Hey! I'm sorry for not updating for the past month, I've been busy with school.  I planned to update on Friday, but starting Thursday, I've been sick and I've been sleeping non-stop, I think I might fall asleep again after this...  I hate being sick!  My school's concert band is going to Red Deer/Calgary for a music festival and I wanted to go so baddddddd! But I'm still sort of sick, therefore, I'm not going :'( On the other hand 6 hour bus ride vs sitting on my bed watching Infinite and Running Man, hard to choose... but I still want to go and have fun with my friends!!! Okay, rant over.  Well, since I've been MIA for a month, I give you *drumroll* a very long chapter with the remaining letters and a surprise at the end! You're all going to either love or hate this chapter!  A lot of you were looking forward to Myungsoo's letter to Sungyeol so I hope it's what you expected!  Leave me comments at the end please and this time, I'll make sure to reply!  

~*~

Chapter VII

For the last time

5월 27일

Woohyun hesitated holding Myungsoo’s letter to him in his hand.  They had spent nearly three hours together in the common area, wipping tears for each other, telling each other that it was going to be okay when they knew that it wouldn’t be.

“Woohyun-ah.”  Sunggyu poked his head into his room.  “Don’t stay up too late, okay?”

He nodded.  “I won’t stay up that long,”  he muttered.

Sunggyu smiled softly.  “Don’t feel too burdened. It’ll be okay.”

“I know that,” Woohyun snapped, though his heart wasn’t into the retort. “I don’t want it to be soon, I want it to be now.”

Sunggyu laughed at his impatience.  “It’s going to be sooner than you think.”  He smiled again and waved good night before leaving him alone.

Woohyun leaned against the wall, staring at the letter in his hands.  He sighed, getting up, and walked into the kitchen.  Maybe some drink would calm him down.

The lights were still on in the kitchen and Woohyun recognized Sungyeol’s thin shoulders sitting at the table.  Sungyeol’s hands were wrapped around a cup of some kind of hot drink, his boney shoulders casting sharp shadow against his back. Woohyun walked up behind Sungyeol and rested his hand on the back of Sungyeol’s neck.  Sungyeol’s shoulders relaxed underneath his thin night shirt and he raised his hand to wipe at his eyes.

“Hey, Woohyun,”  he whispered.

Woohyun gently rubbed his shoulders. “ Are you okay?”

Sungyeol shrugged.  “Why are you still up?”  he asked.

“Can’t sleep.”  Woohyun sat across from Sungyeol.  “What’s that?” he asked, nodding to the cup in front of Sungyeol.  “Hot chocolate?”

He shook his head.  “It’s coffee,” he said, sliding the cup over to Woohyun.  “I thought that coffee would help.”

Woohyun took the now cold cup from Sungyeol and took a half-hearted sip.  “Did it?”

Sungyeol shook his head.  “It just reminded me of when it was all okay… and back when I could drink coffee too.”

Woohyun let out a small laugh, remembering the times that Sungyeol would drink coffee like there was no tomorrow, that was until he started having heart problems.  Sungyeol snorted, a smile twisting on his lips.  “Have you read the letter?” Woohyun asked.

Sungyeol bit his lip. “No,” he whispered.  “You?”

Woohyun hesitated.  “I think I need something better than coffee for this,” he said. 

“I thought you would never suggest that.”

A little less than a hour later, Woohyun and Sungyeol were out at a small BBQ hut with a bottle of soju between them. 

Sungyeol was giggling as he took another shot.  “I would come here all the time with Myungsoo,” he said, tracing his fingers over the table.  “We must have looked like a mess, I don’t stop laughing and Myungie cries and hits himself too…”

Woohyun smiled and poured another shot.  “Sungyeol?” he asked. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to be okay?”

Sungyeol raised his eyebrow.  “The hang over tomorrow won’t be fun.  The day when Myungsoo dies won’t be fun.  When I need to wake up when I need to get up without Myungsoo… that’s not going to be fun…”  

Slowly, Woohyun nodded and drew the letter out of his pocket.  “I… want to read it now… will you st…”

Sungyeol nodded.  “I’ll stay,” he said, understanding that he needed that support and proving once more what a great friend he was to Woohyun.

Woohyun opened the envelope and started reading.

Woohyun-hyung.

Can you believe it?  It’s already been nearly four months since your birthday.

Could you tell me the story again?  Can I ask you to tell me the story once more?  When I’m resting for the last time, could you tell me the story once more?

Just once more for me.  I’ll tell you stories of the journey that I’ll be taking too.

Remember our whole story, everything that we’ve been through, everything that we’ve seen, everything that we’ve heard, everything that we’ve learned through our journey.  Remember our whole story, from the moment you walked into the auditions to our final stage together to the final moments we had with each other.

Please remember our story.

I want to give you one more present.  There’s one thing that I want to give you.  I would, if I could, I would give you my voice to help you sing.

Please sing strongly, hyung, I’ll be your echo.  I’ll sing your song in the sky, so please listen to me because I’m always going to be singing with you. 

I’m always here with you.

I love you.

~*~

Sungjong opened his eyes bearily and sighed as the light attacked his eyes.  He groaned and yanked the covers over his head to block out the light.  It was another day, one more day closer to the time that they had to say goodbye to Myungsoo.  He wanted to think that it was another day of schedules, and he was attempting to sleep in for a bit longer before Sunggyu or Hoya came into his room to drag him out of bed. 

Unfourtunetly, that wasn’t going to happen.  He sighed and stood up to go to the washroom.

“Morning, Sungjong,” Hoya said as Sungjong remerged from the from the washroom a little while later.

“Good morning, hyung,” Sungjong said, feeling fractionally more cheerful then he was when he woke up.  “Why are you up so early?”

“Can’t sleep,” Hoya answered.  “Where are you going?” he asked as Sungjong put on his shoes.

“I thought that I would take Sowon on a walk and go the market to get some milk,” Sungjong answered.  “Do you want to come with me?”

Hoya shrugged.  “Sure, why not.”

Sungjong put the leash on Sowon as Hoya grabbed his shoes and wallet. “Sowon-ah,” Sungjong crooned.  “Ready to go for a walk?  Let’s have fun.”  Sowon wagged his tail happily and leaped happily around his feet, jumping as Sungjong opened the door.  “Hyung!  If you’re not going to hurry up, I’m leaving without you!”

“I’m here, let’s go.”  Hoya shoved on his shoes and closed the door behind him.

Sungjong held onto Sowon’s leash as their puppy rushed ahead of them enthusiastically.  The two of them walked to the store by the dorms. Sungjong picked up Sowon as the bell chimed as they entered the store.

“You know that we ran out of cereal,” Hoya noted causally.  “And crackers…”

Sungjong snorted.  “Get that yourself.”  He grabbed a bottle of milk and some chicken for Sowon and hurried to the counter.  Hoya joined him a few minutes later, with the crackers and cereal.

Sungjong sighed as they left the cool store into the already hot morning June air. 

“Do you want to stop in the park?” Hoya asked.  “It’s been a little while since we’ve gone there.”

Sungjong nodded and lead Sowon in the direction of the park.  They used to go there a lot of the time, walking for fun or going out for a morning jog. 

“Have you read your letter yet?” Hoya asked quietly as they stopped at a cross walk.  Sungjong didn’t answer concentrating on the streetlight, waiting for it to turn green.

Hoya seemed to understand Sungjong’s reluctance and stayed quiet as they walked into the park.  Quietly, they sat down on a bench together.  Sungjong stabbed the straw into his milk a bit too harshly to avoid Hoya’s question.   “No, I didn’t,” he finally answered.  “Have you?”

Hoya nodded and pulled out the letter from his pocket.  “I read it last night.”  He handed it over to Sungjong as he patted Sowon on the head.  “You can read it…”

Dear Howon, our brave Howonie.

You’re our dance machine, our rhyme machine, our Lee Howon.

Teach me the dances that I won’t be there to learn.  Don’t be nervous when you’re on stage, you’re Infinite’s brave dance machine.  I’ll be behind you all the time.  I’ll always follow your footsteps, dancing how you dance.  I’ll always be behind you as you keep on heading towards your dreams.

When you asked me if I was scared, I never did answer… do you know the answer?  I’m sure you do, you know me so well, you would know the answer even if I never told you.  Even if I never told you the truth, I want to tell you it now.

The truth is that when I’m with you, I’m never going to be scared.  You and the others are always there for me and I know as you look over me, I’ll never be alone and I’ll never be scared.

When I’m gone, please call out to me once in a while so that I know that you’re still there.  When you call out to me, I’ll there to listen and I’ll answer back to you.

Whenever you’ll yell ‘Ho’, I’ll answer ‘ya!’  If I yell out ‘Ho’, will you call back to me?

So… Ho?

Sungjong smiled as he could hear Myungsoo’s word’s echoing as he read the letter.  “Ho?”

“Ya.”  Hoya smiled sadly.

Sungjong laughed quietly, his laughter fading into heavy silence.  He quietly feed Sowon a piece of chicken as he sipped on his milk.  His fingers itched to reach into his pockets to pull out the letter from his pocket.  “He really put a lot of thought into this,” he whispered.

Hoya nodded.  “He’s… really prepared… to… die…”

Sungjong bit his lip.  He wanted to aruge that Myungsoo wasn’t going to die, but reading the letters, made him slowly understand.  “I… think… I’m going to read mine.”

He patted Sungjong’s back.  “I’m going to be right here for you.”

Sungjong smiled at him and unfolded his letter.

Dear Sungjongie,

You’re Infinite’s maknae, the youngest of six annoying hyungs.  Take care of them well, they’ll take care of you too.  I know forever more, we’ll keep on yelling at you, keep on calling you “Yah!  Lee Sungjong!” for a long time after this because we care.  We care a lot, I care a lot about you, I hope that you know that.

Can I ask you a few things, Sungjong?  By the time you read this, I will be starting on my next journey.  By this time, you know that I’m not going to be okay, I’m sorry.  Live strong without me, and please try to do these things.

Take care of the others, I know you will.  Even if they keep on nagging you and yelling “Yah!  Lee Sungjong!” because that’s the responsiblilty of the maknae; to take care of your hyungs.

Second, go back to school, study well.  That’s what you want to do, right?  Do whatever you want to do, because it’s important to follow your calling.  It’s not only singing for you, but it’s learning as well.  Sometimes, I think that you should’ve stayed in school, you should’ve learned what you needed to learn and then come to join Woollim.  But if you had done that, you wouldn’t be the maknae of Infinite, you wouldn’t be my dongsaeng.  I’m glad that you followed your dreams, continue following them until the end of your days. 

One other thing, Sungjong, this is more important than the last two.  Sing bravely, Sungjong-ah, sing loudly and clearly.  Now there’s only going to be six of you, you’ll get more lines, everyone will be able to hear your beautiful voice more often.

Jjongie, Sungjong…

Yah! Lee Sungjong-ah…

Take care and live well, our little maknae.

I love you.

Sungjong closed his eyes as tears started to fall.  Sowon whimpered as he sensed his sadness.

Hoya wrapped his arm around Sungjong’s shoulders.  “It’s okay…” he whispered in his ear, somehow giving him enough comfort in the lie that know Sungjong could never believe.

He laughed softly, a choked sob bubbling out.  Sungjong closed his eyes, trying to swallow the sobs that would follow the first.  He found himself feeling more safe than he ever did, warm and protected in his hyung’s arms.  His heart screamed in his chest, screaming to be heard and forcing its way out of his lips.

“He isn’t going to make it, is he?” Sungjong whispered, his heart breaking as he finally said those words aloud.  Myungsoo had told him to believe that he was going to live, that he was going to make it through everything.  Myungsoo took care of Sungjong, watching him closely as he grew up.  To protect Sungjong, to continue to take care of him, he promised Sungjong that he would live.  Both of them knew that it wasn’t very likely that it was going to be the truth, but it was better to know that someone was beside you, knowing the same things and hoping in the same thing. 

But now, as Sungjong spoke his words allowed, he finally realized that it was time to hear the truth, the real truth, not the one that he had been beliving in for the past four months.  The truth, not a empty lie that everyone told him. He might be the maknae, but he was strong and he wanted the truth. 

Hoya squeezed his hand, tears forming in his eyes again.  He brought Sungjong into his chest, gently the back of his head.  Sungjong knew that Hoya understood his inner turmoil.  “He’s going to make it, Sungjong,” Hoya whispered in his ear.  “Of course he is, we should never doubt him…”

Sungjong nodded slowly, hearing that white lie, but thinking maybe it wasn’t such a white lie after all.

Because maybe it was the truth.

~*~

Another set of tears made their way down Dongwoo’s cheeks as he tried to read the letter.  He put the letter back down on his bed and stood up, turning to the wall,  slamming his head against the wall a few times. 

“Dongwoo, stop it.”

He let Woohyun pull him off the wall and to gently rub his messed hair back into place.  It was a strange form of affection, but it was nearly better than any hug.  Dongwoo smiled thankfully and turned back to his bed. 

Dongwoo had been battling his curiousity to read the letter for a few days.  All of the others had read their letters, but Dongwoo had still yet not read his.

“Are you going to read it?” Woohyun asked quietly. 

Dongwoo sighed.  It would be too hard for him to read it, it would be like admitting that Myungsoo was dying and he knew for sure if he read the letter, it would feel like Myungsoo was actually dead.

He took the letter and put it under his pillow.  “Not yet…” he said quietly. “I don’t want to…”

~*~

Sungyeol’s head was throbbing as he sat down at the kitchen counter.  He would’ve prefered to stay in bed for a bit longer, but still he was up and about.  

“Morning,” Sunggyu greeted, smiling slightly at Sungyeol as he stumbled into the kitchen.  

Sungyeol muttered something in the general meaning of ‘good morning’ as he slumped down onto a chair by the counter. 

“Have you been up all night?” Sunggyu asked, looking closely at Sungyeol.

“No… hangover…” Sungyeol mumbled, rubbing his hands across his face. 

A warm cup of coffee slid in front of Sungyeol and he looked up surprised.

“You always like Americano, right?”  Sunggyu smiled as he leaned on the counter across from Sungyeol, holding his own cup of coffee in his hands.

Sungyeol laughed and took gratefully.  “Thanks, hyung,” he mumbled as he took a sip.  The warm coffee slid down his throat, calming his nerves a little.

“So you haven’t read it?” Sunggyu asked, warm concern in his voice, just like the Americano.

Sungyeol barely nodded as he wiped away a tear.  “I don’t think that I’ll ever read this,” he whispered, frustration that was pent up during the night, leaking out between his words.  “This whole thing is so stupid, I hate it, I don’t want this to happen.”

“Hey, hey.”  Sunggyu rested his hand on Sungyeol’s shoulder, his hand warm like the Americano.  “Sungyeol, Sungyeol-ah, look at me.”

He waited until Sungyeol made eye contact with him, which Sungyeol did reluctantly.  “Whatever Myungsoo wrote in the letter, is something that you’re strong enough to read,” he said gently, gently rubbing his shoulder.

Sungyeol nodded slowly, tears pooling in his eyes, making it hard to think.  He was slightly embarassed for crying in front of Sunggyu.  When they were together, there was usually another person in the room too, it was rare for them to be facing off one on one together.  The tears and the darkness of the situation just making it that much harder.  “But… I don’t think I am…” Sungyeol whispered truthfully.

“I think you are,” Sunggyu said firmly. “And so does Myungsoo.”

Sungyeol smiled shakily.  Sunggyu was the true leader of Infinite, he knew what all of his dongsaengs needed at all times, he knew how far he could push them and how to push their buttons at times.  So at the mention of his best friend, Sungyeol wipped off his cheeks and took the letter in his hands.

He took a deep breath and looked up at Sunggyu.  Sunggyu was looking at him, gently pushing him forwards and his small eyes sparkling with warmth.  Sungyeol let out the breath and finally started reading.

My friend, Sungyeollie, my beautiful friend, Sungyeollie.

Thank you for being my best friend since what feels like forever. You know all of my secrets and know who I am.  Thank you for taking care of me as a friend and loving me like a brother.

Together, we had many days where we weren’t sure about anything and everything.  Even though there were days when you were nearly kicked out of Infinite and days when I nearly quit, I’m glad that somehow, we supported each other and we’re still here together.    

Now that I won’t be by your side, I’m scared that you and I will be lost to the big world where we managed to find each other.  We nearly made it to the very end together… we almost made it.  I wish we didn’t have to stop were we’re alone without each other. 

Be strong, Sungyeollie.  Okay? 

Can I ask you something?

How happy will you be when I’m gone?  Will you be very happy?

Say that you’ll be very happy and that you’ll see the happy path that the world has laid out for you.

I wish that I didn’t have to leave you, I wish that we could’ve stayed with each other as best friends.  I wish that I could’ve watched you from the moment we met to when you find someone to love and have kids with, to when your kids grow up and go to school and collage, to when we finish our last songs as Infinite, up until the last moment when we’re old and together and ready to start our infinite journey.  I’m not going to be there for you, I’m sorry that I won’t be.  You’re here for me until the end of my life, I’m sorry that I’m not going to be for you. 

So, tell me that you’ll be happy.  Shine with happiness.  Sing really loudly.   

…You do know that I love you, right?

Because I do.

I love you.

Tears were running down Sungyeol’s cheeks, making it hard to see the letter as he read the last sentence.  Sungyeol bit his lip as he tried his best to stop the sobs, but slowly, one after another left his throat. 

Quietly, Sunggyu sat down on the chair beside him and wrapped his arms around Sungyeol’s shoulders.  Sungyeol leaned into Sunggyu’s arms, sobbing against his neck. 

“It’s okay…” Sunggyu whispered in his ear as he gently rubbed gentle circles on Sungyeol’s back.  “Myungsoo knows you’re strong enough to pull through this… do it for Myungsoo.”

Sungyeol nodded, sniffling as he tried to stop his tears.  “This shouldn’t be happening,” Sungyeol mumbled.  “This shouldn’t be happening to my best friend… it shouldn’t be happening to us… and it shouldn’t be happening to Myungsoo…”

Sunggyu’s hand never stopped its gentle movements, but Sunggyu’s voice broke as he replied, “I know… I know…”

~*~

6월 2일

The days were getting shorter.  Each day, it took Myungsoo more and more energy to open his eyes.  Dr. Song had said that he had reached the final stage, that he might die soon and most of his time would now be spent resting before he rested forever. 

He always found himself floating in and out of consiouness.  Earlier that day, Myungsoo woke up without opening his eyes as he heard hushed whispers in his room.  He smiled because the sounds sounded farmiliar and comforting.  There was an explosion of laughter before someone hushed them and Myungsoo drifted off again. 

Today as Myungsoo opened his eyes, there was something different.  Something was hanging down from the ceiling in front of his eyes.  As his eyesight cleared, the rest of the room came back into focus and he smiled. 

On the posts of the curtians around his bed, streamers of golden ribbons hung down, making a waterfall of gold beside his bed.  Strings of little golden Christmas lights wove around the side railings of his bed and up his IV pole.  Stars hung down from the ceiling as well.  As he looked around a bit more, he saw paper gold flowers scattered around his his bed and pillow. 

He moved his hands slightly and felt the edges of paper digging into his hands.  He brought his hand up to look at the letter someone had placed in his hands. 

Unfolding it with shaking hands, he smiled as he read the letter. 

Myungsoo. 

We love you a lot. 

Don’t forget that. 

Love, Infinite

Myungsoo smiled.  From the hall, he suddenly heard a bout of laughter followed by five other voices hushing the first. 

“Infinite?”  Myungsoo called out softly.  “Why do I have to have my eyes closed all of the time?  I miss you.  How is it possible to miss someone who’s right beside you holding your hand?”

Myungsoo closed his eyes, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes.  “Why is it that I need to close my eyes forever soon?  Why can’t I see the world like you do?”

A soft hand touched his cheek, causing him to open his eyes.  The other memebers of Infinite were standing around his bed, smiling, but their smiles weren’t as bright as they used to be. 

“It might not be okay, but we’re going to get through it,” Dongwoo said.  “Eventually we will.”

Myungsoo nodded, sniffling a little as his breath hitched with the weight of tears.  Sungjong’s delicate fingers wiped off his cheeks for him and Myungsoo had to smile. 

“I miss you guys a lot,” Myungsoo said, his eyes fluttering shut before blinking open again. 

“I think that the drugs are making you too honest,” Sungjong said dryly. 

Myungsoo smiled, looking farther around the room as the others laughed around him.  Silence replaced their laughter, only the faint echoes and the steady beating of the heart monitor beside Myungsoo’s bed remained.  All seven hearts were beating in sync with each other’s. 

Finally the silence was broken by muffled sniffles and cries from Myungsoo. 

“Myungsoo.”  Sungyeol reached out and embraced him tightly. 

 Myungsoo let out quiet cries into Sungyeol’s shoulder as the others crowded around them, giving their own comfort to Myungsoo, a small hug or a pat on the head.  Finally Myungsoo calmed down enough to pull himself out of Sungyeol’s arms, wiping off the last of his tears. 

“Guys,” Myungsoo whispered, looking down at his hands instead of looking at the others.  “Thank you for following me on my path to my dreams.  Thank you for being here, I don’t know what I would do if I was alone here.”

Gently, Sungyeol pulled Myungsoo’s chin up, forcing him to make eye contact with him.  “Myungsoo, as cheesy as it sounds, we’re not going to leave you.  We’re staying right here with you.”

Myungsoo’s eyes filled with tears, trembling on the edges of his eyes.  “Guys… Infinite…”  The tears spilt over onto his cheeks and he was sobbing.  “I love you so much, I really do.  I love you so much.”

They had gotten good at hidding away their sadness and pain, only able to show their smiles and happiness in front of the cameras. 

But when it was only them, it didn’t matter if they smiled or if they cried, it didn’t matter if they were perfect, it didn’t matter if they weren’t perfect. 

When it was only them, nothing mattered. 

Warm in Sungyeol’s arms, Myungsoo couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer and his eyes fell shut.  “Stay with me…” Myungsoo mumbled into the crook of Sungyeol’s neck. 

Sungyeol laughed a little bit.  “We won’t leave you.  Don’t worry, Myungsoo.  We’re right here with you.”

“And Myungsoo…” Sunggyu said quietly.  “If you… do have to leave, we’ll be okay, so go to sleep if you need to.”

Tears fell down Myungsoo’s cheeks again and he clung to Sungyeol tightly.  Darkness pulled Myungsoo away, but he could still feel them around him, protecting him from the shadows that wanted to take him forever. 

~*~

When Myungsoo opened his eyes again, the only light was coming from the hallway and the dim light of the lamp on his side table.  In the dim light, the golden decorations that the other had put up that afternoon still hung around him, sparkling and shining. 

Myungsoo looked around the dimly lit room and his eyes landed on his camera bag lying on the bedside table.  With more effort than he thought that he would need, he pulled himself onto his side a bit closer to the bag. 

With Sungyeol, he always joked that the hardest thing was to do the last push up after 14 hours of practice.  Now, if he decided that the hardest thing to do was to reach out and grab the strap of the camera. 

Myungsoo’s hands shook as he tried to turn the camera on.  It was just a simple switch, just move the silly little lever up half a centimeter, but still, he couldn’t. 

By small little blessing, Myungsoo managed to switch on the camera, but it still lay in his hands, he was unable to move the camera up to his eye.  Finally, Myungsoo clicked the playback button.

His fingers shook uncontroably as he traced his fingers over the picture of him and Infinite on the little screen.  All of them were smiling and having fun, but it pained him to see their smiling faces.  They didn’t smile any more, they looked at him with worried eyes, wanting to hold onto Myungsoo for a bit longer.  

The next picture hurt his heart even more as he saw the pictures of them on the beach, just before he was hospitalized for good.  The pictures of the other six members running around in the shallow waters during sunset made him smile a little.  As he saw the picture of Sungjong and the others running around with firecrackers making pretty trails behind them, tears started to sting his eyes. 

His shaking fingers touched the path of sky lanters up in the night sky, making a path to the place where Myungsoo would soon be and tears blurred the picture, landing on the LED screen.  

 “Myungsoo?  Are you okay?” Hyeji’s soft voice asked. 

Myungsoo shook his head, tears continuing to fall down his cheeks.   “Why… can’t I… I want to take just one picture…”

“Shhh… it’s okay,” Hyeji said, gently running her fingers through Myungsoo’s hair.  “Do you want me to give you a seditive?”

Myungsoo shook his head again, staring at the heavy camera in his hands.  “I… just want to… to take one last picture…”

Hyeji’s warm hands covered his hands and guided them to the right places on the camera.  Myungsoo smiled shakily, barely managing to press the shutter button. 

He frowned at the small screen, looking at the picture.  The stars that the members had hung up around his bed were smeared in the picture, a pale image of the bright stars around him. “It’s blurred,” he mumbled, trying to think of how to take a better picture, but his mind wasn’t focusing just like the camera in his hands.  “It was out of focus…”

“I’ll help you take a picture later then,” Hyeji said quietly, placing his camera on the side table again.  “Just rest for now.”

Myungsoo let out a shaky breath, his hands trembling badly with the tears that were falling down his cheeks.  “All of my dreams… they… were they really that out of focus?”

Hyeji paused as she checked the monitor beside his bed.  “I’m going to give you a mild seditive, okay?”

“Noona… please don’t… I can’t st-stand it any more… I just… w-want to… see my dream-ms again….”

Myungsoo was sobbing as Hyeji gently wipped off his cheeks.  “I’m sorry that I couldn’t save you, Myungsoo,” Hyeji whispered. 

Myungsoo shook his head.  “Noona, you did everything for me, you saved my life…”

“But you aren’t going to…”

With another shake of his head, Myungsoo tried to explain.  “When… I came to the hospital… for the longest time, I had to be Infinite’s L, I couldn’t be Kim Myungsoo… I think we forgot who we really were for a long time.  You gave us enough time to remember who we truly are… I can die as Kim Myungsoo again… you did save me…”

Hyeji managed a shaky smile.  “But I still wasn’t able to save you…”

Myungsoo took her hand, holding it tightly, as he repeated over and over, “Thank you, thank you, thank you…”

Hyeji was crying with him, holding onto him tightly as well, saying, “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry…”

~*~

6월 9일

Kim Jungryul has been one of Infinite’s managers since their debut.  Quietly, on one June morning, Jungryul opened the door to Infinite’s dorm.  He knew that all of them were probably still sleeping, dreaming the dreams that they should be able to sleep in for a bit longer, but Jungryul needed to break that protective bubble of sleep. 

He went into Sunggyu and Sungjong’s shared room, turning on the light before going over to the leader’s bed. 

Regretfully, Jungryul gently shook Sunggyu’s shoulder.  “Sunggyu, wake up.  It’s time to wake up.”

“But hyung… we don’t have schedules today,” Sunggyu mumbled.  “Let me sleep for a bit longer…”

“Sunggyu, it’s time to get up now.”

“Five more minutes…” Sunggyu whispered, turning away from Jungryul. 

“Kim Sunggyu, get up.  Get up.  I’ll let you stay in your bed for a little while longer, but I’m going to come back for you in three minutes.”

Jungryul turned to Sungjong’s bed and shook the youngest awake.  “Sungjong, wake up, okay?”

Luckily, Sungjong’s eyes opened quickly, staring at him through half-closed eyes.  “Hyung?  Why are you waking us up?” he whispered, rubbing a hand over his face and through his hair. 

“Wake up, Sungjong,” Jungryul said.  “Go wake up Hoya and Dongwoo, okay?”

“Why?” Sungjong asked, sitting up, sleepy, but still getting up as Jungryul asked. 

“Just do it,” Jungryul said firmly, giving him a pat on his shoulder before heading out to wake up Woohyun and Sungyeol.  “And Kim Sunggyu!  Wake up!”

“I still have two minutes…”

Jungryul sighed and headed over to Woohyun’s room.  “Woohyun-ah, it’s time to wake up.”

Woohyun just rolled over, grabbing his pillow to pull over his face. “Why?  We don't have schedules,” he groaned into the pillow, his voice barely audible. 

“Woohyun, you need to get up.  Right now.  It’s… important.”

It was the strange desperation in Jungryul’s voice that jolted Woohyun awake.  He was suddenly sitting up, looking at Jungryul.  “Hyung?  What’s going on?”

Jungryul sighed and gave Woohyun a small smile.  “Get up, Woohyun, I’ll tell all of you at the same time,” he said before heading towards the door. 

“It’s Myungsoo, isn’t?”

The words make Jungryul freeze and the lump in his throat to grow.  “It’s time to get up, Woohyun,” he said quietly.  “It’s time to get up.”

Without another word, Jungryul left the room to wake up Dongwoo and Hoya, but he knew that Sungyeol knew what his words meant. 

When he got to Dongwoo and Hoya’s shared room, Hoya was already stumbling out of the room, his hair a mess and barely grunting something that meant ‘good morning’ to Jungryul as he passed. 

Sungjong was still gently shaking Dongwoo awake, telling him nicely to wake up, gently dragging him out of his bed.  “Hyung, come on, let’s go.  The day has started.”

“Sungjong-ah, let hyung sleep for a bit longer, okay?” Dongwoo mumbled. 

“Dongwoo,” Jungryul said sternly.  “It’s time to get up.  No arguing, okay?”

Just like the others, except for Sunggyu, Dongwoo heard the strange tone in Jungryul’s voice and he pulled himself up right away.  “I’m up, I’m up,” he groaned, rubbing his hands over his face.  “I’m up…”

By the time that Dongwoo was fully awake, Sungyeol was roused by the noise from the others and Sunggyu still was sleeping.  Jungryul sighed and kept on trying to wake up Sunggyu. 

“Why do we need to get up…” Sunggyu mumbled.  “Five more minutes, hyung, I’ll get up then.”

“No, Kim Sunggyu, get up now.  You need to get up now!”

“Why?”

Jungryul squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to say the words outloud.  He wasn’t sure if he even believed it since Moonsoo had called him earlier that morning, but he knew that it had to be true.  “We need to get to the hospital now, Sunggyu, your dongsaeng needs you.  Myungsoo needs you.”

“Five more minutes…”

“No!  Kim Sunggyu!  Wake up now!  You need to wake up!  Why can’t you wake up for a little bit?  Why can’t you wake up for Myungsoo?  Myungsoo isn’t going to wake up soon, just wake up for him this one time!”

“What do you mean?”

Jungryul turned around and saw the other five members of Infinite standing in Sunggyu’s doorway, looking back at Sunggyu’s bed, he found Sunggyu sitting up, looking confused and slightly afraid of what Jungryul was about to say, the other boys had similar faces too. 

So Jungryul tried to put on a comforting smile for the scared boys.  “I’m sorry.  Moonsoo called me this morning.  We need to go to the hospital…  Myungsoo’s dying.”

~*~

The halls of the hospital were quiet as the six members of Infinite walked down the hall.  It was early in the morning for too many vistors, only patients and staff were walking around. 

Approaching Myungsoo’s room, Sunggyu just wanted to run away.  It was all too much; the other member’s crying around him and the thought of loosing Myungsoo pressing against him.

Hyeji saw them coming down the hall and stood up to greet them. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.  “It’s time…”

Sunggyu bowed his head and nodded, tears trying to escape his eyes.

For the past few days, Infinite watched as the doctors and nurses did everything they could for Myungsoo to keep on breathing, giving his body more and more drugs, forcing his weak body to keep on living for a bit longer.

Every single time that Myungsoo opened his eyes, he could barely speak through the pain and effort it cost him to be awake.  Each breath that Myungsoo took, they could hear gurgling from the liquid that Dr. Song and Hyeji tried to drain from Myungsoo’s lungs.  Moonsoo and his parents would spend nearly every second beside Myungsoo’s bed, holding his hand when the pain was too much or when everything became a blur of waking and sleeping or confusion.  There had been one day where it got so bad that Myungsoo couldn’t recognize his family beside him.  It hurt Sunggyu to hear Myungsoo crying in pain quietly because any louder, his lungs would’ve given up on him completely. 

He knew that Myungsoo was struggling and in pain, and it would be better for him to start on his infinite journey without them. 

But that didn’t mean that he didn’t want to jump at Dr. Song, shake him and scream that Myungsoo couldn’t go, that Myungsoo was still able to fight.  He wanted to scream that Myungsoo wasn’t going to die yet. 

Sunggyu kept his mouth shut.  He had thought before that the time that Myungsoo’s time to leave them would be down the road, someday that wouldn’t be today.  He thought that they still had enough time with Myungsoo, enough time to say goodbye once more.  He wanted enough time to spend one more day with Myungsoo, sing one more song with him, but that wouldn’t happen.  

The door opened and the six of them jumped up to greet Myungsoo’s family coming out of the room.  Moonsoo spotted them and nodded slowly.  “Thanks for coming,” Moonsoo whispered.  “Go in, he wants to say goodbye.”

Sunggyu nodded and gave him a small smile before entering Myungsoo’s room.  As Infinite entered the room, Myungsoo opened his eyes and smiled at them for the last time. 

“Hey…”  

*whispers* give me comments~ I love you~