When I put a note at the beginning instead of the end usually means a chapter that I want to leave you hanging... So hi!  I hope you like this chapter!! 

thanks MissPanda16 for your help! <3 

Please give me upvotes and comments and subscribe please~

~*~

Chapter VIII

The end of his infinity

6월 9일

Myungsoo dragged open his eyes slowly.  It took so much energy to just plainly open his eyes and even more to reassure his family around him that he was okay.  Still, he held onto every little piece of strength that he had so that he could still be with his family a little longer.  He didn’t want to leave, he still held onto the long lost hope that he would recover soon and that he’ll be okay.

“Myungsoo, my son… Myungsoo…”

He looked up at his mother through the haze of fatigue, pain and drugs. She was crying again as she had been doing on and off for the long past months.  He shifted his glance to his brother and his father, hoping to see an explanation to why his mother was crying.

But both of them were crying too.

He needed so badly to ask them why they were crying, but he couldn’t make a sound come out.  Slowly, Myungsoo raised his hand towards his family, taking more effort than it should have.   

“Wh-why are…” Myungsoo stopped as his voice gave out after a few syllables and closed his eyes in frustration. 

His father put his hand on Myungsoo’s arm, giving him love and comfort as he saw that his son was scared.  “Dr. Song told us that you’re not going to make it,” he said quietly.   

“Wh…” Myungsoo struggled to make sense of what his father was saying. “Wha… does that mean?”

His mother struggled to give him an answer, but then everything fell into place and Myungsoo knew what they meant.  For a moment, he wanted to deny the truth that was there so plainly in his face.  He closed his eyes and tried to wrap his head around the truth. 

He was… dying…

Even though Dr. Song had been saying for many months now that his clock was slowly ticking away, Myungsoo never really believed it.  Myungsoo didn’t want to accept it, although on the outside it might have seemed like he had.  Inside, he hadn’t thought it though.  He wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

He needed to say goodbye… it was time for him to say goodbye.

“Myungsoo?” His mother’s voice was laced with worry, worry that her son was already fading away from the world without being able to say goodbye.

He opened his eyes again and tried to smile bravely at his mother to erase the worry in her eyes. “I’m… going to be okay…” he whispered, trying to give as much comfort to her as he was giving comfort to himself. “You’ll… be okay too…”

Tears dripped out of the corners of his eyes as he started to shake with worry and fear.  His mother smiled softly and wipped away the tears that were running down his cheeks.

“Don’t cry, Myungsoo,” she whispered. “We’re all going to be okay.”

Myungsoo squeezed her hand.  “How… long…”

“Not much time,” his father said gently.  “Would you like to say goodbye to your friends?”

Myungsoo nodded, looking towards the hall. “Are they…?”

“Yeah, they came as soon as they heard,” Moonsoo said quietly. 

“Do you want to say goodbye to them?” his father asked. 

When Myungsoo nodded in response, his mother patted his arm and his family left the room to go get Infinite.  Myungsoo took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself for the fact that this would be the last time that he could ever talk to Infinite.

Quietly, Sunggyu led Dongwoo, Woohyun, Hoya, Sungyeol and Sungjong into the room.  All of them walked into the room cautiously as if they were stepping on glass.  Myungsoo could see in their eyes that they had all been crying at one point or the other, Dongwoo and Sungyeol already had tears on their cheeks as the other four looked like they were trying hard not to cry.

“Hey…” Myungsoo whispered quietly, trying to give them one last smile.   He knew that the action was weak, but the others returned it with smiles of their own so he knew that it helped at least a little bit. As they all gathered around his bed, Myungsoo had to smile again at the sense of home and family that their presense brought. 

“Myungsoo-hyung… are you… do you feel any pain?” Sungjong asked softly.

Myungsoo shook his head, sighing as Sungjong quietly brushed his forehead.  He knew that he only had a little bit of time with them and he wanted to make the best of it even though he couldn’t do much.

“If we’re holding you back, Myungsoo, you can go,” Sungyeol murmured through hiccups.  “If you’re in too much pain, you should just go.”

He shook his head slowly.  “I don’t want to…” he whispered truthfully.  “There’s still you here and I... I want to stay here.  I don’t want to… leave you… I don’t know where I’m going…”

The room fell into silence as they all couldn’t think of words to say.  Their time together slipped away between their fingers as they stood together for the last time. 

“How much time do we have?” Myungsoo asked, feeling like his eyes weren’t quite focusing on the other members around him. 

“We have enough,” Sunggyu said firmly.  “We have enough time.”

Myungsoo smiled softly and moved his head to look at Sunggyu again.  “Sixty seconds?  Are they still enough for this story?”

“Not even infinity is enough.”

Everyone smiled as Myungsoo laughed a little bit, his eyes disappearing into cresents as he smiled.  “I don’t have that infinity… I’m sorry…”

“But remember, Myungsoo?”  Woohyun asked, trying to bite back his tears that were threatening to fall.  “We promised you.  We promised you that you’ll be infinite, that you’ll last forever.”

“We’re going to keep that promise too,”  Hoya said firmly.  He had not spoken up until then, providing Myungsoo comfort in his silent presence. “You’re going to last forever here.”

Myungsoo laughed shakily.  “Thank you… for everything…” he mumbled.  “I’m sorry for everything…”

“Don’t be sorry,” Woohyun said a little sharply.  “It’s nothing that you should be sorry for.”  

He managed a small smile.  “Thank you so much for standing beside me… from the beginning to the end… forever… thank you…”

“It’s okay, Myungsoo.  Be free now, okay?” Dongwoo said shakily.  “Go fly to the ends of heavens where you want to be.”

Slowly, Myungsoo nodded.  “I’ll… miss you guys…”

“We’ll stay right here beside you, so don’t worry,” Sunggyu whispered.  “Just go to sleep now, Myungsoo-yah… we love you.”

Tears ran down his face as he smiled at them again.  “I love you guys so much,” Myungsoo said with all the strength he could muster.  “We always said that we’ll always sing until we die… we’ll keep on singing on stage until our last breath…”

“We can still do that,” Sungyeol said, determination in his eyes. 

“How?  There’s no stage for us to sing on…”

“Anywhere that all seven of us are is enough,” Hoya said.  “As long as we’re seven, we’re Infinite and that’s enough.”

Myungsoo smiled, a tears falling out of his eye.  “Okay then,” he whispered with a smile.  

Through an unspoken agreement, slowly, Sunggyu started to hum the introduction to a song, farmiliar to all of them.  Myungsoo smiled and started to hum with him, the others joining along and Hoya started singing his part, the others joining the song at their lines. 

It was their song.  Together.  When they wrote it they promised silently that they were going to be together as the seven members of Infinite together with the Inspirits for a long time.  They were going to be together no matter what. 

They were going to be together.  That’s what they promised.  Together as Kim Sunggyu, Jang Dongwoo, Nam Woohyun, Lee Howon, Lee Sungyeol, Kim Myungsoo and Lee Sungjong of Infinite.  They promised that they would be together until the very end. 

The very end that would come at the end of the song. 

언젠가 닿을 그곳에 우리 (Some day, we’ll reach that place)
한결같이 같은 맘으로 우린(With the same heart, just like always)
마주보며 웃게 될(We’ll be looking at each other with a smile)
그 날을 꿈꾸면서 (As I’ll dream of that day)
이렇게 한 곳을 바라봐 (I’m looking at one place)

난 너만 생각하면 눈물이 흘러(When I think about you, tears fall)
내 곁을 항상 지켜주는 고마운 너라(Because I’m thankful for you for always staying by my side)

함께한 사람 계속 함께할 사람 (A person who is with me, a person who will keep being with me)
세상 끝까지 놓치고 싶지 않은걸 (I don’t want to lose you until the world ends)
니가 있어줘야 언제까지 꿈꿀 수 있어 (I can only dream as long as you’re here)
내가 그리는 세상은 (because the world I draw out)
너로 시작하니까 (starts with you.)

The song echoed quietly as the song ended and they knew that their farewell was going to come next.  None of them knew what to say or how to end this.  They couldn’t say, “Well, it’s been fun, Myungsoo, bye.” They’ve been through too much together and a simple goodbye like that wouldn’t cut it.  If it was at a concert, they could bow to their Inspirits, wish them a safe trip home and finish the concert as the final song was sung, but leaving it with the last notes of the song fading away wasn’t going to work. 

“Guys…” Myungsoo whispered, looking around at all of them, “Of all the infinities I could’ve had in my life… I’m sincerely glad that I spent it with you…”

Slowly, Sunggyu leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Myungsoo’s forehead.  “Live well in the stars, Myungsoo-yah,” he whispered before pulling away.  Myungsoo smiled at him and nodded as Sunggyu turned around to look at the other members.  “Guys, it’s time to go.”

All of them looked like they wanted to protest, but Sunggyu’s word was final. 

Slowly and relucantly, each of them stood up and went up to Myungsoo to place a brotherly kiss on his forehead or give him a warm hug with whispered words of love and sadness. 

Dongwoo embraced him in that same warm way that Dongwoo always held him with.  “Myungsoo, go fly,” Dongwoo whispered through the tears that were running down his cheeks.  “Fly far, right to the ends of heavens.”

Myungsoo smiled shakily at him, wanting to wipe away his tears, but unable to even move. 

Woohyun leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Myungsoo’s forehead.  “Good… b-bye, Myungsoo.”

Swallowing hard against his tears, Myungsoo nodded as he felt one of Woohyun’s tears fall onto his cheek.  He couldn’t say anything else as Woohyun moved away so that Hoya could lean down and give him a soft hug.  “Myungsoo… don’t be afraid.  It’s going to be okay.”

Myungsoo nodded shakily.  “It’s… hard not to be scared,” he mumbled. 

“But it’s going to be okay,” Hoya said firmly, just as much for Myngsoo as he needed to say it for himself. 

He nodded again.  “It’s going to be okay,” he repeated.

Hoya gave him a small smile.  “Goodbye, Myungsoo.” 

Next it was Sungyeol who said his goodbyes, embracing him tightly.  “Myungsoo…” Sungyeol whispered as he hugged him tightly.  “I… God, I can’t do this.” 

Myungsoo closed his eyes tightly as he squeeezed Sungyeol back, hating to hear the pain in his best friend’s voice.  “Sungyeollie… be strong…”

Sungyeol couldn’t even reply through his tears as he stepped back to let Sungjong lean forward and hug him too.  “Don’t worry, hyung.  I’ll take care of them,” he promised quietly.  “Goodbye.  We’ll miss you so much.”

Even when they all finished saying goodbye, none of them wanted to move, but it was Myungsoo, who smiled and said the last words for them: “Infinite, fighting.”

They all laughed, even though this laughter was weak and shaky, and crowded around Myungsoo’s bed once more, stacking their hands in a pile before counting down, “One, two, three…”

“Fighting.”

Maybe it wasn’t the grandest of farewells, but that was the only way they knew how to say goodbye. 

Myungsoo watched as slowly they left of the room, each member who was a part of his own heart.  Kim Sunggyu…  Nam Woohyun…  Lee Sungyeol…  Jang Dongwoo…  Lee Howon… Lee Sungjong…

As Infinite left the room, Myungsoo closed his eyes.  “Guys… I love you so much.”

He wished that he could be on the stage singing one last song with Infinite instead of having their last song in his hospital room alone where no one, but the seven members of Infinite could hear their song. 

Under the noises of the hospital, he could hear someone singing a song.  Myungsoo smiled and started humming too. 

I stood up on a hill

Stared up at the blue sky…

He opened his eyes again as a warm hand pressed against his cheek and he smiled, seeing his mother in front of him and his father and brother standing behind her.

“Hi there,” she whispered. 

Myungsoo smiled again and reached up to keep her warm hand on his cheek.  “I love you,” he mumbled. 

“We love you too, Myungsoo.”

He smiled softly at his mother.  All of his family was with him, both his blood family and his adopted family.  Maybe his world was ending at that moment, but for that moment, he was with his family again and he was happy once more.

“I’m sorry… for leaving…” Myungsoo whispered, his eyes struggling to stay open. “I’m… really sorry…”

His mother hugged him closer and whispered in his ear.  “It’s okay, Myungsoo… it’s okay.”

Myungsoo nodded shakily, biting his lip to keep from crying as she ran her fingers down his cheek, wipping away a tear that fell. 

“You’ve grown into a wonderful man,” his mother whispered, brushing back his hair.  “You’ve done so well and worked so hard, it’s time for you to have some rest.”

Myungsoo nodded slowly.  After listening to his mother for his whole life (which seemed pretty short now), he listened to her now once again for the last time.  Myungsoo felt warm and safe, like he was little again, his mother solving everything in the world.  He looked at family once more and glanced at the hall where he knew Infinite was waiting.  The nine people around him were important to him and there was no way that he was letting go until he had said all of his goodbyes to all of them.

“Moonsoo?” he whispered.

His brother nodded and took his hand.  “It’s okay, Myungsoo.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say…” Myungsoo mumbled, a small smile dancing on his lips.

“You’re my brother, I know what you’re going to say,” Moonsoo said with a small smile in reply.  “You don’t need to, I’m going to be okay, I’ll look after Umma and Abeoji for you.  We’ll be okay.”

Myungsoo smiled, another tear falling down his cheek.  He squeezed his brother’s hand, ready to say goodbye to the brotherhood between the two of them.  

“Abeoji…”

His father patted his hand.  “If it is your time to go… say hello to Halabeoji for me.  You put up such a strong fight against this and you need to rest now.  We’ll leave out kimichi and all your favourite dishes on Chuseok so that you can eat well too.”

Myungsoo laughed weakly, happy to hear his father joking, although he knew that his father was being serious.

Finally, he looked over to his mother.  “Umma…” he murmured, losing the battle to keep his eyes open.  “You need to be okay, okay?  You need to be okay without me.”

“Myungsoo… just as long as you’re okay, I will be okay too.”

“Even if I’m okay because… I’m not here?”

“Even if you’re not here,” she whispered, brushing back his hair.  She leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on his forehead.  “It’s okay, Myungsoo.  We’re going to be okay.”  

Tears ran down his cheeks as his heart pounded rather loudly in his ears.  “I love you so much,” he whispered to his family.  “I love you.”

With his last words hanging in the air, one last tear escaped and he closed his eyes. 

Everything was nearing the end.

I stood up on a hill,

Stared up at the blue sky,

And drew a lovely person from my heart…

“It’s time to sleep now.  Just go to sleep, Myungsoo.  You’ve fought so much, now it’s time for you to rest.  We love you…”   

Myungsoo smiled once more and gave his mother’s hand one last squeeze before letting go…

Finally, everything was coming to an end. 

Opening his eyes once more, Myungsoo found himself standing on the brighly lit stage, a simple microphone stand in front of him and the heavy microphone in his hand.  He couldn’t see the audience through the bright lights of the stage, but he smiled.  Myungsoo knew the people that he loved was right out there, waiting for him and staying by his side. 

With a smile, Myungsoo let out a happy sigh and raised the microphone to his lips.  With one final breath, his last breath, Myungsoo sang his last song, singing about the heavens, giving himself a promise that he would find that place. 

I want to fly up to the end of the heavens,

Hug the breeze in the air,

And whisper with the winged angels…

Closing his eyes, he placed the microphone back into its stand and stepped back into the shadows forever.  For the last time, the lights faded away and everything was plunged into darkness.    

For a brief moment, he thought of the their comeback stage when he first fainted and found out that he had cancer.  It such a long time ago.  The times when there seemed like nothing that could stop them was a distant dream that they could never have now.  They had gone through so much since the day of their final comeback as the seven members of Infinite and now everything was coming to an end. 

But infinity never ends. 

It’s not supposed to anyways….

Before Myungsoo let completely, he thought once more of Infinite.  Every single memory from between the moment they met as trainees to the moment they said goodbye to each other echoed in his head.  One moment stood out in his mind: the promise that Infinite made him on Christmas. 

“You’re going to be Infinite forever.  We promise.”

“Because who are we?”

“WE ARE INFINITE!”

They were infinite, just like their name, but maybe he wasn’t anymore.  But still, he smiled.  Myungsoo knew that he would see the others when they joined him in the place where they would truly be infinite. 

“I love you so much…”

Finally, Myungsoo let go, fading away, fading into infinity.

“I am infinite…”

~*~

Sungjong stood outside in the hall, watching Myungsoo say his last words to his family.  The meaning of time seemed to fade away as Myungsoo finally, bit by bit, gave up his battle, surrendering to something better.  It could’ve been right away, it could’ve been hours later, Sungjong wasn’t sure, when Sungjong watched as Myungsoo’s breathing slowly stopped and his heart stopped beating.  

This time… it was final.

He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.  Sungjong watched through burning eyes as finally Myungso’s time of death was called and he was covered by a plain white sheet. 

Tears silently dripped down his cheeks, but it hadn’t really hit him yet, the tears were from the shock of having to say goodbye to Myungsoo a little before, it was just starting to hurt now.

Myungsoo was gone…

Everything was happening to fast…

Sungjong closed his eyes against the tears, trying to block out the sobs and tears coming from the others in the hall with him.  All he could see against his closed eyelids was the image of Myungsoo’s breathing coming to a stop, knowing that he was now on a different jouney then them.

Did Myungsoo see his life flash before his eyes?  Or was that something that people made up?  Sungjong knew that in the few moments that he had his eyes closed, he saw all of the moments that he and Myungsoo shared, flashing by him like little snapshots, like the pictures that Myungsoo would take. 

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders.  For a moment, his heart told him that it was Myungsoo, but his mind told him it was just Hoya, hugging him gently as they both cried.  Sungjong sank into his warm arms, tears falling against Hoya’s shoulder. 

“I thought that you said that he was going to make it,” Sungjong choked out, the tears making it difficult to speak or breathe.  “You said that he was going to live…”

For a moment, Hoya couldn’t answer as he patted Sungjong’s head as they cried together.  “I’m sorry, Jjongie.  I thought he was…” 

“Kids… let’s go home.”

Sungjong looked up from the shelter in Hoya’s arms as Jungryul gently spoke to them.  They had been sitting outside of Myungsoo’s room, not sure of what to do, as time ticked by. 

Slowly, each of them stood up, helping each other stand.  None of them had enough strength to stand by themselves and without a word, their managers gently guided them down the the first floor where the van was waiting.  Sungjong could hear the calls of the reporters as he got into the van.  He had no idea how the press got the news so fast that Myungsoo had died, but he didn’t really care at that moment, his whole world felt numb. 

In a flash, they were home and Hoya was unlocking the door to their apartment.  When the six stepped into their apartment, Sowon ran out of Woohyun’s room and looked up at them, his head cocked to the side as he looked up at him.

Sungjong found himself smiling, though his smile was sad, and picking up Sowon.  Sowon wagged his tail happily as Sungjong picked him up, reminding Sungjong of the first time that Myungsoo brought him to the dorm, causing his heart to cry once more.  He walked to his room and sat down on his bed.  Sowon looked up at him again and his chin gently, as if he was sensing the pain in his heart. 

Sungjong smiled softly and patted his head before putting him down on the bed beside him.  Until now, the truth hadn’t settled in to his mind.  None of them were prepared for Myungsoo to die that morning.

The morning that was supposed to be Infinite’s day, June the 9^th was the day that they became something more than the seven trainees with big dreams.  That day back in 2010 was the day that they, the seven of them, became Infinite together for an infinity that they promised each other.  But this year, instead of celebrating with them, Myungsoo moved on and disappeared from their lives forever.

On this June morning, Myungsoo had started his infinite journey without them.

Slowly, it sunk in.  The feeling of disbelief and denial started to fade away and the reality of the situation hit him. 

“He’s died…”  Tears bubbled out of his words, rocking through his whole body until he crumbed down to the ground with the weight of his tears and the weight of reality.  

“He’s dead…”  Maybe if he repeated it enough times, it would become a lie, but that wouldn’t work.  Reality is too cruel for that to happen.  

“He’s gone…”

Myungsoo is gone. 

Waiiiittttt! It's not the end! Don't unsubscribe!  We still have a long way to go...