Chapter 28
The moment Kyuhyun walked into the practice room that fateful January morning, everyone immediately knew that the kid probably had something special in him. It was undeniable, even when he looked thin, gangly, like a walking wooden log, despite having a chubby face with two slits for eyes. They had all hated him. He was unnervingly quiet, only opening his mouth when spoken to. He was irritatingly awkward. No one could believe how a trainee of only three months managed to snag a membership in a group that was already into a year from their debut being able to dance that way. That way, meaning discomfiting to the point of embarrassment to everyone, especially to himself. His movements, all of them, seemed uncoordinated. Everyone wondered how he managed to become a trainee at all. 

He could clearly remember one dance rehearsal for their song U, where Kyuhyun continuously made so many mistakes, that Leeteuk just burst out into a yell of annoyance. Everyone stopped dancing, startled, but no one said anything. When the leader got angry that way, which was rarely, all members just timidly kept quiet. He could still remember the way the magnae reacted. Sure, he was hurt and probably scared of the leader—he really did give him a hard time, after all—but he was always, always gracious to the situation, to the leader, to the other members. He remembered Kyuhyun bowing a 90-degree bow and apologizing, telling everyone that he would work harder.

Even if Kyuhyun had only been a trainee for three months, he worked really hard. The kid practiced his singing and dancing every single day ever since he first stepped foot into the SM Entertainment building. This was probably why he suddenly became even thinner all those months (aside from the fact he was asked to go on a diet by the management). The members would always arrive at the practice room and see Kyuhyun slumped by the big, wall mirror, his eyes closed and clothes soaked with sweat. In one of those instances, Ryeowook, who had such a mushy heart, poked Kyuhyun awake and handed him a towel to wipe his sweat off, along with an extra shirt. It was the first time everyone saw him smile. And when Kyuhyun smiled, it was like the world was bathed with the colors of the rainbow, making things bright and whimsical.

But everyone still hated him. The members still found it hard to understand why such a dorky kid would join a debuted group so prematurely. The manager got tired of all the ignoring and the tenseness that, one day, he just gathered everyone together. It was then that he asked Kyuhyun to sing. No one had heard him since before and it was then that everyone had realized this. He could remember his eyes widening as soon as the first note came out of the magnae’s mouth. He swallowed and searched for Leeteuk’s eyes in the room. They exchanged a look and Leeteuk smiled. They all now knew why the kid was special, why he was debuting already—why he deserved to debut so early. His singing made up for all the awkwardness he had in his body. His singing was magical. It made people dream. His singing was pure. It made people find themselves. His singing was love. It made people feel.

Everything wasn’t so smooth sailing after that, but the singers in the group approached Kyuhyun more, and the dancers reached out to help him out with his dancing. Since Leeteuk seemed to be more comfortable with his presence, the other members thought it was okay to finally be amiable to the newcomer. Kyuhyun smiled so much more after that. His smiles and child-like—sometimes, childish—quality endeared everyone to him that, even when he became the spawn of the devil, all still loved him. It really didn’t take long before he settled into his role as the youngest of the group with the group being comfortable with the idea. Kyuhyun, in spite of acting mature, became the baby of the group, the light of their lives.

But he knew that no amount of reaching out, no amount of singing, and no amount of love from them could make the magnae smile like before. Because the love they gave him wasn’t the kind of love that his heart yearned for.

“How long has he been like this?” Leeteuk asked as he approached Heechul, who had been watching the magnae lie down at the couch and stare at the ceiling.

“He’s been like this since,” was Heechul’s pointed answer.

“At least he’s out of his room,” Leeteuk sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“He’s only out of his room because Sungmin threatened to karate chop him if he didn’t,” Heechul remarked, a hint of amusement in his voice. “Even then, it doesn’t make a difference.” He paused then turned to their leader. “Have you tried talking to him?”

The older male sighed once more and shook his head. He did want to talk to Kyuhyun, to ask him about what happened, to comfort him, but it was hard. The magnae was making it hard for anyone to reach out to him. It was like he had shut down completely. He never talked, unless spoken to. Even then, he only responded when work was the topic, all else he ignored. The light in his eyes had disappeared and his smiles were gone. Being the leader, this was hard for him to bear because with Kyuhyun acting like his world had caved in, all the other members were affected and he had to help everyone cope with that as well.

“How are you doing?” Heechul then asked, fully turning to get a good look at his hyung.

“I’m fine,” Leeteuk immediately answered. “Okay, I’m not fine,” he amended when the younger raised his eyebrows at him. “But I’m managing.” He rubbed his temples. “Honestly, Jin Ri just had to break up with him at the worst possible time. We’re recording right now. We can’t afford to have any setbacks.”

“Is that really what you’re worried about?” Heechul knowingly questioned.

“No,” Leeteuk confirmed, sighing once more. He glanced at the magnae, who was still staring at the ceiling, his eyes dead. “It’s Kyuhyun. And Jin Ri. How could this have happened? Why would she break up with him?” His brows furrowed as he watched Kyuhyun not move a single muscle in the minute that had passed. “How are we going to bring back the light in his eyes?”

Kyuhyun rarely showed any sort of sadness to anyone. He didn’t just hide it from the public. He hid it from his hyungs, too. So this display of brokenness was something none of the members were prepared for. His heartbreak was just so open and so raw and the members, who never had to comfort Kyuhyun much, were at a loss as to what to do. He was their sunshine, just like how the youngest children in families were. Their sunshine was shattered and refused to emit any light. And no one knew how to fix it. No one knew how to fix him.

~ * ~

He closed his eyes and counted to ten for what seemed like was the hundredth time. It was all he could do not to burst out in anger at his hyungs who were in the midst of a whispered argument. He was in the living room and they were in the kitchen. He could hear every word that they uttered, which was why he knew what they were talking about. And he hated that he could hear them. He hated that he knew.

“This is a tabloid,” Eunhyuk spoke uncertainly. “We don’t know if it’s true. It could be just reporters cashing in on the report that they’ve broken up.”

“And what if it’s true?” Shindong pressed.

There was silence.

Then, “I can’t believe Jin Ri would do something like this.” It was Donghae. “Why would she get herself engaged to Shin Jae again? Didn’t she say that things were long over between them?”

“She said she loved Kyuhyun,” Ryeowook bitterly shared.

“We could all see that she did,” Yesung sighed.

“Well, she’s obviously a very good actress,” Sungmin commented. “I mean she had Shin Jae’s baby, after all. There’s obviously still something there.”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” Zhoumi chided. “We don’t know what the real story is. We haven’t even heard her side.”

“And we’re not going to,” Heechul declared, silencing everyone and giving a pointed look at Zhoumi.

“But—,” Zhoumi began. He thought it was unfair that they wouldn’t even try to hear Jin Ri out.

“Out of respect for Kyuhyun,” Leeteuk asserted, knowing what the Chinese male was thinking. He then looked at each of the members.

“Where is Siwon anyway?” Eunhyuk then asked. “He probably knows what the truth is. I mean, he does go in the same circles as Jin Ri and it seemed they had become closer these days.”

“I doubt he would tell us anything,” Donghae piped in, breathing deeply.

“Do you think it’s true?” Ryeowook asked again after a short silence.

BANG!

The members, shocked, all hurried to the living room. They were all surprised to see Kyuhyun standing up, one of the tabloids in his hand. When the magnae was sure that they were all there, he slammed the publication on the table once more.

BANG!

“Kyuhyun,” Leeteuk began.

It was the first time they’d seen any form of emotion from him for over two weeks now. He just blankly stared at people and things most of the time. He was that way even during their schedules.

“YES!” Kyuhyun yelled, making the members flinch in surprise at his loud voice. He looked positively murderous, a look that they’d never seen on their magnae. “The answer to all of your nosy questions is yes. Jin Ri broke up with me because of Shin Jae. Jin Ri is engaged to Shin Jae. Jin Ri is marrying Shin Jae. My princess…” He stopped as he choked back a sob. “…is gone.” He stopped talking as he saw the reality of the situation. She was gone. He hugged himself and took a couple of deep breaths to force the tears at bay.

Ryeowook took a step forward, but Kyuhyun stopped him with a glare. “Don’t,” the magnae growled. He then looked at all of his hyungs. “Are you all satisfied with that answer?”

“Kyu, we were all just asking because we wanted to know how to help you,” Eunhyuk bravely but meekly told him.

“How exactly are you going to help me?” Kyuhyun spat, throwing the newspaper on the floor. When no one said a word, he smirked. “I thought so. There is nothing you can do. NOTHING. So just Leave. Me. Alone.”

He walked straight to the front door, where the members followed him. He angrily grabbed his coat and slipped on some shoes, not caring whether they were his or his hyungs’.

“Where are you going?” Heechul demanded, a hint of worry in his tone.

The response that he got was a loudly slammed door. Heechul moved to go after him, a mixture of worry and annoyance coursing through him. But Leeteuk touched his arm to stop him.

“Kyuhyun’s not one to drive carelessly,” Leeteuk mentioned. “He’ll be fine.”

Ryeowook suddenly moved towards the front door, putting a coat and some shoes on as well.

“Where are you going?” Shindong wanted to know.

“Just out,” was Ryeowook’s simple reply.

~ * ~

Shin Seung Hun looked up from the papers he was signing as Jin Ri entered his office. He smiled and gestured to the chairs in front of his desk for her to have a seat. She had become one of his favorite photographer associates. Her pictures were always one of the best among the group’s, always giving new angles to seemingly ordinary things. She was a joy to work with as well. All the staff, the crew, had all mentioned more than once how she was such a breath of fresh air in an industry filled with stuck-ups and too many domineering personalities.

“What can I do for you today, Jin Ri-ssi?” he asked, signing one last document.

Not saying a word and not making a move to sit, she placed a white envelope on his desk. He looked at it and his cheery disposition was dulled. He put his pen down and reached for the envelope. Opening it and taking out the letter, he skimmed it. After doing so, he placed the letter on his desk and looked up at her.

“Do I get a better explanation that this?” he persisted, clasping his hands together.

“What’s written on the letter is pretty much the whole explanation,” she responded simply.

He studied her for a couple of seconds before speaking again. He didn’t buy her excuse. He had a good feeling he knew what was going on. “You’ve never been one to let personal affairs interfere with your work,” he tested, watching her closely.

She lifted her eyes to meet his. The man seated in front of her had become somewhat of a mentor to her in the year and a half that she had been working there. Through him, she learned so much more than she had learned when she had been in university studying photography. She bit the inside of her lower lip to keep it from trembling. It was unfair to him and to the team, what she was doing, but it was something she had to do. If she were to keep her end of the bargain, she would have to stay away from everything that had anything to do with Kyuhyun.

“I’m sorry,” was all she could say, bowing. “Thank you for taking me in and for helping me learn so much! I will not forget my experience here.”

Taking her leave, she hurriedly, but calmly, stepped out of the office. As she closed the door, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She shook her hands and willed herself to calm down and not cry. It was done. Being a photographer for SM Entertainment was one of the most rewarding experiences that she’d had. The people she had met and had grown attached to there make her whole stay wonderful. Sighing, she couldn’t but think that it was also that very reason that made leaving so painful.

She returned to her area and stared at the empty box on top of her desk. Feeling thankful that the team was out on a shoot, she started to pack her things. It was time to erase herself from there, quietly and without any fuss.

“So this is how it is.”

Jin Ri jumped and immediately turned around. The corners of started to go up as she was about to greet him, but she immediately caught herself when she saw the eyes of the visitor pierce her with a cold and steely gaze. It was a startling image, one that she never thought she would ever see.

“I’m sorry,” was all she could manage to say.

“That’s not enough and you know it,” his words cut her. His eyes landed on the box on her desk. “Are you really doing this?”

“I already did,” she answered, not meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t understand, but—.”

“No explanation of yours is going to make things better. Nothing you say will ever fix things. So stop apologizing because your sorrys aren’t going to fix Kyuhyun,” he snapped.

She stood there, taking everything in, tears blurring her eyesight. He was right. She felt that with every feeling in her body. She knew what she had done and she’d lived with it in each day that had passed since she coldly walked away from him.

“You promised,” he strongly reminded her. His expression softened when she finally met his eyes with hers. He could see the pain through her tears.

“I would take it back if I could,” she earnestly pleaded, tears falling on her cheeks.

“Even if you could, which you can’t,” he retorted, his anger coming back. All he could hear from her were excuses. “It doesn’t change the fact that you took something from Kyuhyun, from all of us. I swear… if he never goes back to the way he was before, if he never pieces himself back together, it’s all going to be on you. It’s all going to be on you.”

“Ryeowook,” a stern voice interrupted them.

Ryeowook turned around as Jin Ri buried her face in her hands, finally giving in to her tears. Yesung walked in the office and scolded his dongsaeng by glaring at him.

“I’m not going to apologize for what I said,” Ryeowook stubbornly declared.

“That’s enough,” Yesung stated. He was calm, but there was a strain in his tone. He gestured for the younger male to leave the room.

“She deserves it,” Ryeowook went on heatedly. “You know she does, hyung. She should know what she’s done to Kyuhyun, to all of us.”

“Ryeowook, that’s enough,” Yesung repeated and this time Ryeowook couldn’t defy him. 

Ryeowook walked out of there without another word. Yesung waited for Jin Ri to calm down for a bit, for her sobs to slightly subside. When she had wiped her tears and had managed to look at him, his heart clenched at the hurt she was projecting. But his loyalty was with Kyuhyun. No matter how anyone put it, no matter how much Jin Ri had become a part of their family, Kyuhyun came first.

“I don’t know how you ever expected us not to worry,” he finally spoke, reminding her of her words to him. “I don’t know how you expected things to be fine because it’s obvious that things aren’t going to be okay for a while.” He looked straight into her eyes. “I am doing what you told me to do. I am taking care of Kyuhyun—I’m trying to. He makes it so hard for anyone to take care of him these days.”

“Oppa,” she whimpered, not able to say anything else.

“I’m sorry, Jin Ri. I know you’re hurting, too,” he went on. “But you did this without clear explanations or proper reasons, which we deserve.” He paused. “Unless… you’re going to offer one now.” He looked at her expectantly.

For a second, she considered telling him everything; about how she hated herself so much for breaking up with Kyuhyun the way she did, about how she cried herself to sleep every night, wishing that he was doing okay, about how being with Shin Jae was the only win-win situation she could think of. But she couldn’t and she wouldn’t. Because telling him would just complicate things more and that was the last thing she wanted to do to them.

“I’m engaged to Shin Jae,” she finally replied, willing her voice not to break. “That’s the main reason why I’m not with Kyuhyun anymore.”

Yesung studied her, tilting his head a bit to the side. He considered himself a person with a good eye for detail and someone who observed people well. He knew that Jin Ri was lying. He knew that there was something she wasn’t telling him and that something was the exact reason why she did what she had done. But, even if he could empathize with her for doing what she thought was best for everyone, that didn’t change the fact that she hurt his dongsaeng, hurting all of them in turn.

“I am sorry that we can’t help you,” he instilled. “But Ryeowook is right. You should know what you did and this… us turning our backs on you, as painful as it is for all of us, is the way for us to show you and make you feel the repercussions of your actions.”

~ * ~

Kyuhyun sat in his car, parked on the other side of the road, and stared at the entrance of the SME building. He had driven around to cool his head off. He hated and regretted that he had gone off with his hyungs the way he did. He rarely lost his head like that, most especially when around them. What got to him more was that they probably weren’t mad at him for saying that things he had said and for rudely walking out on them. They had every right to be upset and scold him, but they wouldn’t. Because they think he couldn’t handle any more hurt and that really annoyed him. He wished they would treat him normally. That way he could pretend that nothing was wrong.

He took a deep breath, his arms resting on the steering wheel, and leaned his head on it. He should have expected this day to come. He should have known that, eventually, she was going to leave him. She was getting tired of their setup, he could tell, even if she never said a word. After all, it was tiring having to defend a relationship every single time to her family. And, considering her views on relationships, theirs didn’t make sense.

Lifting his head up, he turned to the company building. He had come here because he wanted to be able to forget things. Practice was sure to help him with that. He turned his car’s engine off and got out. But, just as he was about to cross the street, the company building doors slid open and Jin Ri walked out, carrying a box of her belongings.

He was about to step onto the road to cross the street when Shin Jae suddenly got out of the car that Jin Ri had approached and had put the box she was holding in. He moved around the car and pulled her into a tight embrace, kissing her head afterwards. Kyuhyun had half a mind to storm towards them and pull them apart. He couldn’t help but think that no one should be able to hold her that way. She was his princess and she was only his to hold.

“Don’t,” a voice beside him unexpectedly uttered.

It was Ryeowook. The older male reached for his wrist and held onto it, as if making sure that he wasn’t going to do anything rash, like running across the street and getting into a fight with Shin Jae. Kyuhyun looked at his friend for a moment then turned his attention back to the other side of the road, where Shin Jae was now helping Jin Ri get into the car.

“Crossing that street isn’t going to change anything,” Ryeowook spoke again, this time even more forcefully.

“How do you know?” Kyuhyun stubbornly demanded, his eyes still bearing into the car that held his princess. The car was now moving out of the parking space.

“Because she’s severing her ties with everything that’s connected to you,” Ryeowook frankly answered, his grip on his wrist tightening. “You’re just setting yourself up for more heartache and disappointment if you go there.”

Kyuhyun sharply turned his head towards Ryeowook, his hard eyes piercing brusque ones. There was movement behind the smaller male, where he saw Yesung watching them. Only with Ryeowook’s candid stare coupled with Yesung’s resigned gaze did Kyuhyun realize what Jin Ri carrying a box out of the building meant.

All the hope he had harbored in his heart in the weeks that had passed since she walked away was disappearing into thin air. He kept on thinking that she was just afraid, that things would be better once they had faced each other again to talk about things. But that day never came. He hadn’t seen her again. Not until today. But it seemed he was too late.