured and guided the girl upstairs into his room.

Now that they were alone, Baekhyun felt insecure. He didn’t even know her name, Chanyeol had introduced her of course, but he had tried his best not to listen.

She stood in the room and looked a bit uncomfortable as well.

“I’m sorry to come here unannounced and ask you to talk to me, although you have every reason to hate me”, she started. Baekhyun frowned.

“What? I don’t-“, he started, but as he saw her facial expression he understood.

He turned around and clenched his hands into fists. “He told you”, he whispered unbelieving.

“Uh… I’m sorry, Baekhyun. I know he had no right to tell me, I didn’t ask him to tell me”, she said carefully. Baekhyun pulled up his shoulders.

“Did he make fun of me? Have you had a good laugh?”, he whispered and fought his tears back. The girl didn’t answer, when Baekhyun turned around, she eyed him with so much pity that Baekhyun wanted to scream at her.

“No, we’ve talked about it though”, she finally said. “I won’t tell you the details, because I think you suffered more than enough. But he was really upset and so was I”.

Baekhyun furrowed his eyebrows. “You were upset?”, he asked pointed. She crossed her arms. “I broke up with him”, she said. Baekhyun opened his mouth.

“I- You did what?”, he asked.

She shoved her chin forward. “I’m not from Seoul, you see. This was a holiday romance and I’m deeply sorry but there were many aspects that… angered me about Chanyeol. One of them was his prejudice against a lot of things, most of all his homophobia. You see, I can’t stand homophobic people”, she said.

Baekhyun didn’t know what to say, so he waited for her to continue.

“He was not an all out homophobic person, I had the feeling that he was rather brainwashed and never built his own opinion. When he talked about you he almost sounded surprised that gay people can be so cool and funny, you know”, she said and raised her eyebrows.

“And so you simply broke up with him. Why are you telling me that? It’s not like he’s going to change his mind and will start dating me”, Baekhyun said.

She smiled a little. “I’m really sorry… but I truly hope he’ll see what a great guy you are and that he loves you as well”, she said calmly. Baekhyun laughed and looked away.

“God, that’s ridiculous. He doesn’t love me”, he said and sat down on his bed. She sat down next to him.

“Oh I’m sure he does. He just doesn’t know it”, she said. “Stop giving me hopes”, Baekhyun murmured and pulled up his legs to his chest.

She looked down. “I think you guys should talk openly about it. I suggested Chanyeol to give you a chance. He’ll never know if he actually really could be attracted to you if he doesn’t try”, she said. Baekhyun looked at her bewildered.

“Why would you say that to him? I mean you were in a relationship with him!”, he called.

She sighed and laughed. “Yeah, of course, but you see… Chanyeol is not my Mr Right, I noticed that already. But I think he could be yours. You guys really suit each other, I noticed that as well. At the beginning I was almost jealous of you”, she laughed.

Baekhyun frowned. “Why?”

She let her fingers run through her hair. “Oh dear lord, he kept talking about you. Wherever we went, was surely a place you had been with him as well. I asked him if you were his ex-boyfriend and he got… mad is not even a word for that”, she said and sighed.

“I really hope you guys… you know, end up together. You’d make a great couple”, she said. Baekhyun’s mouth was wide open.

“I… I don’t get it”, he finally stuttered. She smiled. “You remind me a lot of my younger brother”, she said and her eyes lightened up.

“He fell in love with his best friend as well” – “He’s gay?”, Baekhyun asked. She nodded. “Yes. And anyone who tries to hurt him will get his whipped by me”, she said and threw her hair over her shoulder.

“And listen… when you talk with Chanyeol be as open and honest as possible. If he hurt you, tell him. If he doesn’t treat you right, he’s not worth it. Look, I often fell for the wrong guys, Chanyeol was probably one of them. No offense. But he was definitely not the right one for me”, she said and pulled her shoulders up.

“How can you talk so relaxed about that?”, Baekhyun called frustrated. She blinked and tilted her head. “I don’t know. I don’t let it get all too close to me anymore. There’s plenty of fish in the sea”, she said. Baekhyun tore his hair.

“You’ve had the guy I love as a boyfriend and simply give him up so easily”, he whispered. “I don’t get it”.

She took her bag. “That’s why I’m sorry… and I really really hope it’s going to work out”, she said. “Talk with him”.

Then she left and Baekhyun wanted to kick in the door and destroy the windows.

He was just boxing into his pillows when someone came in.

“Baekhyun? Uh, do you have a minute – what are you doing?”, Chanyeol asked. Baekhyun turned around with a red face, breathing heavily.

He quickly shoved the pillows back into position and wiped his face. “I… okay”, he murmured and shifted when Chanyeol sat down on the bed. They never had sat so far apart before.

“I’ve thought we should… talk about it”, Chanyeol started. “Ah really?”, Baekhyun said and lifted his chin. Chanyeol looked at him.

“Baek, come on. We’re best friends and I don’t want to lose you. We’ve been avoiding each other for days now. I… I miss you”, he said. Baekhyun looked away.

“Please don’t say that”, he murmured. “But it’s true”, Chanyeol called and slid closer.

Baekhyun leaned away. “Chanyeol! Please…”, he begged.

He turned his head and looked desperately at Chanyeol. “Why won’t you understand?”, he asked. “I can’t stand being close to you anymore”.

Chanyeol opened his mouth. “Is it that… bad?”, he asked. Baekhyun laughed miserably while tears filled his eyes. “That bad? It feels like burning alive”, he said.

“But can’t we pretend that-?”, Chanyeol started but Baekhyun cut in between. “Chanyeol believe me, if I knew a way to stop loving you, I’d gladly do it. It really ”.

Chanyeol looked down. “I must be a horrible person. Min already literally shoved it into my face how much I ”, he said and covered his eyes.

“Are you looking for comfort now? Or sympathy? Do you expect me to tell you: Oh no, you’re such a wonderful person?”, Baekhyun hissed.

Chanyeol looked at him. “Well, sorry, Baekhyun! I didn’t ask you to fall in love with me and I didn’t ask to… to be who I am”, he called. “Stop acting like it’s all my fault!”

Baekhyun’s lips trembled. “Is it mine then?”

Chanyeol bit his lip. “I- no. Baekhyun…”. He reached out his hand but stopped midway.

“Why do you hate me so much?”, Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol paled. “I don’t hate you!”, he called. “You hate gay people, equals you hate me as well. I’m not an exception to a rule, Chanyeol!”, Baekhyun said sharply.

“You’re my best friend… whatever happens, I’ve given you this promise… in kindergarten, remember?”, Chanyeol said and there was a small smile on his lips.

“I’ve never wanted… to hit you so hard like right now”, Baekhyun whispered. Chanyeol’s smile faded.

“You don’t even realize how much you worsen it, do you?”, Baekhyun asked.

Chanyeol quickly shook his head. “I’m sorry, Baek!”

He crossed his long legs and leaned forward. “Honestly, I’ve spent sleepless nights thinking about it. But I’m sorry, I just can’t… imagine it”, he said apologetic.

Baekhyun saw that there was still so much rejection in Chanyeol’s eyes that his apologetic tone was forgotten. But that one question was still burning on his tongue.

“But when… when we accidently kissed”, he started and looked away. “Was it that horrible?”

Chanyeol took his time for the answer and shifted nervously on the bed, but Baekhyun didn’t turn around.

“It wasn’t… horrible”, Chanyeol said slowly. “But still disgusting”, Baekhyun finished the sentence. Chanyeol shook his head. “No, why are you so harsh?”, he asked.

“Looks like I’ve taken over your job with the nasty comments”, Baekhyun said. Chanyeol opened his mouth and then Baekhyun started crying again.

“You don’t get it at all…”, Baekhyun said and buried his head in his arms. He felt a hand on his arms. “Don’t… touch me”, he sobbed although he wanted Chanyeol to hug him.

“Explain it. What do I not get?”, Chanyeol asked.

“Why are you so nice? I’m suffering trust issues here, I don’t know if you’re just acting or if you really mean it! I don’t understand you anymore, Chanyeol. I was prepared for you to say all those mean things and I was scared! So I rather say them myself than to hear them from your mouth!”, Baekhyun screamed and shoved Chanyeol away.

Chanyeol was quiet for a while, when Baekhyun shortly glanced at Chanyeol he saw that Chanyeol was chewing on his lip while playing with the hem of his shirt.

“When we… got to know each other, I asked you for something”, Chanyeol said. “I don’t know if you remember, it turned into a… a rule somehow. And you knew that you should never ask about him”. Baekhyun opened his mouth.

“Your dad”, he said quietly. Chanyeol cringed. “Don’t call him like that. I don’t have… I never used that word myself!”, he called.

Baekhyun just looked at him. Chanyeol slowly slid back on the bed and leaned on the wall. “I always kept it to myself, but after I spent nights of thinking about it, I think I need to tell you”, he said. He eyed Baekhyun.

“What does that have to do with… me and you?”, Baekhyun asked hesitant. Chanyeol took a deep breath. “Everything.”

Baekhyun frowned. “Okay”, he murmured and crossed his legs.

“When my older sister was 6 years old, my mum was pregnant with me, the… her husband left her. He never asked for me, he never checked on me. He left a woman with a 6 year old girl and an unborn baby. I really… really love my mum, she means everything to me. She’s the strongest woman I know, she’s a bit tough, but after all she raised us on her own and had to deal with two jobs to keep our head above the water”, Chanyeol started.

“And it was not necessary for her to tell us that he was an idiot and a lousy, unfaithful to make us hate him. We hated him anyways… When we couldn’t afford my sister’s new school bag or when I didn’t get a bike and my shoes were already falling apart, she reminded us that it was all his fault and he was to blame for our poverty. And god, how angry I was at him. I never questioned it very much, but when I grew older I asked mum why he had left her”, he continued. Chanyeol looked up there were tears in his eyes, but he held them back.

“At first she was mad and didn’t want to tell me, but… when I got into middle school, I think, she grabbed my sister and me and sat us at the kitchen table and told us the story”, Chanyeol said. He looked straight at Baekhyun.

“After 4 years of relationship and 3 years marriage, he suddenly noticed that he was actually not even into women. He left her alone to run away with a man, who was his colleague at work. He left her with nothing, he cleared the bank account and took everything with him. He didn’t call for my sister’s birthday or asked how she was. And I was obviously someone he never even wanted”, Chanyeol said.

“My mum had made clear that a man who left his wife for another man was worse than scum and… there was good reason to hate any gay person because he could be the next one to betray someone else”.

Baekhyun opened his mouth and shook his head. “I… Chanyeol…”, he started. But the taller male didn’t let him talk.

“I know you since so many years now, Baekhyun. You’re my best friend and you would never betray anyone. You’re the most loyal person I know… you stuck with me all these years and I behaved so horrible and I’m sorry”, Chanyeol said.

“I never questioned my mother’s opinion and I projected my own hatred… I was heavily prejudiced and an idiot, although you have nothing to do with that. You are not like my… like him. And I’m sorry for everything”, Chanyeol said.

“You’ve believed any gay person is unfaithful and s around?”, Baekhyun asked. Chanyeol bit his lip. “Well… I’m not 14 anymore. I kind of realized that it probably wasn’t like that, but I rather kept my eyes closed and you… pretty much forced them open. I told you the last nights were the worst”, Chanyeol said and shook his head.

Baekhyun didn’t say anything, but then Chanyeol raised his head and looked at him.

“A few horrible nights are probably worse than years of silent pain”, Baekhyun said. Chanyeol’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Can you please stop being so… y? Do you think I did not suffer? Do you think I still do not suffer from what he has done to me and my mother and my sister? You’re my best friend and damn, I really don’t want to lose you. I’m trying hard to understand you or this ed up situation. I entrust you with this story, I’ve never told anyone else before! And you…”, Chanyeol called. Baekhyun grabbed Chanyeol’s shirt, his shoulders were shaking.

“I’m really sorry, Chanyeol. It just slip out of my mouth, I don’t even mean it… I just try not say what’s on my mind because then… everything would be worse”, Baekhyun cried.

“What is on your mind then?”, Chanyeol asked calmly and gently released Baekhyun’s tight grip on his shirt.

“I’m sorry that your father was an and left you behind. I’m sorry that I love you and messed everything up. I don’t want to cry…”, Baekhyun sobbed and let his head hang low.

He felt how he was pulled into a hug and his face got buried in a warm chest that smelled so familiar it was like coming home.

Chanyeol’s heartbeat was calm and steady like the ocean waves outside, while Baekhyun’s heart hammered against his chest like a tiny bird trying to escape his cage.

“I’m sorry that I can’t give you what you’re looking for”, Chanyeol whispered and Baekhyun tried to squirm free of the embrace, but Chanyeol held firmly onto him.

Hi everyone,

thanks for waiting so long for this new chapter!

Please don't hate me for doing that to Kai >_<

But now it is about time to go back into the past and unveil Tao's story, I will come back to Baekyeol and Hunhan, don't worry!

But the next chapters will deal mainly with Tao... can you already guess whom Tao is looking for? ^^

I think it's already obvious when you look at the character list.. ^^'

Thank you for subscribing and your lovely comments!! I appreciate every single one ♥