Will no longer settle for whatever, cause I know I deserve heaven and earth – Heaven & Earth – Kelly Rowland

            Dear Gege,

            The talent show is only a few days away. All of us are super prepared and our performance is going to be amazing. I am excited to show the whole school what the special class is about. We’re not just weirdo kids, we actually like stuff that other students like. I just hope the school will see that.

            “Wow Yixing,” Joonmyeon said clapping his hands. We were in an empty classroom and I had shown him all of my dancing parts for our performance. “You looked super cool dancing like that. I am impressed.” I smiled sitting down on the desk next to the one Joonmyeon was sitting on.

            “Thanks hyung,” I said catching my breath. I was far from out of shape, but it was enough for me to break into a sweat to dance the performance. In my eyes it was worth it. I put my heart into the performance and was ready to show it off to the school. “You’re coming to the talent show right?”

            “Of course I am,” Joonmyeon said. “How could I now see my best friend perform with his class? It’s going to be the best performance of the night.” Joonmyeon smiled brightly at me. “Let’s head out.” We hopped off the desks, putting on our backpacks heading out of the school grounds.

            “Are we going to eat dukkboki again hyung?” I asked as we walked down the stairs to make our way to the first floor. Joonmyeon nodded his head, linking his arm with mine.

            “Hey Yixing!” a voice called to me. I looked over at Kyungsoo as he walked up to me. I had finally reached the first floor, and the main hallway of the school. “What were you doing here so late?” I checked my watch seeing it was about an hour after school had ended.

            “Oh I was just showing Joonmyeon hyung our performance for the talent show,” I answered. I turned to my right where Joonmyeon should’ve been standing. “Ahh that’s weird, he was walking with me just a minute ago. Right before you came along.”

            “He ran away because of me?” Kyungsoo asked, looking confused and a little worried. I shook my head; Joonmyeon wasn’t the type to run away from people. In fact he was one of most un-shy people I knew. “Then where did he go?”

            “I don’t know,” I said, scratching the back of my head. “Oh well.” We headed out of the school heading to the bus stop as I checked my phone for messages. “Ahh Joonmyeon hyung texted.”

            “What did he say?” Kyungsoo asked looking over at me. I unlocked my phone, opening my messages looking at his messages.

            “Um he said he had forgotten something in the classroom,” I read. “And that he hopes I get home safely.” Kyungsoo nodded his head smiling at me. “That guy is so caring, I swear.”

            “He seems nice,” Kyungsoo agreed. “I wish our class had hyungs like him. Not like the one’s we have. They are a little too much for me sometime. I would really like to meet your hyung Yixing. He seems like a cool guy.”

            “I’m sure he would love to meet you too,” I said smiling. “He is very friendly to everyone. His favorite motto, if he’s your friend he’s mine too.” I chuckled remembering the first time he said that. I was at the park with him and was telling him all about everyone in the special class and he was happy I fit in with everyone.

            “That’s a good motto,” Kyungsoo said. His bus came as he stood up. “Well see you tomorrow Yixing.” He patted my shoulder before hopping on his bus to head home. I got up walking the rest of the way to the subway station, to head back home.

            “Yixing,” Joonmyeon said on the phone with me. I was seated on the subway with my phone on my right ear. Joonmyeon had called as soon as I had gotten on the subway heading back home. “I’m sorry for ditching you earlier this afternoon.”

            “Don’t worry about it hyung,” I told him. “It is quite all right, I was able to keep Kyungsoo company before his bus came to take him home. He really wants to meet you hyung.” I smiled remembering the squishy boy. Kyungsoo was probably the nicest boy in the class besides Chanyeol. I liked that about him.

            “I would love to meet him too,” Joonmyeon said. “But I don’t know if I will have time, since I have to study for the college exams and stuff like that. I’m going to be pretty busy for a while. Tell him, when I have free time I will try to meet up with you and your friends.”

            “Ahh great hyung,” I said smiling. I was interrupted from my conversation with him when an old lady tapped me on my shoulder. I looked at her with a confused expression.

            “Little boy,” she said sounding clearing annoyed with me for some reason. I didn’t know why though, since I hadn’t noticed her next to me when I was on the phone. I said a quick goodbye to Joonmyeon before focusing all of my attention on her.

            “Is there something you need ahjumma?” I asked looking at her. I put my phone in my lap, looking at her careful not to disrespect her.

            “You were on the phone,” she said. “And talking very loudly. And to top it off, you weren’t talking to anyone.” She shook her head at me. “Crazy kid.” I looked at her tilting my head. What was she talking about? I had been talking to Joonmyeon.

            “I was talking to my friend ahjumma,” I answered. “I am sorry for talking so loudly.” I bowed my head to her as I apologized. She shook her head some more, moving away from me, mumbling on about how I wasn’t really on the phone with anyone. I watched her leave, not believing that she had said that to me. She was clearly wrong. I had been talking to Joonmyeon. I wasn’t the crazy one it was her.

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            Our whole class, Mr. Kim included decided to go to the department store to pick our outfits for the performance. It was after school on Wednesday we got on the subway heading to the department to buy our clothes. Mr. Kim had called a week ago to have the store order eleven outfits all matching.

            Mr. Kim had done some research and had found this sweatshirt type of clothing that had these cool patterns on it and had ordered our sizes. It had taken a week for them to get to the store. Mr. Kim had told us the day before that tomorrow we would head to pick them up. But little did I know, going anywhere, as a class would be a wild ride.

            We entered the department store immediately with Jongin running off to a section of the store with Minseok and Sehun. The rest of us were forced to chase after them, dodging past the other people.

            “Kim Jongin get back here!” Luhan yelled. That only gained disapproving looks from some of the older shoppers in the store. It was certainly entertaining shopping with them. But I don’t think I would do it again.

            The rest of us caught up to them as they were in the backpack section looking at the MCM bags. I did have to agree with them that they were pretty awesome looking backpacks. But when I looked at the price, I put it back. There was no way I was going to pay that much money for a leather backpack.

            “I want one of these so bad!” Minseok exclaimed, holding a black bag in his hands. “This is all the trend these days! But the cost is so damn expensive! I can’t even deal!” He stuck a lollipop in his mouth as the store worker, took the bag back from him.

            “Come on guys,” Mr. Kim said clearing his throat. “We need to pick up the order before the pickup counter closes.” We all pulled away from the bags heading up two escalators before Mr. Kim picked up the box with our shirts in it.

            We left the store heading to the mall part where everyone walked around, putting the box on an empty table in the food court area, as we stood around the box. Mr. Kim took out his keys before cutting the box open. He held up one of the shirts showing us what it looked liked. We all ooh and awed at the designs. The shirts were seriously some of the coolest clothes I’d ever seen. He passed the shirts giving one to each of us.

            “Guys the talent show is only two days away,” Kris said. “This is going to put us in the yearbook for sure. We’re going to kick some serious at the talent show. Special class for a reason!” He held onto his shirt smiling. “I’m excited for us.”

            “I am too,” Baekhyun said. “Chanyeol has been helping me not be so nervous about performing in front of large crowds. Over the weekend he took me to Hongdae with his guitar and ordered me to sing in front of everyone. After a few tears, I was able to perform a few songs. I can do it!”

            “That’s great Baekhyun!” Mr. Kim said smiling. “See everyone, if Baekhyun can get over his social anxiety, I don’t see why not you all can conquer your quirks as well.” Everyone nodded in understanding except me. I still had no idea why I was placed in the special class. I didn’t mind being in that class, but I was wondering what my problem was.

            I didn’t like being the only without a problem in the class. In that class I was the odd one out. Everyone told me, one day I would know why I was placed in the class. It had been a little over two months, and still I had no idea why I was in the special class. It could’ve been the school’s mistake, but then they should’ve fixed it. It was a thought I thought about from time to time. My parents always avoided the subject saying that I was where I belonged. Like that helped me.

            We all parted ways after we left the department store. I took the subway back to the school stop with Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, and Tao as the others took a different subway line to where they lived.

            Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, and I talked about the performance and all of that. Tao found it too hard to stay away was sleeping peacefully in my shoulder. I had to shake him awake before Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, and Tao left the subway as I continued riding it to my neighborhood.

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            Friday we came back to the school at seven in the evening for the talent. We were all backstage in our outfits huddled in a group. We were the last group to perform and that meant we had to kill it. Everyone before us had been pretty good. There were a few acts that weren’t as good but still pretty good.

            And of course we were having some problems. Baekhyun had flipped out as the intermission had ended. We were four acts away from performing. He was now huddled on the ground crying.

            “I can’t do this,” Baekhyun said, rocking back and forth. “There are way too many people out there. I was kidding myself about this whole thing.” He wiped his eyes, smearing his eyeliner as he kept crying. Chanyeol held him in his arms as we tried to comfort him.

            “Baek it’s going to be okay,” Chanyeol said trying to calm the smaller male down. He rubbed the other’s back helping him stand up. “Remember your Hongdae performance? Probably during that there was double the size of people that watched you as they passed by. If you can do that, you can do this. I have faith in you.”

            “We all do Baekhyun,” Jongdae said smiling. “You’re going to kill it, you’re voice is amazing man.” Baekhyun sniffled some more, but finally stopped crying. We helped him wipe his face and re-apply his eyeliner.

            Finally it was our time to perform. We all walked onto the stage, standing in a line in front of the crowd. In the audience were students, adults, and most importantly our family. We smiled and bowed at the audience.

            “Hello,” Kris said into his microphone. “We are the special class!” We quickly broke apart, separating into the dance formation of the first song which was BTS “N.O.” The lights shut off making the whole stage black.”

            “Special class!” We all yelled. The lights flashed back on as the song started playing and we moved along to the beat. Dancing the moves we had spent so much time perfecting as Sehun and Jongin began rapping the intro part. I continued dancing my part, as Chanyeol and Kris took their turns to wow the audience with their killer rapping skills.

            They all parted for me, as I stepped through the middle, singing my part, looking fiercely into the audience as I danced and sang to my part of the pre-chorus. After the BTS, everyone but Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Kyungsoo grouped into our pairs for Jooyoung and Hyorin’s “Erase.” They stood in the center of the stage singing the song as we danced in our pairs.

            I moved smoothly with Jongin, since the class had decided that we were probably the best dancers in the class. We looked at each other, smiling, continuing to move together to the song. I looked back at the audience briefly, seeing that they were clearly impressed with our performance so far.

            Finally it was time for “Genie,” we rearranged ourselves again as Luhan and Minseok began singing the first parts of the song, followed by myself and Tao as we sang before all four us sang the chorus of the song as we all danced the dance that I had ended up teaching everyone.

            The song got to the bridge part as we all crouched down onto the ground as Luhan stood in the middle of us.

            “DJ put it back on!” he said confidently into his microphone. We all jumped up singing the last chorus together, as Jongdae and Baekhyun rotated singing lines for Taeyeon’s adlib part. We did the final pose as the crowd burst into cheers and loud applause.

            We turned around, bowing one last time to the audience before exiting the stage. It was a while before the judges of the show had the result of who were the winners. They called all the acts to the stage, as the principal stood in front of a microphone.

            “There were a lot of good performances,” she said. “But for third place we’ve decided on Juniel with her guitar performance. Second place goes to Sunmi and Taemin for their great cover of BoA’s ‘Only One.’ And now first place. Drum roll please.” A drum roll affect was played over the speakers.

            “First place goes to!” the principal said. “The special class! Congratulations!” The crowd broke into cheers again as we accepted the trophy. Never in my life except that moment had I felt so accomplished.

            The whole school had finally been able to see the true colors of the special class. We were able to perform the best performance and win first place. During the performance I had lost myself into the music. I had found a stronger love for dancing and performing as I was on stage with my friends.

            Looking back that talent show night was the start of something amazing for me. I had realized in that moment, that I wanted to make dancing and singing a part of my life. Little did I expect to be here in this room, forced to mope around and be a prisoner for people to monitor. How was this fair for me? I felt like I was suffocating if I stayed here in this place much longer. Is this how you felt Gege when you took your life?

            ~ Yixing

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I am going to clear up one thing that will give a slight insite to the story.. The ending part of the journal entries are being written from the future.. so all the story is so far is sort of like a living in the past.. and eventually it will catch up to the present where Yixing is writing these journal entries. Thank you for reading. 

~ ALSK20