~*~

Chapter IV

Hoping it will come true

5월 14일

Dongwoo stood by the window in his and Hoya’s room, watching the sky go by the open window.

He sighed and let the mid-May breeze ruffle his hair.  The whole sky was there for him to take it in his hands…

He let his hand fall as he remembered the small square of sky that Myungsoo could see from his window in the hospital. It was no where as big as the one that he had here.

Dongwoo quickly grabbed his jacket and left the dorm, heading to the hospital where Myungsoo was. When he got to the entrance of the building, he spun around happily, enjoying the wind getting caught in his jacket.

As he passed the park by their dorm, he watched all of the families having fun in the park.  Little children in the little water bed, older boys and girls flying kites or playing catch.

Everything was happy in this little paradise and Dongwoo suddenly wished that he could come back here to the park, with Myungsoo by his side.  He wished that they would have fun together and they would play there for a long time, with the other memebers beside them, until the sun went down around them.

He smiled and hurried to the hospital again.

Myungsoo would like his wish, Dongwoo knew that, and he would make that wish come true.

Dongwoo stepped into Myungsoo’s hospital room.  The air in the room felt different than it was yesterday, it was more heavy and scary.  Dongwoo tried to push those thoughts aside as he approached Myungsoo’s bed.  He tired to not think that maybe soon, Myungsoo would be gone.

It scared Dongwoo so much how tiny Myungsoo looked among the many wires and tubes that were somehow keeping him alive for a bit longer.  Myungsoo opened his eyes as he heard Dongwoo step into his room.

“Hey, hyung,” he whispered.

“Hi, are you feeling okay?” Dongwoo asked, pulling the chair closer to the bed.

Myungsoo nodded.  “They have me on morphine… I can’t really feel much…” he whispered, a shadow of sadness in his voice.  Dongwoo patted his hand as a small guesture of comfort, knowing that Myungsoo always wanted to feel what was going on around him.  That’s why he often clung to the others, pressing his nose against the other members, often Sungyeol’s, shoulders, or giving them long hugs, just to make sure that he was still there, to make sure that it was still reality.  Being on morphine, floating through nothing and not feeling anything, must be hard for him.

Dongwoo looked at the many wires, machines and tubes he was connected up to.  “All of these are helping you?”

Myungsoo nodded again.  “I’m not sure what all of them are doing though… my dad knows though…”  He smiled softly.  “Abeoji knows everything, even when he doesn’t.” 

Dongwoo didn’t have anything to say.  The hospital room was silent except for the hissing and beeping of the machines and their quiet breathing.

“Dongwoo…” Myungsoo suddenly spoke up.  “When I’m gone… you’re going to be okay, right?”

He felt tears collect in his eyes.  No matter how many times it occurred to him that Myungsoo was really dying, he never wanted to think of the world that they would have to live in if Myungsoo wasn’t there. “Myungsoo, I’m not going to be okay…” Dongwoo whispered, his voice cracking.  “You’re not going to be there.”

Myungsoo closed his eyes and nodded slowly.  “But you will be, right?  You’re still going to smile and laugh without me?”  He opened his eyes again.  “Please, hyung.  Smile and laugh without me, okay?”

Dongwoo couldn’t meet Myungsoo’s pleading and hopeful gaze.  It would be hard to smile, he knew that, almost as hard as it was for Myungsoo not to smile as often as he wanted to during interviews and schedules because he was L instead of Myungsoo.  But then, Dongwoo remembered Myungsoo’s words when the interviewer asked Myungsoo if he was okay with not smiling.  “I like to see the other members laughing.”  No matter what happened ever, Myungsoo always made a effort to make the others smile because he liked their smiles and Dongwoo was grateful for that.  So Dongwoo nodded and smiled.  “I will.”

Myungsoo sighed and smiled with him.  Maybe one good thing came out of his diagnosis; he smiled more because here, he was never L.  “Thanks… the others need your smile…”

“Myungsoo, you don’t need to be worrying about us if you’re going, you should just take care of yourself,” Dongwoo said firmly.

“I don’t need to… I got you and the others to help me with that,” Myungsoo smiled weakly earning a laugh from Dongwoo.

Dongwoo rested his hand on Myungsoo’s head.  “We’ll always be looking after you.”

He laughed softly. “You don’t need to do anything else though… you already gave me the best gift…”  He raised his arms weakly.  “You gave me back my wings… I can fly again…”

Dongwoo gently put his hand on Myungsoo’s arms, lowering them back down to the bed.  “Fly where ever you want to go, Myungsoo.  Know that when you get back home, the door will be opened and we’ll be here waiting for you.”

He nodded, a smile spreading slowly over his lips.  “I’ll never fly far.  I’m always going to be around.”  Myungsoo sighed and looked up at Dongwoo.  “Don’t go to far, okay?  I won’t be able to find you if you go too far.”

Dongwoo smiled softly.  “I’m not going to leave.  I’m going to be right here so that you can find me all the time.”  He patted his hand.  “I’m not going to be far.  Just call out for me and I’ll be here for you.”

~*~

5월 15일

Harsh and loud coughs crashed against Sunggyu’s ears.  He winced as retching followed as he pushed open the door to Myungsoo’s room.

Myungsoo was bent over the edge of the bed, Hyeji beside him, supporting him as it sounded like his stomach was trying to rip out of his body.  Sunggyu stepped forwards and helped Hyeji lean Myungsoo back in the bed as his retches turned into pained gasps.  Myungsoo’s skin was pale and his eyes were closed with pain and exhaustion.

“Are you feeling okay?” Hyeji asked Myungsoo.

Myungsoo nodded slowly.  “Sorry for the mess,” he muttered, looking slightly embarassed about it.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said.  “So no pain?  No more nausea?”

He shook his head, although his face was still pale.

“Okay, I’ll be right back to clean up the mess.”  Hyeji patted Sunggyu’s shoulder comfortingly as she left the room.

“Hey, hyung,” Myungsoo murmured without opening his eyes. 

“Hey,” Sunggyu said gently, giving him a small smile that he didn't see because of his closed eyes.  Sunggyu picked up a damp face cloth from a bucket on the side table and gently wipped the vomit off of Myungsoo’s chin.  Myungsoo’s hand raised up a little as if to bat him away, but he lowered his hand, letting Sunggyu continue with his ministrations. 

“So, you are feeling okay?” Sunggyu checked.

Myungsoo nodded and weakly coughed again, his eyes still closed.  Sunggyu gently moved his head to the side so that he could get the other side of his cheek.

Myungsoo opened his eyes slowly as he felt the cold cloth move away. “Thanks,” he whispered.

Sunggyu smiled in response.  “No problem.”

He took a shaky breath and closed his eyes again.  Sunggyu was always relieved when Myungsoo opened his eyes.  He had started to dislike seeing Myungsoo sleeping, although he knew that the only way that he would get better is that if he slept, but as he slept, it reminded Sunggyu that soon, Myungsoo would be trapped in sleep forever.

Myungsoo opened his eyes slowly, his eyes shifting towards the closed curtains at the window.  “Sunggyu-hyung.  Could you open the window please?”

Sunggyu nodded and hurried to open the curtains covering the window. “That better?” he asked.

Myungsoo nodded and smiled softly.  “Way better,” he whispered.  He looked out the window over Sunggyu’s shoulder.  “Hey… look.  You can see the stars…”

Sunggyu smiled and nodded.  “Yeah, they’re pretty.”  He looked back at Myungsoo.  “Did you make a wish?”

Myungsoo started to answer, but cut himself off as he started coughing.   Sunggyu jumped back to the bed, hesitating as he wasn’t sure what to do.  “Are you okay?” he asked, even though the answer was obvious.

Even to Sunggyu’s redundant question, Myungsoo shook his head, trying to stop the coughing.  Sunggyu gently rubbed his back and tried to soothe him.  “I’ll go get Hyeji again,” he decided.

Before Sunggyu could leave, Myungsoo grabbed onto Sunggyu’s hand, clinging onto him tightly.  “Please don’t leave me,” he rasped out through the coughs.

Sunggyu gently brushed his cheek.  “I’m not leaving you,” he whispered. “I’m not going to leave you, I’ll just go get Hyeji and I’ll be back.”

Myungsoo whined and gasped for air.  “Hyunggggg… please…”

Just at that moment, Hyeji returned with some cleaning materials to clean up the mess from before.  As soon as she saw Myungsoo struggling to breathe, she dropped the items and rushed to his side.

“Myungsoo, can you hear me?”

Myungsoo struggled to nod, looking up at her scared.

“I need to to relax for me, I will help you, but I can’t unless you relax, just hold onto Sunggyu’s hand and breath slowly.”

Sunggyu looked at her, frightened and confused, but Myungsoo squeezed his hand tightly, so Sunggyu smiled at him, patting his head, hoping to comfort him a little bit.

Hyeji grabbed some things from the cabinet on the side and pulled out a syringe.  Instead of fetching a drug, she pulled down Myungsoo’s hospital gown a little bit, so that his heaving chest was exposed to the cool air of the hospital room.  Wiping off a small patch of skin, she warned, “It’s going to sting a bit, Myungsoo,” before she stabbed the sryinge between his ribs into his chest. 

Myungsoo let out a little yelp of pain and Sunggyu echoed his yelp as Myungsoo squeezed down on his hand a little too hard.  Usually, Hyeji would’ve laughed at them, but her face was filled with concentration as she pulled up the plunger of the syringe, slowly drawing out liquid and air from his chest.

Finally, after what felt like forever for Sunggyu, Myungsoo gasped in a deep and steady breath and he leaned back against the bed, one hand against his chest as he tried to take in as much oxygen as possible.

Hyeji patted his shoulder.  “It’s okay, Myungsoo.  Your lung must have collasped again.  You’ll be okay now, just rest well and I’ll check on you in a hour.”

He nodded as his breathing kept on shuddering.  “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be better when you wake up,” Hyeji reassured him and looked up at Sunggyu as well.  “He’ll be better in no time.”

Sunggyu could only nod and keep on holding Myungsoo’s hand as if when he let go, Myungsoo would disappear. 

Only after Hyeji cleaned up the mess from before and left the room, Sunggyu let out a slow breath of relief.  When Myungsoo heard Sunggyu’s long breath, he opened his eyes sleepily.  Sunggyu didn’t realize that Myungsoo was awake until he reached out and took his hand again.  “Hyung,” he murmured.

Sunggyu jumped, but squeezed Myungsoo’s hand tightly.  “Are you okay?” Sunggyu asked.

He nodded, closing his eyes once for a few seconds.  “Thank you for being here with me,” he whispered.

Sunggyu looked away. “I didn’t do anything,” he protested. “I couldn’t help you.  I’m sorry, I’m just a leader that’s lacking for you.   I should be trying harder to be helping you, I’m sorry, I-”

Myungsoo cut Sunggyu off with a small laugh.  “It’s okay, hyung, I don’t think you’re lacking.  It’s okay.  I’m sorry that I needed to put you in this position over and over again.  I don’t want to see you get hurt as much as you don’t want to see me in pain, and maybe even more.”

“I’m not hurt as long as you don’t want to don’t want me to be,” Sunggyu said, smiling slightly.

“Then I don’t want you to be.”  Myungsoo smiled back.  “I want you to be fine.  I want you to be all okay when-”

“Don't say it,” Sunggyu said sharply.  “I don’t want to hear it.  If you say it, I won’t be okay…”

A small smile whispered over Myungsoo’s lips.  “Then it’ll all be okay,” he whispered.  

Sunggyu nodded and gently patted the back of Myungsoo’s hand, giving him a silent promise that it would be okay again.  Sunggyu looked out the window.  The sky was streaked with red and orange.  Above fading sun and the city lights, there were a few stars visible in the night sky.

He smiled and looked out the window, searching the evening sky for more stars.  “Hey, Myungsoo.  I’m not sure if you can see from there but there’s a star over there, just over the horizon.  Right there…”

Myungsoo laughed softly.  “Yeah… that one over there?”

Sunggyu smiled again and nodded, gently brushing back Myungsoo’s hair. “That night that we were on the roof, I made a wish…”

“And you never told me what it was,” Myungsoo remembered.

Sunggyu nodded, one hand gently brushing Myungsoo’s hair and the other holding his hand tightly.  Myungsoo’s eyes fluttered shut for a few seconds before opening again.  Sunggyu gently squeezed Myungsoo’s hand again.  “Go to sleep, Myungsoo-yah,” he said softly.  “It’s okay, the stars will watch over you when you sleep.”

“And hyung will too?” Myungsoo whispered as his eyes fell shut.

Sunggyu nodded again, blinking back a tear.  “Hyung will watch over you too.”

Myungsoo smiled softly.  “Thank you, hyung,” he murmured.

A smile pulled at Sunggyu’s lips as he watched Myungsoo fall asleep slowly.  “Sleep well, Myungsoo.”

He nodded, his breath slowly evening out.  “Hyung… what was your wish?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Sunggyu smiled and patted Myungsoo’s hair softly, the feeling of his warmth reminding him once more that Myungsoo was there with him.  “I made a wish and I still hope it comes true…”

He back at the window and stared at the star, wishing again with all his heart.

“I made a wish on that star.  A wish for the stars to watch over you forever, so you’ll be a part of that infinity… and wish for you to be infinite, so that you can stay here forever.” 

Hi  ^^/ 

Finally updating after such a long time.  Sorry for not updating this one for a little while.  At least I'm updating now!  (when I should be working on homework...) 

The next chapter is going to be so much fun!  Please look forward to it!  ^^

Please subscribe, upvote and comment again!  I never get tired of comments!  We can talk together!  I don't bite~