Chapter 12 – I’M SORRY

Chaerin’s POV

I stare at the image on the screen of my iPad as I read the caption above it. It’s been all over the internet and I bet all over South Korea.

Singer/Actress Sandara Park confirmed to be in a relationship with a hot shot billionaire.

It’s him, walking hand-in-hand with her as they enter a famous restaurant in Seoul. When was this taken? Last year? Last month? Last week? It doesn’t look like an old photo.

I don’t know how long have I been staring at it. I don’t know why am I even staring at it. I thought what I heard about them dating are just rumors. But why does it look like they’re a real thing?

“OMO. Dara-ssi is so lucky.”

“A billionaire? Wow.”

“Look, it says here that the guy is a CEO of one of the biggest companies in Seoul.”

“Wow. He’s one hell of a boyfriend.”

“He is. I envy Dara-ssi.”

“You do? OMO, I wish I could have a rich boyfriend too.”

I scowl at the group of high school students here inside the coffee shop. They’re so noisy. They talk like they’re the only ones here.

I shut down my iPad and put it in my bag. I stare at the muffin and at the half empty iced tea on the table. It’s a waste. I lost my appetite.

I took my bag and made my way outside. The results of the board exam will be posted tomorrow. I hope I passed the exam. Say if I passed the exam and got my license, what will I do next? Maybe I’ll just ask Jiyong what are his plans for me. And ask him also about him and that woman. But what if he says that it’s true? That he’s in a relationship with her? What will I do? Should I be mad at him? Of course I have to. I have all the right to be mad. Maybe I’ll just open the divorce topic again? No! No. What if I ask for it and this time he’ll say yes? That he’ll agree? What will happen to me? Of course he will leave me. I will leave the house. I will leave Mom and Dad. I will settle in a faraway place. A place away from him. The thought makes me sick. Maybe I’m just overreacting. I mentioned about the divorce to him before and he got mad. He doesn’t want a divorce so there’s no way that he would leave me, right? Will he leave me?

“Hey! Watch where you’re walking.”

“I’m sorry.” I apologized and didn’t bother to look at the man I bumped into.

If I ask him about that woman, what would his answer be? Am I ready for it? What if…

“Chaerin?”

“Oppa?” I looked at the man before me. It’s Youngbae-oppa.

“Hey, how are you? Where are you going? Why are you walking here alone?”

I looked around and realized that I’m no longer outside the coffee shop. Oh my god, where is this place?

“Are you alright?” He asked full of concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I uhm… Actually I…” I looked at the direction where I came from. Gosh, what’s wrong with me? I’m out of my mind.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, actually I’m just here for a walk. You know. Let’s go?”

“Where to?”

“To the coffee shop. I left my car there.”

He stares at me confused.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

********

“What was that about a while ago? You seem out of your mind, preoccupied.”

“Because I am.” I glanced at him and laughed.

“Nice car by the way.”

“Thanks.”

“So where are we going?”

“Where would you suggest?” I ask as I stopped the car for the red light.

“Are you hungry?” He asked.

“Nope.”

“We can’t go to a bar and drink up, you’re driving.”

The light turned green so I continued the drive.

“I’ll just give you a tour around Seoul then.” I smiled as I glanced at him and he laughed.

“While riding this nice car? Sure.” He said.

“So how’s Japan?”

“It’s fine.” He shrugged. What’s wrong?

“Just fine? I thought you went there for a vacation. You sound like you never had fun there.”

“I had.”

“Are you okay? You sound… odd.”

“Odd?” He laughed. “Focus on the road Lee.”

“You don’t trust my driving?”

“It was always me who’s on the steering wheel. I’m actually nervous right now.” He said and I glared at him. “But I know you won’t dent this car so keep going.” He continued.

“I can always have one.” I said sounding so arrogant and winked at him.

“Wow.” He said and I laughed. I’m sure if I’ll ask for a new car I’ll have it at the garage in a blink. That’s Jiyong’s style. You want it, you’ll have it. Speaking of him…

“There you are again. Are you sure you’re okay? Something’s bothering you. I can tell.”

I glanced at Youngbae-oppa and just smiled at him.

“If it’s about tomorrow’s result, don’t worry about it. I’m sure you passed. You’re Lee Chaerin. I’m sure you nailed the exam. It was just a piece of cake for you.” He said.

“You have so much confidence on me.” I said glancing at him and back at the road. Youngbae-oppa still doesn’t know about me being married. I feel quite guilty about it. He’s my friend and yet I kept it a secret from him. I’ll tell him when the right time comes.

“You know what, I think I know where to go.” I said glancing at him.

“Where to?”

********

“So this is the place huh?” Youngbae-oppa asked as we enter the restaurant. This is the same restaurant where Jiyong-oppa took me out on a date on my graduation.

“They serve good food here.” I said as we took our seat. The waiter approached and gave us the menu.

“I can see the foods sounds good.” He said.

“So what will you order? My treat.”

“I thought you might.” He laughed. “I don’t know. What will you suggest?” He asked and I smiled.

“How about, Sirloin steak with mashed potatoes? And Barley iced tea for the drink?” The same thing we ordered last time. I think it's now one of my favorite.

“Sounds cool.”

“It does.” I smiled. “Sirloin steak with mashed potatoes and Barley iced tea for two.” I told the waiter and we handed him the menu.

“Sirloin steak with mashed potatoes and Barley iced tea for two.” The waiter said and made his way.

“You’ve been here before?” He asked.

“Yeah.” I said and he nod.

“It’s my first time here.” He said.

“We can go back here next time.”

“Your treat again?” He asked and we both laughed.

********

“Thanks for the treat Chae.” Youngbae-oppa said as we made our way outside the restaurant.

“Nah. Next time it’s your treat.”

“Okay.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you home?” I asked.

“It’s late now. I can manage.”

It’s already dark outside. I don’t know what time is it.

“Okay, I’ll be going then.” I said.

“Okay.”

I entered my car and opened the window.

“Bye oppa.”

“Bye.” He said. I waved at him and closed the window. I started the engine and off to go.

********

It’s already 8 in the evening. I parked my car and got off. I noticed that Jiyong’s car is here too. So it means he’s here. And there’s another car that I don’t recognize. Do we have a visitor?

I entered the house and was greeted by Mrs. Jung.

“Good evening miss Chaerin.”

“Good evening Mrs. Jung. Where’s everybody?”

She looked at me apologetically. What’s wrong?

“Mr. and Mrs. Kwon are at the grand room together with Sir Jiyong… and his visitor.”

“His visitor? Who?” I asked and she just looked at me. I cocked my eyebrow at her and went to the grand room.

I entered and saw Mom and Dad sitting on the couch. I saw Jiyong-oppa looking or rather glaring at the direction opposite Mom and Dad and when my eyes found the direction where his eyes darted, I froze.

What sits on the couch is a woman who was dressed elegantly in her pink dress. Her attention darted at me and our eyes locked.

I just stare at her and she stares back. She’s the woman I saw from the tabloid earlier. I must say, she looks more beautiful in person.

“Chaerin, honey, you’re home.” Mom said as she stood up and approached me.

“Mom.”

“Have you had your dinner?” She asked and cupped my face with both of her hands. She looked at me… worried.

“Yes.”

“I baked a cake. Your favorite. Let’s have some?” She said and put her hands on my shoulders. I stare at her.

“I’m full Mom. Maybe tomorrow?”

She looked at me worried. And then gave me an apologetic smile.

“I’m tired Mom. I’m going now. Dad.” I said and glanced at Dad. Dad just smiled at me, the same smile Mom and Mrs. Jung gave me.

I made my way out of the grand room and went upstairs. I didn’t bother to look at her and at him.

I went inside my room and locked the door. I sat on my bed and stare at nothing in particular.

I lied on my bed and stare at the ceiling. What was that about? What was going on down there? Why is she here? What is she doing here?

I feel something build up in my chest and felt a lump in my throat. I feel my eyes heat up and bit my bottom lip to fight a sound that I think I am about to create. And then I felt it, a warm liquid run down my face and heard a sob that I’ve been trying to suppress.

What’s going on? What’s happening? What now?

I don’t know why but I feel so tired. My body couldn’t move. I can’t even manage to wipe the tears on my face. What did I do the whole day? I just spent some time at the coffee shop. And then spent some time with Youngbae-oppa. Why do I feel like I’ve run multiple errands the whole day? My body is tired. So with my mind.

I grabbed the pillow and put it on my face as I let the sobs I’ve been trying to stifle broke loose. This way nobody will hear me. The lights are off. I didn’t bother to open it. Nobody could see me this way. I could just stay like this for forever.

I don’t know what time is it. How long have I been crying. I wonder what is everybody doing.

There’s a knock on the door. I wonder who that is.

“Chaerin? Honey? It’s me.”

Oh, it’s Mom.

“Chaerin? Can I come in?”

No. I’m fine.

“Honey?”

I’m okay.

The knocking stopped. Good. I don’t want to hear any noises.

There’s knock on the door again.

“Chaerin? It’s me.”

It’s Dad.

“Chaerin? Can I come in?”

No. I don’t want to see anyone. I want to be alone.

There’s a moment of silence. And the knocks stopped.

I hope they don’t open my door with the spare key. I don’t want to be bothered right now. I want to be alone. I don’t want anyone to see me. I don’t want to see anybody else. I want to be alone. I want to be here alone. I need some space alone. I need some time alone.

I don’t know how many minutes… hours have passed. I wonder what time is it.

I hear a knock on the door again. Now who would that be?

“Chaerin.”

My tears start to fall again. I didn’t realize it stopped earlier. Why is he here? What does he want?

“Chaerin.”

I tried to stifle a sob but I failed. No. Don’t cry. Don’t make a sound. Not now when he’s outside.

“Chaerin.”

Please. Not now. Just go. Please.

“Chaerin? Can you hear me? Open the door please.”

No. Just go. I’m fine. Not now. Please.

“Chaerin, please.”

What does he want now?

“Chaerin, I’m coming in.”

I hear the sound of the door knob being unlocked. The door opened and then it closed.

“Chaerin.”

He’s here. He’s standing beside the edge of my bed. I can feel it. I can feel him.

Don’t make a sound Chaerin. Stop crying.

“I’m sorry.”

And his words are my undoing. I cried. I sobbed. As much as I want to stifle it I can’t. I could no longer hold it back. And it just wouldn’t stop.

“I’m sorry.”

Sorry? For what? What are you sorry for? Damn these tears. It just won’t stop.

I feel him sat on the bed. And then he grabbed the pillow I covered on my face and put it away. Sh*t.

“Go away.” I said as I curl up and faced the side opposite his direction so he couldn’t see my face. Even though it’s dark.

I feel the bed slightly sink. And then I felt his arm wrapped around me. He lied on my bed. He shifted so that he’s closer to me. I could feel his breath at my nape.

“This will be the last time. I promise.” He said and pulled me closer to him. I felt him kiss the back of my head and I cried even more.

“Hush now, baby. I’m here.”

And then that's it, my tears just stopped. He’s here, on my bed, hugging me from behind. All of my worries earlier are gone. I felt safe. The sobs had stopped. And then I felt sleepy. And I drifted off.

~~~~~~~~

D Note:

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