Chapter 26
It was like being drenched in cold water while being in deep sleep. It was a sudden awakening, opening her eyes to the reality that was crashing all around her. Jin Ri was drenched from head to toe in the circumstances that her uncle had thrown at her. It made her feel cold.

She watched through the strands of her hair on her face as Siwon called Leeteuk to convince Kyuhyun to stay longer during rehearsals. It was so that he wouldn’t be able to go to her apartment like they had talked about earlier in the day. She needed time to delve into the swerving turn her life had taken and she couldn’t do that if she had to explain everything to Kyuhyun at once. She needed time to think. She needed time to breathe. Because she was suffocating.

Siwon turned his attention back to her as he ended the call and placed his phone in his slacks pocket. Giving her an uncertain smile, he crouched down in front of her, placing his hands on her knees. As her phone rang, he glanced at the device placed on the living room table. He got it and handed it to her.

“It’s him,” he said. He stood up and left the living room to give her some privacy.

“It’s me,” Kyuhyun said through the line.

“Hey,” she tiredly greeted, leaning back on the couch and closing her eyes. Guilt seeped into every inch of her being. She knew she could never keep this from him. It was a good thing that her uncle gave her some time to tell him the truth before it came out in the media.

“I’m guessing you know why I’m calling,” he replied, misinterpreting the tiredness of her tone as disappointment. He sighed. “I’m stuck in rehearsals. Apparently, I at dancing so I have to practice more.” He sounded like he was complaining to his hyungs because she heard some snickering in the background.

She smiled because she could imagine him glaring. “It’s fine,” she assured him. “I’m tired anyway and I have to wake up early tomorrow for a test shoot.”

“I hope to see you tomorrow,” he quietly stated, sighing a little. “I know we just saw each other earlier, but I miss you already, princess.” He paused for a second. “Actually I’ve been missing you all the time for a while now.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “I feel the same way.”

“Do you think we’re drifting apart?” 

He asked it so softly that she thought she had only imagined it. Nevertheless, it made her eyes fly open in some sort of panic.

“What… what do you mean?” she asked in nearly a whisper.

He chuckled. “I’m being silly, right?” he dodged the question instead of explaining himself. “I just really miss you. Get some sleep for the both of us, will you?”

“I love you, Kyuhyun,” she blurted out as tears seeped from the sides of her eyes.

“I love you, too, princess,” he replied comfortingly. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Hyungs are being annoying.” He moved away from the phone and yelled, “Ya! I’ll be right there!” There was an exchange of bantering. “Sorry, princess, it’s the hyungs,” he complained like a 10-year old boy. “Are you going to bed?”

“In a bit,” she answered, smiling at his kiddiness. “I miss you, KidKyu. Good night.”

Once she ended the call, she found Siwon in the kitchen, sitting down and eating some cereal. He looked up as she walked in and gave her a sheepish smile.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Siwon said apologetically. “I wasn’t able to eat much during the party.”

“As long as you share,” she replied, taking a seat beside him.

He pushed a bowl towards her and poured some cereal in it. “How are you?” he seriously asked as she began eating.

She stared at her cereal enveloped in milk, watching as the crunchiness of the pieces faded away and became soggy. She wondered if cereals ever felt like it hated being what they were, having no choice on how they were to be eaten. Every time they get poured into a bowl, they get drenched in milk. They drown every single time. She blinked when he touched her arm and felt her cheeks flush at the silly things she was just thinking.

“I’m jealous of you,” she suddenly declared, looking at him in the eyes.

“Jin Ri,” he started to talk, but she cut him off.

“I don’t have the kind of strength that you do,” she continued. “I don’t have the ability to fight for the things I really want for my life, for myself. You’ve managed to live the way you want to, away from your family’s shadow, away from all the expectation and the shallowness of it all.”

He shook his head. “We can never get out of the lives we’ve been set to lead. It’s a constant struggle.”

“I don’t think I’m strong enough for that,” she confessed brokenly. “I’m not as strong as you are. I can’t live everyday fighting against what my uncle wants of me.”

“Jin, you can’t give in,” he stated worriedly, reaching out to touch her arm encouragingly. “This is Kyuhyun we’re talking about. You love him.”

“I do,” she owned up. “But this isn’t what I want for him. It’s never going to stop, oppa. This is just the beginning. It’s going to get worse and then where would we be? In the middle of fighting for each other and fighting against everything else, I’m afraid we’ll lose each other. And that’s the last thing I want for us. I don’t want him to drown because of me. I want him to be able to breathe.”

He didn’t say anything for a while. He knew and understood perfectly what she was saying. There was only so much that fighting for love could do to a person until they’re completely stripped away of that love and left with nothing. He pierced her with his gaze. 

“I can’t stop you from doing what you think is best,” he advised. “But this isn’t just about you anymore. This is about Kyuhyun, too. He loves you and is willing to give everything up for you. At the very least, you should talk to him about this. Don’t just leave him.” 

She lifted her eyes to his with a start. In the short while that she had gotten to know Siwon, it seemed like he was able to read her very well. She supposed that, coming from the same background, he understood better than anyone else what she was feeling. And with that came all the escapes that she had started to think of. She opened to deny what he was implying. 

“You were thinking of it,” he interrupted her a bit callously, knowing he was right. He sighed and willed himself to calm down, which was hard when it came to matters that concerned s. “You’re like family to us, Jin. We love you like a sister. But if you break Kyuhyun like this, I don’t know how we’re going to be able to forgive you.”

~ * ~

The two girls followed with their eyes as Jin Ri paced in front of them in the living room of her apartment. Kyuhyun had been out of town for weeks to do concerts and shows, among other things, all around Asia. They were supposedly to return in a few days and Jin Ri was stressing about how she should tell him about her engagement with Shin Jae already as she was running out of time.

“You don’t have to tell him as soon as he gets back,” Taeyeon told her. She and her members were back from Japan for a couple of days and she had decided to spend some time with her friend, seeing as she was bordering on hysterical.

“That is true, you know,” Sun Young seconded, her eyes moving left to right as her cousin continued pacing. “You have a bit more time. Besides, he would probably be tired then and it really wouldn’t be a good idea to spring this on him so soon.”

“But when will I ever get the chance?” Jin Ri retorted, stopping to look at her cousin and friend. “Keeping this from him for weeks…” She shook her head. “I’ve barely been sleeping. I’m not functioning well during meetings…” She sighed and bit her lip. “This is too big of a secret to keep. He’s not going to be happy about the fact that I’ve kept this from him this long.”

Taeyeon sighed. When she’d learned from her that she was engaged, she couldn’t believe her ears. She knew about the story between her and her ex-best friend, how things had gotten so messy and so complicated. Now it seemed like history was about to repeat itself in a much grander conflict.

“Isn’t there any way that you can get out of this? I mean, you’ve probably thought of many excuses, but are we sure we’ve covered everything?” Taeyeon voiced out, concern evident in her tone. She knew how much Jin Ri had been crying over this. Hurting Kyuhyun was the last thing she wanted, on top of not wanting to be separated from him.

“I don’t know,” Jin Ri helplessly responded. “I really can’t think anymore.”

“Does Shin Jae want to marry you?” Taeyeon questioned. “I mean he knows how much you don’t want to be married to him, right? Is he really going to go on with this, knowing you’re not happy?”

“We’re not going to get anywhere arguing about that,” Sun Young commented with a tone of finality before Jin Ri could say anything.

“What about legal action?” Taeyeon then suggested. “Isn’t there some law about this, where you can choose to not follow your family’s bidding or something?”

“I’d rather not severe my ties with my uncle no matter how much he’s hurting me,” Jin Ri shot the idea down, shaking her head.

“Elopement?” Taeyeon spewed out. She grinned sheepishly. “It’s not the best idea, but you’ll be together…”

“I’m not going to destroy Kyuhyun’s name and his career by doing that,” Jin Ri amended.

“Well there has to be something,” Taeyeon insisted. “Hasn’t Siwon oppa thought of anything?”

Jin Ri shook her head. “I really don’t want to burden him with this. He’s got enough problems with his family to have to deal with mine.”

“What if I ask him?” Taeyeon offered. “That way, I’ll be burdening him instead of you.”

“It’s the same thing,” Jin Ri said, rolling her eyes at her friend. “It’s my problem.”

“Yeah well—,” Taeyeon started to retort.

“You could marry him,” Sun Young suddenly proclaimed.

Jin Ri and Taeyeon stopped talking and turned their attention to her.

“What?” Jin Ri prodded.

“If you marry Kyuhyun,” Sun Young explained slowly, “appa won’t be able to do anything about it. The engagement will be called off because, of course, you can’t be engaged anymore when you’re already married.”

Taeyeon looked at Jin Ri, who seemed stunned at the sudden new option placed before her. Marrying Kyuhyun… Being his wife… She’d never really thought that far into their relationship. She knew she wanted to be with him for a long time, but marriage… it just seemed so serious and so final. She didn’t know if she was ready for that kind of commitment with anyone.

She lifted her gaze off of the floor and looked at Sun Young then Taeyeon then back again. The suggestion was scary, but it made so much sense. It would definitely get her uncle off her back. But… did she really want it? Marriage was a big step. Things were progressing between her and Kyuhyun in a much faster way that she had originally wanted, but this… it was a whole new level of speed.

“You don’t have to do it,” Sun Young amended at the expression on her cousin’s face. “It’s just a suggestion that I clearly should have thought out before saying aloud.” She gave Taeyeon a worried glance.

“I’ll keep it in mind,” Jin Ri finally said, surprising the two girls.

~ * ~

“What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for almost an hour.” Shin Jae stood up from the seat he was previously occupying. He took off his shades just so he could let her see his glare.

She had agreed to meet him at the country club because he called her uncle, saying that he wanted to have lunch with her and that he wanted to talk to her. After the party and the sudden announcement of her re-engagement to him, she’d gotten so upset that she refused to see him and had blocked all his calls. Being her uncle’s ally, he’d started using him to get to her.

“And you’re going to wait for far longer than that if you think I’m ever going to agree to marry you,” she snapped. He flinched a bit when she pierced him with her sharp gaze.

“Jinnie,” he began in a much more gentler tone.

“If you ever want me to hear anything you say, you better stop calling me Jinnie,” she interrupted, giving him another glare.

He sighed. “Please sit down, Jin Ri-ssi,” he respectfully complied, gesturing towards the seat situated across from him.

Obliging, she sat down and placed her hands neatly on her lap. “What do you want?” she bluntly asked. “Just so you know, the answer is no to all things related to me being engaged to you and marrying you.”

Shin Jae watched as Jin Ri stared out of the balcony and through the luscious greenery of the golf course below. He wanted to tell her how much he’d changed in the time they’d spent apart. He’d learned so much about life and love in Europe that he’d come to terms with everything he did wrong in his life, in her life. But he couldn’t do it.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed.

She turned her attention towards him. “I’m getting tired of your apologies, Shin Jae, especially when you never seem to be truly sorry.”

“No matter what you may think, I do mean every single apology I’ve given you since I got back,” he responded soberly.

“Are you really going to go through with this? Are you really going to side with my uncle and force me into this marriage?” she demanded.

“I…” He took a deep breath. What could he say? There really wasn’t anything he could say that would make things better for her.

“If you’re going to apologize again, don’t,” she warned him. “It’s tiring to hear empty words.”

“That’s because I don’t think you’re ready to hear things so congested with hateful truth,” he responded easily, but irately.

Jin Ri met Shin Jae’s eyes. “What are you talking about?”

~ * ~

He glanced up at the rearview mirror and did a double take. The little miss seemed to be crying quietly, discreetly wiping at every tear that trickled down her cheek. He reached down to the front compartment and grabbed the box of tissues. She looked up at him as he handed the box to her.

“The mirror doesn’t lie,” he gently informed her, a soft and comforting smile on his face.

Jin Ri smiled at him and got a couple of tissues to wipe her face.

“Did master Shin Jae do something to you?” he asked, concern evident in his tone.

Shaking her head, she looked out of the window. “What would you be doing if you weren’t working for the family?” she asked him quietly.

“I’m not sure, miss” Joon answered honestly. “But I have always enjoyed farming.”

“Farming?” she repeated, meeting his eyes through the rearview mirror.

“I like the idea of being able to provide for my family using my own efforts,” he explained. “Using my own hands.”

“That would be nice,” she commented, smiling a little.

He glanced at her through the mirror. “What’s troubling you, miss?”

“Do you regret not being able to go into farming and working for us instead?” she then asked, dodging his question.

“Looking back is the worst thing we can do in this life,” he wisely shared. “All the things I’ve done in the past, all the decisions I have made, they were what I thought was best for me and my family then. There is no regretting what I believed was the right thing to do.”

“What if… what if the decisions you thought were the right ones to make ended up badly? What if they just made things worse?” she pressed.

“Little miss,” he responded, smiling a little. “It’s all about how you see things. There are always two sides to everything.” He glanced at her through the rearview mirror once more. “You should allow yourself to be happy.”

“The truth disallows that to happen,” she muttered mostly to herself, but he heard her clearly.

“Would you be happy living with a lie?” he straightforwardly inquired.

Jin Ri kept her thoughts to herself after that. She knew what she had to do even before she launched herself into a conversation with her chauffeur. She had to tell Kyuhyun. It was going to break his heart—and hers, but it had to be done.

~ * ~

Kyuhyun stuck his tongue out as he concentrated on his game. It was one of the habits that she found so cute whenever he got too into gaming. Jin Ri chuckled when he cursed as his character got killed. He put the control down and turned to see who was making fun of him. The annoyance immediately left his face as soon as he saw her.

“Princess!” he greeted, leaping to his feet and crashing towards her.

She giggled as she allowed him to embrace her fully. “How was your show?”

He pulled away a bit to look at her. “Let’s not talk about work for now.”

Kyuhyun brushed her hair away from her face and just gaze at her. He’d been gone for weeks for different performances and show interviews in a variety of Asian countries, focusing on China and Japan. He missed her terribly. The phone calls hadn’t alleviated his love sickness in the slightest bit. He had managed to annoy every single one of s, even Ryeowook and Zhou Mi who always puts up with him and his childishness. They had all wacked him once or twice in the head just because he kept on complaining about how much he wanted to go back home.

Caressing her cheek then cupping her face, he leaned forward and kissed her. She fisted his shirt as her hands rested on his waist. The kiss slowly intensified. Soon, he had her pressed against the wall, a hand on her waist, under her shirt. Realizing this, she giggled and pulled away, grabbing his hand.

“Your hyungs,” she reminded him.

“They’re all out,” he replied, leaning forward again to nuzzle his mouth on her neck. “They won’t be back until later tonight.”

“Just what are you implying?” she asked, an eyebrow raised.

“I’m not implying anything,” he innocently snickered.

Before she could say anything else, his lips crashed onto hers, leaving her breathless. He put his hands on her waist, lifting her shirt a bit so he could touch her skin. Kyuhyun knew he shouldn’t push his luck, but he couldn’t help himself. He missed her and he knew she missed him back. But he wasn’t surprised when she pulled away once more and stopped his hands with hers.

Reaching up, he cupped her face once more and kissed her, more slowly and more chastely. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead against hers. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” she whispered back.

“I have something for you,” he then said, smiling like a little kid as he pushed himself off of her.

She sat down on the couch as she waited for him to come back from his room to give whatever it was that he had for her. She was just getting comfortable in her position on the couch when her hair was pulled back behind her shoulders. A silver necklace was lowered in front of her and clasped around her neck. He moved to sit down beside her, admiring her wearing the piece of jewelry he had picked out himself. She smiled as she felt the pendant. It was in Japanese.

“Do you know what it says?” he asked.

“Eternity,” they chorused.

He smiled, looking pleased with himself. “It’s my word for us,” he softly and shortly announced. He felt like there was no need to elaborate. He was sure she knew what he meant. 

She smiled at him, feeling touched. “Do you ever think about… marriage?” she carefully asked, her cheeks tingeing pink.

“Marriage…” he repeated. “Our marriage?” He gave her one of his famous smirks, the one that fans loved so much. She looked down, her hair forming a curtain on the sides of her face, hiding her blush. He smiled knowingly, moving closer to her and putting an arm around her shoulders. She snuggled towards him. “Of course I do,” he answered honestly. “Why are you asking about this?”

“Nothing,” she responded quietly, closing her eyes and sighing in contentment at their closeness. “I missed you.”

He smiled a little and pressed his lips on the crown of her head. “I missed you, too, princess. I have something else for you.” 

He moved to stand up but she wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Can we just stay like this for a while?” she requested, eyes still closed.

“Okay,” he agreed, relaxing on the sofa once more, crushing her to him in a tight embrace.

It was nice, being beside each other, being comfortable and not saying anything. Jin Ri wished they could stay that way forever. There was a nagging feeling in her head that things weren’t going to be smooth sailing from then on. And it would be all her fault.

“You know,” Kyuhyun began gently, leisurely running his fingers through her hair. “I wished you had come with me. It’s so beautiful in Japan. I want to take you there. We can just… be.”

“And breathe,” Jin Ri added.

“Yes,” he confirmed with a light nod. “Sometimes being here and doing what I do… I don’t even know if it’s all worth it anymore. I feel like I’m losing the reasons why I’m performing in the first place. It’s started to become like a job.”

“You perform because you want to inspire people,” she affirmed. “And you do.” She opened her eyes and looked up at him. “Whenever I hear you sing, I feel secure that things are going to be okay.”

He smiled, kissing her forehead. “That’s how I feel whenever I look at you, whenever you’re beside me. So… Japan,” he went on, raising his eyebrows at her. “We should go there. I really wish you were with me.”

“You were working,” she giggled.

“I didn’t, actually,” he countered.

“What?” she asked, confused. “I thought you had performances all over China and Japan?” He shook his head and, for the first time during that evening, she noticed that he looked upset about something. “What happened?”

“I don’t know exactly,” he relayed. “I performed once in China and that was it. Afterward, the manager told me that I should just take a break while we’re overseas. So, that’s what I did, I shopped for everyone.”

“I don’t understand,” she stated, her eyebrows furrowed. She was sitting up straight and looking confusedly at him. “Why…?”

Suddenly, she sat up rigidly, startling her boyfriend. “What’s wrong? Where are you going?”

Jin Ri had stood up and had walked towards the other sofa, where she had put her bag and her coat. She grabbed her things and seemed like she was going to leave when her hand reached out to touch the pendant of the necklace that Kyuhyun had just given her. She stopped and turned to look at him. He had stood up as well.

“Are you okay?” he asked, looking concerned.

“Kyuhyun…” she started, not knowing how to begin. Her uncertain gaze met his worried ones. “I… I…”

“Princess, what’s wrong?” he asked again, touching her arms with both of his hands.

She faked a smile. “Nothing,” she lied. “I just remembered that I have some reports to finish for a meeting tomorrow.”

“So you’re leaving me for work?” he retorted, pouting. He put his arms around her waist and brought her closer to him.

She shook her head. “Never for work.”