~*~

Chapter II

Just once more

5월 1일

Sunggyu watched from the window as the doctors finished hooking up the last of the machines to Myungsoo.  Sungjong and Dongwoo stood beside him with the rest of Myungsoo’s family.

The last of the nurses left the room and Dr. Song held open the door for them.

“He’s awake,” Dr. Song said.  “But please keep it down and let him rest.”

Sunggyu nodded and bowed.  He let Myungsoo’s family in first and followed them in.

As he looked towards the bed, Myungsoo’s eyes fluttered open and immediately landed on his family.  His lips twitched upwards underneath the the oxygen mask and he reached out for his family.  His mother took his hand and brushed his hair back with her other hand. Moonsoo sat beside his brother, talking softly.  Their father stood behind them, a hand his wife’s shoulder.

Myungsoo didn’t look very aware, strong painkillers in his system that were pulling him back to sleep, but he still knew his family was there beside him.  Myungsoo smiled at his family before his eyes fell shut again, his breath steadying as he fell back to sleep. 

Sunggyu let out a slow breath as he finally relaxed and looked over at Sungjong and Dongwoo.  Sungjong still looked scared as he watched with Myungsoo, there was still blood on his sweater, but Sungjong didn’t notice it as he stared at Myungsoo with wide eyes. 

“Come on.”  Sunggyu gestured to the door.  “Let’s go home, tell the others that Myungsoo’s okay.”

“But…” Sungjong trailed off helplessly.

Sunggyu looked over at Dongwoo who nodded and took Sungjong’s hand.  “Let’s go home, okay, Sungjong?  The others are waiting.”

He lowered his eyes in defeat.  “But… if he wakes up again…”

“I’ll wait with him,” Sunggyu promised.  “You go home and rest with the others and I’ll wait with Myungsoo.”

Sungjong nodded and hugged Sunggyu tightly.  “Take care of him.”

Sunggyu smiled and patted the back of his head.  “Don’t worry, Sungjong.  He’ll be here in the morning.  He’ll be here and he’ll be better in the morning.  Myungsoo is always better in the morning.”

~*~

The first thing that Myungsoo realized was that he couldn’t feel any pain. 

Well, not so much pain. 

Compared to the fire that was in his chest before, he could only feel spikes of pain every few moments racing through his body. 

“Myungsoo, are you awake?” It took him a second to realize that it was Dr. Song talking to him through the jumble in his head. 

He groaned in response, not sure if he was or if he was going to drift off again. 

“Could you open your eyes?”

The lights stabbed his eyes as he opened them a slit, causing him to close them with another groan of protest and pain. 

“Baby, open your eyes.”

This time, it was his mother speaking to him.  Myungsoo doubled the effort to open eyes.  Finally, he managed to get his eyes open wider than little slits, wincing at the harsh lights and another stab of pain in his chest. 

He blinked a few more times, trying to focus on the person in front of him.  When his eyes finally managed to focus, he recognized Dr. Song in front of him and his mother on his other side. 

“Are you in any pain?  Rate your pain from one to ten,” Dr. Song said gently, once he saw that Myungsoo was with them. 

“Ummm… five… maybe six…” Myungsoo mumbled, trying to sit up in his bed, but failing miserabely as the pain spiked again, making him fall down again with a groan.   

“Don’t stress your body,” Dr. Song chided, pulling out a needle from the drawers and putting the contents of the needle into Myungsoo’s IV.  “This will help with the pain.  You’ll feel better soon.”

Myungsoo nodded, feeling too tired to do much else except for look around the room.  His family was sitting beside him, but he felt like someone was missing.  “Where’s Sungjong?” he asked sleepily, finally remembering that the maknae had been there when he had out.    

“Dongwoo took him home, Sunggyu’s still here,” his mother said gently, pulling his blankets back over his chest.  “Are you feeling okay?”

Myungsoo stopped looking around the room to look at his mother.  She looked worried as she fussed with his blankets and pillows, making sure he was comfortable.  “I’m okay, Umma, sorry for scaring you.”  He looked down at his arm as he felt something tugging on his arm.  Myungsoo gasped as he saw the tubes attatched to his arm.  Bright scarlet blood flowing through the tubes and into a machine.  “What’s this?”

“It’s okay, Myungsoo,” Dr. Song said, sensing his distress.  “It’s called a dialysis.  Your kidneys started to fail.  This dialysis does the work that your kidneys usually do, which is cleaning out the dangerous toxins in your blood.  This won’t be forever, we’ll be able to take you off this in a few hours.”   

“Why?”

“The cancer is spreading all over your body now, it attacked your kidneys which we started you on dialysis for,” Dr. Song explained softly. 

Myungsoo nodded slowly, trying to wrap his mind around it.  “What… does this mean for my chances?” he asked quietly, scared to find out the answer. 

Dr. Song looked just as reluctant to tell Myungsoo the answer as he continued as if each word was forcefully taken from him.  “After this turn of events, the cancer cells are no longer attacking only your lungs, they’ll soon spread to all over your body, to your kindeys, liver, brain… I’m sorry, your chances aren’t very good.”

Myungsoo closed his eyes, trying to control the tears.  “I knew from the start they weren’t good,” he whispered.  “It was only a matter of time.”

His mother let out a choked sob and Myungsoo pulled his eyes away from the ceiling to look at her.  “Umma, don’t worry, okay?”

She nodded slowly, smiling a little bit.  “Oh, Myungsoo… how can I not worry for you?”

Myungsoo couldn’t find an answer for that, but instead, he pulled himself closer to his mother and hugged her tightly.  Tears stung his eyes as his mother cried as she hugged him back.  His father gently rested his hand on Myungsoo’s head, triggering the tears in Myungsoo’s eyes. 

He looked over his mother’s shoulder and saw Sunggyu standing in the hallway outside his room.  Sunggyu had a strange expression on his face, sadness and pain twisted over his face.  Myungsoo closed his eyes, not wanting to see the expression on Sunggyu’s face any longer.  Instead, he burried his face into his mother’s shoulder, wishing away the pain. 

I’m sorry…

~*~

“Die!  Die!  Die!”

“No!  You die!”

“Both of you die!”

Sungyeol, Hoya and Woohyun were playing video games together, screaming mostly giberish at each other. 

“AHHH!  AIIIIIIIIIII!  AHHHHHHHH!  STOP!”

“Shut up!”

“Little tiny video game character, you can do it!”

“You’re out!”

“Noooooo!  Come on, Hoya!  You killed me at least a hundred times today.”  Sungyeol threw down the remote in frustration as Hoya killed his character again, leaving Woohyun and Hoya to battle it out again. 

“I got you, Nam Woohyun!” Hoya cackled happily, pressing a few more controls.

Just as Woohyun managed to do a small counter-attack, the door opened and Dongwoo and Sungjong came into the dorm. 

“Hey, hyung,” Sungyeol called out happily.  He turned around to see them, but nearly fell over the back of the couch when he saw Sungjong.  Sungjong looked pale and his eyes were bloodshot.  “Holy !  Sungjong!”

Woohyun looked up just as his chracter was falling off the edge of the world in the video game, but no one was paying attention any more, their undivided attention on Sungjong. 

“What happened?” Sungyeol demanded as Hoya put his hand out to steady Sungjong. 

“Sungjong was with Myungsoo when… Myungsoo started to get pains in his chest,” Dongwoo explained as they went into the common area.  “The doctors sorted him out quickly, but… still…”

“He was in so much pain,” Sungjong whispered, tears falling down his pale face again.  “I was right there, I should’ve done something!”

Sungyeol grabbed him and brought him into a hug.  Sungjong nearly fought against him for a moment, but relaxed, crying into his shoulder. 

“He’s going to be okay,” Sungyeol said, hugging Sungjong tightly and running his fingers through Sungjong’s silky hair.  “He’ll be okay.”

“But what if he isn’t?” Sungjong whispered, holding onto Sungyeol tightly.  “What if he isn’t?”  

None of them had an answer for him.  All of them had the same question lingering on the edges of their mind.  Sungjong was the only one brave enough to ask the question aloud. 

What if he wasn’t?

~*~

Sunggyu quietly came into Myungsoo’s room as if he was stepping on glass.  Myungsoo’s eyes were closed and the medical equiptment beeped quietly beside him, beating in time with Myungsoo’s heart. 

Myungsoo’s family was down at the hospital cafeteria because Hyeji had firmly took them downstairs to make them eat a proper supper before staying with Myungsoo for the rest of the evening. 

He drew up a chair beside Myungsoo’s bed and reached out to touch Myungsoo’s hand.  Even though he thought that Myungsoo was sleeping, Myungsoo opened his eyes at Sunggyu’s touch and smiled drowsily at him.  “Hey, hyung,” he mumbled. 

Sunggyu jumped.  “Hey,” he said, brushing back Myungsoo’s hair gently.  “You feeling okay?”

Myungsoo nodded, though he looked rather out of it.  “Is Sungjong okay?  I probably scared him, didn’t I?”

“He’s back at home,” Sunggyu said softly.  “He just wants to be here with you, he’s okay.”

With a sigh, Myungsoo shifted on the bed, trying to find a comfortable spot.  “Hyung…” he mumbled.  “If I go to sleep for the last time, will you be here?”

Sunggyu blinked back the tears so that Myungsoo couldn’t see.  “Of course I will be, we’re not going to leave your side.”

Myungsoo smiled, the same endearing dimpled smile that Sunggyu was so used to seeing everyday.  “If you’re going to be beside me, I’ll stay beside you too.”

Sunggyu laughed lightly and put his hand in Myungsoo’s hair, combing down Myungsoo’s wild hair.  Through the chemotheraphy that Myungsoo had, Myungsoo’s hair changed from its frazzled and curly state to a straighter hair.  “Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.”

“I know it will be,” Myungsoo said with a weak smile.  He let out a small breath and looked over at the window.  “Hyung… I want to see the sky…”

With a little smile, Sunggyu stood up and opened the curtains for Myungsoo,  revealing the sky outside of the hospital windows.  The sun was setting, casting a light gold into Myungsoo’s room.  Myungsoo smiled, closing his eyes as he basked in the sunlight. 

Sunggyu smiled at Myungsoo and went back to his bed.  Sitting down on the edge of his bed, Sunggyu gently lifted Myungsoo into his lap, avoiding all of the medical equiptment attatched to Myungsoo.  Myungsoo smiled softly and relaxed in Sunggyu’s embrace.  “Hyung…” 

Sunggyu hushed Myungsoo and brushed his hair back.  “Myungsoo, just concentrate on getting better, okay?”

Myungsoo nodded, getting closer to Sunggyu’s warmth, making Sunggyu smile at the action.  The thought that Myungsoo wouldn’t be there any more…
“Myungsoo-yah… come back to hyung, okay?” Sunggyu said in a whisper. 

“I’ll try, hyung,” he promised, his voice filled with exhastion and a little bit of tears as well.  “I’ll try…”

Sunggyu smiled and rested his cheek on top of Myungsoo’s soft hair.  “Go to sleep,” he said quietly.  “Sleep well, Myungsoo.”

Slowly, Myungsoo’s breath steadied out and he fell to sleep again, still holding onto Sunggyu’s jacket.  With a small smile, Sunggyu hugged Myungsoo closer before slowly letting him go and placing him gently down on the bed. 

Myungsoo looked small on his hospital bed, despite the bed being a tad too small for Myungsoo to be comfortable on.  His beautiful face looked like a child’s as the last rays of sunlight shone on Myungsoo’s pale skin.  Placing a small, brotherly kiss on Myungsoo’s forehead, Sunggyu quietly left the room. 

He flagged down a taxi to go back to the dorm, but when he got into the taxi, Sunggyu didn’t want to go home and instead, he got off the taxi at a bar near by their dorm. 

Stepping into the loud club, Sunggyu searched around for an empty seat and ordered a drink from the bartender.  As he started his first drink, someone’s hand landed on his shoulders.  Sunggyu jumped and looked up, finding Dongwoo and Woohyun beside him. 

“Hey, hyung, what are you doing here all alone?” Woohyun asked as he sat down on the chair next to him. 

Sunggyu looked around and saw the other members of Infinite standing around him.  “What are you guys doing here?”

Sungyeol shrugged as he sat down on the other side of Sunggyu.  “Isn’t it a day to celebrate?” he said dryly.  “Also, Woohyun volenteered to pay, so I’m taking full advantage of his wallet.”

“Me too,” Hoya chimed in as he ordered a drink. 

Sunggyu looked over at Sungjong who was smiling at the others, though his eyes still looked red and puffy.  “Hey, Sungjong-ah, sit down.”

Sungjong managed to sile as he sat down beside him.  “What’s the occasion for you?” he asked. 

“Stress,” Sunggyu said with a laugh. 

The others laughed too as they settled down with their drinks together. 

When Sunggyu first arrived at the bar, he had wanted to be left alone, but he was glad that the other members were with him. 

A few hours later, the six returned to the dorm, some more tispy than others.  Dongwoo was falling over, giggling and laughing with an equally giggly and drunk Sungyeol trying to help him sit up.  Hoya and Sungjong were more somber than the others, herding the giggly members into their proper bedrooms.   

Sunggyu sighed and sat down on his bed, running his hand through his hair.  The drinks that he had before left a bad taste in his mouth and he knew that he was going to have a big hangover tomorrow morning.  He sighed and fell back on the bed. 

“Myungsoo…” Sunggyu whispered to the ceiling.  “Myungsoo…” 

Memories of Myungsoo came rushing back to Sunggyu; the times that Sunggyu would call out to Myungsoo and he would always get a reply in response, often accompanied by a cheek dimpled smile, the times that Myungsoo would insist that he needed to take a picture of Sunggyu, or when Myungsoo came running up to him for help for a song or maybe some kind of homework assignment he had.  All the precious memories that Sunggyu had of the two of them together ran through his mind, causing his heart to clench in his chest.

A tear fell down his cheek even as he smiled. “I’m so glad that I got to know you, Myungsoo…”

The moon and stars outside of the window shone brightly and Sunggyu smiled again, closing his eyes.  “Good night, Myungsoo-yah, but don’t close your eyes forever.  Not yet.  Please not yet.  Just sing with us one last time.” 

~*~

Sometime during the night, Myungsoo opened his eyes slowly.  He had been sleeping for most of the day, only truly waking up for about a hour in the afternoon.  The room was dimmly lit by the lamp on his side table casting a warm glow around his room. 

“Hey, hyung?  You awake?”

Blinking away the last of the sleep out of his eyes, Myungsoo looked around, finding Moonsoo beside his bed, a book in his lap with his finger bookmarking the place he had left off. 

“Yeah,” Myungsoo answered quietly.  He rubbed a hand over his face and tried to think past his foggy mind.  “Why are you still here?”

“This was the only way I could convince Umma and Abeoji to go home for the night,” Moonsoo explained.  “You are feeling okay, right?”

He nodded, even though his body felt tired as if he hadn’t rested at all.  “It’s not as good as before, but I’m going to manage.”

“That’s good.  I’m always going to need you around,” Moonsoo said, giving him a weak smile.

Myungsoo sighed, returning a small smile of his own.  “Thanks for staying,” he mumbled as he shifted to get comfortable on his bed again.

“It’s nothing,” Moonsoo reassured.  “Just… try not to leave us… okay?” 

His brother’s words hit his heart hard as he heard a shy vunerbility in his words, just like when Moonsoo would be scared when there was a storm in the night or if he had a nightmare when they were little kids.  Myungsoo laughed, tears stinging in his eyes.  Even many years later, Myungsoo was always the one who comforted his little brother.  A sudden, random thought struck him, what was going to happen to Moonsoo after he was gone?  It wasn’t like Moonsoo was a little boy any more, but he would always be Myungsoo’s little brother, he would always be someone that Myungsoo needed to take care of. 

“Why does this have to happen to me?” he whispered, tears shaking his body. 

“I don’t know,” Moonsoo replied, trying his best to calm his brother down as tears ran down his cheeks too. 

“Why?” Myungsoo whispered, feeling quite pathetic, lying there on the hospital bed and crying his eyes out, but he couldn’t get himself to stop crying.  “Why does it have to hurt this much?”

“You said you were okay, should I go get a nurse?”

Myungsoo shook his head, finding his brother’s hand again.  “It hurts to die like this.  So slowly… I have to watch you watch me die.  I can see how much you are hurting.  It hurts too much.”

Moonsoo placed his hand on Myungsoo’s forehead as tears streamed down his face.  “The pain will stop soon, Myungsoo.  Just hold out for a bit longer.”

He nodded, the tears leaving him tired and drained as he slowly fell asleep again.  “I’m so sorry, Moonsoo… it just… hurts…” 

“I know.  Just hold out for a bit longer, it’ll be okay…” 

Hello~ 

I'm done finals~ Yay!  There's no homework and it's such a free and beautiful feeling~ 

Question for you guys:  would you like a lot of small chapters, or a few long ones?  Because that depends on how I format my next few chapters, because I can do both and I'm super indecisive with stuff like this.  Please tell me!  It would be a great help to me! 

And also, is this font okay for everyone?  This thought just suddenly popped into my head and I wanted to make sure that this font is okay.  

I'll update SotH's next chapter soon, hopefully by Sunday, but no promises.  

Biebie!  Please upvote, comment and subscribe again~ I love you!