It’s a slow Thursday afternoon and the café is empty. A few people have wandered in but all of them order coffee and then leave. No ones come in for nearly 45 minutes though, the dreary weather keeping the streets empty. Hanbin stretches out his back, twisting his waist back and forth and restraining a yawn. A quick glance at the clock shows it’s nearly four which means it’s only an hour till he gets off. Taehyun’s in the corner cleaning the espresso machine and they’re chatting about weekend plans when Hanbin hears the door chime, he turns to the front a greeting already halfway out his mouth but it dies in his throat because walking through the door with a little half smile on his face and ruffled damp hair is Jiwon. Hanbin swallows hard and finds his voice again.

“Hey.”

It comes out a little weak and so he clears his throat and tries again. Jiwon smiles a littler wider. Taehyun can obviously tell there’s some tension between them, glancing back and forth between the two with a curious look on his face.

“What are you doing here?”

It comes out a little harsher then Hanbin wanted it to and he tries to soften the words with a smile. Jiwon just shrugs,

“Jinhwan told me you got a job here. It’s on my way to work so I thought I’d swing by.”

Hanbin nods, making a mental note to kill Jinhwan when he gets home. Tae-hyun chooses this moment to speak up.

“Hey Hanbin, I need to grab something from the back real quick. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Without even waiting for a response he disappears through the door to the kitchen with a subtle wink and then Hanbin is alone with Jiwon. He adds Tae-hyun to the list of people he’s going to murder once he gets off work. Hanbin clears his throat a little awkwardly,

“So… what can I get you?”

Jiwon looks surprised for a second, like he forgot he’s just supposed to be here for coffee but it disappears before Hanbin can be sure it was really there.

“Tall latte with an extra shot and caramel drizzle.”

There’s a little ache at that, because Jiwon hasn’t changed in some ways and Hanbin already knew what he was going to ask for. He’d always laughed when Jiwon had ordered it, teasing him about his ridiculous sweet tooth and Jiwon would just smile so wide his eyes disappeared. He shakes off the memories though and moves to make the drink, he works in silence for a few seconds before Jiwon speaks up.

“So, you like it here?”

Hanbin nods,

“Yeah. Everybody’s really nice, plus I get free cake. What’s not to love.”

Jiwon laughs a little at that,

“Sounds like a pretty good deal.”

Hanbin nods, and standing here with Jiwon across the counter it feels almost like old times. He hands him his drink and rings up the total on the cash register.

“Alright, that’ll be ₩4000.”

Jiwon fumbles in his pockets for a few seconds before he pulls out a crumpled 5000 won note and hands it over. Hanbin counts out the change and drops it into Jiwon’s palm, their fingertips brushing. Jiwon glances at his phone and immediately swears,

“, I’m gonna be late again.”

Glancing up at Hanbin he flashes a dazzling, crooked smile.

“Sorry, I have to run. See you around soon?”

Hanbin barely has the chance to nod before he’s heading it out the door and then he’s gone leaving nothing but the scent of his cologne and a smile that’s burned into the back of Hanbin’s eye lids like sunshine. A few seconds later Tae-hyun appears from the back suspiciously empty handed and with a snarky grin on his face.

“Looks like you’ve got an admirer!”

Hanbin doesn’t turn to look at him, just grits his teeth.

“Taehyun, you’d better pray somebody walks in right now or I’m going to murder you.”

All Taehyun does is laugh.

It’s Friday night and Jinhwan has a work party and, of course, he forces Hanbin to come. Hanbin’s never been the type for parties, especially ones that consist almost entirely of people he doesn’t know. Jinhwan doesn’t listen to his protests, adamant that he needs to “get out more” often.

“All you do is work and paint and clean Hanbin, that’s not how life is supposed to be lived.”

Jinhwan says as he throws a clean shirt at Hanbin from his suitcase. Hanbin just raises his hands in front of his face just in time to catch it, he sighs heavily but doesn’t make a move to push himself off the couch where he’s sitting.

“I go out with Junhoe and Chanwoo and Donghyuk.”

Jinhwan just gives him a look.

“That doesn’t count and you know it, they’re already your friends. You need to meet some new people.  Anyways, Yunhyeong can’t come so you’re going to be my date. Now put that on and lets go.”

Hanbin sighs again and heads to the bathroom, he’s smart enough to know when he’s lost.

As soon as they’re in the door Hanbin regrets coming. Immediately several voices call out to Jinhwan in greeting and they’re surrounded by unfamiliar faces. Jinhwan introduces him to them one by one, and names slip through his head as soon as he turns to the next person. Eventually the painful process of greeting everyone is over and Hanbin is content to fade to the sidelines of the room and let Jinhwan socialize. He grabs a drink and finds himself a nice corner to lean moodily in and settles in for the long haul. He idly lets his eyes scan the room, finding Jinhwan in deep conversation with an older man and people chatting and talking everywhere. One figure draws his attention though, another person not part of the crowd of people mingling. Like him she stands to the side, simply watching the party. She’s tall and strikingly beautiful with a narrow cat-like face and silky dark hair trimmed to shoulder length. There’s something lonely to her, a still statue among the living. He watches her for a little, and his fingers itch for a sketchbook. After a few minutes though she turns and disappears into the kitchen. He’s about to follow when Jinhwan appears at his side.

“Hey, sorry to abandon you like that. You doing alright over here?”

Hanbin nods at him distractedly, eyes still wandering towards the doorway to the kitchen where the girl had entered.

“I’m fine.”

Jinhwan follows his gaze,

“I think there’s some snacks in there if you’re hungry.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll grab some.”

Jinhwan’s name is called out from the crowd and he tosses back a reply over his shoulder.

“Are you sure you’re alright by yourself?”

Hanbin throws up his hands in a reassuring gesture.

“Totally, go be the social butterfly I know you are.”

Jinhwan smiles and shoves Hanbin lightly.

“Alright, alright. Just let me know if you need anything okay?”

Hanbin nods and Jinhwan disappears back to his friends with a last smile. Hanbin turns and follows the girl into the kitchen.

He finds her sitting on one of the counters, feet swinging lightly against the cabinets beneath. She’s staring out the high window that’s cracked open just enough to let in a cool breeze, eyes fixed on something Hanbin can’t see.

“Not big on parties huh?”

She starts a little at the sound of his voice, head whipping around and delicate hand flying to . Hanbin lets out a little laugh at the almost comical look of surprise in her eyes.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

She lets her hand fall, a little exhale escaping her lips.

“It’s alright, I was totally spacing out. And no, I’m not a big fan of large groups of people.”

Hanbin walks a little closer, leaning on the counter across from her and folding his arms.

“Can’t say I am either.”

She lets out a light laugh and it rings like bells in the small space.

“And that’s why we’re the only two people hiding in the kitchen.”

Hanbin raises an eyebrow and shrugs, gesturing around the room.

“I mean it’s got everything, food, alcohol, a nice view. I think we have the best spot in the house.”

She laughs again, lips stretched wide and Hanbin can’t stop the smile that spreads across his own mouth. When her laughter quiets she leans forward, extending a hand across the space between them.

“I’m Jin-kyung by the way.”

Hanbin reaches out and shakes her hand,

“Hanbin. It’s nice to meet you.”

They chat a little after that, about work and hobbies. They discover that they both grew up in the same area of Seoul (her younger brother went to the same high school as Hanbin did) and that they both have an undying child hood passion for mickey mouse. She’s easy to talk too, and Hanbin finds himself actually enjoying the night. At one point she reaches up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear and Hanbin sees a gold band with a small but pretty diamond on her ring finger. He gestures to it.

“Congratulations.”

She looks confused for a second but then he sees it click in her head. Immediately she lets her left hand drop to her lap, covering it with the other almost like she’s embarrassed of it.

“Oh, um, thank you.”

Her voice is distinctly unhappy and flat, not the tone most girls would have talking about their engagement. Hanbin raises an eyebrow,

“Wow, try to reign your in enthusiasm.”

She laughs a little but it’s not the genuine one from before. He tries again to get a real one,

“Is he like a two headed monster or something? Is that why he’s not here tonight?”

She doesn’t laugh though, just smiles a little sadly.

“No, no, he’s just in Japan for business. He’s a good guy it’s just-“

She breaks off before she finishes her sentence though, shaking her head.

“Never mind… it’s nothing.”

Her denial is not convincing though and Hanbin’s interest is piqued. Gently he nudges her.

“Hey, you can tell me. I’m good at keeping secrets I promise.”

She looks at him out from under a curtain of dark hair, eyes bright and sharp. Finally she lets out a little sigh.

“I love him, I really do. And he is a great guy. He’s funny and successful and good looking it’s just… he’s just so absorbed in his own life it’s hard to be with him. Sometimes I feel like an after thought, instead of his fiancée.”

She laughs, but it’s a little bitter.

“I must sound like a right now…”

Hanbin shakes his head, because he knows what she’s feeling all to well.

“No, you don’t. I understand what it’s like. It’s…it’s hard.”

She looks at him, something unguarded and intimate to her face. Her voice is quiet and just brushes against his ears.

“Really?”

And all of a sudden Hanbin’s telling her everything. Telling her about the night he met Jiwon, the butterflies in his stomach and how his lips tasted. Telling her about falling in love and then out of it, falling into something else harsh and cold and sad. Telling her about sitting in Jinhwan’s kitchen with his thumb against Jiwon’s knuckles, breathing a promise he doesn’t know if he can keep. Tells her about Jiwon’s smile, and how for a second it made him forget it all.

She sits and listens to all of it with a quiet look on her face. When he finishes she’s silent for a second, then she says,

“So you do understand.”

Hanbin nods.

“I know what it’s like to be more in love with someone then they are with you. I know how that feels. I know why sometimes you have to leave.”

Hanbin realizes now how close they are. At some point as he’s talked she’s slid off the counter and now they’re standing chest to chest, eye to eye, noses inches apart. Slowly, not breaking looking away she inches in closer and closer and Hanbin’s frozen in place.

Her lips are so close he can feel her exhales, warm and minty on his mouth, so close he can feel the heat radiating from her skin. They stay like that for a moment, neither moving, barely daring to breath. He’s the first one to break, angling his head away from hers, so that when she leans in her lips brush against his cheek like satin and silk and everything he wants but cannot have.

“I’m sorry. I’m just not…I can’t do this.”

She smiles, a little sad a little unsurprised

“It’s easy to see you’ve got a hole in you.”

He looks at her, confused.

“Not here, not outside.”

She says gesturing at his body.

“But here.”

And her cool, rose petal hand snakes under the hem of his shirt and slides up his chest to rest on his heart and it burns like ice and fire. It feels like condemnation, it feels like a verdict and the weight of its truth bows his back more then any physical burden ever could.

He breathes, quiet and fragile and wanting

“How do I fill it?”

Her eyes when she looks at him are dark and full of pity.

“I think you already know.”

There’s a noise at the doorway to the kitchen and they both jump apart like children caught doing something they shouldn’t be, her hand sliding out of his shirt. Hanbin turns to find Jinhwan standing with a confused and slightly concerned look on his face.

“Everything alright in here?”

Hanbin can only imagine how this looks and he feels his face start to burn. He nods quickly,

“Yeah, yeah everything’s good.”

Jinhwan looks unconvinced, eyeing the two of them with suspicious eyes but he doesn’t comment further.

“Well, I was thinking about heading home if you’re ready. It’s a little late.”

Hanbin glances at the clock on the wall and is surprised to find it’s nearly one. He turns back to Jinhwan,

“Yeah sounds good. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Jinwhan nods and gives them one last look before he leaves the kitchen. He turns back to Jin-kyung.

“I’m sorry about…that.”

And they both know he’s not talking about Jinhwan’s interruption. She looks down, her cheeks a little pink too.

“No, it’s alright. I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds. And sorry for unloading all my problems on you…”

Hanbin shakes his head emphatically.

“No, don’t apologize. I don’t mind.”

“I’m still sorry.”

And they both know she’s not talking about over stepping her bounds. 

On the drive back home Jinhwan keeps giving Hanbin little glances when he thinks Hanbin not’s looking. Eventually Hanbin’s exasperation wins and he turns to Jinhwan rolling his eyes,

“What is it?”

“You know she’s engaged right?”

Hanbin stares out the window and thinks about her hand on his heart, thinks about Jiwon.

“It’s…it’s not like that.”

And it isn’t, even though it could have been. It’s not, because of Jiwon.

He asks about her, a few months later. He and Jinwhan are sitting in a coffee shop. It’s evening and the sun dyes the room pink and gold. Jinhwan glances at him,

“Jin-kyung? She got married in January. I heard it was a really nice ceremony.”

Hanbin takes a sip of coffee and watches the leaves shiver in the breeze outside.