Chapter 34
Jin Ri yawned, comfortably nuzzling her cheek against the warm and comfortable surface that her head was resting on, just as the pilot announced that they were descending on Jeju International Airport. She just had the strangest dream. It was strange at how clearly she remembered what happened in it. She never remembered her dreams. Often, she forgot them as soon as she woke up. Stiffening at this realization, a sudden fear creeping up in her, she sat up straight and hurriedly removed her sleep mask.

“Are you okay?”

She whipped her attention towards the man beside her. As soon as she saw him, she released the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “Mimi!” she cried, moving forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder. She lifted her head and leaned back, looking greatly relieved.

“What’s wrong with you?” Zhoumi asked, giving her a weird look. He was wearing glasses and had an open book on his lap.

She shook her head and took a deep breath. “I just thought—nothing,” she denied, deciding to look out of the window as the plane touched the ground and moved to a stop.

Donghae and Eunhyuk, who had overheard the whole thing, glanced at each other then at Zhoumi. Zhoumi merely shrugged and stood up to get their bags from the overhead compartment.

From the time they left the plane to the time they waited for the car that would take them to their hotel, Jin Ri hadn’t said a word. She was too busy thinking too much about her dream. The three boys were starting to get worried about her. So Donghae nudged Eunhyuk, who, in turn, shoved Zhoumi rather violently. The taller male shot dagger-like glares at the two before turning to Jin Ri.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Zhoumi asked her yet again.

Jin Ri turned to him and smiled, fixing her sunglasses. “I’m fine, I promise,” she assured him, as well as Donghae and Eunhyuk. She looked around. “Is the car that’s picking us up coming?”

“Yeah,” Donghae answered, shooting a glare at Eunhyuk, who elbowed him to answer. “We’re just waiting for someone.”

“Oh who?” she asked interestedly. She didn’t know that there were other people joining them on this trip.

“Hyung!” Eunhyuk suddenly called from behind them, waving at someone.

They all turned around. Heechul, in another one of his unique fashionista outfits, was walking towards them, pulling a black stroller suitcase. Jin Ri smiled widely and practically ran towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug. Heechul chuckled, letting go of his suitcase and hugging her back.

“Oppa! What are you doing here?” she asked happily, pulling away to look at him. “I thought you said you had a schedule.”

He patted her cheek, peering through her dark shades, and smiled a smile that made her feel confused. “They can do without me for a couple of days,” he said. “You need me more.”

“I do?” she asked, feeling even more confused. “What are you—?”

The words died in . It was then that she saw Kyuhyun walking towards them, wearing simple jeans, a black shirt, and a beanie on his hand, carrying a big black bag in hand. He stopped in his tracks when he saw her look at him, suddenly looking unsure on what to do. It was a good thing that she was wearing sunglasses, because she was pretty sure her eyes were as wide as saucers. Heechul pulled away from her and went to Kyuhyun, putting his arm around him.

“I hope you don’t mind that we’ve brought Kyuhyunnie along,” Heechul stated as if the whole situation wasn’t awkward at all. “He hasn’t had a vacation in a while.”

Jin Ri stood there, feeling confused and nervous at the same time. Her dream on the plane earlier… She lifted her gaze towards him, who was watching her with a bit of uncertainty, and then glanced at the other members who looked uncomfortable. It made her think back of her conversation with Shin Jae just before she left.


Shin Jae walked into the kitchen as she was preparing breakfast to bring with her on the way to the airport. He sat down on one of the chairs and watched as she poured him a cup of coffee, which she only had because he drank coffee.

As he took a sip, she sat down across from him. “I don’t have to go. It’s just Jeju Island,” she began the conversation. It didn’t sit right with her that everyone, including him, was pushing her to go on a vacation when the wedding was next week.

He shook his head. “You should go,” he insisted. “It’s important that you go.”

“Why?” she wanted to know. “I don’t really need a vacation. If anything we should be going together for one.”

“No,” he responded, shaking his head again. He reached for her hand across the counter. “You need this.”

She instantly withdrew her hand, but not for the reasons he was probably thinking, and sighed. “I’m all packed anyway,” she stated in a resigned tone. She bit her lip, hesitating. “There’s something I have to tell you.” When he merely looked at her and waited, she let out a breath and blurted out, “I lost the ring.” She lifted her left hand, which she had hidden underneath the table. “I’m sorry.”

He looked at her for quite a while, like he was assessing her, like there were things he wanted to say. But instead of saying anything, he merely looked at the time and stood up. “You should get going if you don’t want to be late,” he stated.

She followed him to the living room, where he was already carrying her bag. He handed her her purse and moved towards the door. Before she opened it, she turned towards him, looking truly apologetic. She was about to say something but he beat her to it.

“Enjoy the trip,” he advised. “Think about yourself. Don’t think about anything or anyone else, just yourself.”

“Shin Jae,” she began.

“About the ring,” he interrupted her. “Don’t worry about it for now. Let’s talk about it when you get back.” He moved forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek.


Shin Jae had been acting weird for the past couple of weeks. He rarely talked to her about the wedding. He never even let her worry about anything, always telling her that he was taking care of things. There were too many times when he had the opportunity and the right to stop her from hanging out with the Super Junior members, just for the simple fact that her ex-boyfriend was there, but didn’t. When she thought about it, it just seemed like he was always pushing her to go out with them. When she’d consulted her cousins about this, they all just shrugged and told her to go out with the members, saying that if it was fine with her fiancé then it shouldn’t be a problem. Sometimes, she thought everyone had gotten mad. Even the Super Junior members had been acting a bit weird, always talking to her and giving her advice about things that just confused her.

“Of course,” Jin Ri answered, pushing those thoughts to the back of her mind. “Of course it’s alright,” she repeated with a smile.

“Great!” Heechul cheered. He skipped towards Zhoumi and linked arms with him and Eunhyuk, who pulled Donghae with him. It was an obvious move to leave the two alone.

“Sorry,” Kyuhyun muttered, scratching the back of his head. He knew this whole thing was going to be uncomfortable, especially for Jin Ri, and he hated that he was making her feel such.

She honestly didn’t know what to do. They’d gotten back to being somewhat friends, chatting when they saw each other, sometimes texting each other, but being with him for a whole weekend was a different story. But there really was no point in worrying about it. She was already there. Kyuhyun was already there. She should just make the most of it. After all, after this weekend, she would never be alone with Kyuhyun anymore. She would be married.

“Don’t say sorry,” she told him, chuckling a little, hoping her nervousness didn’t show. “We’re in Jeju Island. Let’s enjoy it!” He smiled at her and chuckled.

“Let’s go!” Donghae agreed, suddenly appearing and throwing an arm around both of them. “What happens in Jeju Island stays in Jeju Island!”

Eunhyuk, pulled Donghae away from them by the collar, and lightly hit his head. “You’re not obvious at all, you know that?” he scolded, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

~ * ~

Their first day on the island had been a lot of fun. After checking into the hotel and depositing their bags into the rooms, they went on the city tour. They marveled at the place as if it was all of their first times, which almost seemed true because it had been a while since any of them had been there for pure vacation. Most of their stops—which were a lot—were mostly for food because Eunhyuk kept on getting hungry. This got Zhoumi, who had planned an itinerary for them, greatly stressed, which, in turn, got Heechul on edge. This all just made Donghae and Kyuhyun, who just went with the flow, enjoy the trip so much more. They made fun of the three members, who looked like they would dive into a fight at any moment. Jin Ri, who ignored all the tension for the most part, just took pictures of everything that interested her, which included the members. She was sure that the tension would be captured in a lot of the photos.

The second day was a bit better, in the sense that Zhoumi gave up on the itinerary, allowing him to enjoy the trip more, while Eunhyuk managed to control his hunger for the most part. While it took a lot of fun away from Donghae and Kyuhyun, this allowed Heechul to have a better mood, which, in the end, had everyone being fed for free. Jin Ri could only laugh at the members affectionately. It truly would have been a much more fun day, with everyone enjoying the parks and the cool breeze, if not for the fact that fans had found out about the vacation and had ended up following them everywhere. That, in itself, wasn’t a bad thing. But, nearing the end of the day after they had had their dinner, the fans just started calling Jin Ri names and crowding around them, resulting into forms of physical violence, and the fun stopped.

“Ouch!”

“Hold still!”

“It hurts!”

“I know that!”

“Then stop pressing so hard!”

“I am not!”

“You are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“That’s enough!” Heechul yelled from across the room. They had returned to the hotel, in Jin Ri’s room with the help of some of the city police. “Mimi, take over,” he ordered the taller male. When Kyuhyun started to protest, he directed, “You, sit over there and watch some TV.”

Kyuhyun frowned and put the cotton he was holding down on the table and grumbled as he sat down on the sofa and turned the television on. Zhoumi immediately followed the oldest male’s orders and started treating Jin Ri’s injuries. He sighed when she flinched. There were scratches on her arms and some on the sides of her face. Eunhyuk flinched along with her as he watched Zhoumi dap on some alcohol to clean the wounds. Donghae, meanwhile, was on the phone with Leeteuk, studiously reporting everything that had happened.

“I’m sorry,” Jin Ri voiced out as soon as Donghae ended the phone call. The four males turned to look at her, surprise reflected on their faces.

“And you’re apologizing because…?” Heechul questioned, an eyebrow raised, his hands in his pockets.

“This was supposed to be a vacation and because of me—,” she began.

“Stop,” Heechul interrupted, putting a hand up. “I don’t even want to hear it. Besides, it’s not your fault that our fans are immature.” He sighed and shook his head. He had gotten quite angry at the scene. The last time he’d gotten that angry was when it happened to Hangeng. He just hated the way they treated her and went at her like they were even there. They didn’t even have the decency to feel embarrassed.

“Still,” she muttered. With a sigh, she glanced at her camera, which sat at the corner of the bed. It had fallen amidst the chaos and had gotten chipped in some areas.

“Sorry about your camera,” Eunhyuk stated. “We’ll get it fixed.”

She shook her head. “It’s still working. Don’t worry about it.”

It wasn’t working as properly as it had, but it was a good thing that she would still be able to extract the photos she had taken with it. For some reason, the camera getting hurt bothered her more than when she’d gotten hurt.

“I’m done,” Zhoumi announced after a while. He stood up and put all the used cottons and bandages in a plastic bag to throw it away. “You should get some rest,” he told her, smiling a little.

Donghae and Eunhyuk both moved towards the door, grabbing their bags in the process. “Yeah, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Donghae agreed.

“Good night,” Eunhyuk called, smiling. He, Donghae and Zhoumi then exited the room.

She stood up as Heechul walked over. Gently touching her arms, he gave her a warm smile. “Don’t think too much, okay?” he suggested. Kissing her forehead, he added, “Get some sleep. I’ll have the reception wake you up at nine tomorrow.” As he walked to the door, he glanced at Kyuhyun, who had just turned the TV off. He decided not to wait for the younger male and just showed himself out, closing the door behind him.

Kyuhyun walked towards her and touched her chin, tilting her head to look at the cuts on her face. He breathed deeply and met her eyes. She was just watching him, knowing what she wanted to say, but not really sure if she should—or if she even could.

“I’ll get you hot chocolate to calm you down,” he then stated, turning to grab his jacket.

She nodded and moved to get her camera as he left the room. Moving to the area where the sofa was, she opened her laptop and connected her camera to it. It seemed like a good idea to transfer the photos now that the camera didn’t seem so stable anymore. She leaned back on the sofa as she waited for everything to get transferred. After it was done, she disconnected the camera cable from the laptop and sorted through the photos. She smiled as she went through them. It was amazing how the boys shined no matter what they were doing. The camera just really loved them. Her smile grew wider as she saw all the wacky photos that they had taken, some of which had Donghae on Eunhyuk’s back and Zhoumi on Heechul’s back. She took a deep breath and the smiled disappeared from her face. Standing up, she walked towards the balcony, slipping through the sliding glass doors.

Closing her eyes and gripping the metal railing tightly, she breathed the night sky in. She’d had some of the best times that weekend, despite what had happened with the fans. She was always going to remember it. She was always going to remember how they took care of her, always making sure she was doing well, making her order first, making sure she was able to take photos, making sure that she bought souvenirs, etc. It was obvious that they were making an extra effort. She suspected that it had something to do with Kyuhyun being around. Kyuhyun. The trip was so much more memorable because of him. If the members took care of her, Kyuhyun did so much more. He stayed beside her the entire time and that was more than she could ever ask from him. She knew it was difficult for him as it was difficult for her. They knew their boundaries and yet, even so, he made her feel so much. He told her through everything that he did how much things hadn’t changed, how much he cared, how much he still felt for her.

The photos she took were probably the last batch of photos she was going to take with the members. She had started taking a lot of them ever time she met up with them since she’d gotten back from Japan. All those photos were going up on the photo wall in her room. It was impractical and probably selfish but she didn’t care. It was her only way of preserving everything that had gone well in her life because of meeting them. It was her way of holding on. It was her way of stopping time. Looking at those pictures, she would always, always remember of how beautiful her life had been because of them. Because of him.

She was just getting back inside and sliding the doors shut when Kyuhyun entered the room with the promised hot chocolate on hand. He placed the hot chocolate on the table in front of the sofa and grabbed a robe hanging on one of the chairs to put it on her.

“You’re going to get yourself sick,” he commented, then picking the hot chocolate up and handing it to her. He moved to one side of the room, where the air conditioner and heater buttons were, turning the heater up.

“Thanks,” she gratefully said, taking a sip. She watched as he closed the curtains, removed the bed cover and fluffed her pillows. He then opened the lights on in the bathroom and prepared a bath for her.

“Kyuhyun,” she began, knowing what was going through his head.

He moved towards her, placing his hands on her arms. “I’m going to sleep on the couch,” he expressed. 

Their eyes met. He knew about her dreams. There were instances in the past that he had stayed over to help her have a more peaceful sleep. Her parents, the loss of her baby still haunted her dreams. And he knew how things like what happened earlier could make her feel stressed and trigger them. He knew she wanted him there but, because of their present circumstances, would never voice it out.

~ * ~

Jin Ri stared at the ceiling. Letting out a breath, she sat up, pushing the bed covers off of her. It was 1:17 in the morning and yet sleep was the last thing on her mind. She slipped off of the bed and padded across the carpeted floor. Kyuhyun was on the couch. He was fast asleep; his arm covering his eyes, his breathing even. She reached down and lifted his blanket to cover the upper part of his body. It was freezing. She walked to the balcony doors and opened the curtains so she could see outside.

She’d always had a hard time sleeping. But, for some reason, she couldn’t sleep at all that night. It was probably the fact that Kyuhyun was with her, staying with her again, after such a long time. She could remember the times that he sang songs to her just so she could fall asleep and how he hugged her tight to make the nightmares go away. She was never going to have that. This would be the very last time. When she thought about it, she could say “to hell with appa and the damn contract” and just go off with Kyuhyun. But it wasn’t just about that anymore. She made a commitment to Shin Jae and it would be very unfair if she backed out at the last minute. She tightened her robe around her as she shivered from the cold and at the thought of forever removing Kyuhyun and the possibility of him in her life.

“What are you doing up?”

She jumped and hurriedly turned around. Kyuhyun was standing behind her, rubbing his eyes to get rid of his sleepiness.

“I’m fine,” she told him. “You should go back to sleep.”

“Having nightmares again?” he asked, standing beside her and looking out of the glass doors as well.

She shook her head. “I just can’t sleep,” she answered honestly. She shivered once again, which he noticed.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, moving to stand behind her. Slowly, a bit unsurely, he wrapped his arms around her to keep her warm.

“Kyuhyun,” she muttered, stiffening at his touch.

“This is the last time, princess,” he whispered, bowing his head so it was resting on her shoulder. “I promise.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered back.

He tightened his hold on her and closed his eyes shut, just wanting to feel her in his arms. He missed her so much every single day that she was gone. He thought it would go away because he never saw her for three months. And it did, for a little while. But then she came back and it was like he never stopped missing her. He never really stopped, he realized. It was never going to go away as long as she was around.

“I’m leaving for Japan,” he said after a silence. When she didn’t say anything, he continued, “I’m going to try and debut as a solo singer there for a while, promote my songs, while the other members do other things. Some of the members are going to the army next year.” Each of the members was preparing to do solo schedules for a while.

“How long will you be there?” she wanted to know, her hands resting on his arms.

“At least a year,” he told her. It was going to be a year alone for him, a time to think, to get over everything that had happened, to forget all that was taken away from him.

She closed her eyes. “Japan is always a good idea,” she stated, not really knowing what to say. “You’ve always loved Japan.”

“That I did,” he sighed, lifting his head up.

They were enveloped in silence. Both were seeing the future in their heads, a future without each other. Kyuhyun would leave for Japan, write songs, and perform. Jin Ri would stay, get married and become a wife. She sighed and leaned her head back on his shoulder.

“Sing me a song,” she quietly requested. “Just like before.”

“Everyday my life is like a dream,” he softly began, turning her around to face him. She looked at him as he started to lead her into a slow dance.

To me, the happiness of those precious memories
Will be warmer during hard times.
For me, hope is a dream that never sleeps.

She leaned her head on his chest. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her hair. This was it. This really was going to be the last time for them.

No matter how many times I stumble and fall
I’m still standing like this.
I only have one heart.
When I’m tired you become my strength.
My heart is towards you forever

As his voice trailed away to a stop, she looked up at him as they pulled away from each other. “You were beside me on the plane ride here, weren’t you?” she asked, diverting from the song to force tears back into her eyes.

“And what if I was?” he shot back, his face straight and devoid of any emotion.

She rolled her eyes at him and smiled. “I thought I was dreaming.”

“Would you prefer that you were only dreaming?” he curiously asked, watching her closely.

She only smiled in response, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “You’re going to be great in Japan,” she told him confidently. “You’re going to be Cho Kyuhyun, the next big Hallyu star.”

He wrinkled his nose, but chuckled. Soon, the smile disappeared from his face and he looked at her seriously. “My flight leaves at 3 o’clock, Tuesday next week,” he disclosed. “I don’t know if I’ll see you again before that or when I’ll see you again, but—.”

“That’s the day of the wedding,” she shared, looking away.

Kyuhyun stilled. He hadn’t realized that it was the same day. So that was it then, he couldn’t help but think. This was it. It really was the last time. He lifted her chin up so she would meet his gaze. The tears in her eyes reflected his.

“This is the last time,” he promised with a soft sigh.

“Kyuhyun,” she began.

“I love you,” he shut her up. He knew what she was going to say. But nothing mattered anymore. He had to tell her one last time and make her feel how much she still meant to him. “I love you,” he repeated. “I’ve always thought that those things were just a setback, that eventually time would heal everything and that you’ll come back to me. But I’ve run out of time. And right now, I really don’t want to go in slow motion. I want to hurry forward to a point where I won’t be missing you and won’t be hurting as much.”

She lifted her hands and wiped his tears. “Maybe those were the only times that were meant for us. Maybe our love story wasn’t supposed to be set in forever,” she said in a shaky voice. “I want you to be happy, Kyu. And I want for time to move faster just so you can stop hurting.”

“Just…” he breathed deeply and pulled her into a sudden kiss. He cupped her face, wanting to feel her, his eyes shut with tears streaming down his cheeks. 

And as suddenly as he kissed her, he suddenly let her go. He took a step back, instantly feeling the loss. “I’m stopping now.” Tears trickled down her face, tears that he wanted to brush away but didn’t. “I'm not going to run after you anymore.”