“I’m okay”

 

 

"Yoseob-sshi"

 

 

"..."

 

 

The voice became louder. "Yang Yoseob-sshi"

 

 

"..."

 

 

Even louder. "Yang Yoseob"

 

 

Yoseob blinked, breaking out of his trance to see his teacher in front of him. Her eyebrows were knotted and wrinkles formed on her forehead when she glared, hitting her ruler against his table softly. Yoseob couldn't really decipher what was going on – his mind was blank and he was just too out if it so he just stared back at his teacher with a nonchalant look.

 

 

"I was asking you a question Mr. Yang-sshi" Yoseob felt every single pair of eyes glued on to him but still he kept silent.

 

 

His teacher sighed when no reply was still heard from him, closing her eyes for a while before opening them again. "Mr. Yang it seems that you are not in a good enough state – be it physically or mentally – to be in my class. Call it 'absent-minded' if you will, but I do not accept these people to be in my class." She then pointed her ruler at Doojoon, whose back was slumped as he rested his head against his arm on his desk, trying his best not to fall asleep. He immediately stood up straight when he saw the ruler directed at him.

 

 

"Mr. Yoon can you please Mr. Yang here to the clinic. Let him do whatever he wants there until he feels like he can come back to my class already"

 

 

Doojoon blinked, looking at Yoseob, then back to their teacher, then back again at Yoseob. Yoseob looked away, face blank. Though that was not what he expected – he thought their teacher would reprimand him as well for not paying attention of direct the question to him instead – he still stood up – slowly. "Yes ma'am" Doojoon said, making their teacher nod in approval before going back to the front of the class. Doojoon took a few steps over to Yoseob.

 

 

"Yah. Let's go" he patted the younger's desk repeatedly – impatiently, before the younger finally stood up.

 

 

"...yeah"

 

 

---

 

 

The walk to the clinic had been quiet – extremely quiet, deafeningly quiet – and Doojoon kept shifting his feet and shrugging uncomfortably because the silence was killing him. It was weird because he was the type to feel peace around silence; it was his refuge back then when he lived with his parents and kept up with his school mates and even until now, silence was something he treasured.

 

 

But right now it was so uncomfortable. When you had this usually bubbly, noisy, and cheerful boy do this complete 360 degree turn and was now quietly following Doojoon from behind, not one sound escaping him, it would have been strange to anyone to see Yoseob so quiet. But he should be happy right? He should be damned happy that the younger finally stopped blabbering nonsense every second but –

 

 

But he wasn't. Instead he felt this... This feeling and he didn't know what it was and he couldn't explain it and he hated that.

 

 

Yoseob's back now, everything should be back to normal. So why? Why is he still feeling this way? He did not even know what that feeling was that was bugging him so much. Doojoon gritted his teeth. It annoyed him that he couldn't find an answer to that.

 

 

The continued like that – no one making a sound – until Doojoon stopped. "We're here"

 

 

Doojoon pushed the clinic door open, revealing a mostly white spacious room, decorated with very simple pictures that were soothing to the eye. There was a small reception desk for students to check in and beyond that was a door that led to the beds. Behind the reception desk was a shelf full of medicine of every kind, while cups was on the very bottom along with a water dispenser.

 

 

"Come on" Doojoon gestured behind him, stuffing his hands in his pockets and making his way to the desk, Yoseob following behind him. But only when he was in front of the desk did he realize that the head nurse wasn't there. No one was, in fact. "Uhm... Excuse me?" Doojoon called out, not receiving any response.

 

 

"What the is the point on having a clinic when you can't find anyone in it" he muttered to himself in annoyance. He turned to Yoseob. "Oy, the nurse isn't here so I guess I just have to say with you until they arrive"

 

 

"..."

 

 

Doojoon clenched his teeth, watching the other who stayed put. Once again the deafening silence from the walk resurfaced, this time even worse since they both just stood the awkwardly, both not acknowledging the other.

 

 

He usually loves silence, it was his refuge but now it was so uncomfortable and it was suffocating him slowly.

 

 

"You... you can leave now" Yoseob said faintly, looking away. Doojoon shook his head. "No. Not until the nurse arrives. It's part of my job bringing you here" Doojoon raised his brows in shock – at himself. It was the first time he had said that.

 

 

Normally he'd leave, because that was the thing he always did. He didn't know why but this time instead of leaving he felt an obligation of staying and looking after the boy. Maybe it was because they spent a lot of after-school times together and every time Doojoon would always be the one bossing Yoseob around and telling what to do and what not to. He just got used to being the one to make sure that Yoseob wasn't doing anything stupid, that even until now he felt as if he should stay with the other and make sure he was okay.

 

 

He cringed at the thought that he was willing to do things he did not exactly like just for a boy that he did not exactly like as well. So he just tried to convince himself of it as 'I'm just staying because the class was boring anyways. I could kill some time here so why not?'

 

 

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

 

"No it's okay... I can wait alone, I don't need you here" Yoseob said.

 

 

"I told you I'm staying... I don't care about what you think. Plus you might do something stupid like search through the medicine and start drinking some that you think would make you feel better."

 

 

"No I won't"

 

 

“The head nurse might arrive and question you, you might not know what to answer”

 

 

“I can explain it myself”

 

"Then something might happen since you’re not feeling well." Doojoon countered, starting to feel anger boiling up in him at the younger's stubbornness.

 

 

"No. I'm okay"

 

 

"Obviously you're not!" Doojoon said loudly, with a sharp and biting tone to it. Yoseob's eyes widened, looking at Doojoon.

 

 

"You're so out of it today. You don't talk and you don't even laugh and smile and you didn't go to gym class today and you even forgot you’re stupid lunch and you’re not even trying to be that damn loud and overly cheerful guy. I don't know what the is wrong with you today but it's so obvious so don't you dare say you're okay."

 

 

Doojoon didn't know why he was so mad. He didn't know why he suddenly burst out his anger. Was it because he was so annoyed? He couldn't handle it anymore? Handle what?

 

 

Maybe he was so angry just because he couldn't stand seeing Yoseob not being his usual self, in fact the opposite of his usual self. Was he worried about Yoseob for acting so weird today? Was that why he felt so annoyed? Doojoon shook his head, removing those thoughts from his head before he could process them any further.

 

 

Yoseob didn't reply, he just stared at Doojoon back with wide eyes full of shock. He did not know what to do, what to reply, because it was the first time someone told him that.

 

 

So he looked down, dark brown strands casting shadows on his face. He looked down and he smiled.

 

 

"Sorry... I'm sorry" Yoseob said quietly. Doojoon raised his brow, and in that moment countless thoughts raced through his head. Why was he even sorry? To him? To himself? But one thing was for sure. That smile triggered something in Doojoon and his eyes formed into a soft glare.

 

 

"Don't smile if you don't mean it"

 

 

Doojoon kept his gaze hard as Yoseob froze at the words. It was true. That was the words that he lived by every day. What was the use of faking something just so everyone can like you? It was better to let everyone know what you really feel instead of being someone that's not even you. As deep and as corny as it sounds, that was what Doojoon believed.

 

 

Yoseob took a step forward towards him, but Doojoon didn't budge. They were only a few inches apart now and when Yoseob finally looked back up Doojoon's eyes widened for a second, seeing a thin layer of tears on Yoseob's eyes, threatening to fall but still clinging on to the corner of his eyes.

 

 

"..." Yoseob opened his mouth to talk, but no sound came out. He could only stare at Doojoon as Doojoon stared back at him, and this time... This time maybe it was okay to let go for a while.

 

 

Back then people would assume he was just having a bad day and ignore him and if they ever questioned him all he said was 'I'm okay' and smile his usual cheery smile then people would stop at that. But now – now for the first time someone was here yelling at him that he was not okay, no matter how much Yoseob repeated it someone was here angry at him for not being him. Before people would tell him to 'always smile' and 'think positive but now someone was here, telling him that it was okay not to smile. That it was okay to stop pretending for a while.

 

 

So he did. And there Doojoon saw emotions in Yoseob's eyes that he never saw there before. There was longing, hurt, and for the first time he looked so vulnerable and Doojoon did now know what to do.

 

 

So when Yoseob leaned forward he did not know what he was doing and his mind must have turned blank because the next moment Yoseob had his head resting on Doojoon's shoulder.

 

 

Doojoon tensed up for a moment, feeling the weight of the other on his shoulder. But then he felt the warmth radiating from Yoseob's body – it was something so comforting and so warm and so odd and it was a feeling that he never felt before. He felt the warmth that was distinctively Yoseob and it was there when he relaxed, it was there that his arm unconsciously went around Yoseob, hand resting on the other's waist, feeling the soft cloth of Yoseob's jacket and it was so unbelievably soft.

 

 

It went quiet once more, but this time the silence was comforting, the silence was warm and reassuring to both of them. It went on like that – Yoseob not talking as he buried his face in the other's shoulder and Doojoon with his arm around him, leaning his head gently on Yoseob’s. But then Yoseob had to talk, breaking the silence that Doojoon found comfort in.

 

 

"Can... Can I tell you a secret?" Yoseob's voice was almost inaudible and if he wasn't just inches near Doojoon's ear he probably wouldn't have heard it.

 

 

"... Sure" He was surprised at his own tone. It was soft and quiet and Doojoon wasn't sure if he ever heard his voice like that before.

 

 

Yoseob breathed in a long, shaky breath, and Doojoon felt the body against him tense up a little. "You know... Most of the time..."

 

 

"...most if the time I wished I was someone else"

 

 

What?

 

 

Doojoon's eyes widened. He was about to question the other when the clinic door suddenly opened and the two quickly broke apart, and suddenly the warmth was gone and the comfort disappeared as if it was never there in the first place and Doojoon felt so confused at the moment. He looked at Yoseob, but the younger was looking away.

 

 

"What are you two kids doing here? Is something wrong?" Doojoon looked up upon hearing the soft voice and there he saw the school nurse, whose face was filled with concern.

 

 

"Ah – yes... Um you see... Ah wait" Doojoon blinked, taking a moment to finally regain his composure back as he rearranged his thoughts once more. "Yoseob-sshi isn't feeling well. I'm just here to bring him." Doojoon tried again, gesturing to Yoseob. The lady followed his gaze to look at Yoseob. "Hello Yoseobah" she greeted with a soft smile. "Let's give you a check up okay?"

 

 

For a second Doojoon felt annoyance burning up his spine because she was talking to him as if he was a five year old but the nurse turned to him, still wearing that overly kind smile.

 

 

"Thank you so much. You can go back to your class now"

 

 

Doojoon couldn't do anything else but follow what she said. He went out the door, not before looking back one last time at the younger.

 

 

If before he couldn't concentrate during class, this time it was ten times worse as his mind kept going blank over what happened. Yoseob didn't return to the classroom after that.

 

 

---

 

 

Doojoon was walking back home, mind blank when his phone suddenly vibrated. He fished it out his pocket, checking his new message.

 

 

 

From: Annoying Bread Boy

To: Doojoon

4:36 pm

Please forget about what happened earlier. I'm sorry.

 

 

Doojoon felt something tug at his heart because all of a sudden it hurt. It hurt because maybe he didn't want to forget. He didn't want to forget the warmth and the softness he felt when Yoseob was so close to him.

 

 

----------------

 

 

A/N: Im not quite satisfied with how I wrote this /~\ I'll try harder to become better at angst huhuuhu ;o;/

Anyways hope you like it ^^ Comments and Subscribes will earn you a cookie o3o~