~SEA OF GOLD~

동산 위에 올라서서 파란하늘 바라보며

천사얼굴 선녀얼굴 마음 속에 그려봅니다

하늘 끝까지 올라 실바람을 끌어안고

날개 달린 천사들과 속삭이고 싶어라

~*~

Chapter I

Standing on the Edge of Infinity

A few months in the future: 

Click.

Sowon’s soft ear lifted up as he heard the farmiliar footsteps enter the house again.  He jumped off of the youngest’s bed and ran towards the door.

His soft nose picked up each scent of each Infinite member, each of them unique in their own way.  Sunggyu’s warm scent of cinnamon, the distinct smell of Dongwoo’s detergent, the aftershave that Woohyun always wore, the mixed smell of deodorant and soap that made Hoya, Sungyeol’s shampoo overlapped with Jerumi’s scent, and the sweet scent of Sungjong’s strawberry scented shampoo.

Sowon liked the smell of Myungsoo even though he didn’t know him very well, only knew him by the others members mentioning him often.  But he remembered Myungsoo’s warm scent, he smelled like everything that he’d ever encountered before, although now he was realizing that there was many things in the world to smell.  Myungsoo smelled like the coffee that always brewed in the morning, the freshness of grass from the park, the chicken that Woohyun and Sungjong would feed him, all wrapped up in the smell of love that the members smothered him with.

Sowon’s paws slipped and skittered over the slippery floor as he hurried to the door.  No matter how many times he would see them, Sowon would always be excited to see them.  He knew that they were there to play with him, feed him and give him more love.  There was the farmiliar sounds of their shoes being taken off and he looked up.

There was a strange feeling he hadn’t felt before.  Sowon sat down confused as Woohyun and Sunggyu walked by Sowon without looking at him.  Always, whenever they passed, especially with Sunggyu, they would give Sowon a pat on the head or at least some greeting.  Sowon whinned as Hoya and Sungyeol passed too without a second glance.  Sungjong looked down at Sowon as he passed, his eyes glassy.  He knelt down and picked Sowon up in his warm arms.

Sowon could tell something was up, he didn’t know exactly what it was though, but he could tell that Sungjong wasn’t the same happy person he usually was.

“Life’s going to be good for you when you’re with Infinite, they’ll take care of you well, but can I ask you one thing? Take care of them when I’m gone.  They’ll need someone to do that for them.  You need to take care of them.”

Sowon reached up and gently Sungjong’s chin.

Sungjong looked down at him, his eyes shining with tears.

He whispered something to Sowon and hugged him closer.

Sowon didn’t know what happened to make Sungjong cry, but he had a feeling it was something big…

~*~

4월 27일

Kim Myungsoo. 

Sungyeol’s fingers traced the four letters that made his best friend’s name.  A small smile twisted his lips as he touched the braclet that that wrapped around Myungsoo’s wrist.

Kim.  Myung.  Soo.

Lung cancer patient at Seoul University Hospital. 

Myungsoo looked like a baby.  His face was soft with sleep as he had fallen asleep a few minutes ago in the middle of Sungyeol’s story.  Since he had woken up a few days ago, it seemed like Myungsoo could fall asleep as quickly as Dongwoo could.  Myungsoo could never stay awake for more than a hour at a time as he ever so slowly gained back his energy. 

Sungyeol looked down at his best friend, straightening the blankets to cover Myungsoo more.  Myungsoo sighed happily in his sleep and reached out to grip the blankets closer to himself. 

Sungyeol sighed and straightened the nasual cannula that ran under Myungsoo’s nose to help him breathe.  It hurt to see Myungsoo this vunerable, lying weakly between the sheets, sometimes struggling to take in the next breath. 

It had all started last August while they were were preparing for their next come back, Down the Road, it had all started with a dull cough.  All starting while they were singing, there was no way that they could ever confirm that it started there, but Sungyeol often thought it started there and found some what it ironic.  Sunggyu would always say that he would create music until he died, Sungyeol knew that the beginning of the end started from when Myungsoo was creating music.

Myungsoo’s cough had continued through the next few months.  Sungyeol wasn’t sure how they hadn’t noticed until after the fact.  During interviews, Sungyeol could now realize how many times that Myungsoo would be holding a cough in, how many times Myunsoo would have to turn slightly away to cough a few times.  Myungsoo would always refuse to go to the hospital as required it idols got sick, Sungyeol was pretty sure that it was in his contract somewhere but he couldn’t remember. “That’s your job,” he would say to Sungyeol.  “Sunggyu is right when he says that you’re sick too often.”  When Sungyeol got sick, he would be blackmailed into going to the hospital or at least a clinic by Sunggyu, but it was different with Myungsoo, Sunggyu always favoured Myungsoo, if Myungsoo didn’t want to, Sunggyu could never say anything against it.

To anyone other than Infinite looked into what was happening, they would say that it all started when Myungsoo came down with pneumonia in early October.  They had rushed Myungsoo to the hospital when his temperature rocked through the roof and he stopped responding to the members frantic calls.  He had recovered quickly.  Quickly was always needed in the idol industry.

Their comeback came quickly after that. Myungsoo didn’t show that anything was wrong, he didn’t even think that there was anything until that day of fate, October 28^th.  The day of their comeback stage, the day that all seven of them hoped would be perfect.

Instead of a perfect day, they had one of their most horrible days.  Myungsoo would often say to them that they didn’t need to worry, he didn’t think of that day as a regret or a day that he would do over again.  Sungyeol wished that it had happned to Myungsoo on a different day, any other day than the stage, he would always remember the way that they all watched helplessly as Myungsoo collasped on the stage as the whole world was watching him.  Sometimes, Sungyeol would have a nightmare about it, each step that he took going no where, never closer to Myungsoo as he watched him being swallowed by shadows.  He could still hear the fans screams, Sunggyu’s sharp voice telling him to carry Myungsoo backstage and the medic’s voice telling them to head to the University Hospital and not to worry. 

Sungyeol could feel the empty feeling as they watched, as six, not seven, as Myungsoo was wheeled away from them.

In that visit to the hospital, Myungsoo received his first diagnosis: lung cancer, an undertermined amount of time to live.  The days passed quickly, Woollim put Infinite on hiatus as Myungsoo took a extended sick leave to receive treatment. 

Christmas came soon with the news that Myungsoo only had seven months left with them.  With that in mind, they all tried to give him the best Christmas.  Maybe they couldn’t give the best gift, but they gave something to Myungsoo.  Something that would last forever, a promise.  A promise that he’ll last for infinity, that he’ll be infinite.

With the new year, came the hardest month for Myungsoo and Infinite.  On New Year’s Eve, Dongwoo, Woohyun and Sungjong rushed Myungsoo to the hospital as Myungsoo started to cough up blood.  The days following New Year’s were hard for Myungsoo as he struggled to wake up again.

They were all relieved when Myungsoo woke up, just in time for Woohyun’s birthday.  They spent a day at the park together, eating cake and just thankful that after a hard month, they were all there together again. 

Even if they didn't all say it aloud, they all felt like an era had ended when Myungsoo moved all of his stuff out of the dorm and back to his parents house.  Sungjong was the only one brave enough to help Myungsoo pack his stuff out of their room.  The dorm that was once too crowded for seven boys, felt too empty with six boys. 

In the middle of February, Sungyeol felt like whatever God that Sungjong prayed to had blessed them with one last night with Myungsoo.  As a company, all of the Woollim artists were out at dinner together and had a fun night with Myungsoo what felt like the last time.  Geonam had dropped them off at the dorm, they all waved and yelled good night’s and see you tomorrow’s at Myungsoo and went to sleep, not knowing that Myungsoo would be rushed to the hospital as he passed out again.

Each day they waited for Myungsoo, they held his hand and tried to tell him that they were there for him as his tired body tried to pull through.  After long weeks of waiting, Myungsoo finally woke up but quickly fell into a depression as he learned that he only had two months left. 

Just around that time, the other members of Infinite decided to make a surprise for his birthday.  Myungsoo didn’t tell the others that he was dying, instead, smiling at them any time they came to the hospital.  They didn’t have much time to visit, working on their present for his birthday, a chairty that they set up for him to help the people in the hospital around him.  Maybe they couldn’t help him directly but they could try to make him smile once again.  Together, once again as the seven members of Infinite, they performed at the hospital gardens in front of the audience of young patients.

And Myungsoo smiled once more.

One day, Myungsoo ran away from the hospital with Dongwoo.  Sungyeol liked to think of it as a full circle, they had escaped from being an idol for a little while during the Seseame Player, hanging out in market places and eating chicken and going to noraebangs.  For one day, they were free. Just like that, Myungsoo was free from the hospital for one day. 

Myungsoo returned with a surpirse: a puppy for Infinite to take care of, just like when they used to take care of Dubu, Coco and Nurungie.   Woohyun suggested naming the puppy Sowon, meaning wish.  A silent wish for Myungsoo to come back to them.

Three weeks after that, Myungsoo was taken into surgery as he started to have difficulties breathing.  It was scary to come into Myungsoo’s hospital room and see him that still, that sick.

Everyday, they called out for Myungsoo, asking him to come back to them, but each they he didn’t answer. 

It was a great relief when Myungsoo woke up, struggling out of the darkness so that he could be beside the others again. 

A soft hand rested on his shoulder and a voice jarred him out of his thoughts.  “Hey, Sungyeol-ah.”

Sungyeol looked up at Myungsoo, surprised.  “Yeah, what do you need?”

Myungsoo slowly closed his eyes again.  “Do we have practice again today?” he asked sleepily.  “Will hyung be mad if I take a longer nap?”

Sungyeol blinked.  “Huh?” he asked, puzzled.  “What do you mean?”

“Dongmin or Sunggyu-hyung will be mad at me if I sleep longer?” Myungsoo asked, his eyes fluttering open again to look at Sungyeol.  “Our comeback is coming soon, I still need to practice the scorpion dance, I’m a little bit behind you and the others.  I don’t want them to think I’m lazy, I’m just tired right now.  I want to sleep.”

Sungyeol reached out and touched Myungsoo’s forehead.  “You got a fever, Myungsoo,” he said, gently running his fingers down his cheek.  “I’m sure that Dongmin-hyung will give you a break today.”

Myungsoo smiled and snuggled closer to his pillow.  “I want to go see Umma soon,” he said quietly. 

He tired to smile in return.  “You aren’t a child anymore, Myungsoo-yah,” Sungyeol said gently. 

“I’m only 20,” Myungsoo argued.  “You’re 21.”

Sungyeol finally realized what was happening.  Through Myungsoo’s fever, he thought it was a few years ago, just before their Before the Dawn comeback.  “That’s right,” Sungyeol whispered, trying to smile for Myungsoo’s sake.  “Just a little baby, right?”

Myungsoo laughed and traced patterns over the bedsheets absent mindedly.  “Sungyeol… why is it like this?”

Sungyeol frowned, running his fingers through Myungsoo’s hair again.  “What do you mean?”

“I know that this isn’t the dorm… I don’t think that this is reality… is it a dream?” Myungsoo whispered, looking up at Sungyeol with tear filled eyes.  “I’m…”

Sungyeol felt his eyes well up with tears.  “Hey, Myungsoo.  It’s okay.  You can just rest for today.”

Myungsoo noded, closing his eyes again, one tear slowly escaped his eye, running down the side of his nose.   “Sungyeollie… is reality scary?”

Sungyeol bit his lip to stop the tears as he nodded.  “It’s scary… but that’s reality,” he whispered.  “This is a dream.”

~*~

4월 28일

“How did we ever get this lost?”

“I have no idea.  I told you that it was a right back there, not a left.”

“Riiiiiight.  As if right is always right.”

Sunggyu rolled his eyes and jumped out of the van when Dongwoo parked the van in front of a convineice store.  “I’ll go ask someone in the store if they know how to get to the beach, the rest of you can stretch,” he instructed.  “Dongwoo, come with me too so you know where you’re going.”

“Wait, I need to use the bathroom,” Woohyun said, jumping over Sungjong’s lap to follow Sunggyu and Dongwoo into the store. 

“Me too,” Sungyeol piped up.  “Sungjong, hurry up!”

Sungjong smirked and took his sweet time for getting out of the van slowly, effectively blocking Sungyeol from getting out of the van. 

Hoya got out of the van after the two Sung brothers, stretching out his sore back.  He looked back into the van, calling out, “Hey, Myungsoo, you coming?”

A day ago, Myungsoo texted the group chat and asked them if they wanted to see the ocean. Dr. Song had allowed him to leave the hospital for the day.  Even though Myungsoo was bundled up in a blanket and wearing a nasal cannula, Myungsoo never looked so bright and happy.  They had planned the day out carefully, leaving Seoul at noon by the KTX so that they could get to the beach mid-afternoon.  Dongwoo and Woohyun took turns driving their rented van to the beach from the train station. 

But unfortunely, they had got lost.  Very lost.  Somehow, they had ended up by a small village and by Sunggyu’s insistance, they stopped at the conviniece store and went to ask one of the owners for directions. 

Myungsoo stepped out of the van and happily stretched his arms over his head.  “You can go a head, hyung, I don’t need to go to the washroom.”

“Okay, just don’t get run over by a car or anything.”

Myungsoo rolled his eyes and adjusted the blanket around his shoulder.  “Okay, Umma.”

Hoya smiled at him, before leaving to go into the store.  When he realized that the other guys would take too long with the washroom, Hoya decided just to grab a snack and go outside.  As he was looking among the racks for a snack, he spotted Myungsoo outside of the window, waving hello to some of the neighbourhood kids. 

After paying for his snacks, and some extra ones, Hoya headed outside to find Myungsoo again.  Myungsoo was playing with something in his hands, smiling happily to himself. 

“Hey, Myungsoo, what are you doing?”

Myungsoo looked up and grinned at Hoya, the corner of his eyes crinkled as he smiled and his dimples showed.  “Here you go,” he said happily, holding out a crown of flowers that he was making out of some yellow flowers that grew beside the road. 

 “They’re pretty,” Hoya mumbled, unsure of what to say. 

With a laugh, Myungsoo reached up and placed the crown of flowers on the top of Hoya’s head.  “You look pretty too now,” he said with a smile. 

Hoya blushed and raised his hand up to his hair, feeling self-consious about the flowers in his hair, but Myungsoo was smiling so broadly that it made Hoya smile too. 

“All bow down to the King Howon,” Myungsoo said with a fake bow. 

Hoya laughed and picked up one of the blossoms from the same bush and put it in Myungsoo’s hair.  “Long live the King Myungsoo.”

Seeing Myungsoo laugh so happily and freely made Hoya feel so happy for the first time in such a long time.  It was the like the freash air had set Myungsoo free for just a moment.  Time paused for a moment, so that they could be happy one last time.  

~*~

“It’s the sea!” Sungyeol screamed into the freash, sea air. 

“Woooohooo!”  Woohyun ran past him waving his arms and screaming like a little kid.  “It’s the sea!”

“Guys, hurry!” Dongwoo yelled as he ran out to the beach to join Woohyun. 

“Last one there is the rotten egg!” Hoya called out. 

“Hyung!  That’s not fair!” Sungjong whinned while he hurried after Hoya.   

Sungyeol grinned and looked behind him.  “Come on, guys!”

Sunggyu was still standing on the deck and helping Myungsoo step down the deck.  For some reason, just seeing Myungsoo to do such a simple thing, like walk a few teps on his own and even just his presense there, made Sungyeol ridiculously happy. 

Myungsoo smiled at Sungyeol.  “Come on, I didn’t drag you out for you to just stare at me, I meant it so that we can have fun together!”

Sungyeol laughed and nodded. “Okay, last one there is the rotten egg!”

“No fair!” Myungsoo yelled after Sungyeol as Sungyeol sprinted down the beach to join the others who were splashing around in the shallow water. 

Luckily for them, it was a quiet day at the beach, it was only the seven of them there, it was still during the school semester and it had been raining for most of the day until it cleared up about an hour ago. 

Sungyeol rushed forward and tackled Sungjong into the water.  “Attack!” he screamed happily. 

Sungjong threw off Sungyeol and tried to crawl away, but Woohyun grabbed him and dunked him into the water again. 

“Get away from me!” Sungjong shrieked as he surfaced again.  “Hyung!”

“Attack!” Dongwoo screamed gleefully. 

“Wait!” Both Sungjong and Woohyun were forced underwater as Dongwoo landed on both of them. 

“Sunggyu-hyung!” Hoya shouted, waving him over.  “Come on!”

Sunggyu shook his head.  “I’ll rather stay dry, thank you very much.”

Woohyun was sitting up in the water as Sunggyu said that and a spark of mischeif lit his eyes.  “Get the birthday boy!” he yelled. 

“What?  No!” Sunggyu started to run away, but was quickly caught by Sungyeol and Woohyun.  “Let go of me!”

“Never!” Sungyeol crackled.  Dongwoo and Hoya joined them, lifting Sunggyu’s feet of the ground. 

“To the ocean!” Sungjong cried out happily, obviously loving seeing Sunggyu in the same position that he was usually in. 

“Stop!  Let go of me!”

Sunggyu’s protests fell on deaf ears as they waded out into the sea. 

“One, two, three!”

Sunggyu let out a short scream as they swung him out into the ocean.  Sungyeol doubled over laughing as Sunggyu stood up, dripping wet and sparks flying from his eyes. 

“You!  Come here!” Sunggyu ordered. 

Before Sungyeol could come up with some kind of witty remark, someone ran past him and tackled Sunggyu into the water again. 

Sunggyu fell over in surprise, but sat up quickly, spitting out water.  “Yah!  Kim Myungsoo!”

Myungsoo laughed, sitting next to Sunggyu, his chest heaving with pants.  “Happy birthday, hyung,” he said with a smile. 

“Myungsoo!  You shouldn’t be in the water!” Sunggyu scolded, momentarily forgetting about trying to punish the others.  “Dr. Song told you to keep that nasal cannul on!”

He stuck out his tounge at Sunggyu.  “Then catch me if you can!” Myungsoo teased, taking off down the beach. 

“Get him!” Sungyeol yelled as he splashed through the waters after Myungsoo. 

Myungsoo was laughing in delight as he turned around to splash Sungyeol a few times.  Even through Myungsoo’s attack, Sungyeol jumped forward and pulled Myungsoo down into the water with him. 

When the other five caught up with them, Sungyeol and Myungsoo were struggling together, kicking up a lot of water. 

“Attack!” Dongwoo cheered. 

Sungyeol and Myungsoo soon disappeared under a pile of five other boys. 

“I surrender!” Myungsoo yepled.  “I surrender!”

Quickly, they all unpiled off of Myungsoo and Sungyeol, sitting around in a circle.  Myungsoo sat up, shaking the water out of his eyes and sweeping his hair to the side. 

“That was fun,” he said with a smile. 

“Yeah,” Sungyeol said, panting a little bit.  “I’m so tired.”

Suddenly, Sungyeol was hit with a splash of water and he fell back surprised, sputtering out water.  “What was that?” he asked, his eyes flashing. 

“Learn to respect your hyung, start without dunking him in the water,” Sunggyu said sternly, but with a smile. 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Get him!”

Sunggyu didn’t have time to protest as he disappeared under a pile of his dongsaengs.  “Get off of me, Lee Howon!” he ordered as he struggled out from under the dog pile and started running down the beach. 

“Get hyung!”

They continued playing, screaming and splashing through the water until the sun started to set.  Together, they walked up the beach where they left their shoes and sat down without any energy to get up again.  Hoya and Sungjong went to go grab towels for everyone while Sunggyu helped Myungsoo put the nasal cannul back on, placing the prongs back into his nose.  Myungsoo smiled and took in a deep breath with the new oxygen.

Wrapped up in warm blankets, the seven sat on the beach together, the sun falling down to sleep in the embrace of the sea.

~*~

“I’ll go get the cake!” Woohyun said, standing up and brushing the sand off his bottom.  “Sungyeol, come with me.”

“Why?” Sungyeol whinned.  “Why me?”

“because, now let’s go!” Woohyun grabbed Sungyeol by the back of his shirt and dragged him towards the beach house. 

“Ow!  That hurts!” Sungyeol yelled, scrambling to his feet so that he could walk himself. 

Myungsoo laughed at the two of them.  Even though Infinite had come every day to visit him in the hospital, he missed them a lot.  In the hospital, they had to talk in hushed tones, Myungsoo really missed them yelling and calling for each other in the dorm, screaming their heads off. 

“Yah!  Who squashed the cake?”

Myungsoo jumped as Sungyeol yelled to them from inside the beach house.  Woohyun came out of the beach house with the cake, Sungyeol trailing behind, holding plates, forks and a knife. 

“It’s not too squished!” Woohyun said proudly as he off some of the icing that was on his fingers.  “Sungyeol is just exagerating.”

“How in the world is that ‘not too squished’?” Hoya asked, tilting his head to the side as he stared at the half squished cake, as Woohyun set the cake down in the middle of their circle. 

“Hence the ‘too’,” Woohyun pointed out.  “And it’s acutally not that bad.”

“Sure, we’ll just be wishing Sunggyu-hyung a ‘-appy –rthday, -unggyu’,” Sungjong said sarcastically.  

“It’s not bad considering we brought it from Seoul,” Dongwoo said.  “And I think that someone might have sat on it a few times in the car too.”

“Let’s just eat!  I’m hungry!” Sungyeol whinned. 

Sunggyu reached over and flicked Sungyeol’s forehead.  “Be patient,” Sunggyu ordered.

“That hurt!” Sungyeol yelped, holding his forehead. 

Sunggyu only smirked while Woohyun finished lighting the candles on the half-smushed cake. 

“Hurry up and sing before the candles melt,” Woohyun said.

“Happy birthday to you.  Happy brithday to you.  Happy birthday, Grandpa Gyu.  Happy birthday to you.”

 Myungsoo leaned against Sunggyu’s back, putting his chin on Sunggyu’s shoulder.  “Make a wish before you blow out the candles,” he whispered. 

Sunggyu turned his head over his shoulder so that he could look at Myungsoo.  Myungsoo gave him a smile and Sunggyu knew what he had to wish for. 

Closing his eyes, he took in a breath and blew out the candles, wishing desperately on that one wish. 

I wish that Myungsoo will be here with me next year and all of the years after that. 

I wish that he’ll be a part of Infinite forever. 

Before Sunggyu had a chance to open his eyes again, he felt something cold smear on his face.  He jumped and glared at the culprit.  Hoya smirked at him, his fingers covered with the icing that he had just smeared across Sunggyu’s cheeks. 

“You!  Get back here!” Sunggyu yelled, scrambling across the sand after Hoya. 

Myungsoo smiled and leaned back as their laughter and happy screams filled the air again.  The other four members had jumped up and joined Sunggyu where he was trying to dunk Hoya under the water.  Soon it became a splashing war, everyone screaming and splashing around in the water. 

As Myungsoo watched them, the sun touched down on the horizon, out somewhere in the ocean, turning the water into a beautiful sea of gold. 

While Infinite splashed around, the water they kicked up looked like sparkles of gold, arching gracefully in the air before falling down into the sea of gold once more. 

Myungsoo smiled and picked up his DSLR camera, raising it up to take a picture. 

In a moment where Sungyeol kicked up an arch of golden droplets, drowning the other members in the golden shower, Myungsoo took a picture. 

Click.   

~*~

By the time that the sun set completely and the stars had come out, the six members trudged up the beach, completely drenched once again.  Sungjong, Dongwoo and Sungyeol left to change while Woohyun and Hoya started a bonfire together.  Sunggyu sat down beside Myungsoo and smiled.  “Having fun, Myungsoo?” he asked. 

Myungsoo nodded, grinning widely.  “Yeah.  But I’m sorry for taking you out of Seoul on your birthday.  I guess you probably would’ve liked to go out with friends to a bar or something.”

Sunggyu shook his head.  “It’s okay.  I’m going to have a lot of birthdays after this and you…”

Myungsoo looked down at the sand, tracing patterns by his feet.  “Hyung…  I wish that I could’ve lived to be as old as you,” he whispered. 

“Then you would’ve had to live forever.” Sunggyu whispered.  “Because I’m always going to be three years older than you.”

Myungsoo laughed, his laughter ringing happily through the air.  “I guess that’s true.”

Sunggyu reached over and ruffled Myungsoo’s hair.  “Next birthday, I hope that you can be here for me.”

With a small sigh, Myungsoo closed his eyes and leaned his head on Sunggyu’s shoulder.  “Me too, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

Sunggyu reached out and adjusted Myungsoo’s blanket around his shoulders.  “I hope that you will be… don’t go anywhere that we can’t go with you.”

Myungsoo slowly opened his eyes, looking up at the night sky.  “Hyung, when I leave, I’ll still be a part of Infinite, so don’t worry.”

“How will you still be here with us?”

“I’ll just be a different part of infinite,” Myungsoo whispered.  “I’ll be a part of a bigger infinity.”

‘Where?”

Myungsoo reached out and pointed up into the stary sky.  “I’ll be up there in that infinity.  Just between those two stars there, I’ll find my own star and be a part of the infinity up there.” 

~*~

Loud and happy screams and laughter rose through the air as Sunggyu lit a few small fireworks.  The beach once lit with the moonlight was now lit by firecrackers and fireworks. 

Sungyeol grabbed a sparkler and waved it around in circles as he spun around, creating trails of glitter behind him.  Myungsoo smiled through the mask that he was wearing over his nose and mouth to protect him from the smoke. 

“Guys!” Woohyun said, holding up some sky lanterns.  “Want to try one of these?”

With a yes from everyone, they crowded around and started to set them up. 

“It’s just like New Year’s Eve,” Myungsoo said to Woohyun. 

“But it’s so different,” Woohyun whispered, looking down at the ground.  “Even if it’s only four months later, it’s so different.”

Soon they had all lit their own.  Standing together in a circle, Infinite held theirs, ready to let them go and watch them float off into the sky. 

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

On three, they all let go, letting them float off into the sky. 

The seven sky lanterns floated into the sky, guiding each other so that they could join the stars in the sky. 

Even as the other six went back to play with the firecrackers, Myungsoo sat on the porch, watching the sky candles fly higher into the sky. 

Taking out his camera once more, he took one more picture. 

Click. 

~*~

Myungsoo sat down on one of the chairs on the porch, facing the chair towards the ocean so that he could still watch the others.  He arranged the oxygen tank that was connected to the tube that ran under his nose for him to receive fresh oxygen, in a way that he could sit comfortably without the tube tugging on his nose or ears.

Wrapped up in a pink blanket, he brought his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on the top of his knees.  His heart warmed as he watched his brothers playing around with each other, completely happy as they had their brothers with them. 

“Infinite…” Myungsoo whispered.  The word seemed so natural on his tounge.  When he had first heard it, he had struggled pronouncing it.  The word ‘infinite’ was strange to him, but now, after being a part of Infinite for so long, it was so natural and beautiful to him. 

He was a part of Infinite. 

“Guys, I love you so much,” Myungsoo said quietly, even though none of them could hear him.  “I’ll always come back home to you, I’ll always be a part of Infinite.  I promise.” 

Some day you will wake up and all you will have left will be a handful of time, a heart full of goodbyes and your brothers by your side.

A content sigh left Myungsoo’s lips as he leaned his head against the back of the chair, still watching the others play around in the moonlight ocean. 

Myungsoo looked up at the night sky, wishing for a moment that he could sit there and just count the stars with the others, just one last time. 

For just a moment, Myungsoo stood on the edge of infinity. 

~*~

5월 1일

“Hyung…  Hyung.  Hyung.  Hyung!”

Myungsoo jumped on the bed, fumbling with the camera in his hands.  “Sungjong!  You scared me!” he said, pressing a hand against his chest. 

Sungjong laughed and sat down in the chair beside Myungsoo’s bed.  “I’ve been calling your name for the past minute,” he said.  “You really don’t pay attention to anything around you.”

Myungsoo blushed and looked down in the camera in his hands.  Before Sungjong had came in, he was looking at the pictures that he took on the trip on the playback of his DLSR camera.  “I was just looking at the pictures that I took on our trip.  They turned out well.”

“May I see them?” Sungjong asked, knowing that Myungsoo would hand over his camera without any hesitation. 

He scooted as closed as he could to the edge of the bed so that his head was next to Sungjong’s.  Sungjong started flipping through the pictures, smiling as he looked at them. 

Myungsoo always had a talent at catching them at their most natural times and somehow capturing the beauty there, like the moment that Dongwoo just started to open his mouth in a smile or a laugh or when Sungyeol was deep in thought, staring out to the ocean.  Myungsoo took a lot of pictures of the other members, but there was just the same amount of pictures of random objects, like the BBQ, Sunggyu’s half-eaten cake, or their seven shoes lined up on the edge of the deck.  There was a beautiful picture of the sun setting on the ocean and the moon and the stars rising up into the sky, but Sungjong’s favourite was the picture of the six members playing around in the ocean at sunset, the golden waters around them.

“I like this one,” Sungjong said to Myungsoo, pausing at that picture.  

Myungsoo nodded, smiling broadly.  “Me too, but the next one is my favourite,” he said happily. 

Sungjong flipped to the next picture and smiled as well.  He could see very well why this was Myungsoo’s favourite picture.  It was a picture of all of them running around on the beach, waving firecrackers around, leaving a trail of golden sparkles wherever they went.  Sky lanterns that they sent up into the sky still glittered brightly in the sky next to the stars, making it seem like the sky lanterns were lighting a path to the stars. 

“You need to print that one out for me,” Sungjong said, passing the camera back to Myungsoo.  “I want to keep that forever.”

Myungsoo nodded.  “Pictures are for keeping memories forever,” he said, looking down at the picture again.  “Even if the beautiful moment only lasts for a moment, you can remember it forever.”  He sighed and ran his fingers over the little form of Sungyeol and Woohyun in the picture.  “It’s the moments that I’m going to miss forever that are worrying me.”

“Hyung, don’t talk like that,” Sungjong scolded.  “I don’t like it when you say that.”

He managed a small smile and nodded.  “I’m sorry, Sungjong, it’s just hard sometimes to…” he sighed again as he shifted his weight on the bed.  “It’s hard to… sometimes think that I’m not going to be beside you.”

“Hyung, you promised to not say that.”

Myungsoo laughed.  “I guess I did,” he mumbled.  Myungsoo took Sungjong’s hand and looked him straight in the eyes.  “I’m going to miss you so much, Jjongie.  I’m going to miss you so much.”

Sungjong nodded slowly, wanting to look away from Myungsoo’s intense gaze, but found himself drawn to it instead.  “I’m going to miss you too.”

Myungsoo’s eyes filled with tears and he reached out to hug Sungjong.  “I’m sorry, Jjong.  I really am.”

He nodded against his shoulder and buried his nose against Myungsoo’s strong shoulder.  His shoulder was always there for him, for a hug, for comfort, for support.  Sungjong didn't want to loose it. 

Suddenly, Myungsoo coughed and Sungjong could feel his cough racket its way through Myungsoo’s fragile body.  Myungsoo coughed again and suddenly gasped. 

“What?  What is it?” Sungjong asked, drawing back slightly. 

Myungsoo was staring wide eyed at Sungjong’s shoulder, his lips slightly redder than usual. 

“What is it?” Sungjong asked.  He looked over his shoulder to where he thought Myungsoo might be looking, but didn’t see anyone.  But there was a darkish stain on his shoulder, one that wasn't there before.  He whipped back around as he heard Myungsoo cough again. 

Red stood out against the white, the white of the sheets, the white of the hospital gown and the white of Myungsoo’s face. 

Sungjong could only stare, terrified, as Myungsoo moaned in pain, clutching his chest as he coughed again, more blood blossoming across his lips. 

“Hyung!” Sungjong yelled in panic.  “Myungsoo, are you okay?”

He could nearly slap himself for asking Myungsoo such an obvious question.  Of course, he isn’t okay, Lee Sungjong, why am I asking him this? 

“It hurts…” Myungsoo croaked, blood trickling down his chin and onto his hands. 

“What hurts?  Talk to me, hyung,” Sungjong said desperately, reaching over to press the nurse’s call button. 

 “Here…”  Myungsoo raised his hand shakily and pointed to his chest. “It hurts…”

“It’s going to be okay, I called Hyeji-noona, she can take care of you.  Just hold on,” Sungjong said as soothingly as he could.  Tears burned his eyes, but he couldn’t let them fall just yet as Myungsoo clung to his hand weakly and just as desperately as Sungjong was feeling.  

“S-su-ungj-j-jong… pl-pleas-se…”

“It’s okay, you’re going to be alright.  Hyeji-noona will take care of you.  Myungsoo, please, hang on for a bit longer.  You’re going to feel better and nothing will hurt,” Sungjong whispered, holding onto Myungsoo’s hand with one hand and running his hand through Myungsoo’s hair with the other. 

Myungsoo was trembling as he looked up at Sungjong.  The tears of pain that were glistening on the corners of his eyes slowly started to fall down his face.  “Sun…ng…jong…”  Myungsoo gasped for air.  “Help…”

Suddenly as the coughing had started, Myungsoo’s eyes rolled back into his head and he went limp in Sungjong’s arms. 

“Hyung!” 

Hello!! 

So did you like it?  *evil laughter* 

Orignally, I hadn't planned to write the beach get away, but the chapter was way too short and I felt like this needed more fluff so I had to write that.  So I haven't edited this chapter quite as much as I would like too, so I might come back to edit this later, but I don't have time right now because technically I should be studying for finals right now.  Updating for you guys is much more fun to do! But because of finals, the next time I'm going to update will probably be in two weeks during my semester turnover.  Sorry for leaving you here!  

So my lovely readers, which one do you think is the angst ending now?  

Tell me!! Tell me!  Give me lots of comments please!! *aegyo attack!*  Love you~  Biebie!