thank you to aiaiai for asking about Hyeji and Myungsoo's family also naznew for asking about the managers. I hope you like this chapter ^^  

~*~

Chapter XIV

When Forever Ends

6월 19일

Every day in the oncology ward was the same up until a patient by the name Kim Myungoso was admitted to the ward.

Hyeji had been a nurse in the oncology ward for a couple of years, she had met a lot of people.  Many of the patients left the oncology ward, happy that their cancer was in remission, but there were patients that never left the hospital alive.  The moment that Myungsoo arrived in the oncology ward, nothing seemed as black and white as Hyeji had thought. 

Someone once told her that everyone dies, but Hyeji thought – she hoped – that Myungsoo wouldn’t be ‘everyone’ just yet.  Everytime that Myungsoo returned to the hospital, or when his lungs gave out on him, he crawled closer to becoming ‘everyone’ once again. 

On certain days before Myungsoo’s death, he was in a lot of pain, sometimes struggling to breathe as Hyeji made sure that his lungs were free of the liquid that tried its best to drown him.  During the day, Myungsoo’s family – both his real one and Infinite – was always beside him to soothe away the pain, but during the night, Myungsoo struggled through the pain alone, crying and choking on his own breath.  On those nights, Hyeji sat beside him, holding his hand and wiping away his tears of pain.  Myungsoo was too far gone to notice Hyeji beside him, but Hyeji still stayed. 

The last night that Hyeji had with Myungsoo was the night before he died.  The palor of Myungsoo’s skin was so pale that it was nearly grey and he had long stopped struggling, his breath coming out in shallow breaths assisted by a rattle that only meant that his lungs were filled with liquid.  For a moment, Myungsoo’s eye fluttered open, searching around the room for someone. 

“Hey, Myungsoo,” Hyeji whispered, reaching out to touch his forehead.  “Can you hear me?”

His eyes flickered across her face and then around the room before he ndoded slowly, weakly trying to wet his lips. 

“Are you in pain?”

Myungsoo’s answer came in a weak shrug and he coughed before rasping out a quiet word, “Time...?”

“It’s around three in the morning,” Hyeji said.  “It’s June the ninth.”

Another tear ran down Myungsoo’s cheek, this time not out of pain, but out of a mix of happiness and melancholy.  When he spoke, his voice was faint, but filled with his whole heart, “Noona... I want to die being a part of Infinite.”    

And he did. 

The next time that Hyeji saw Myungsoo was as she went into his hosptial room to help take away Myungsoo’s body to the morgue.  Myungsoo looked so peaceful and Hyeji knew that Myungsoo had gotten his wish.  Een in death, he was a part of Infinite.   

“Hyeji?”

She looked up as the head nurse called her name.  “Yes?”

“It looks like you have a lot on your mind, is there anything that you want to talk about?”

“No, I was just...”  Hyeji sighed and tried to find something to say.  It was over two weeks since Myungsoo had past away and thoughts of him kept on dancing through Hyeji’s mind.  “...thinking.”

The head nurse just smiled at her and handed her a file.  “I’ll need you to check the patient in room 416 later, but could I ask you a favour?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Would you give a speech to the student nurses tomorrow?  It’s just one of the speeches about your duties as a nurse here,” Jisoo explained.  “Don’t make it too boring.”

“I won’t,” Hyeji promised. 

That’s how she found herself in front of a crowd of med students, waiting for her to start her speech. 

“As a nurse here, there’s going to be a patient that changes the way that you think about nursing,” Hyeji said.  “For me, that patient was... a young man who was diagnosed with lung cancer.  He was in room 416 for six months on and off while he went through chemo and eventually passed away about a week ago. 

“Children come in here and their innocence is shadowed by the chemo only protected by a smile.  Seniors come in here and they are surronded by their children and their grandchildren.  The young man seemed to protect everyone around him with his smile and in turn, his family and friends around him surronded him with love. 

“The duty of a nurse is to take care of your patients as if they are someone you love.  Everyone needs love and here half of the patients are on their last days.  Even if you feel like if it’s not your job, spend time to get to know the patient, hold their hand if they’re scared, wait with them when they’re lonely, give them love because this might be the end of their life. 

“One of my professors told me that everyone dies,” Hyeji said.  “Everyone does.  There are patients that walk out of here and patients that don’t.  I wish that every single one of them could say proudly and loudly that their cancer is in remisson... I wish that Myungsoo had a chance to say that to me. 

“Everytime that I walked by room 416, I could hear my patient laughing with his friends in there, now when I walk by, I see a boy who’s barely in grade 4 and I have a feeling that he’s going to be able to walk out of here, able to say that he is cancer free because a chance was given to him.  Whether he walks or he turns to fly to the heavens, I know I’ll remember him.  Just as I will never forget that young man who’s last wish to be a part of something bigger than he was already, to be a part of infinity. 

“A nurse can’t forget their patients.

“And you never forget someone you love.”

~*~

6월 20일 

That memory came back nearly every night.  Watching Myungsoo die in front of him.  On better nights, the dream would be of not being able to reach Myungsoo as he died in the hospital, but on most nights, it would end as Myungsoo died in his arms.   This night was no different, Jungryul woke up in the middle of the night with the remains of a nightmare haunting him. 

“Yeobo...” his wife mumbled as she was shaken out of her sleep from Jungryul’s sudden nightmare.  “Same dream?”

Jungryul sighed and pulled his wife into his arms.  “The same one again,” he confirmed.  “Go to sleep.”

Pecking his cheek gently, she settled back into sleep.  Jungryul sighed and looked up at the dark ceiling. 

Every single night. 

Realizing that tonight it would be futile to go back to sleep, Jungryul got out of his room and headed out of the apartment to a place he knew that would give him comfort. 

One night, when Jungryul had thought that Myungsoo at the hospital when he got a call.  Half an hour later, he had walked into the bar to find Myungsoo sitting in the corner, a drink sitting in front of him. 

“Myungsoo,” Jungryul had said gently, putting his hand on his shoulder. 

He didn’t move, just staring at the drink. 

“Myungsoo, you need to tell me, did you drink anything?”

Slowly, Myungsoo had shook his head, tears dripping down onto the table and into the drink. 

The worry about the alchlol mixing with the painkillers that were still in Myungsoo’s system, Jungyrul had asked, “Why did you cal me if you aren’t drunk?”

Myungsoo had took in a deep breath, coughing a couple of times as he let it out.  Gently, Jungryul had drawn circles on Myungsoo’s back as tears kept on falling down Myungsoo’s cheeks, landing on his lips and his hands.  “I didn’t know if I could call one of the others, I needed you... I want to be numb, but I can’t drink, there’s a limit on my morphine.  It hurts so much.”

Myungsoo’s hands were shaking in his lap as Jungryul had took his hands and hugged the younger against his shoulder.  “Let’s get you back to the hospital,” Jungryul said gently, pulling him up to his feet.  “Come on, one step at a time.”

Myungsoo had followed him blindly for a couple of steps until his legs gave out from underneath him, crumbling down onto the ground in a small ball.  “Hyung, I don’t want to go back,” he had wailed into his arms.  “Don’t make me go back.”

As Jungryul hugged Myungsoo tightly, Myungsoo’s pleads had continued, hurting him with every word.  “Myungsoo,” Jungryl whispered, “let’s go sit outside for a little while.”

After a bit of struggling, Myungsoo had followed Jungryul outside to a bench where he fell down, still crying quietly.  While Jungryul tried to sooth Myungsoo, Myungsoo was rambling on and on about how he didn’t want to go back to the hospital, begging for Jungryul to take him back to the dorm instead of the hospital. 

Now, sitting down at the same bench where he had sat with Myungsoo a couple of months ago, he wished desperately that Myungsoo was still there with him. 

“Hyung...”

Jungryul looked up and his mouth fell open as he found Myungsoo standing in front of him, smiling slightly.  “Myungsoo...”

“It’s time to go home,” he said quietly. 

“Myungsooo... are you okay?  Why...”

Myungsoo stopped Jungryul’s hand as he automatically reached up to see if he was okay.  “I’m okay,” Myungsoo promised.  “I really am.”

With a little smile, Jungryul looked over Myungsoo carefully.  “Are you sure?”

“Very sure,” Myungsoo said with a laugh.  “No more schedule and no more practices... but no more Infinite...”

“I thought you said you were okay,” Jungryul said worriedly. 

“I am,” Myungsoo stressed the sentence to make sure that Jungryl knew that he was speaking the truth.  “Don’t worry about me.”

“You’re all boys, how am I supposed to not worry?”

Myungsoo laughed, his eyes sparkling with life.  “Trust them, hyung, they’ll grow up soon enough,” he promised.  “Just make sure they can find their way home.” 

“What about you?”Jungryul asked quietly. 

“I’ll find my own way home,” Myungsoo promised.  “You don’t need to drive me or make sure that I have schedules.  I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Myungsoo nodded happily.  “I’ll be home soon.  I’ll see you then, hyung.”

Without another word, Myungsoo gave Jungyrul one last hug before standing up and heading away.  “Thank you for looking after me,” he said quietly.  “Can I trust you to look after Sunggyu, Sungyeol, Woohyun, Dongwoo, Hoya and Sungjong?”

“Of course,” Jungryul promised. 

“Then see you later, hyung.”  Myungsoo smiled and waved before walking away into the night.   

~*~

6월 25일 

It had been a few weeks since Myungsoo passed away and Moonsoo felt like it had already been a year.  Sure there had been countless times when Myungsoo hadn’t come back home for weeks or even months, but this time, Moonsoo knew that his older brother would never come back. 

The first night after Myungsoo’s death, Moonsoo couldn’t sleep, just thinking about every single moment and memory that he had of Myungsoo until the weight of the memories pulled him down into sleep.  Every night after that was the same. 

Coming out of his room, Moonsoo nearly headed down the hall to the kicthen, but stopped as he heard his mother crying.  Slowly, he crept down the hall and peeked through the crack in the door to see his parents sitting in the kitchen, his mother crying as his father comforted her with teary eyes. 

As he backed away, he wanted to block out his mother’s grieving cries for her lost son.  Heading back down the hall, he stopped before he reached to his room, instead looking at Myungsoo’s room, the door closed.  Since Myungsoo had passed away, the door remained firmly shut not to remind his mother of the son that she had lost. 

Carefully, as if he would wake up ghosts, Moonsoo opened Myungsoo’s door.  The room was still left the way that Myungsoo had left it the last time that he was there just before he was admitted to the hospital for the last time in February.  Everything from Infinite’s dorm was still packed in boxes in the corner, as if Myungsoo was trying to cling onto the hope of going back to Infinite until the very last moment.  Opening one of the boxes, Moonsoo took out one of Myungsoo’s warm bunnyhugs and held it close to him, like it was Myungsoo’s hugs. 

Sitting down on the bed, he looked around Myungsoo’s picture covered room.  His gaze settled on the picture of their family that Myungso had kept on his bedside.  Lifting it up, he spotted a white envelope lying under the picture frame.  His hands were shaking as he opened it and smoothed out the paper. 

Umma, Appa, Moonsoo:

If you’re reading this, it must mean that I’m gone.  I’m sorry. 

Right now, I have no idea when I will go or what will happen before I go.  Dr. Song told me that the pain will get bad near the end, that near the end I might not realize that it’s you by my side, so in case that happens, I want to tell you my goodbyes here too. 

Umma, Appa, through everything, thank you for staying beside me and taking care of me unconditionally.  I took so much of your time while I’m in the hospital.  I want to stay strong for you.  If I fall in the fight, I still love you. 

Moonsoo, remember that story that Umma told us, the little prince?  There's one part where the prince calls out thinking that his echo is another person. Wherever you go, I won’t be able to be there, but I’ll be close enough to keep on cheering you on, just like an echo.  

I bought you tickets to that vacation home that we went before I became a trainee.  Go on vacation for a little while.  Appa needs rest from his work, Umma has been worrying about me a lot, Moonsoo has been working hard on his degree.  Just take a small vacation, okay? 

Take care of each other, I know you will because you’re family, you are my family. 

I thought about what I could say to you to make this easier, but I guess there isn’t anything. 

All I can really say is that I miss you so much that it hurts.  I’m sorry for all the pain I have inflicted on you while I was in the hospital and after I pass away.

Don’t worry about me, Halabeoji will take care of me.  I hope it’s many years until you do come and join me, I’ll wait until you do.  When it’s your time to come and join me, I’ll be waiting for you, missing you a lot. 

“Myun-“

Turning around, Moonsoo saw his mother standing in the door, staring at him as if he was his brother.  “Umma, it’s just me.  Moonsoo,” he said with a little broken smile. 

She smiled and joined him in the room.  “I know that,” she said, brushing back his hair. 

On his other side, his dad coming over to stand on Moonsoo’s other side.  Held between his two parents, Moonsoo had never felt safer, just his brother missing from the warm hug. 

“What are we going to do?” Moonsoo asked quietly. 

For a moment, no one answered, protecting each other with silence and warmth. 

“Let’s try to... keep on going.  The vacation sounds good,” his father said with a small chuckle. 

Moonsoo sighed, and looked back down at the letter and the picture.  “Umma, Appa?  I miss him,” he whispered, not lifting his eyes from Myungsoo’s smiling face. 

“I know, baby,” she said gently, kissing his forehead.  “I miss him too.”

“We all miss him.”  His father hugged the both of them in his strong arms.  Moonsoo sighed quietly, silent tears running down his cheeks. 

“I miss hyung,” Moonsoo mumbled, holding the letter close to his heart.  “I miss Myungsoo...”

Tears steadily ran down his cheeks and Moonsoo hugged both of his parents tightly, the family he had left, as he repeated Myungsoo’s last words over and over in his head. 

Appa, Umma, Moonsoo, I love you so much. 

~*~

6월 26일

When Sunggyu rang the doorbell, the others on the doorstep behind him, Moonsoo opened the door for them.  For a second, Sunggyu’s heart lept in hope as he saw Moonsoo there as he looked so much like his older brother.  He felt a wave of disappointment when it was Moonsoo instead of Myungsooo, but he knew that he couldn’t blame Moonsoo for looking like his older brother.  Maybe it was a comfort to know that Myungsoo was still living on, sharing a spirit of his brother. 

The six of them walked into the living room where the rest of Myungsoo’s family was sitting.  Myungsoo’s mother stood up and greeted the six of them. 

“Hello, Eomeoni,” Sunggyu greeted as the others echoed a greeting after him. 

“Hello,” she greeted as she dropped a kiss on his cheek before repeating the action on the others.  “His room is ready for you.  Whatever is left… you can take what you want.”

Sunggyu nodded slowly and followed Sungyeol to Myungsoo’s room.  Sungyeol rested his hand on Myungsoo’s door knob, hesitating before entering.  Sungjong stepped up and rested his hand on Sungyeol’s shoulder.  The next words that Sungjong said was only meant for Sungyeol, but Sunggyu heard his words. 

“It’s going to be okay, hyung,” Sungjong whispered to Sungyeol.  “It’s going to be okay.”

Sungyeol nodded and smiled at Sungjong.  “I know it will be.”

And he slowly opened the door. 

~*~

Woohyun looked around the room, unsure of where to start.  Sunggyu and Dongwoo were talking together in one of the corners while Sungjong and Sungyeol were sitting on Myungsoo’s bed.  Feeling rather lonely, he squated down by a pile of boxes next to Hoya who was going through one of the many boxes. 

Hoya raised his eyebrow in greeting, but didn’t say anything else.  Woohyun just smiled and started looking through the boxes with Hoya. 

“It feels weird,” Hoya muttered. 

This time, it was Woohyun who raised his eyebrow in question.

“To go through Myungsoo’s stuff,” Hoya elaborated.  “He… never liked it when we went through his stuff.”

“None of us do,” Woohyun half laughed. 

Hoya smirked.  “But remember while we were filming Sesame Player while he was in Japan filming Jiu?” he asked.  “He was so pissed when Dongwoo and I threw away his shirts.”

“Well, you didn’t really, you just stuck them in the attic and forgot to bring them downstairs before he came back.”

“Yeah.”  Hoya smiled at the memory.  “But Sunggyu was right, when he said that Myungsoo would be really mad.”

Woohyun chuckled and reached into the box, bringing out Myungsoo’s DSLR camera.  “How do you use this?” he mused.  “I never get how Myungsoo used this.”

Hoya leaned over and squinted at the camera too.  “There’s the on switch there,” he said, pointing to the little switch near the bottom. 

When he switched it on, Woohyun started to press random buttons, hoping to hit the playback.  “Ha!” he yelled as he managed to find the playback button.  “Which pictures are there?”

Hoya leaned over his shoulder as Woohyun flipped through the pictures.  Most of the pictures were more recent once considering that Myungsoo regularly updated his pictures to his harddrive.  All of the pictures were normal, up until a video file. 

“How do you play this?” Woohyun asked, not expecting an answer from Hoya.  “I need to give more credit to the directors for our music videos.”

Hoya laughed, but his laughter was cut off as the video started to play and Woohyun nearly dropped the camera. 

“Annyeonghaseyo.”

“Myungsoo...” Hoya whispered. 

Woohyun could only nod numbly as the video continued. 

“My name is L… my name is Kim Myungsoo.  Today is December the 2^nd. It has been a bit more than three weeks since I was diagnosed with lung cancer.

“I’m… sorry.  I don’t want to go.  I don’t want to leave.

“When I’m gone, I have two things that I want you to do.

“I would like all of you to keep on living, keep on smiling, keep on laughing without me.

“There’s a lot of things that I wish that I could do with life, there’s a lot of dreams that I didn’t get to live.”

Myungsoo’s face was blurred by the tears in his eyes and a tear fell down on the LED screen, blurring his face.  Hoya hugged his shoulder tightly through the rest of the video. 

“Second, I would like Infinite and the Inspirits to sing a song together.  I will be singing with you, and watching from the hevens.

“Thank you Inspirits for being there, please support Sunggyu, Dongwoo, Woohyun, Hoya, Sungyeol and Sungjong for me.

“Fighting.”

Myungsoo smiled out at him from the screen, his hand raised in a fighting sign.  As Woohyun watched, he blinked slowly, tears falling down his face slowly despite the fact that he was smiling brightly.  Woohyun brushed the screen as if to wipe off his tears for him even though it happened months and months ago.  He wished that he could go back in time so that he could wipe the tears off of Myungsoo’s face when he took the video, he never wanted to see the tears on his dongsaeng’s face, he never wanted to see the pain on the face who didn’t deserve the pain at all.  Hoya placed a hand on Woohyun’s head as he cried quietly. 

“Infinite.  Sunggyu-hyung.  Dongwoo-hyung.  Woohyun-hyung.  Hoya-yah.  Sungyeol-ah.  Sungjong-ah.”

He jerked his head up as Myungsoo mentioned his name.

“I’m grateful that when I came into the auditions, we got stuck with each other until… I die.  Thank you so much.  Infinite… I love you.  Thank you so much.  I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few months but whatever happens… thank you.  I know I’ll love you forever.”

“Oh my god,” Woohyun whispered, hot tears running down his cheeks.  “Oh my god...”

Hoya hugged him tightly, wipping away his tears for him even though he was crying himself. 

“Hyung?”

Woohyun looked up thorugh his tears to find Moonsoo standing there.  “Oh, hey,” he said, wipping away his tears.  “We... we found his camera.”

Moonsoo smiled, reaching down to touch his brother’s camera.  “I was wondering where it went.”

“I’m assuming that your family will want this,” Hoya said, looking at the camera. 

For a moment, Moonsoo hesitated, but then shook his head.  “No, you guys take it.”

Blinking surprised, Woohyun stammered, “Why?  I don’t need this.  Your family should keep it.”

“No.”  Moonsoo pushed it back.  “Please.  Take it.”

“We can’t take this,” Hoya said, holding the camera, looking slightly confused about it. 

He shook his head with a smile that looked a lot like Myungsoo’s.  “He wouldn’t want his favourite camera to sit on a shelf getting dusty,” he said firmly.  “He always wants to take pictures, so you take picutres for him now.”

Hoya held Myungsoo’s camera in his hands nearly doubtfully in his hands, wanting to give it back to the Kim’s.  Just as Sungyeol had said a long time ago, to Myungsoo, his camera was a part of him, it held his dreams and had become a part of his heart. 

“Whenever you go somewhere, you need to take pictures for him,” Moonsoo said with a look of melenochy.  “So that he can see the places you went.”

A smile finally broke across his lips.  “Okay,” Woohyun said quietly. 

“Thank you,” Hoya added sincerely.  

“It’s nothing,” Moonsoo said with a little smile. 

Woohyun shook his head.  “It’s everything.  Everything that Myungsoo would want.”

~*~

Sungyeol sat down on Myungsoo’s bed, running his hand over Myungsoo’s bedsheets.  Sungjong sat down on the bed beside Sungyeol, holding a box in his lap, labled ‘from the hospital’. 

For a bit, Sungjong didn’t say anything, only looking through the box quietly, until he finally asked, “Sungyeol-hyung, are you okay?”

He looked up at Sungjong, who was looking through the box.  “I’m okay, Jjongie,” he said quietly.  “You?”

“Me too,” he said quietly, placing the folded clothes on top of the bed. 

“Sungjong, you don’t need to lie to me, I might have just lied to you too, but you don’t need to lie to me.”

He sighed, placing his hands on top of the box.  “I’m fine, it’s okay.”

“We both should be sad,” Sungyeol said quietly.  “He was my best friend and your favourite hyung...”

“But we all need to move on,” Sungjong argued, looking through the box again. 

“That’s what we’re trying to do,” Sungyeol said.  “But we’re both still stuck in the past.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke, Sungjong just continuing to go through one of the boxes as Sungyeol sat there quietly. 

“Sungyeol-hyung, look at this,” Sungjong said quietly.  Sungyeol looked over and saw Sungjong holding a photo album in his lap. 

My Bravo Viewtiful of Infinite

Sungyeol laughed shakily, flipping through the photo album, once more admiring Myungsoo’s collection of photos.  He ran his fingers over a picture of him, Myungsoo and Dongwoo together, smiling together on a beach, grinning and waving at the camera together.  Each of the photos were captions with memories. Some of the events only little things like practicing at the studios, others were other events like winning at Music Bank or a free day that they had in Paris. 

Sungjong nearly cried as he looked through the pictures of their happy days. 

He slowly flipped the page and when he saw the picture, he couldn’t help the tears falling down his cheeks. 

There were three pictures on the last page.  The first one was of them celebrating one of their first places for their comeback soon after Myungsoo had been diagnosed.  They had a cake and the trophy with them as they smiled at the camera. 

Someone had taken the second picture of them on one of their visits when they had just finished a long practice and an even longer day.  The seven were sleeping together.  Sungyeol was leaning against the head of the bed with Myungsoo, Myungsoo’s head resting on his shoulder.  Woohyun and Sunggyu were sleeping together on the couch by the window, Sunggyu resting on Woohyun’s lap.  Dongwoo was sleeping on the end of the bed, even though there wasn’t enough room for him there.  Sungjong was resting his head on Myungsoo’s bed, holding onto Myungsoo’s hand as they slept.  Hoya’s arms were crossed over his chest as his head rolled onto his shoulder.  They all looked young and innocent, as if reality couldn’t hurt them in their sleep.

The last picture was a picture of their silhouettes against the evening sky at their Christmas party.  They all had their arms around each other as they screamed out to the heavens happily.  Sungjong could remember all of their happy laughter as they yelled together, “We’re going to be Infinite forever!  Nobody’s going to take Myungsoo away from us!”

Myungsoo had written a caption at the end of the page, simple words, but words that would last forever. 

we are infinite. 

Sungjong felt tears starting to fall down his cheeks. 

“Do you feel like crying?” Sungjong asked quietly so the others wouldn’t overhear them. 

Sungyeol’s adam’s apple bobbed dangerously.  “Why do you ask that?”

“Because… I feel like crying too,” Sungjong said quietly.  “We want to be strong for each other, so we aren’t crying yet.”

“Sungjongie…”

Sungjong placed his hand on Sungyeol’s shoulder, holding him close.  “Yes, hyung?”

“Are you crying too?” Sungyeol asked. 

Sungjong pressed his face against Sungyeol’s shoulder.  “It hurts so much to cry,” Sungjong whispered, as he looked at their happy faces promising that Myungsoo would last for infinity, promising that they, Infinite, would last forever. 

Sungyeol nodded, gently running his fingers through Sungjong’s hair.  His answer came soft and honest, “It hurts more not to cry.”

~*~

Nearly every single inch of Myungsoo’s walls were covered with pictures. 

His room was filled with pictures.  Along one wall, there were no free space from all of the pictures Myungsoo had plastered onto the wall.  Myungsoo loved having other people around, he never liked being alone.  It always took a special person to realize that Myungsoo, even though he was quiet, he needed someone near him, to make sure that he was still in reality.

Some of the pictures were of things that Myungsoo had taken of a pretty mountian side or of a bouquet of flowers that he had received.  More of the pictures were pictures of his friends and family.  Many of them were pictures of his high school friends, but there was a near equal amount of pictures of his actor or idol friends. 

Sunggyu looked around and found pictures of him in Japan while he was filming Jiu with his co-actors and another set of pictures with him and the Shut Up Flower Boy Band cast.  On another part of the wall, there was pictures of him with the casts from the other dramas he had stared in.  There was a picture of him and Kim Saeron during the filming of What’s a Mom and then later in 2014 when Myungsoo visited Woohyun and Sungyeol on the set of High School Love on again with Saeron and Minseok.  Next to it was a picture of Rain and Krystal practicing for a scene together for My Lovely Girl and then Joo Sangwook and Lee Minjung on the set of Single Cunning Lady, followed by a picture on the set of The Time We Weren’t in Love with Ha Jiwon. 

Another side of the wall was checkered with pictures of Myungsoo with other idols, taken from his trainee life to the last event they went to.  He had a couple back in 2010 with Sistar and Teen Top.  During 2011, there were a lot of pictures with aPink and their dogs during the filming of Birth of a Family.  In one line, there was all the different ISACs that they went to ending with the last time they went, the Chunseok before Myungsoo was diagnosed with lung cancer.  One of the biggest pictures taped up onto the wall was a picture of one of the Gayo Daejuns they were in, dozens of idols on the stage, smiling and grinning.  

Sunggyu ran his fingers across a picture of one of Infinite’s wins with Chaser.  They were out at a bar celebrating and grinning like idiots.  Sunggyu’s fingers came to stop at the stoop of Myungsoo’s neck, spotting something sparkling at the base of his neck.  He frowned and leaned closer to the picture, trying to figure out what it was. 

Giving up, he looked at the next picture: a picture of the seven of them sitting on the edge of a stage during their world tour, all smiling at the camera.  Sungjong, Myungsoo and Dongwoo were sitting on the edge, their legs hanging off the edge of the stage while the other four leaned in from behind them.  Sunggyu smiled as he saw their young faces, it was only a few years ago, but the last few months had felt like another lifetime between the times in the pictures on Myungsoo’s walls. 

They were all smiling happily, Sungyeol and Woohyun leaned in together, their arms around each other as Hoya leaned against Sunggyu and Woohyun, holding up a peace sign.  Dongwoo was laughing at something, nearly falling over with Hoya’s added weight on his shoulder.  Sungjong’s arm was around Myungsoo’s shoulder, his brown eyes shinning though one of them was covered with his bangs.  Myungsoo had his hand on Sungjong’s thigh and his head was resting on his shoulder, his dimple visible as he smiled too. 

Sunggyu saw the same sparkle on Myungsoo’s chest and this time, saw what it was. 

It was his Infinite necklace. 

They each had one, and even though they were also sold to the public, theirs were special. 

It might have been a stupid reason that they found it special, Sunggyu was no longer sure who insisted on it, but with the necklaces, they promised each other that they were going to be Infinite forever. When they had put on those necklaces for the first time during their first concert, they promised each other that Infinite would last forever. 

They had already promised that a long time ago, June the 9^th, 2010 they had promised each other that they would stick with Infinite until forever ends.  Woohyun had been the one to say that sounded like they were making their wedding vows or were a high school couple pretending that they would last forever, but Sungyeol had answered, “Still, hyung, we are going to be together until forever ends.”

“And forever ended sooner than we thought.”

Sunggyu jumped and turned around, finding Dongwoo standing behind him, smiling sadly.  “What?”

“What Sungyeol said,” Dongwoo said, “about being Infinite until forever ends.”

Sunggyu realized that he had said the last part aloud.  “I know, it’s hard to believe.”

“That’s just Myungsoo’s forever.  It doesn’t mean that our forever’s have ended too.”

He shook his head, raising his hand to touch Myungsoo’s face in the picture.  “It’s not the same.”

“I miss him a lot, do you?” Dongwoo asked, putting his hand on Sunggyu’s shoulder. 

Sunggyu didn’t answer, brushing Myungsoo’s hair in the picture as if that would fix his hair. 

“You always favoured him over the rest of us,” Dongwoo said, unfazed by Sunggyu’s lack of answers.  “If it wasn’t Woohyun, it was Myungsoo.”

“What are you saying?”

“You always liked him the best, you two were the first ones to move into the dorm.  Before Sungjong joined us, he was the maknae.  You thought that you needed to take care of him because he was the maknae and even after Sungjong joined, you still tried to take care of Myungsoo as the maknae and Myungsoo let you do that more than Sungjong does. 

“We all saw that, hyung,” Dongwoo continued.  “None of us minded, it was nice to watch you take care of Myungsoo.  But now, you’re feeling lost, even if you don’t feel it yourself.  You don’t know what to do without him.”  

Sunggyu didn’t answer, reaching out to take the picture off the wall.  Knowing that most of the time, Myungsoo would write the date on the back of his photos, Sunggyu flipped it over, but instead of finding the date, he found something else and let out a surprised gasp.    

“What is it, hyung?” Dongwoo asked. 

Giving the photo over to Dongwoo, Sunggyu rushed over to Myungsoo’s desk as Dongwoo read the message aloud on the back. 

My infinity on earth isn’t over yet.

Look in my desk drawer.

Sunggyu opened the drawers two at the time, trying to find what Myungsoo was talking about, finding a white envelope adressed to Infinite in the bottom drawer.    

“What’s that?” Dongwoo asked, sitting joining Sunggyu at the desk.

Shakily, Sunggyu picked up the envelope, opening it and taking out a letter.  He smoothed it out and started reading it.    

Hey, Infinite. 

Are you okay?  I hope that you’re okay.  I don’t know when you’re going to read this, or if you are ever going to read this… but when you do, I’m sorry that I left. 

I’m so glad that I got to sing with you.  I’m so glad that I got to travel the world with you.  I’m so glad that when I fall asleep for the last time, you’re going to be beside me.

Thank you for being a part of me. 

I love you so much.  I’m going to tell you this over and over again because I really do.   

Even if I’m going to be on my own journey away from you, I still love you and still remember you. 

Wherever I am right now, I’m watching you.  I hope you’re facing the new days with a brave and bright smile.  All of you have such beautiful smiles, please keep on smiling forever.  If it helps you smile, don’t worry about me.  I found my place in the stars and with the angels.  Don’t worry.  I’ve started my infinite journey now. 

I still have so much to say to you, so I wrote one more letter.  Don’t open it until one year after I pass away, okay? 

I love you so much and I’m right here beside you. 

Hey, Infinite! … Do you miss me?

Because I do. 

Your Myungsoo

At the very bottom of the letter, next to Myungsoo’s name, his Infinite necklace was taped to the paper. 

 “That’s his…  I thought he was buried with that,” Dongwoo stuttered.

Sunggyu had too, not meaning that they had saw it on Myungsoo’s body when they had buried him, they had just assumed that Myungsoo’s family had decided to put the necklace with him in the ground. 

Sunggyu closed his eyes tightly, holding Myungsoo’s necklace in his Sunggyu’s fingers were shaking as he pulled it off the paper, reading the message underneath it. 

I still promise I’ll be with you until forever ends.

The letter dropped from his hands as he looked at the delicate infinity sign in his hands. 

A infinity never ends…

“I… I…” His shoulders shook with barely contained sobs.  He wanted to say something, he wanted to tell Dongwoo that it was okay, he wanted to be strong for the others, but tears started falling down his cheeks, making his heart hurt and only the painful truth come out.  “I… just miss him so much.”

His legs nearly gave away from underneath him, but Dongwoo caught him, holding him as he sobbed.  “I miss him so much.  Infinities are supposed to be longer than this,” Sunggyu whispered, his voice trembling with tears. 

“I know,” Dongwoo said quietly in his ear, tears running down his own face.  “It never goes that way.”

Silently, Woohyun wrapped his arms around Sunggyu and Dongwoo, crying with them.  As Hoya added his arms to the hug, Sunggyu couldn’t stop crying, finally giving into the tears that he had held for a long time.  Sungyeol and Sungjong joined the hug, Sungyeol crying as well as he held onto Dongwoo’s shoulder.  Sungjong was crying too, his pale face tracked with tears. 

Sunggyu looked down at his hand, running his fingers delicately over their infinity sign on his palm.  Infinities were supposed to be longer than Myungsoo’s, but that was the point of infinities.

They never end. 

“We’re going to be together until forever ends?” Sungyeol asked quietly. 

Sunggyu nodded, closing his fist around the necklace, and pressed his closed fist against his lips.  “Until our infinity ends.”

~*~

“Are we ready to go?”

Even though Sungyeol nodded, he didn’t feel ready to leave.  Carefully, he picked up the last box of Myungsoo’s stuff that they as a group had decided to take.  Slowly and one at a time, the members left Myungsoo’s room, Hoya, Dongwoo, Woohyun, Sungjong, Sunggyu until the only one left was Sungyeol.  Looking around the room, the emptiness cutting straight through his heart. 

“Sungyeol-ah,” Sunggyu called softly from the door.  “Let’s go.”

He nodded and stepped out of the room to join the others in the hall, his hand resting on the doorknob as he glanced back into the room once more.    

People always say that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die.  As Sungyeol stood in Myungsoo’s door, the years that he knew Myungsoo flashed before his eyes.  Each little memory – laughing and singing in the early morning, getting in trouble with their managers, waking up in the morning to head somewhere new – flashed like photos across Sungyeol’s mind. 

Then it was all gone. 

Sungyeol sighed, turning off the lights, he closed the door behind him for the last time.

“Goodbye, Myungsoo.  We love you.”  

Thank you for 100+ subs! thank you so much for the support!! i love you so much.  

 ps: I have new collection of oneshots too > click here.  

just the epilouge left now ^^ i'll be updating story of heavens next week!