It was weird not going to school and the morning took so long that Zitao wondered if time had frozen.

He had packed his suitcase once again, but not to return to Korea. He would visit his grandparents for now, he didn’t have any money left to afford a hotel, not even this cheap one. But his grandparents didn’t live in Beijing, so he had bought a train ticket with his left over money to get to Qingdao. His train would leave tomorrow in the morning, which left him with one last day in Beijing. Clearly, Zitao’s feet had carried him to the bus that would bring him close to a certain large villa, even though he didn’t want to go there again.

Since their last meeting, 4 days had passed. Zitao had phoned with Luhan to assure him that he was alive and doing well, even if the latter was a lie.

Sehun, who had suffered under Jongin’s suicide, had sounded surprisingly well. Luhan said that, he was finally moving on. It wasn’t easy to have private problems anyway now that school had started.

“It’s the first week, but I swear it feels like the last week before finals”, Luhan groaned.

“So you really didn’t enroll into a high school in China”, Sehun threw in. Zitao shook his head and then remembered that they couldn’t see him.

“No, I was busy…”, he said.

“Are we going to hear about details? You just said that you found him”, Sehun said carefully. Zitao could imagine how the two boys exchanged looks and Zitao sighed.

“Well… uhm. I’m not sure yet. We talked once, but I kind of… yeah, got really upset and left”, Zitao murmured. “It was horrible”.

The two boys were quiet and waited for Zitao to continue, but as Zitao didn’t say anything, Sehun cleared his throat.

“Uh… do you read the newspaper – ouch!”, Sehun said. “No, why?”, Zitao asked surprised.

He heard a rustling sound, Luhan whispered something incomprehensible and then Sehun coughed. “Well, I was just wondering if you’re hiding somewhere in a room and lose contact to the real world”, Sehun said. Zitao frowned.

“Huh?”, he said confused.

Luhan glared at Sehun, who blushed furiously and was glad that Zitao couldn’t see him.

“Ah yeah, anyways. We have to go back to study. Make sure you call us when there are news or… if you need anything, alright?”, Sehun said quickly.

Zitao hummed. “Sure, see you!” He hung up.

Then he made his way to the bus; he didn’t know why he was doing that to himself. But he felt like he needed to see Yifan one last time, before he was going to leave.

When he reached the gate, he was welcomed by the dog that jumped barking up and down. Zitao shifted a little and rang the door bell, as the gate swung elegantly open, the dog ran towards Zitao. He patted its head with a faint smile. “Hello there”, he murmured.

“LEO!”

The dog’s tail wiggled like crazy and he barked again as Junhao appeared. He seemed to have been playing with the dog in the garden as he was holding a small branch.

Junhao eyed Zitao a bit insecure, but he seemed to recognize him.

“You were here last week”, Junhao said. Zitao nodded.

“Yes, I uhm… I need to see Yifan again”, Zitao said carefully. Junhao lifted his chin and waved with the branch.

“I wouldn’t go in now”, he said and threw the branch. Leo, the dog, jumped and hunted after the stick. Zitao blinked surprised.

“Why not?”, he asked. The little boy looked up to him with a frown on his pretty face, Zitao couldn’t tell what age he was. But since he was still in kindergarten, he was probably 5 years old.

“Mommy was angry because of the mobile phone”, Junhao said. Zitao frowned.

“The mobile phone?”, he asked confused. Then he remembered that Junhao had taken Yifan’s mobile and had played with it.

“She said that Yifan hides something”, Junhao continued and nodded. “It must be something really important, because mommy said that Yifan protects it”.

Zitao didn’t understand what the boy was talking about. “He hides something?”, he asked helplessly.

Junhao nodded. “Yes, I tried it, but it didn’t work. But I spelled my name right! I know how to write my name”, he added proudly.

“You tried… what?”, Zitao asked. Junhao pulled out a mobile phone. “Mommy said I should bring it to her, because Yifan hides it. And she said I should write down my name on it, but it doesn’t work. I’ve tried it again and again. But it doesn’t work! Even mommy couldn’t do it”, Junhao said and shook his head frustrated.

And finally Zitao understood what the boy was talking about. The screen unlocked without problems and a window with a lot of files opened. One file with the name ’Z’ required a password to open it.

Junhao’s mother probably had tried to find out the password to open this file. Zitao thought it was a bit over the top to be so obsessive about this file, even in a marriage one should have their privacy.

“It is just a file. What is so important about it?”, Zitao asked.

Junhao took the stick that Leo had brought back to him. “I don’t know”, he said. “But it is important. Do you know the password? Did he tell you? You’re a friend of Yifan, aren’t you?”, he asked and his eyes widened with curiosity.

“I-… yeah, I’m a friend”, Zitao said weakly. “Do you know it? Do you know the password?”, Junhao asked.

Zitao shook his head. “No sorry”, he said and handed the mobile back to Junhao.

“If it’s a bit problematic at the moment, I will simply wait”, he added.

Junhao puckered up his lips. “Then are you going to play with me?”, he asked. Zitao blinked surprised. “Oh… okay?”, he said insecurely.

Junhao’s face changed into a wide smile. “Leo! Come, Leo! Let’s go and play”, he called and waved the stick. He ran and threw the stick, Zitao followed the young boy into the garden behind the house.

Leo bounced around them, barking happily.

“You know exactly, what I am talking about! Yifan… Yifan! Are you even listening?”, Ziyi called and snapped her fingers at Yifan.

Yifan stared out the kitchen’s window. Leo was barking and running around, Junhao was laughing how he rarely did when Yifan was around. And running around with him… Zitao.

“What?”, he asked and forced himself to look away and ignore how his heartbeat quickened.

Ziyi groaned. “I am so sick of this”, she said tired and sat down.

Junhao clapped his hands. “You are much more fun than Yifan”, he called and laughed. Zitao smiled a bit. “You don’t like him very much, huh?”, he said.

Junhao shoved his chin forward, a thing he liked to do whenever he was about to answer a difficult question. “I already have a dad, I don’t need another one”, Junhao said.

Zitao sat down in the grass. “I don’t think he’s trying to take that place or position away from your father”, he said. Junhao sat down as well and Leo put his head into the little boy’s lap.

Junhao had a puzzled expression on his face, so Zitao explained.

“He doesn’t want to be your new father. He only wants to… take care of you and… protect you”, Zitao said. Junhao tilted his head.

“Protect me?”, he asked.

Zitao nodded. “Yeah, he wants to protect you”. Junhao chewed on his lip.

“Do you like Yifan?”, he asked straight forward. Zitao flinched. “I…”, he stuttered, but the child was looking at him so sincerely that he felt Junhao would not judge him.

“Yes… Yes, I like him a lot”, Zitao said.

“Does he protect you as well?”, Junhao asked curiously. Zitao looked at his hands.

“I think… he tried to”, he said heavily. He couldn’t tell a child what Yifan had done to him, but he wasn’t even sure why he was defending Yifan in front of Junhao.

“I thought grown-ups don’t need to be protected”, Junhao said and he sounded a bit irritated.

Zitao looked away. “Oh yes, they do. We all need protection once in a while. Even grown up men”, he said. A raven close by suddenly croaked and flew up into the sky.

Junhao looked thoughtful when Zitao turned around with shaking hands. “Can I see that mobile one more time?”, he asked.

Junhao pulled it out and handed it to Zitao. Zitao clicked the password, but it wasn’t his name, which he had expected anyways. Zitao looked up into the grey sky, the raven was croaking somewhere hidden in the trees. Zitao pressed his lips together as he typed: Little raven.

And the file unlocked.

Zitao’s heart skipped a beat as he saw that the file contained only pictures; pictures of him.

The first picture was from the last time he had seen Yifan, at the evening when they had celebrated his exams’ results. He didn’t know that picture. It had been taken in Yifan’s apartment, Zitao was lying on Yifan’s bed, sleeping peacefully in the dim light.

It felt weird to see that Yifan had taken a picture of him sleeping, but that wasn’t the only picture. Wherever they had went to, Yifan had taken pictures, usually he would have sent them to Zitao, but this file included all the pictures, he had not sent.

One of them brought up a memory that made him shiver and fighting with tears.

They had gone to Busan and had done some sightseeing, in the background of the picture was a monument. Zitao didn’t remember which, but he remembered how they had taken a picture and Yifan had complained that Zitao’s hand was shaking too much and the picture would blur.

Yifan then had taken the picture and it had turned out blurry, they had jokingly argued until Yifan had suddenly kissed him. For the first time in a public place. And here it was. That very kiss frozen on a picture.

“What is it?”

Zitao flinched, Junhao was looking at him and Zitao came back to reality. He quickly left the folder and gave Junhao the mobile back. “I… nothing”, he whispered and looked away so Junhao wouldn’t see his tears.

“Junhao! It’s time”, his mother called. Junhao looked at Zitao, he then put the mobile back into Zitao’s hands and stormed towards the terrace where his mother was waiting for him.

Yifan was standing behind her and Zitao approached them hesitant. Ziyi shot an icy glare at Zitao as she grabbed her purse and put on her jacket.

“Come, Junhao. Let’s go”, she said sharply and dragged her son through the living room. Then the door closed and the sound of them leaving faded out.

Zitao looked at Yifan and gave him his mobile phone back.

“Junhao gave it to me”, he said. Yifan nodded, his eyes were swollen and he had dark circles.

Zitao couldn’t ask if he was alright, because it was obvious that Yifan wasn’t alright.

“What happened?”, Zitao asked. Yifan leaned against the kitchen counter and took a deep breath, and another one. But he couldn’t find the right words, so he just covered his face.

“Didn’t you read the news?”, he finally asked muffled. Zitao frowned. “No, I usually don’t-“, he started and remembered that Sehun had asked him the same.

“Yifan, what the hell happened?”, he asked anxious. Yifan put his hands down. “Ziyi and I divorced”, he said. Zitao stared at him.

“And the media just waited for such a scandal, they’re happy to write all the bad stuff about me! I mean they knew it would happen sooner or later, this marriage hasn’t been the happiest… I thought you came to add up on that. I almost expected to see something from you in the media, too. It would have been the perfect time to tell them about our relationship and how I ed it up and how horrible I treated you. Not that there was much left to destroy, but here’s your grand chance”, Yifan said.

“Do you really think I’m that kind of person?”, Zitao asked coolly. Yifan opened his mouth and closed it again. “No, I’m sorry… I’m the terrible person… you deserve so much better than this”.

Zitao looked at the taller male for a long time. He had almost forgotten the shape of his nose, the way his eyebrows furrowed when he was tired.

“I told Ziyi about you…”, Yifan confessed. Zitao didn’t know what to say and stayed silent. “She had already suspected that there was something…. Someone for whom I stayed in Korea for so long…”.

Zitao thought of his packed suitcase in the hotel room, of his friends in South Korea and what he was supposed to do. Then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, Yifan was still leaning against the kitchen’s counter looking tired and exhausted. Zitao stepped forward and touched Yifan’s arm.

“Everyone needs to be protected once in a while”, he said quietly. Yifan looked up, astonishment in his eyes. Zitao stepped closer and somehow he was relieved how his body still fitted so perfectly into Yifan’s arms and the crease of his neck and shoulder.

Zitao’s fingers wandered hesitant over Yifan’s arms and back as if it was the first time again that he discovered his body. After a while he could feel Yifan’s arms wrapped tightly around him.

“I’ve missed you”, Zitao whispered. He felt Yifan’s warm breath against his ear.

“Yeah, me too…”. Yifan’s long fingers caressed Zitao’s cheek and his hair.

“I’ve got something to tell you”, Yifan whispered.

Zitao let go off him and looked up. “This time I can say it without hesitation and without feeling bad about it. And I’ve tried saying it sincerely since almost a year”, Yifan said and cupped Zitao’s face.

“I love you”.

Zitao’s heart stumbled. He didn’t want to forgive the other one so easily, but how could he not give in when Yifan leaned down. And so he closed his eyes and let their lips meet once again.

When they broke apart, Yifan sighed. “Have you really forgiven me?”, he asked. Zitao looked at his fingers playing with Yifan’s shirt. He thought about everything that happened since he had come to China and what had happened before. Yifan had told his now ex-wife about him… he had been open about his feelings and had broken up with her. 

“No”, he finally said and looked up. Yifan nodded slightly. “I see…”, he murmured.

“But maybe I will… one day”, Zitao added. Yifan’s mouth opened.

“Before that day, you owe me every last thing I need”, Zitao said as he suddenly came up with an idea.

Yifan nodded. “I… yeah, I probably do. Do you need something now that you’re saying it?”, Yifan asked. Zitao tilted his head.

“I need to graduate from high school, but I have no idea about a high school here that will still accept me now”, he said.

Yifan nodded. “I see… I’ll take care of that”, he said. Zitao almost smiled.

“It’s the first thing I’ll do today, promise. After that, I need to find a new house”, Yifan said and sighed. Zitao looked surprised. “Is Ziyi kicking you out?”, he asked.

Yifan raised his eyebrows. “No, it’s my house. But it is too big for just one person”, he said. Zitao nodded. “Yeah… it probably is”.

Zitao pulled up the zipper of his jacket.

“Make sure the school is in Qingdao”, he said. Yifan looked surprised. “Qingdao? Why?”, he asked. Zitao frowned. “Because I want the school to be in Qingdao, that’s why”, he said.

“But that’s really far away! You would… you…oh”, Yifan said, but then understood.

Yifan looked down at his fingers. “So, I call you then, when I got you into a school?”, he asked. Zitao nodded and looked around. “Do you have something to write?”, he asked.

“Did you change your number?”, Yifan said. Zitao nodded. “Yeah, but I’m giving you another number. It’s a friend’s number”, he said.

Yifan took the piece of paper back and looked confused at Zitao.

“Are we…?”, he started. Zitao shook his head.

“I’m going to graduate first and I won’t think of anything else for now”, he said. Then he turned around, Yifan followed him to the front door.

“But are we going to see us again?”, Yifan asked when Zitao opened the door. Zitao hesitated, but then looked at him for a long moment.

“If everything goes well, I’ll graduate in June”, he said. Yifan pressed his lips together.

“That’s a long time… until June, I mean”, he said slowly. “I know”, Zitao said.

Yifan’s hands slid so quickly into the nape of Zitao’s neck and grabbed his chin, he could barely react and only a gasp swallowed by Yifan’s lips escaped his mouth.

They kissed long, passionate, a bit too passionate probably. And all the feelings he had bottled up and suppressed during the last months, were set loose at once and it felt like an explosion.

He bit and hard on Yifan’s lips until the taller let hear a painful groan, but Zitao didn’t even mind as he kissed Yifan’s lips once more. His lips wandered down Yifan’s neck and soon Yifan’s light skin bloomed dark red and showed all the marks that Zitao had left.

Yifan was breathing hard when Zitao pulled back, he let his long fingers run through Zitao’s bleached hair. “It looks great by the way”, Yifan whispered. Zitao sighed.

“This won’t change my mind”, he said and pressed one last kiss onto Yifan’s lips. “Bye”.

Yifan tried to hold onto Zitao’s hand, but at the gaze of the younger one, he finally let go.

WOW guys, so many comments!!

Thank you so much, it's very exciting to see your opinions and comments on this story ^^

now look at that, Yifan has kept pictures of Zitao! And he actually learns about honesty and got divorced! There were various reasons for the divorce and as Yifan stated their marriage wasn't the happiest (but I can definitely tell you that Zitao was one of the reasons)
not that Zitao would take that as a good reason to simply forgive him...

There are not that many chapters left, about 2 maybe + epilogue, so before we go back to Korea to see how Zitao's friends are doing, let's see how Zitao's situation will develop...