Chapter 19
“I can't meet 
Losing sleep over this 
No I can't 
And now I cannot stop pacing 
Give me a few hours 
I'll have this all sorted out 
If my mind would just stop racing 

Cause I cannot stand still 
I can be this unsturdy 
This cannot be happening 

This is over my head 
But underneath my feet 
Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat 
And everything will be back to the way that it was 
I wish that it was just that easy 

Cause I'm waiting for tonight 
Been waiting for tomorrow 
I'm somewhere in between 
What is real 
Just a dream 
What is real 
Just a dream 
What is real 
Just a dream 

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in 
Don’t be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again 
I don't want to run away from this 
I know that I just don't need this 

Cause I cannot stand still 
I can be this unsturdy 
This cannot be happening 

Cause I'm waiting for tonight 
Been waiting for tomorrow 
And I'm somewhere in between 
What is real 
Just a dream 
What is real 
Just a dream 
What is real 
Just a dream 
What is real just a dream*”

Taeyeon and Zhoumi exchanged a look as Jin Ri ended her song. When Jin Ri had asked them if they could drop by one of the practice rooms in the company so that they could listen to her song, they expected it to be a happy one. After all, they knew that she was preparing it for her six-month anniversary with Kyuhyun. They supposed things still weren’t going well for them.

“Well…?” Jin Ri prodded, looking from Taeyeon to Zhoumi, who were both just standing there, silent, unsure how to react.

Taeyeon flicked a glance towards Zhoumi before clearing to answer. “Is that what you wrote for Kyuhyun for your anniversary?” She paused for a second. “It doesn’t sound very encouraging.”

As Jin Ri burst out laughing, Zhoumi glanced towards the door, which was opened a tiny crack. His eyes widened. He then gave a meaningful glance to Taeyeon, a quick apology to Jin Ri and hurriedly walked out, seemingly running down the hall.

“Is he okay?” Jin Ri curiously asked, watching their tall friend bolt out of the room. When Taeyeon just gave her a pointed look since her question was still unanswered, Jin Ri chuckled. “Of course that isn’t my song for Kyu. It was just something I wrote out of the blue and I wanted you guys to hear it.”

Taeyeon sighed in obvious relief. “Have you two even talked yet? Like really talked and not the occasionally nods you exchange when you pass by each other down the hallway?”

“I’m giving him time to absorb everything and time to think if it’s really me that he wants,” Jin Ri explained lightly, a small smile on her face.

Taeyeon couldn’t believe her ears. Sometimes she just wanted to smack her for being so blind about how Kyuhyun felt about her. Everyone could see how madly in love he was with her, how he was willing to do anything and everything for her. It was just so plain. She couldn’t understand how the one person whom he dedicated his affections to couldn’t see that as everyone could.

“Of course he wants you,” Taeyeon defended her friend. She and Kyuhyun may not be that close, but she knew that he loved her and that he would love her no matter what.

“Sometimes it’s the idea of someone that we fall for,” Jin Ri mused, placing her hands on the white keys of the piano and started playing a different tune, one more light and more cheerful. She started to hum the same song she’d played for Kyuhyun a couple of weeks back.

“You’re just in one of those fights, Jin,” Taeyeon pressed, hoping to knock some sense into her. Sometimes the way Jin Ri thought about things scared her. It was probably all those things that she’d gone through in the past that made her think that she didn’t deserve much happiness in her life.

“I know,” Jin Ri confirmed. “Although, when you’re in a fight, it’s like you’re not together, so I’m letting myself feel like this until he takes it all away and makes me believe again.” 

~ * ~

“Kyu!” Zhoumi grabbed the arm of the younger male, stopping him from walking away from him so briskly. “Stop.” The taller male bent over, resting his hands on his knees, panting. “Why do you walk so fast?”

“I don’t walk fast,” Kyuhyun responded calmly, a smirk on his face. “You just walk like an old man.”

This got Zhoumi straightening up so fast; he almost hit Kyuhyun on the chin. “I am not old,” he sharply retorted. “You’re just—.”

“Younger?” Kyuhyun supplied cheekily. Zhoumi made a face at him and just rolled his eyes. “Why were going after me, anyway? I have to rehearse.”

“You just saw me with Jin Ri, right?” Zhoumi jogged his memory. He watched as the younger male nodded, seemingly untroubled. “Did you hear anything that we were talking about, the song that she was playing…?”

Kyuhyun chuckled. “You mean about her singing such a depressing song for our anniversary?” he guessed, watching as the older male’s lips tightened and held his breath. “We’re not breaking up,” he eased his worries. “All of you should just breathe.” He took a deep breath, raising his hands up and down as he breathed in and out, trying to make Zhoumi follow him.

“You’re not making it easy, you know. You’re not the one who sees Jin Ri faking smiles all the time,” Zhoumi demanded, his brow furrowing.

Kyuhyun frowned and sighed. “I do see that,” he let him know. For some reason, he and Jin Ri always saw each other everyday in the company. He saw how much he was hurting her. But he couldn’t just start talking to her when he knew he hadn’t really calmed down. He needed to sort his feelings out first before he could approach her. If he didn’t, he just might end up saying something that would hurt both of them. “But cut me some slack, will you? I’m trying to figure out what the perfect boyfriend would do in this situation. She just told me that she got engaged, pregnant and lost the baby and then didn’t get engaged all in one go. Really, how do you expect me to react to that?”

“Not like this,” Zhoumi retorted calmly. “You don’t have to be perfect, Kyu. She knows you’re angry. She knows that she hurt you. But it’s no reason for you to shut her out. She’s your girlfriend, your partner. You’re supposed to talk to her about everything, most especially the hard things.”

“You should get a girlfriend,” Kyuhyun mused, his eyes twinkling teasingly. “You and Eunhyuk hyung. He said that exact same thing to me yesterday.” He chuckled, not being able to help himself.

“Kyu, this is serious,” Zhoumi snapped. He looked like he wanted to stomp his feet hard on the floor.

“Okay, okay,” Kyuhyun calmed him down. “I’m just trying to let you all know that you don’t have to worry. I am taking this seriously because I am serious about her.” He quietly sighed. “I love her, Mi.” It was in that moment he sang for her when she was sick that he realized that his heart already belonged to her.

Zhoumi’s expression softened. He didn’t think Kyuhyun had ever voiced that out to anyone, even to himself before. “Then tell her that, you dummy.” He reached forward and lightly hit the back of the magnae’s head.

“That’s unnecessary, you know,” Kyuhyun complained rubbing the back of his head. He then patted his friend on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, okay? I have to go. Manager hyung is going to yell at me again when he finds out I was late for rehearsal.” He smirked at him and hurriedly went off.

“Aish, that brat,” Zhoumi reacted in a complete imitation of how Heechul would’ve said it.

~ * ~

Jin Ri couldn’t help but roll her eyes as her cousin asked for what seemed like the 10th time in their 10-minute conversation, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes,” Jin Ri answered with a quiet sigh. “Everyone’s been asking me that. I feel like I’m going to drop dead any moment.”

“Well, don’t,” was Sun Young’s reply.

“Where’s my key?” Jin Ri then complained as she rummaged around her bag for her apartment key. She was seated in her car in I-Park’s underground parking lot, nearly tearing her bag apart.

“You lost your apartment key?” Her cousin sounded amused and surprised at the same time.

“I guess I’ll just have to ask the concierge for help,” Jin Ri decided, getting out of her car and locking it with a loud beeping sound. “Are you coming over tonight?”

“Sorry,” Sun Young denied. “Sungie and I have a date.” She could almost see the smile on her cousin’s voice. “Of course you could go with us, but I remember that you and Kyuhyun still aren’t talking.”

“We are talking,” Jin Ri said defensively as she walked across the lobby. “Anyway, enjoy your date. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Jin, I’m serious,” Sun Young said before her cousin could hang up on her. “It’s not going to do any good if you guys avoid talking about what happened. And don’t give me that crap about giving him space. You guys are just waiting and tiptoeing around each other.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jin Ri couldn’t help but respond. She almost wanted to do a salute. As she ended the call, she approached the counter and smiled at the manager, who was fixing some paper work.

“Jin Ri-ssi, how may I help you?” he greeted, giving her a bow.

“Hee Jun-ssi, I seemed to have misplaced my key,” she began to explain. Hee Jun quirked an eyebrow up, looking amused. “Can you give me a new one and can you let me borrow yours for now so I can enter my apartment?”

“Of course,” Hee Jun acquiesced immediately, bowing once again. “I will send you your new key copy tomorrow morning.”

Once they entered the elevator, Hee Jun punched in the master key on the card socket and pressed 17 so that when it reached that floor, it would open. Jin Ri smiled gratefully at the manager and thanked him profusely for his help.

As soon as she reached the 17th floor and entered her apartment, she immediately sensed that something was different. For one, the lights were all when she clearly remembered that she had made sure everything was turned off before she left that morning. Another thing was that, the place smelled differently. It reminded her too much of… She shook the thought away, thinking that she was only imagining things. Moving to the closet by the door, she removed her jacket and hung it on the rack. After which, she bent down to pick up a shoe with the biggest heel that she could find. But before she could turn around to start looking for the intruder, someone called her from the hallway.

“You’re home!”

Because of shock and by reflex, she threw the shoe she was holding hard at the owner of the voice, aimed right at the stomach.

“What are you doing here?” Jin Ri demanded, although not angrily, as the intruder grunted at the impact of the shoe.

“I now concur that heels are dangerous weapons.”

“Kyuhyun,” she pressed. “Why are you here?”

“Princess,” Kyuhyun began, taking a cautious step forward, noticing that she was protecting herself by crossing her arms on her chest. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“By breaking into my apartment?” she questioned, an eyebrow raised.

“I… it worked, didn’t it?” He gave her a mischievous smile, one she couldn’t hate or ignore. He watched as a myriad of emotions flitted through her face. When she finally settled on resignation and amusement, he grinned. “Want to see what I prepared for you?”

As he led her to the kitchen, she couldn’t help but carefully inquire, “You didn’t cook, did you?”

“And if I did?” he prodded, watching her face closely.

“Uh, well, I just ate?” she offered, smiling sheepishly.

“What if I told you that Ryeowook had helped me make the food?” he then pressed as they entered the kitchen, where delicious-smelling and delicious-looking food was all laid out on the counter.

Her face visibly brightened at this. She craned her neck eagerly, wanting to know what food had been prepared. He rolled his eyes as he led her to a seat, muttering something like some girlfriend and how his cooking skills had gotten much better.

Jin Ri, her hands clasped together on top of the counter, watched as Kyuhyun brought out plates and utensils, surprisingly knowing where to find everything. He put a placemat and plate in front of her then began serving her with everything that was on the counter, Bibimbap, Japchae, Kimbap, Samgyupsal, Kimchi, etc. After that, he poured some wine on the wine glass that he had placed beside her plate.

“Wine?” she asked, looking at him in surprise.

“Er, did you want something else? Juice? Soda? Water?” he enumerated the choices. He mistook her silence as something other than just plain surprise. So he just made juice and poured soda and water for her in different glasses, placing them all in front of her. When she still didn’t say anything, he turned around and busied himself by the sink, starting to wash the pans that he and Ryeowook used to cook.

Kyuhyun quietly took a deep breath. It seemed like Jin Ri wasn’t going to make things easy for him. He supposed it was his fault for walking and shutting her out. But he had hoped that with this she would come to realize that he didn’t mean to and that he was just acting out of reflex. Right now, he didn’t know what else to do. He supposed he would just wait for her to finish eating so they could talk.

All of a sudden he felt her slender arms encircle themselves around his waist, startling him, almost making him drop the pan he was holding. She rested the side of her head on his back, breathing deeply, inhaling his scent. This was what she’d wanted to do ever since she saw him standing in the hallway of her apartment. Without thinking twice, without even drying his hands, he dropped the pan on the sink and turned around to wrap his arms around her as well. And, just like those other times when they saw each other after not seeing each other for a while, they just stood there, holding each other.

“I missed you,” Jin Ri whispered.

Kyuhyun closed his eyes and held her tight. “I love you.” It slipped so naturally from his lips that he hadn’t noticed there was something wrong with what he said until he felt her stiffen in his arms. He gently pulled away so that he could look at her. All he could read in her eyes was trepidation. He tightened his arms around her waist, still looking at her, into her eyes. “I’m sorry about walking out,” he went on. “I shouldn’t have.”

She shook her head, bowing her head. “You had every right to.”

“I still shouldn’t have,” he responded softly. “I never want you to feel like I’m going to disappear any moment, whenever I feel like it.” He touched her chin, tilting her face up so that she would look at him. “I’m never going to disappear on you.”

“Never is a strong word, Kyu,” she reminded him. “It equates to forever.”

“Then forever it is,” he firmly stated, a resolute expression on his face. “I love you,” he repeated, his eyes boring on hers, trying to let her know that he meant it. “I told you I would always come back to you, but I’m taking that back.” He smiled a little when her eyes widened in a mixture of surprise and hurt. “Because I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave you.”

“Kyuhyun,” she replied uncertainly. “You don’t have to promise me anything. You being with me is enough.”

He smiled, giving her a kiss on the forehead. “I’m not promising anything. I’m telling things as it is.”

She sighed in resignation. “Sometimes I think you’re too good for me. What did I ever do to deserve you?” she commented, smiling up at him, tracing his jaw with her fingers.

“Good things equate to good results. You’re good for me so I’m doing my best to be good for you.” He smiled. “So does that mean I’m forgiven?” he asked, resting his forehead on hers.

“You never did anything that needs forgiving,” she told him. “Are you upset with me?”

“I was,” he sighed.

“Because I kept it from you or because of what happened?” she wanted to know, pulling a little bit away from him so she could see his whole face.

“Both,” he confessed. He reached up to entangle his fingers with her hair, wondering how he could explain to her how he felt. “But I was more upset because I couldn’t do anything about it.” He wrapped her in another hug. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

She shook her head again. “Stop saying sorry. Nothing’s your fault. Me on the other hand… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she softly said. “I hope you don’t think I did it because I don’t trust you. It won’t happen again.”

“No more secrets?” Kyuhyun whispered, leaning his face closer to hers.

“No more secrets,” Jin Ri whispered back, lifting her face to close the distance between them to kiss him.


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*Somewhere in Between by Lifehouse