Though I extend my hand, though I extend it with all my strength, I can’t reach you – Selene 6.23 – SHINee

            Dear Gege,

            It is now time to start preparing for the end of the year exam. Mr. Kim started talking to us today about being prepared since this test will be the biggest test and count the most towards our grade. I am nervous but hopefully my studying will pay off. It is literally one month before Kris, Luhan, and Minseok hyung graduate high school and leave our class.

            “I don’t want to study for this huge exam!” Jongin exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air. His pencil flew out of his hand hitting Kris in the face. “Oh … Sorry hyung.”

            “My precious face,” Kris said looking bewildered. “How could you let something hit my face? What if I got a scar? My face is my money maker.”

            “What money are you making?” Minseok said under his breath laughing. Kris threw Jongin’s pencil at Minseok. “What?!”

            “I heard that dummy!” Kris exclaimed. “I make money.” He looked around the table as we were eating lunch and trying to study for the exam. Well mainly Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, Sehun, and I were studying. Everyone else kept getting distracted.

            “You mean you spend money,” Luhan said shooting a playful look at him. “Your parent’s money.”

            “Shut up skinny,” Kris grumbled. “Go to the bathroom already.” I looked over at Luhan who gulped down another bite of his food. These days his trips to the bathroom had become less frequent during lunch. He was eating more and wasn’t constantly talking about what others were eating.

            “I don’t have to,” Luhan said finally. “My bladder is just fine thank you for worrying though.” He smiled continuing to eat his food. He smiled at me and I smiled back.

            “W-what is g-going on?” Sehun asked tugging on Luhan’s shirtsleeve. “You a-always us-ed to g-go to the bath-room.” He looked at Luhan slightly confused as were the rest of the guys at the table.

            “Don’t worry,” Luhan said hugging Sehun and patting his head. “Let’s just say I’m looking in a new direction on life. And it’s hard and torturing me not to go to the bathroom right now but I must remain strong.”

            “Okay,” Jongdae said giving off a this kid is crazy look. “Anyways be quiet so I can try to get some studying done.” Minseok looked at Jongdae’s book on his lollipop.

            “How is the studying coming along?” Minseok asked picking up one of Jongdae’s hands. “Studying really hard for the test? This lollipop is really hard.”

            “Shut up,” Kyungsoo said glaring at Minseok. “No more of that talk when we are eating hyung.” He looked around the table as if daring anyone to try him. Everyone knew that Kyungsoo was the scariest member. When he tried he even put Kris in his place. “I need to study. As do the rest of you.” He looked back down at his notebook ignoring us.

            “Yikes,” Chanyeol said gulping. “Satansoo has visited us today.” He grabbed Baekhyun’s hand squeezing it. “Protect me Baekkie?”

            “Yeol,” Baekhyun said swatting Chanyeol’s hand away. “You are taller then me. You should be protecting me. Not the other way around.” He laughed ruffling Chanyeol’s hair. “Soft.”

            “I got a new conditioner,” Chanyeol said happily. “It smells like coconuts.” Kyungsoo looked up glaring at Chanyeol. “Sorry.” He zipped his lips shut throwing away the key letting Kyungsoo get back to studying.

            I looked down at my own book reading portions in between taking bites of my food. I had to remember everything I had learned this year since everything was going to be on the exam. It was going to be even harder then the test we had in the middle of the semester.

            “Yixing,” Jongdae said whispering into my ear. “Let’s study together after school.” I nodded my head as he patted me on the back before we continued to eat our lunches in silence.

____________________

            “This math final is going to whoop my ,” Jongdae said groaning. He slumped down on the table, pushing his papers onto the ground. “This .”

            “It’s going to be okay,” I said, scribbling down more numbers to solve the math problem. “If we study a lot we’ll pass. I’m sure of it.” Jongdae picked his papers up grumbling.

            “I’m getting a snack,” Jongdae said getting up. He shuffled his way into the kitchen. I heard him rumbling through his kitchen. I looked up when I saw my phone screen lighting up.

            “Hello hyung,” I said smiling when I answered Joonmyeon’s phone call. “How is the studying going?”

            “It’s too stressful,” Joonmyeon said on the phone. “I have so much to study this .” I nodded my head. “How about you?”

            “The studying is going to drive me crazy,” I said looking at the worksheet of math problems I had to complete. I still had about half a page of problems to finish for homework. “I’m ready for these tests to be over and then relax for summer break.” I didn’t notice Jongdae come back into the room as he sat down beside me munching on his cheese stick.

            “Who are you talking to?” Jongdae asked looking at me. He tapped on my phone as I moved out of the way. I mouthed the word Joonmyeon as I continued to talk to him.

            “Yes we definitely need to hangout a lot over summer,” I said laughing. “Did you even have to ask?”

            “Let me talk to him!” Jongdae whined. He grabbed the phone from my hand. “Hey Joonmyeon hyung! This is Yixing’s bestie from the special class Kim Jongdae! I’ve heard so much about you and now I finally get to talk to you!”

            I looked at Jongdae smiling. He definitely was a bright bubble of happiness compared to Joonmyeon’s more calm and relaxed nature.

            “Hello?” Jongdae asked. “Joonmyeon are you here? Hello?” Jongdae pulled the phone away from his ear looking at the screen with a confused look washing over his face. “Yixing I think the line went dead. But the screen says I’m still talking to him.”

            “Let me see,” I said. I took the phone from him placing it on my ear. “Joonmyeon hyung, Jongdae said that your phone line went dead.” Jongdae placed his ear next to my phone. “You didn’t go anywhere?”

            “Yixing,” Jongdae said. “No one was on the phone when I was talking.” He took my phone ending the call. “Let me see his number.” He scrolled through my contacts before looking for Joonmyeon’s number. “Ah here we go.”

            I watched him enter Joonmyeon’s phone number on his cellphone before pressing the call button. I took the bag of chips Jongdae had placed on the table, opening them munching on the chips as Jongdae put the phone on speaker.

            “We’re sorry the number you have dialed is not a real phone number. Please try again,” the voice operator said on his phone. Jongdae looked at me with a strange look on his face.

            “Yixing,” Jongdae said slowly.

            “That is his number,” I said, dialing Joonmyeon’s number. “I swear that is his phone number.” I put my phone on speaker as it rung.

            “Hello?” Joonmyeon’s voice said over the phone.

            “See I told you,” I said looking at Jongdae. “This is hyung’s number. I told you.” Jongdae shook his head looking more confused then ever. “Jongdae said your number wasn’t working.”

            “That’s odd,” Joonmyeon said. “Last I checked this was definitely my phone number. And it was working just fine.” I laughed as Jongdae looked at me.

            “Yixing listen to me,” Jongdae said. “You aren’t talking to anyone. Don’t you see?” I looked at him as he hung up my phone call. “Joonmyeon hyung wasn’t there.” I looked at him in disgust throwing the bag of chips back down onto the table. How could he say something like that about my friend?

            “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked shuffling my papers. I stuffed them into my backpack standing. “Joonmyeon was there the whole time. You must’ve gotten his number wrong.”

            “But I copied it right off of your phone,” Jongdae said. “Number for number. And you heard it was a non-existent number.” I threw the bag of chips at him.

            “Shut up!” I yelled feeling hot, angry tears threatening to fall down my face. “Don’t speak to me that way about Joonmyeon hyung! I’ve known him for six years and he is my best friend. I’m tired of all of you questioning him and my friendship! Dammit!” I ran to the door, hastily putting my shoes on before slamming the door behind me.

            I ran down his street to the nearest subway station, heading down the stairs. I shook my head as the tears fell down my face. The next thing I knew I was tumbling down the stairs and landed on the bottom of the stairs.

            “Are you okay boy?” a worried voice asked me. I looked up through my blurry vision seeing a worried looking woman kneeling down beside me. “You feel pretty hard.” I stood up as she dabbed at the bloody nose I had.

            “I’m fine,” I said wiping my eyes on the sleeve of my shirt. “Thank you.” She finished fixing my face and cuts on my arm before helping me walk the rest of the way to the subway seeing me off. “Thank you!” I called to her waving.

            “Take care sir!” she said waving back to me. I watched as the wind generated from the speed of the subway blew her hair to the side before I was racing in the direction towards my home. I just wanted to forget about this day and focus on my tests. I was so tired of everyone saying Joonmyeon might not be real.

            He was very real to me and that’s all that mattered. He was the only one that was able to bring me out of the dark past that had happened when we had first moved to Korea from China. Joonmyeon was the only one to save me when no one else could. He was the only one who could fill the void of my deceased brother. He was the one that helped me forgive my brother for what he did to my parents and me. Joonmyeon was my support and I didn’t care if my friends didn’t believe in him. I did.

            Maybe it’s time that I write down what truly happened six years ago. If that will help me solve some of the problems I am dealing with it wouldn’t hurt to try. But am I strong enough to face my fear of reliving what I tried so hard to forget? Maybe one day I’ll have to guts to write down the scary event I had to witness.

            ~ Yixing