My flawed heart and my love, will you accept it? Me? – It’s Okay It’s Love – Davichi

            Dear Gege,

            Next week on Friday is the last day of the school year. Unfortunately that means that is the day of our big exam. I am ready for the school year to be over so I can enjoy my summer vacation. I also am ready to get away from my classmates and their constant Joonmyeon hyung talk.

            “Yixing come downstairs,” mom said knocking on my bedroom door. “We have something to give you.” I nodded getting off of my bed, closing my textbook following my mom down the stairs to the living room.

            “What is it?” I asked sitting down on the couch between dad and mom. Dad picked up a box wrapped in purple paper placing it on my lap. “Wow.” I looked up at both of them. “What is this?”

            “This a present for doing so well in school this semester,” mom said smiling at me. “You’ve had really great grades this semester and your class won the talent show and you got to perform in the open house, so we got you a gift for all your hard work.”

            “Open the box son,” dad said nodding his head motioning to the box. “We heard your friends and you talking about it so we bought one for you.”

            I smiled at them, before tearing off the purple wrapping paper, seeing a box, lifting off the lid, moving aside the tissue paper, feeling the material.

            “No way,” I said smiling even more. I picked up the purple MCM backpack that I had saw at the store when we had went to pick up our costumes for the talent show. “Mama, dad.” I looked at the purple bag. “I can’t believe it!”

            “This is the color you like right?” mom asked looking at the backpack. I nodded my head, setting the backpack down, before hugging both of them.

            “Thank you so much,” I said smiling at them. “This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten. I love it so much!” I stood up, putting on the purple backpack on my back, turning to the side. “What do you think?”

            “It looks great!” dad said giving me a thumbs up.

            “Very stylish,” mom said nodding her head. “You look very good Yixing.”

            “Thank you both again,” I said. “I have to go to show my friends and get ready for school.” I smiled at them before running upstairs, putting on my school uniform, before putting all my stuff from my old backpack into the new purple MCM backpack.

            When I got to school, I hurried up the stairs heading inside the classroom, setting my backpack down on my desk.

            “Yixing!” Chanyeol exclaimed. “Nice backpack!” He looked at my purple bag. “When did you get this?”

            “My parents gave it to me as a end of the school year gift,” I said as everyone surrounded around my desk. “They surprised me with it before I had to go to school.”

            “That’s so awesome!” Luhan said feeling the backpack. “You are so lucky Yixing.”

            “Now you have the best backpack in the class,” Kris said nodding his head like a proud father. “Even better then my backpack. I need to get one of these MCM bags.” Kris looked at my bag, before patting me on the back.

            “You’re very lucky hyung,” Jongin said. “I wish my parents would buy me a MCM backpack. But they are so expensive!”

            “I know,” Kyungsoo said nodding his head. “My parents said that if I wanted one, I had to save up and buy it myself. I’m going to be fifty by the time I have the money to buy one for myself.”

            Mr. Kim came into the classroom as everyone returned to their seats so we could begin studying for our test. Mr. Kim had taught us everything there was to learn and now it was just our jobs to study and ask questions if we needed help.

            I stared at my textbook and notebook going back over some of the notes for math. I was definitely most worried about the math portion of the test. Math was never my strong point and I had to make sure I studied a little more for math then the other subjects.

            Staring at the textbook was getting on my nerves. I was ready to take a break. Mr. Kim was a big advocate that taking breaks could be good for you. I took out my phone, seeing a message from Joonmyeon.

            Joonmyeon: Yixing-ah~ good luck on studying! Study hard okay?

            Me: You too hyung. Let’s go out for something eat after school today. I could use a break from everything.

            Joonmyeon: Sounds like a plan! See you after school!

            I put away my phone, looking at the clock, before getting back to studying all the subjects and material that would be on the big end of the year test. No matter how stressful or hard the test would be I was determined to get the best grade I could get.

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            After school I met up with Joonmyeon outside by the main front gates. Right away I showed him my MCM backpack.

            “Yixing you are so lucky,” he said smiling at me. “Your parents are really awesome for buying that for you.” He gave me a thumbs up. “So where are we going to be eating?”

            “The dukkboki place!” I exclaimed smiling at him. Joonmyeon nodded his head, hooking his arm with mine before we left the school, walking to the street with all the food tents. “I’ve been craving dukkboki for a while now.”

            “We shall eat a lot then,” Joonmyeon said chuckling. “I haven’t eaten dukkboki since probably the last time you and I went. That was such a long time ago too.” We got to the street, heading to our favorite dukkboki stand, as I ordered two servings of dukkboki.

            “You always order two servings,” the worker said handing me the tray with the food on it. “And you always end up wasting one on of them.” She shook her head as I took the tray over to the table Joonmyeon had saved for us.

            “Let’s eat hyung!” I exclaimed. I picked up my plate of dukkboki before beginning to dig into the spicy rice cakes. “These are so good,” I said smiling. I looked across the table at Joonmyeon who was busy eating his rice cakes.

            “You got sauce on your mouth,” Joonmyeon said. He reached across the table wiping my mouth with a napkin. “There you go.”

            “Thanks,” I said. I picked up a piece of dukkboki placing it in front of Joonmyeon’s face. “Say ah hyung.” He laughed opening his mouth as I fed him the food. “I like feeding you.”

            “It’s like I’m the baby or something,” Joonmyeon said laughing, eating more of the rice cakes I fed him. “I’m not complaining though. I just found out that my parents are taking me to Japan over the summer for two weeks.”

            “Wow,” I said smiling. “But that means two whole weeks I won’t be able to see you. What am I going to do with myself?”

            “Watch all of Pinocchio,” Joonmyeon said nodding his head. “That way when I get back from Japan was can talk about it. I still can’t believe you never watched Pinocchio, only the best drama like ever.”

            “I’ve been busy with school,” I said laughing. “My parents are really strict that school comes before everything and anything fun. That’s why I was so surprised when they gave me this backpack this morning. They’d never spend this much money on me not even on my birthday.”

            “You’ve been working hard,” Joonmyeon said as we finished the dukkboki. “Anyone can see that you’ve been working hard ever since you started school this semester. You’ve won the talent show and done so many important things this semester.”

            “I guess I have,” I said, standing up. “It was a pretty busy semester. But I am glad that I get to stay at Dream Academy and I’m not forced to look for another school.” We left the table, after throwing away our trash.

            “Hey kid,” the worker said calling out to me. I turned around. “Clean up the dukbokki you dropped on the floor.” He pointed to where Joonmyeon had been sitting. “I don’t want to clean up your mess yet again.” I didn’t see the dukkboki all over the floor. There was nothing there.

            “There is nothing there,” I said shaking my head. “I don’t know what you are talking about, sorry.” I dipped my head before leaving the food tent with Joonmyeon walking down the street.

            “What was that about?” Joonmyeon asked laughing. He hooked his arm in mine as we began to walk back to the school. “That was so strange.”

            “I know,” I said laughing. “There was no mess.” I turned to look at Joonmyeon with a sheepish grin painted on my face. “Race you back to school?”

            “You’re so on!” Joonmyeon exclaimed. “Later Yixing!” He let go of my arm before running as fast as he could away from me. I began to run after him, trying to catch up to him. “Too slow!”

            “No fair hyung!” I yelled running after him. I kept running not noticing my shoelace untied until I tripped skidding onto the sidewalk. “Oww.” I sat up, tying my shoelace, seeing Joonmyeon turn around stopping in the street.

            “Hurry up!” He called out to me. “You’re so slow!” He laughed at me still standing in the middle of the street. “Yixing!”

            “Hyung get out of the street!” I yelled over to him. But my words were drowned out by the sound of a motorcycling roaring to life, right next to me. I got up noticing I had ripped my pants and my leg was bleeding.

            Joonmyeon looked at me not sure of what I had said. I slowly began to limp over to him but I was too slow and he didn’t hear my yelling.

            “Get out!” I yelled as a car came charging through the intersection of the street he was standing on. I screamed a horrified scream as the car didn’t brake fast enough and collided with Joonmyeon.

            They say when bad things happen the world stops around you and the only things that move are the scary things that happen. That’s exactly what it felt like. I stood half a block away from Joonmyeon to far away to help him. My eyes widened when the car’s impact sent him onto the car hood before he rolled to the side of the street. The car didn’t stop moving.

            “No!” I screamed. I began running as fast as I could on my injured leg. What had been a pure white clean car was now stained on the front from Joonmyeon’s blood. I ignored the throbbing pain in my leg as I ran into the street picking up a rock hurling it at the car cracking open the window.

            I knelt down next to Joonmyeon’s limp body as the car stopped a few feet down the street. I heard the driver get out of the car yelling at me, but I didn’t make out the words. I cradled Joonmyeon in my arms as I felt tears falling down my face.

            “Kid!” he yelled. “What the hell was that for?” He pulled me off the ground. I turned to face him crying even harder.

            “You hit my friend!” I yelled pointing to Joonmyeon. “You didn’t watch where you were going!” The driver turned to look at where I was pointing getting more confused and angry.

            “There is no one there!” he yelled in my face. “You threw a rock in my window of my brand new car!” I lost it. How could he be so concerned about his stupid car when he had hit my friend and Joonmyeon was now bleeding on the street?

            “Shut up!” I screamed crying more hot tears. I felt more tears falling from my eyes rolling down my face. I balled up my fingers into a tight fist before punching the driver in the face. “My friend!” I kept hitting the driver before he threw me onto the ground.

            By now a crowd had gathered around wondering what had happened and what was going on. Everything faded into a blurry mess as I got off the ground before kicking the driver in the stomach.

            “My ing friend!” I screamed through my tears.

            “Someone call the police!” I heard a voice yell. “This kid has really lost it!” The driver grabbed me by my shirt collar smacking me across the face. I felt the sting of his hand leave a red mark on my face causing me to cry out in pain as more tears kept coming down my face.

            “Chill out!” he yelled at me. I grabbed the driver pushing him up against his car hitting him again and again in the face. “Stop!”

            “Bring him back!” I yelled pointing to Joonmyeon’s body. “He can’t die! Summer break is going to start and we had so many plans!” I banged my head into the back of his car in frustration and sadness.

            “Stop!” the driver yelled. “Don’t hurt yourself!” I ignored his screaming as I punched my fists threw the back window of his car. I looked at my hands that were covered with glass and now blood. I pulled my arms out of the holes I’d made in the glass feeling shards of glass scraping my skin, tearing at the fabric of my shirt.

            Eventually the police came and they called for an ambulance. The police came over to me, grabbing me forcing me to sit down as they assessed the damages of what had happened.

            “Bring him back!” I screamed again, crawling over to Joonmyeon. I picked him up, resting his head in my lap. “Help him! I am fine!”

            “No your not,” the officer said kneeling down in front of me. “Your arms are badly injured and your hands as well. Your leg is bleeding also.”

            “I don’t care!” I yelled shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter! My hyung is bleeding! Look at my clothes!” I pointed to the bloodstains on my shirt from Joonmyeon’s blood. “Save him!”

            “Yixing?!” a different voice yelled from the sidelines. I turned my head seeing Jongdae, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun running towards me.

            “Stay back!” the officer ordered but they didn’t listen as they crowded around me. Seeing all their faces only made me cry even more. They all had their doubts about Joonmyeon and I didn’t want to see them.

            “What happened?” Kyungsoo asked looking at my bleeding hands and arms. “You’re arms and hands are a mess!”

            “He!” I said between crying pointing to the driver of the white car. “He hit Joonmyeon hyung.” I pointed to my lap looking down at Joonmyeon.

            “No,” Baekhyun said quietly as Chanyeol wrapped his arms around the smaller male. “Yixing.” He began crying as well as the rest of them. They didn’t see anyone but me with glass in my hands and trails of blood falling down my arms.

            When the ambulance came the people took no time, picking me up laying me down on a stretching immediately wrapping my arms. I was loosing too much blood and I felt my strength falling.

            “Yixing!” Jongdae yelled. “I’m calling your parents!” That was the last thing I heard before I out and the ambulance took me away from the scene.

            I guess that is why I ended up here in the hospital. Everything that had happened that day was the reason I was now away from home, family, and friends. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. They had told me that I had had the disorder ever since Gege died six years ago and Joonmyeon came into my life. They told me Joonmyeon hyung wasn’t real. I still refuse to believe them. That’s why I am still stuck here in the hospital.

            ~ Yixing 

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Yes so now Yixing knows what he is diagnosed with and what his mental disorder is. Now the chapters will be leading up to his backstory of his brother's suicide as well as his time in the hospital and him writing these journal entries. This was kind of a hard chapter to write especially at the end but I hope you all liked (I don't know if that is the right word) it.

~ ALSK20