Hanbin lies in bed for a while, just watching the gentle rise and fall of Jiwon’s chest but eventually his stomach forces him out of his warm cocoon. The only clothes he has with him are the ones from yesterday and he doesn’t feel like putting on the dress pants and a button down that now lie crumpled on Jiwon's floor. He thinks about running downstairs to grab something from his apartment but even that small journey seems like too much. Instead he opens Jiwon’s closet and rummages through his drawers till he finds a sweatshirt and some sweat pants and pulls them on. Jiwon’s likes his clothes a little baggy and the hoodie hangs lose on his frame but it smells like Jiwon and it’s warm and that’s enough for Hanbin.

Quietly he pads out of the bedroom, carefully closing the door behind him. He picks his phone up from the table where he’d discarded it last night and checks his messages. There’s a few texts from his friends, congratulating him on last night and one from Hayi.

Are you okay? You seemed a little off last night.

Hanbin smiles as he types out his answer.

Yeah. I’m great.

His stomach rumbles again and reminds of his mission. He puts the phone in his pocket and heads too the kitchen. Rolling up the dangling sleeves of Jiwon’s sweatshirt he pulls open his fridge and starts looking for something edible. There’s a pretty sparse selection, some left over chinese, a shelf of half full condiments, half a gallon of milk and some eggs. He shakes his head, Jiwon always was a terrible shopper, and makes a note to drag him to the grocery store. After a little more searching though he finds flour and sugar sitting abandoned in the back of one of Jiwon’s cupboards and sets about making pancakes. He’s just finished making the batter when he remembers Jiwon always loved chocolate chips in his pancakes. A quick peak into Jiwon’s room reveals an immobile lump hidden under covers and so Hanbin slips on some of Jiwon’s indoor slippers, grabs his wallet, and walks to the convenience store just down the street. It’s chilly enough outside to make his eyes water and he pulls the hood of his sweatshirt up, cinching the strings tight till just his noses and eyes peak out.

The little store is empty except for the old man at the cash register and he quickly finds what he’s looking for and pays. During the night frost settled on the ground and his feet crunch against the pavement as he walks back towards the apartment. He takes a deep breath and the air stings at the inside of his nose and burns the back of his throat but it feels clean and fresh and he smiles. Everything looks different today, brighter and clearer like the worlds finally come into focus again. He hurries up the stairs too Jiwon’s apartment, hoping to make it back before he wakes up.

 When he reaches Jiwon’s door though he pauses for a second, it’s cracked open and Hanbin is pretty sure he closed it when he left. He hesitates for a moment, hand hovering over the handle and suddenly he remembers the last time he left Jiwon’s door unlocked and his stomach sinks. Pulling the door open he’s faced with Jiwon sitting on his couch, head in his hands. His head jerks up when he hears the door swing open and in that moment he looks completely destroyed. His eyes widen when he see’s its Hanbin, a mixture of disbelief and relief painted across his face, a little huff of air escaping from his mouth.

“Hanbin.”

His name sounds rough and torn on Jiwon’s lips. It sounds like a prayer. Hanbin tosses the plastic bag of chocolate chips onto the armchair and walks over to Jiwon, sinking onto the couch next to him. He puts a questioning hand on Jiwon’s shoulders,

“Hey, what’s the matter?”

Jiwon looks down and away, an almost embarrassed expression on his face.

“I woke up and you weren’t here. I thought… I thought you left again.”

Hanbin’s heart breaks a little at the fear in Jiwon’s voice and he hates himself for leaving the way he did because yes, he did what he needed to do for himself and he doesn’t regret that, but he does regret the hurt he caused Jiwon. It’s obviously a wound that hasn’t healed yet and the pain and desperation in Jiwon's eyes sting like salt in an open cut. He reaches over and cups Jiwon’s cheek in his hand, gently forces Jiwon to face him and leans in till their foreheads are pressed together.

“I’m not leaving again. I promise. I never stopped loving you you know, I just… I had to go.”

Jiwon nods, keeping his forehead pressed against Hanbin’s.

“I understand that now. And I’m sorry that I tried to hold you back, that was wrong of me.”

And there’s still uncertainty in his voice so Hanbin leans in and presses his lips softly against Jiwon’s and kisses it away. When he pulls back the heartbreak in Jiwon’s eyes is gone and Hanbin smiles. Pushing himself off the couch he grabs the discarded bag of chocolate and waves it Jiwon.

“Hungry? I’m making pancakes.”

“Starving.”

As Hanbin heats a pan on the stove-top and starts to pour the batter in Jiwon disappears back into the bedroom to get dressed. Hanbin’s just getting ready to flip the first pancake when he feels a warm presence behind him and then Jiwon’s arms snake around his waist, his chin resting on Hanbin’s shoulder. He can feel Jiwon’s breathe tickling against his earlobe and he has to resist the urge to smile.

“If this pancake falls on the floor I’m still making you eat it you know.”

Jiwon laughs and Hanbin can feel the vibrations against his back.

“Better not drop it then.”

It does fall on the floor, and Hanbin does make Jiwon eat it no matter how many puppy dogs eyes he makes at him. Hanbin just shakes his head and waves his spatula at Jiwon.

“I literally told you two minutes ago! No wasting food! I’ll make you more once you finish that one.”

Jiwon does eat it, sitting in the corner of the couch and pouting and Hanbin can’t help but laugh at the look on his face. He finishes cooking, leaving the kitchen a drippy mess, and they sit and eat breakfast together curled up on the couch with the sun casting bright rays across the floor. Jiwon leans over and kisses Hanbin, his lips are sticky with syrup and he tastes like chocolate and sunlight and home.

Jiwon volunteers for dish duty and as he stands in front of the sink and scrubs Hanbin hops onto the counter beside him and watches. Jiwon grins and reaches over, tugging at the string of the hoodie Hanbin’s wearing.

“Oh, already stealing my clothes I see?”

Hanbin smirks,

“What? They’re comfy. Plus, I think I look pretty good in them.”

Jiwon smiles slowly at that, dropping the plate he was washing back into the sink. Drying his hands off on a towel he moves over till he’s standing between Hanbin’s legs, rests his hands on Hanbin’s hips.

“I know what you would look better in.”

And his whisper sends shivers down Hanbin’s spine. Hanbin whispers back,

“And what would that be?”

Jiwon grins wide and white and suddenly it’s hard for Hanbin to breath. When he replies he tightens his grip and pulls Hanbin close, leans in to his ear.

“Nothing.”

Then he wraps his hands under Hanbin’s legs and picks him up off the counter and Hanbin kisses him hard enough to hurt. They don’t make it too the bedroom, stumbling to a halt in the living room. This is nothing like last night, there’s no hunger or hurt to this, they undress each other languorously, piece by piece, Jiwon leaves a line of kisses down Hanbin’s neck and shoulder and Hanbin shudders under his lips. Last night was desperate, like they were running out of time, running out of love. Now they have all the time in the world.

Later they lay in bed and Jiwon traces fingers across each ridge of Hanbin’s spine, runs his hands through Hanbin’s hair. Hanbin turns his head so he can watch him.

“We need to talk about something.”

Jiwon looks at him, sensing that this is something serious. His fingers don’t stop playing with Hanbin’s hair though.

“What is it?”

“If we’re going to be together again, if we’re going to make this work, then you have to stop.”

He doesn’t have to say what he’s talking about. Jiwon’s hand finally stills in his hair. He looks down, away from Hanbin.

“Whatever you need I’ll be there, I’ll do whatever I can to help but I’m drawing a line. It’s me or the pills. You have to choose.”

Jiwon looks down for a long time and Hanbin feels his stomach tighten. When he finally looks up though there’s no indecision in his eyes, just determination.

“I’d always choose you, Hanbin. Always. Anyways, I don’t think I need them anymore. ”

There’s something to the tone of his voice that makes Hanbin believe him and a weight inside him lifts. Leaning over he kisses him long and slow and gentle, and it’s a promise made and kept. He can feel Jiwon smiles against his mouth. When they pull apart Jiwon shakes his head and reaching up pinches himself on the arm.  Hanbin gives him a confused look.

“What was that for?”

“I can’t believe this isn’t a dream. After you left a part of me though I would never see you again and then you came back and I though we’d never have this again and now you’re here and it just seems to good to be true.”

Hanbin laughs a little at that,

“I can promise you this is real.”

They’re silent for a little while, just lying together. After a little while though Jiwon rolls over onto his side so he’s facing Hanbin and he can feel it’s Jiwon’s turn to be serious.

“What?”

Jiwon swallows hard and Hanbin can see his throat work, adams apple bobbing.

“I just… While you were gone I thought a lot about that night before you left. What I could have said or done ro make you stay. When I left you said… you said you loved me, and I didn’t say it back and I always regretted that. I thought I missed my last chance to say that to you. Now you’re back and I just wanted to say it, for the night that I didn’t. I love you, Kim Hanbin. I love you.”

Hanbin remembers Jiwon’s shoulders in the door right now, and looking over at the look on Jiwon’s face he doesn’t see that person anymore.

“I know.”

And it’s the same, but it’s different.

They lay in bed for a little longer but finally Hanbin slowly starts to sit. Jiwon gives him a pitiful look, tries to pull him back down and Hanbin lets him with a laugh but he gives Jiwon a look.

“We can’t just stay in bed all day you know.”

Jiwon just raises an eyebrow at him,

“Why not?”

And while the idea is very tempting Hanbin just shakes his head at Jiwon.

“Because I have to take a shower and change into real clothes and do adult things. Anyways, don’t you have work or something tonight?”

Jiwon just shrugs,

“I was gonna call in sick.”

Hanbin sits up again and this time he doesn’t let Jiwon pull him back down. He slips out of bed and starts to pull on his pants.

“No, you have to go to work so you can make money and go grocery shopping because your fridge is honestly pitiful.”

Jiwon sticks his tongue out at Hanbin but makes no move to get out of bed. Just burrowing deeper into the covers. Hanbin picks up a pillow from the ground where it had been knocked and smacks Jiwon hard with it. He yelps, and glares at Hanbin. Hanbin just smirks,

“Come on, get up. Anyways, think you still have some dishes to finish too.”

He says the last part teasingly and Jiwon groans and rolls away from him, burying his face in his comforter.

It takes another 10 minutes and a few more thrown pillows before Jiwon finally drags himself out of bed. When Hanbin leaves he’s scrubbing away at the abandoned dishes in the sink.

Letting himself into his own apartment the first thing he does is jump in the shower. He stands under the hot water for a long time, eyes closed and lets water wash away sweat and grime. He slips on sweats and baggy t shirt and walks to the kitchen, toweling off his hair. He’s just starting a pot of coffee when his phone rings, checking the caller ID he sees Hayi’s name flash, he answers with a smile.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Hayi’s voice is bright and excited if a little crackly,

“Somebody bought two of your paintings this morning!”

Hanbin feels the damp towel slip from his hand and fall to the floor,

“Are you serious?”

“Hanbin why would call you and tell you if I wasn’t serious! Somebody from the event yesterday contacted me this morning. Congratulations!”

Hanbin leans back against the counter, runs his hand through his hair and he can’t stop himself from smiling.

“Holy , this is amazing. I- I don’t know what to say.”

“Hmmm, how about ‘thank you so much Hayi this is all thanks to you and you’re my most favorite person in the world’ ? That sounds about right to me.”

Hanbin laughs,

“Well I thought that went with out saying. But seriously, thank you, Hayi. This really wouldn’t have ever happened without out you. I owe you one, big time.”

There’s silence for a moment, just the gentle sound of Hayi’s breathing on the other end of the line. When she replies her voice is soft and so, so gentle.

“You don't owe me anything."

And all Hanbin can do is smile.